Complacency
The other day, a friend told me that his niece is now his nephew. He said she is taking testosterone and has had a double mastectomy. According to him, it all began after she attended a very liberal university. He doesn’t believe in the concept of gender identity and sees what is happening as a cult.
His own daughter, who also attends a very liberal university, has been identifying as non-binary for a while My friend told me she was delighted when someone recently asked whether he had two sons while she was standing beside him. He believes she is going along with it to fit in with her peers. His wife affirms these identities, leaving him feeling that there is little he can do.
What struck me most wasn’t just his story—it was his complacency. He believes there’s nothing anyone can do. “This is just what this generation is doing,” he said.
I pushed back, but I could tell he was exhausted. Life has thrown enough challenges his way that he no longer has the energy to fight this one. I couldn’t quite reach him. He knows the harm that occurred with our child and yet he remains complacent. I couldn’t even explain it to my own family. I couldn’t make them see the truth.
I suspect many people feel the same. They don’t know what to do, so they do nothing. They remain silent. They assume someone else will speak up, or they convince themselves that resistance is pointless and complacency is easier.
History reminds us that harmful ideas can spread when too few people are willing to question them. Whether out of fear, exhaustion, or the belief that one person’s voice won’t matter, silence can allow movements to grow without meaningful scrutiny.
People don’t fully understand what concerns families have about gender identity until it touches their own child. Before then, it can seem like someone else’s issue, or they may assume that every child seeking a gender transition has the same experience. Even when parents begin to question what is happening, many struggle to explain why or to communicate their concerns to friends and family.
I often hear from parents searching for that one article, one study, or one quote that might reach a friend, colleague, or relative to see the issue differently. They are looking for something that explains what they are living through in a way that others can understand.
Here’s some quotes from articles I recently came across that might provide some guidance:
From Trans Kids and “Making Up People” “There are trans kids, but they are made, not discovered.”
From Exploring the Psychological Mechanisms of Gender Transition and Detransition
“The incidence of transitions among youth has been accompanied by an increased interest in detransition among adults.”
“Retrospectively, participants attributed this euphoria not to the pharmacological effects of cross-sex hormones, but to the psychological exhilaration of discovering a perceived “magic key” to their underlying distress. This internal relief was heavily reinforced by intense affirmation—sometimes described by participants as “love-bombing”—from online communities and affirming peer groups.”
From The State of the Trans Debate, 2026 “What we can do is continue to calmly state the facts that do exist, and help people understand the complexity of gender-affirming care, outside of politics. Those for it, and those against, almost always have the same goal in mind: the well-being of children.”
“Gender identity is a belief, not a truth—and medicating according to it is a contested intervention, one that seems to make some people feel better, and others feel irrevocably harmed.”
From The Detransitioner’s Dilemma: The Road From “Sunk Cost” to “Radical Acceptance” “The vast majority of transgender people report initial satisfaction, even exhilaration, and say they have no complaints or regrets. Indeed, “post-surgical euphoria” is common, though short-lived.”
“After all, if transgender people are impressive because of all they are prepared to undergo in order to live as the other sex, consider how impressive it is for detransitioners to admit they had made a devastating mistake.”
From Trans Is Something We Made Up “To the extent that other cultures throughout history have not partaken in the belief that you can be “in the wrong body”; to the extent that those cultures’ gender-nonconforming people have not experienced extreme bodily distress, accompanied by a strong desire to change their bodies; to the extent other cultures’ gender-nonconforming people don’t believe they are literally the opposite sex and expect others to believe it; and to the extent that other cultures don’t have a “transition or die” suicide narrative; trans is something that we created in our own culture as a response to gender nonconformity. Trans is something we made up.”
If you know of other quotes or articles, please add to comments.
A family member has told me not to worry about my estranged son (now 5+ years into this), that “he’s probably found community.” As if what he is doing is just an alternative lifestyle and not destructive to his person and to our family. I don’t have the strength nor desire to try to change this person’s mind. It’s all I can do to protect my own mind and heart from despair; to keep my own sanity. Not listening to gaslighting (from the well meaning but ignorant) is part of that safeguarding.
I am exhausted on every level by what this nightmare has done to my son, and by extension myself ,husband and actual daughter. I usually feel worse when I try to share the horror with others. There is invariaby a lack of outrage that also includes a push for me to just-move-on already - as if having my precious son stolen is just a blip in life. Thankfully, I have learned to cope as best I can and focus on the blessings that do remain. That said, along with exhaustion, I am also disgusted by this whole heinous ideology and everyone on the front lines of poisoning my son and destroying my intact family.