Deceived Daughters
In August 2024, my three daughter cut me out of their lives because I didn't affirm my grandson's trans identity. Since then, two of them have started expressing their love to me and letting me reenter their lives in small ways; but my grandson's mother hasn't joined them. However, the topic of trans is off limits, especially when it comes to talking about their sister or "niece". When I tried to discuss PITT with one daughter, she quickly cut me off by telling me that posts on PITT were not by actual parents, but by people who want to build an alliance against trans ideology.
There have been so many times I have read something here on PITT that I desperately wanted to share with my daughters, but I know that they aren't open to hearing it; so I hold the posts in my heart, and share in the ache or encouragement expressed in each post.
It has just occurred to me that I can copy my favorites posts into a WORD folder - the ones I think would change my daughter's rejection towards PITT and get her to acknowledge that it is a community of real, suffering parents of trans-identifying children. I might get her to understand that everyone here has a legitimate, painful story of dedication and love for their estranged children to tell. These essays could prove that PITT is a legitimate source of support and encouragement for parents. I hope the day will come when my daughters can read them and have compassion for us.
I wish I had saved some of the previous posts that spoke volumes to me to add to this collection, but I've started my collection with Deadname. I hope to add many more as time moves on. I'm sharing it here in case it might be a useful tool for some of you. You may not have a family member in opposition to your stand; but there may be other reasons a collection of posts which are especially meaningful to you would be helpful.
I know that my daughters are genuinely loving, caring people; but right now they believe a lie. I believe the day is coming when the truth will be revealed and the evidence of the deception will be accepted by my daughters. When that happens, I'm sure they will feel deep regret and I want them to know there will always be love and forgiveness in our family.
There are two books out from PITT parents that you can purchase. That being said, our children are unlikely to ever read them. If we ask them to read the books or individual posts, they will probably be repelled. If we seek to understand our kids first, over time, they may seek to understand us later. Steven Covey says in his book, "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People", "Seek First to Understand, Then To Be Understood." This habit is based on the principle of respect and is about listening before we speak." (Habit 5).
PITT is a valuable support for parents, but it may be unrealistic to hope our children will be able to hear any of the wise words spoken within the group. Consider sharing articles and the two books with other adults, outside the family, as a way to change the culture while seeking to understand your children one by one as best you can. The good news is that two of your daughters are moving towards you. So something is shifting!
My story is similar. My daughter estranged me almost three years ago because I questioned why my six year old granddaughter was suddenly a trans boy. She talked to my son who also then cut me off claiming I am not allowed to question. I have to accept it because that is what “he” wants. Now both my children are estranged and I am not allowed to see my three grandchildren . I am told I am toxic, a bigot and unsafe. I have connected with some other estranged parents but I have never found anyone with a situation like mine.