Reposted, with permission from the author. Early text exchange with a recent client referral: “While I can’t deny her feelings, I’m not 100% sure on it.” “100% sure on what?” “That she is trans.” “What does that mean?” “I guess I don’t know.” “I don’t think anyone does.”
I don’t know who wrote this but it is absolutely brilliant because not mattered what I think or feel, what my daughter thought/feel is a reality and the thing that I could do right now is just love her and be there ( even when I specifically told her that I know for sure ( I am a biologist) that is not a trans a real thing, you love you or you don’t)
one of the best perspectives that I have read. It seems like such common sense for anyone that knows child/adolescent development. I don't understand how psychologists aren't all over this.
“those of us who are driven to authenticity want to be seen for how we see ourselves”; “she wants to be seen as a boy”; “a new religion that offers a rebirth experience”; “another sacrifice to the New Gods of Gender and Capitalism”
Some very good points there – among many others. Although, somewhat in passing, I’m curious about the “wants to be seen as a boy”. Never having had kids myself I don’t have much of a clue about handling the thornier aspects of raising kids – and transgenderism has to be one of the biggest “thorns” going – but I wonder why you, or any parent in that same situation, wouldn’t just point out the biological impossibility of changing sex. While there may be some justification for a girl wanting to “look” like a boy – or, in general, any person like a typical member of the opposite sex – it seems important or useful to emphasize that they wouldn’t ever qualify as one of those.
In any case, quite agree with you on “a new religion”, and on “another sacrifice to the New Gods of Gender”. Along that line, as I’ve just mentioned in another comment, you might be interested in an essay at the Journal of Cultural Anthropology by Sahar Sadjadi titled "Deep in the Brain: Identity and Authenticity in Pediatric Gender Transition", this passage in particular:
"Moreover, the magico-spiritual undertone of the conversations I witnessed was striking .... As a physician and anthropologist of medicine, I had begun this project as a critical study of a cutting-edge clinical field; I was perplexed by this merging of science, magic, and religion in explaining children’s gender transition."
However, I think your “want to be seen for how we see ourselves” is somewhat “problematic” at best, and for many reasons. Seems to be more important to see how others see us – even if we don’t necessarily agree with their perceptions. And/or to see ourselves as we “really are”, although that can be rather difficult at best, particularly given our tendency to “fool ourselves” one way or another. As Robert Burns put it:
But I think that the whole transgender phenomenon provides us all with something of an avenue into understanding how we all develop our senses of self, and some of the more pathological manifestations of that process. Even if that knowledge is often somewhat less than “academic” for some than others.
In any case, for elaborations on that theme, you might be interested in some articles on “imprinting”, Woody Allen’s “mockumentary” Zelig about “The Chameleon Man”, and Nabokov’s novella “The Eye”:
“The novel deals largely with indeterminate locus of identity and the social construction of identity in the reactions and opinions of others. Smurov exists as a fraud, nobleman, scoundrel, ‘sexual adventurer’, thief, and spy in the eyes of the various characters. ... As the protagonist carefully collects these observations, he attempts to build a stable perspective on Smurov — whom we only belatedly discover is the narrator himself. The result is a meditation on the relationship between subjectivity and objectivity.”
Thank you. Maybe one day we can get away from labels. You said trans means being a character, an avatar and described it in terms of being in the digital age. It is about much more than that. "Avatar (Sanskrit: अवतार, avatāra; pronounced [ɐʋɐtaːrɐ]), is a concept within Hinduism that in Sanskrit literally means "descent". It signifies the material appearance or incarnation of a deity on Earth.” They are being taught they are gods. The Oneness of paganism. It's not limited to trans kids either. Advocates for Youth is Planned Parenthood's youth arm that produces, promotes, and profits from explicit, inclusive sex ed. Their training program gives teachers the opportunities to "practice teaching student avatars." I know it sounds crazy, but most things do these days.
Trans is control: Declaring one's status as Trans grants kids the opportunity to make demands on those who hold power over them, namely, school officials, teachers and parents. Forcing people to pretend to see you as you see yourself must be a powerful tonic indeed for a powerless kid.
Thank you again, for this brilliant piece. I am 100% with you on this perspective. I can see my kid as Trans when I see it this way. You've broken it down perfectly.
You hit the nail on the head with the notion that wanting to be a boy is not the problem; it's society's response that is the problem. Fantasies are a normal part of growing up. The problem is: (1) adults take those fantasies and concretize them by mutilating young people's bodies; and (2) society gags anyone who would object, or try and interject a small bit of reality rather than nodding along with the fantasy. As far as I know, there has never been a trend like this before.
This is a great article, thank you for introducing us to this substack. It articulates well many thoughts I have had about the kind of kid who would be vulnerable to trans ideology. 40 years ago, I was one of those kids. Like Helena, I know I would have been sucked in. To you parents who are struggling with how to navigate this painful lose-lose landscape, here is a tiny story that I hope is inspiring.
