Christmas Without Them

Christmas is a time when families come together. For just a day, maybe only part of a day, everyone sets aside their differences and focuses instead on what makes them a family. No matter how different the roads each individual travels, we all started on the same path. We all owe our existence to the same beginnings. We share common roots.
That’s how it should be. That’s how it always was…until last Christmas.

Last Christmas some of the family were grievously absent. The differences took center stage and obscured the love that had always held us together. Silence dominated where laughter had always resounded. Rejection replaced open arms and acceptance. In my pain, I wonder what happened.

Oh, I know what instigated the avalanche. It wasn’t my grandson’s announcement that he was transgender, though some might think so. He didn’t cause this division. It was the choice of his parents to require affirmation of his revelation. It wasn’t enough to love him and nurture his growth in self-discovery. It wasn’t enough for his mother or her sisters. It wasn’t enough to give him time and encouragement to grow out of his awkward feelings that confuse him and make him so uncomfortable. No, it wasn’t his choice. It was his mother’s, together with his aunts. It was their grown-up, mature decisions to intercept and discard every communication, even every expression of love and acceptance, that didn’t conform to their perception of what it should be.

I can’t wrap my head around it. Since when is a gift given to say, “I love you! You’re important to me! I miss you!” an offensive? How can that be labeled hateful?

Here we are with another lonely Christmas looming ahead. My heart is breaking for the absence of them all! I’m extremely thankful for the compassionate understanding that my sons and their families give me. It’s not that their support isn’t greatly appreciated. Oh, it’s appreciated more than words can express. But it doesn’t remove the sting of their sisters’ rejection. Only my daughters can remove this pain. Only God can heal it.

What makes this Christmas bearable? What gives me hope for Christmas Future? Being with my sons and their families will bring grateful blessings this year. Hope that our whole family will someday put this division behind us gives me courage to face the grief that I experience today. I can’t control, or even influence, my daughters’ choices; but they can’t diminish my hope for better times together in the future. In the meantime, I wait; I hope; I remember; and most of all I pray for God’s blessings on my grandson, my daughters, my sons, and all of their families. I wish them all a very merry Christmas this year!