Last night, we sat across from each other at a dinner given to volunteers of my daughter’s school. You are always so pleasant and affable and I know you are very hard working. I had (note the past tense) a lot of respect for you - until last night.
It was the moment you leaned over to whisper to the administrator sitting beside you. And then you turned to me and asked about my daughter - using her real name. That’s the moment I lost all respect for you, because clearly you were checking with the other admin over which name to use to my face.
It’s a very strange feeling to have someone look you in the eye and know they are lying to you as they laugh and smile and carry on a seemingly normal conversation.
For I know you use my daughter’s trans-ID name at school - and that the school actively hides it from me. I have proof. (Proof I have not acted on in the name of preserving my relationship with my daughter.)
I ask you, and all your fellow spineless administrators and educators:
Does not one of you have the courage to take me aside and tell me what’s going on?
Do you all honestly think you know better than me what is going on and the best way to handle it, the one who has known my daughter since she was an embryo and fetus, while you have spoken to her perhaps a half a dozen times in passing?
How do you feel about contributing to the separation and possible breakup of a family? How would you feel if it were your family, your child?
Do you think if I knew the truth I would actually abuse my child? Is that why you also fete me with a fancy volunteer dinner? How do you reconcile my hours of unpaid work to your institution with the fact that you clearly must think I would abuse my daughter?
Do you know my daughter’s history? The fact that she was quite the girly girl, that she has anxiety, that she is questioning her sexuality, that she hates unwanted male attention which is rife in our city, and so her gender dysphoria needs to be taken in this entire context.
Do you know about the research on social transition, that using alternate names and pronouns can solidify a trans identity, which can then lead to medicalization all on a very weak evidence base? Do you know about the role of social influence, via peers and social media? Even the French National Academy of Medicine realizes this, not to mention trans people themselves.
Have you read this peer-reviewed study? “Claims that gender affirmation through transitioning socially is beneficial for children with GD could not be supported from the present results. Instead, the study highlights the importance of individual social support provided by peers and family, independent of exploring additional possibilities of gender transition during counseling.”
Are you an activist educator with an agenda, or just one with no courage to stand up to the activist educators who surround you?
Likely you think it’s better and easier to keep your head down, not rock the boat, and follow orders.
But then again, that’s what a lot of Germans thought in WWII.
Your Parent Volunteer