I moved to Olympia, WA with my family when I was 12. It was a terrible time for a kid to move and I had a very difficult adolescence. Olympia was (still is) home to the infamous Evergreen State College, an experimental college which over the decades has birthed many a queer theorist and social justice warrior. Of course, counter-culture (hippie-punk) Elizabeth wanted to go to Evergreen. My mother refused. I was so angry! I cried and screamed and stomped. It was where I felt I belonged. I KNEW I belonged there! But I got over it and pretty much forgot about it. Yesterday I was visiting with my mother, who is now 93. After what I have learned about the dangers playing out from post-modern theories so incubated at Evergreen, I casually said to Mom: "Mom, thank you for not letting me to go Evergreen!" Mom got tears in her beautiful blue eyes. She told me how much she agonized over that refusal, how worried she was I would disengage from her since I was over 18. I threatened to do so, and considered it, but realized I needed their financial support to go to college. Of course, Mom knew nothing about queer theory which had yet to take over academia, but she had a mother's instinct that this subculture would not be the best for her impressionable, highly sensitive and awkward daughter. And she was right. I had no idea of how much she agonized about that until yesterday. It meant the world to her to hear me say that, to help her heal the pain she felt about it too. Hold that faith in your heart: some day, maybe when they are senior citizens themselves (!) your children may thank you for doing your best to protect them.
I completely agree with everything here, but this really stands out:
"This teen predictably adopts whatever was offered to them as the current acceptable counterculture: punk, goth, emo, Trans. Markets were created in all these instances, but the Trans counterculture is the first to concretize a temporary and trendy identity with extreme and irreversible body modifications. "
This is what makes "Trans" so scary. It could have been harmless adolescent experimentation - children trying out different masks, as you say. This sort of "kid stuff" stayed amongst the kids, and never extended to the adults in the room. But now, the adults are using it to virtue signal and further their own agendas and (of course) make billions of dollars. THIS is what harms young people.
A 13 year old girl saying she wants to (look/act like/be seen as) a boy isn't a problem.
An adult taking that girl, blocking her puberty, putting her on hormone injections, and removing her breasts in some impossible attempt to actually turn her into a boy? THAT IS A PROBLEM.
Thank you. We are so torn with our 12 yr old. She can't speak about it to us (anything close and she literally hides under the covers). We found out by fluke as her oh so wise teachers were secretly affirming this new gender identity. We too are riding out this storm.
Most insightful perspective yet from a parent/professional on the transgender indoctrination madness. Best of luck with your daughter.
I don’t know who wrote this but it is absolutely brilliant because not mattered what I think or feel, what my daughter thought/feel is a reality and the thing that I could do right now is just love her and be there ( even when I specifically told her that I know for sure ( I am a biologist) that is not a trans a real thing, you love you or you don’t)
great piece!
one of the best perspectives that I have read. It seems like such common sense for anyone that knows child/adolescent development. I don't understand how psychologists aren't all over this.
StoicMom,
“those of us who are driven to authenticity want to be seen for how we see ourselves”; “she wants to be seen as a boy”; “a new religion that offers a rebirth experience”; “another sacrifice to the New Gods of Gender and Capitalism”
Some very good points there – among many others. Although, somewhat in passing, I’m curious about the “wants to be seen as a boy”. Never having had kids myself I don’t have much of a clue about handling the thornier aspects of raising kids – and transgenderism has to be one of the biggest “thorns” going – but I wonder why you, or any parent in that same situation, wouldn’t just point out the biological impossibility of changing sex. While there may be some justification for a girl wanting to “look” like a boy – or, in general, any person like a typical member of the opposite sex – it seems important or useful to emphasize that they wouldn’t ever qualify as one of those.
In any case, quite agree with you on “a new religion”, and on “another sacrifice to the New Gods of Gender”. Along that line, as I’ve just mentioned in another comment, you might be interested in an essay at the Journal of Cultural Anthropology by Sahar Sadjadi titled "Deep in the Brain: Identity and Authenticity in Pediatric Gender Transition", this passage in particular:
"Moreover, the magico-spiritual undertone of the conversations I witnessed was striking .... As a physician and anthropologist of medicine, I had begun this project as a critical study of a cutting-edge clinical field; I was perplexed by this merging of science, magic, and religion in explaining children’s gender transition."
https://journal.culanth.org/index.php/ca/article/view/3728/430
However, I think your “want to be seen for how we see ourselves” is somewhat “problematic” at best, and for many reasons. Seems to be more important to see how others see us – even if we don’t necessarily agree with their perceptions. And/or to see ourselves as we “really are”, although that can be rather difficult at best, particularly given our tendency to “fool ourselves” one way or another. As Robert Burns put it:
“Oh, would some Power give us the gift
To see ourselves as others see us!
It would from many a blunder free us,
And foolish notion:
What airs in dress and gait would leave us,
And even devotion!”
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/To_a_Louse
But I think that the whole transgender phenomenon provides us all with something of an avenue into understanding how we all develop our senses of self, and some of the more pathological manifestations of that process. Even if that knowledge is often somewhat less than “academic” for some than others.
