When you say deadname Hate is the claim For part of you, you wish dead And everything you wish to shed You don’t understand I cannot hate you on command When you say deadname, you see gender This is something I cannot render When you say deadname, I see you An infant swaddled and feelings I never knew I see your handwriting And thoughts you were citing I see your stocking hung by the tree Your eyes with wonder, bright as can be I see your tears in a project, proudly on display Among many lined up in the hallway I see you in bed, cozy and warm, hair a mess And your mind at rest So you see, this is what I see Please don’t hate me I see your friend standing at the door Asking for you to go and explore I see your bravery, growth and strength Standing on the risers though your voice may shake I see a reel of your birthday cakes And my heart aches I see your struggles, joy and pain on stage As a gaze upon the graduation page So you see, this is what I see Please don’t hate me Others say I am mean How can that be? They can’t see you The way that I do From the moment I knew of you, till beyond time I love all of you, how is that a crime? I don’t blame you for their lie They told you, change your name or die So you see, this is what I see Please don’t hate me Then, now, and forever My love will not end, not ever Love, Mom
After years in this madness I don’t usually cry at the essays anymore but this one really hit me. The new name isn’t just a name change. Its hurtful. It’s an attempt to over-write the entire childhood that only the parents fully and truly remember and treasure and replace it with a falsehood.
You have nailed the feelings that we parents are feeling! I will definitely send this to my son who thinks he's a female. He has changed his name, birth certificate, passport and drivers license. He and his circle cannot understand why I can't use his new name. They blame me for using his "deadname." They cannot understand!
Just beautiful and so truthful. I wish I could just share this with my daughter to help her understand …not just me, but all moms out there, who couldn’t quite jump on board the dark journey with them….those moms who stood on the platform, some even begging them not to get on that fucking train.
Oh bawling before work. This gender conundrum is difficult to navigate. I miss my baby girl Sophia but I feel as if I’ve done the best I could in uncharted territory. I avoid saying Dakota as much as possible but much of the gender struggles have lessened . Loosing our grip when it feels counterproductive is so challenging. The less I denied that Dakota existed the harder it became to see my Sophia 💔
This is the line that most resonated with me:
They can’t see you
The way that I do
Or to be even more succinct, "They can’t see you". At all. Anymore. But I do.
by trans logic. if it is deadname, then police need to be involved to investigate the person who killed and replaced....
can there be a word more a stab to parents? i do not think so
You have beautifully expressed the fight. It is not David versus Goliath. It is:
Mom versus Deadname.
Behind "deadname" is not anyone child's. With that one word, the child is now belongs to THEM.
After years in this madness I don’t usually cry at the essays anymore but this one really hit me. The new name isn’t just a name change. Its hurtful. It’s an attempt to over-write the entire childhood that only the parents fully and truly remember and treasure and replace it with a falsehood.
You have nailed the feelings that we parents are feeling! I will definitely send this to my son who thinks he's a female. He has changed his name, birth certificate, passport and drivers license. He and his circle cannot understand why I can't use his new name. They blame me for using his "deadname." They cannot understand!
Thank you for this poetic piece.
Just beautiful and so truthful. I wish I could just share this with my daughter to help her understand …not just me, but all moms out there, who couldn’t quite jump on board the dark journey with them….those moms who stood on the platform, some even begging them not to get on that fucking train.
Thanks for this. It hits hard and is so truthful!❤️
(Dad of 28 year old M to F ...)
💔 I fantasise about being able to use the name I gave my daughter. But thats all it is, a fantasy 😢
Oh bawling before work. This gender conundrum is difficult to navigate. I miss my baby girl Sophia but I feel as if I’ve done the best I could in uncharted territory. I avoid saying Dakota as much as possible but much of the gender struggles have lessened . Loosing our grip when it feels counterproductive is so challenging. The less I denied that Dakota existed the harder it became to see my Sophia 💔
💔🙏
This made me cry. I miss my daughter so much! 🥲