Deadname

When you say deadname
Hate is the claim 

For part of you, you wish dead
And everything you wish to shed 

You don’t understand 
I cannot hate you on command 

When you say deadname, you see gender
This is something I cannot render

When you say deadname, I see you 
An infant swaddled and feelings I never knew

I see your handwriting 
And thoughts you were citing

I see your stocking hung by the tree
Your eyes with wonder, bright as can be

I see your tears in a project, proudly on display
Among many lined up in the hallway

I see you in bed, cozy and warm, hair a mess 
And your mind at rest

So you see, this is what I see 
Please don’t hate me

I see your friend standing at the door
Asking for you to go and explore

I see your bravery, growth and strength 
Standing on the risers though your voice may shake

I see a reel of your birthday cakes 
And my heart aches 

I see your struggles, joy and pain on stage
As a gaze upon the graduation page

So you see, this is what I see 
Please don’t hate me

Others say I am mean
How can that be?

They can’t see you
The way that I do

From the moment I knew of you, till beyond time
I love all of you, how is that a crime?

I don’t blame you for their lie
They told you, change your name or die

So you see, this is what I see 
Please don’t hate me

Then, now, and forever 
My love will not end, not ever

Love,
Mom