In any case, for elaborations on that theme, you might be interested in some articles on “imprinting”, Woody Allen’s “mockumentary” Zelig about “The Chameleon Man”, and Nabokov’s novella “The Eye”:
“The novel deals largely with indeterminate locus of identity and the social construction of identity in the reactions and opinions of others. Smurov exists as a fraud, nobleman, scoundrel, ‘sexual adventurer’, thief, and spy in the eyes of the various characters. ... As the protagonist carefully collects these observations, he attempts to build a stable perspective on Smurov — whom we only belatedly discover is the narrator himself. The result is a meditation on the relationship between subjectivity and objectivity.”
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Imprinting_(psychology)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zelig
https://web.archive.org/web/20120916225030/http://movies.nytimes.com/movie/review?res=9A00E0DA103BF934A25754C0A965948260
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Eye_(novel)
Thank you. Maybe one day we can get away from labels. You said trans means being a character, an avatar and described it in terms of being in the digital age. It is about much more than that. "Avatar (Sanskrit: अवतार, avatāra; pronounced [ɐʋɐtaːrɐ]), is a concept within Hinduism that in Sanskrit literally means "descent". It signifies the material appearance or incarnation of a deity on Earth.” They are being taught they are gods. The Oneness of paganism. It's not limited to trans kids either. Advocates for Youth is Planned Parenthood's youth arm that produces, promotes, and profits from explicit, inclusive sex ed. Their training program gives teachers the opportunities to "practice teaching student avatars." I know it sounds crazy, but most things do these days.
Trans is control: Declaring one's status as Trans grants kids the opportunity to make demands on those who hold power over them, namely, school officials, teachers and parents. Forcing people to pretend to see you as you see yourself must be a powerful tonic indeed for a powerless kid.
Thank you again, for this brilliant piece. I am 100% with you on this perspective. I can see my kid as Trans when I see it this way. You've broken it down perfectly.
You hit the nail on the head with the notion that wanting to be a boy is not the problem; it's society's response that is the problem. Fantasies are a normal part of growing up. The problem is: (1) adults take those fantasies and concretize them by mutilating young people's bodies; and (2) society gags anyone who would object, or try and interject a small bit of reality rather than nodding along with the fantasy. As far as I know, there has never been a trend like this before.
What a thoughtful article. I am a professional therapist and I think your analysis is spot-on. So helpful. Thank you.
This is my daughter.
This is a great article, thank you for introducing us to this substack. It articulates well many thoughts I have had about the kind of kid who would be vulnerable to trans ideology. 40 years ago, I was one of those kids. Like Helena, I know I would have been sucked in. To you parents who are struggling with how to navigate this painful lose-lose landscape, here is a tiny story that I hope is inspiring.
I moved to Olympia, WA with my family when I was 12. It was a terrible time for a kid to move and I had a very difficult adolescence. Olympia was (still is) home to the infamous Evergreen State College, an experimental college which over the decades has birthed many a queer theorist and social justice warrior. Of course, counter-culture (hippie-punk) Elizabeth wanted to go to Evergreen. My mother refused. I was so angry! I cried and screamed and stomped. It was where I felt I belonged. I KNEW I belonged there! But I got over it and pretty much forgot about it. Yesterday I was visiting with my mother, who is now 93. After what I have learned about the dangers playing out from post-modern theories so incubated at Evergreen, I casually said to Mom: "Mom, thank you for not letting me to go Evergreen!" Mom got tears in her beautiful blue eyes. She told me how much she agonized over that refusal, how worried she was I would disengage from her since I was over 18. I threatened to do so, and considered it, but realized I needed their financial support to go to college. Of course, Mom knew nothing about queer theory which had yet to take over academia, but she had a mother's instinct that this subculture would not be the best for her impressionable, highly sensitive and awkward daughter. And she was right. I had no idea of how much she agonized about that until yesterday. It meant the world to her to hear me say that, to help her heal the pain she felt about it too. Hold that faith in your heart: some day, maybe when they are senior citizens themselves (!) your children may thank you for doing your best to protect them.
What a perfect description of this phenomenon.
I completely agree with everything here, but this really stands out:
"This teen predictably adopts whatever was offered to them as the current acceptable counterculture: punk, goth, emo, Trans. Markets were created in all these instances, but the Trans counterculture is the first to concretize a temporary and trendy identity with extreme and irreversible body modifications. "
This is what makes "Trans" so scary. It could have been harmless adolescent experimentation - children trying out different masks, as you say. This sort of "kid stuff" stayed amongst the kids, and never extended to the adults in the room. But now, the adults are using it to virtue signal and further their own agendas and (of course) make billions of dollars. THIS is what harms young people.
A 13 year old girl saying she wants to (look/act like/be seen as) a boy isn't a problem.
An adult taking that girl, blocking her puberty, putting her on hormone injections, and removing her breasts in some impossible attempt to actually turn her into a boy? THAT IS A PROBLEM.
Fantastic article and very thoughtful analysis of the many different things that 'Trans' actually is, or can be
Wow, this really resonates. Exactly my child, my thoughts.
Thank you. We are so torn with our 12 yr old. She can't speak about it to us (anything close and she literally hides under the covers). We found out by fluke as her oh so wise teachers were secretly affirming this new gender identity. We too are riding out this storm.