I’m writing because I’d like to get help from someone in your professional community but I’m concerned about the care that me and my daughter would receive in today’s activist-driven climate. You see, my daughter is gender questioning and is experiencing dysphoria. This is concerning to me, and I would love some help, but I am even more worried that sending her to talk to a psychologist will lead her down the road to medical transitioning without open exploration of possible other root causes for her distress.
My daughter has ADHD, a history of sexual abuse, and a diagnosis of PTSD. She’s been hospitalized for suicidal ideation three times, and is a cutter. And yet every time we talk to a medical professional, the focus is immediately on her pronouns, and on affirming her chosen gender and new name.
My daughter thinks she wants to be a boy. But she’s not. Many of her friends also want to be boys. They, also, are not boys. Interestingly, they don’t want to be men, just pre-pubescent boys.
Somehow, the medical establishment has decided this is okay and that it’s perfectly fine to offer a path to transition to this growing number of kids. And so, in combination with affirming schools that ask for new names and pronouns at every turn, and an online environment of cool kids transitioning on TikTok, our 14 year-old daughter is being backed into a corner. When doctors, teachers, and trusted therapists refer to my daughter as a “he”, I want to scream.
If she were anorexic and not eating, would we validate her body dysmorphia and condone her not eating? If she decided she was Asian because all the Anime she’s watched, would we consent and help her start getting surgeries to make herself look more Asian? Why is allowing her to ignore her biology and pretend she’s a boy any different?
My daughter dislikes her body. She hates her breasts and binds them. She doesn’t want to get her period. She doesn’t want to grow up. We are doing our best to show her a world that is not so scary, and teach her to love herself. Where are the professionals who will help her learn to love herself, to see the strength in her womanhood, and to work through her sexual trauma so she can find pleasure in her body?
Medical solutions to complex problems are unsurprising given America’s culture of quick fixes and Big Pharma’s stranglehold on the medical profession. Psychologists, however, can be different. We need you to help our kids figure themselves out, and to learn to accept themselves as they are. This will bring them freedom, not a life of weekly steroid shots and sterilization that cannot promise any better outcomes.
Please consider your approach to affirming our kids. Please help them consider their underlying issues instead of making assumptions about them that align with today’s ever-changing trends. Please read the growing amount of statistical research on de-transitioners and ROGD kids. Please hear us parents. We know our kids.