So glad this turned out as it did. Just an FYI, I had a breast reduction as a 60+ woman, because I thought it was causing back/ neck pain. My breast were not the problem. Something no one tells you is that the reduction causes nerve damage and loss of sensation. If I had to do it all over again, I would not! Just food for thought. Keep that in the back of your mind for later discussions with your daughter.
I cried reading this. I hope your daughter continues on the path out of this maladaptive coping mechanism that promises life but delivers destruction. I hope all of our kids make it out of this insidious, harmful, objectively evil cult.
Thanks for writing this two-part piece. I am glad the trans escape route is in the rearview mirror for your daughter. Saved by the fender-bender? Perhaps. Most parents agonize over every choice they have made, every word, and honestly, life is random. Terrible things happen. Good things happen.
Middle school is brutal. I think the mean girls/queen bees in middle school can leave other girls looking for an alternative clique. Often, that is the artsy crowd, the rainbow crew, goth (if that still exists), anything but the popular clique from which they have been excluded.
Do other families that go along with name and pronoun changes have any idea about the damaging ripple effect of their laissez-faire parenting?
"associated with the “trauma” of having been teased in middle school."
"She said I wasn’t being supportive; her friends’ parents all used their chosen names and pronouns."
Do the other parents understand the effects of their laissez-faire parenting? No, or they don’t care. They let screens & the internet raise their children. They don’t enforce any rules that make their children unhappy. They give in on every request because it’s easier.
It’s not our kids who are soft. It’s us parents.
People: we’re trying to run a civilization here! Boundaries are good; hearing “no” occasionally is fine. We need to understand that happiness is not the goal: it’s the pursuit of happiness, through hard work and real achievement, that makes us truly happy.
This fender-bender probably has shown Kristin how young , immature she is, how she may still be prone to making impulsive decisions with bad consequences. So yeah, if nothing else, it probably scared her into waiting. Good. Hopefully, she will fully wake up and open her eyes while she waits.
That's a good theory! I sometimes wonder if the car wreck made her realize that the support we provide in a crisis (however small) is more important than "supporting" new pronouns? But I'm only guessing and I've never dared ask for fear of re-opening that can of worms.
In addition to diagraming the dynamics of a dangerous fad beautifully, you mentioned something that is critical for female sexual development. That (normal) women eventually learn to love having their bodies celebrated by men. I am convinced this is the key to overcoming sex dysphoria. Indeed, it is a necessary developmental pathway to a full sexual life. Feminism and many other social contaminants destroyed this beautiful experience for women and men. This goes beyond lust by the way. It contains a psychological and cognitive component. Do we teach our girls to expect this and embrace it when they experience it? Do we have role modeling opportunities and structured experiences to facilitate this joyful experience for women and men? Has crassness and pornography ruined this natural process? Something got in the way.
When I prescribe sensate focus exercises for couples this is what I am trying to help them achieve.
So glad this turned out as it did. Just an FYI, I had a breast reduction as a 60+ woman, because I thought it was causing back/ neck pain. My breast were not the problem. Something no one tells you is that the reduction causes nerve damage and loss of sensation. If I had to do it all over again, I would not! Just food for thought. Keep that in the back of your mind for later discussions with your daughter.
That's actually very good to know! Thank you!
I cried reading this. I hope your daughter continues on the path out of this maladaptive coping mechanism that promises life but delivers destruction. I hope all of our kids make it out of this insidious, harmful, objectively evil cult.
Thanks for writing this two-part piece. I am glad the trans escape route is in the rearview mirror for your daughter. Saved by the fender-bender? Perhaps. Most parents agonize over every choice they have made, every word, and honestly, life is random. Terrible things happen. Good things happen.
Middle school is brutal. I think the mean girls/queen bees in middle school can leave other girls looking for an alternative clique. Often, that is the artsy crowd, the rainbow crew, goth (if that still exists), anything but the popular clique from which they have been excluded.
Do other families that go along with name and pronoun changes have any idea about the damaging ripple effect of their laissez-faire parenting?
"associated with the “trauma” of having been teased in middle school."
"She said I wasn’t being supportive; her friends’ parents all used their chosen names and pronouns."
Do the other parents understand the effects of their laissez-faire parenting? No, or they don’t care. They let screens & the internet raise their children. They don’t enforce any rules that make their children unhappy. They give in on every request because it’s easier.
It’s not our kids who are soft. It’s us parents.
People: we’re trying to run a civilization here! Boundaries are good; hearing “no” occasionally is fine. We need to understand that happiness is not the goal: it’s the pursuit of happiness, through hard work and real achievement, that makes us truly happy.
This fender-bender probably has shown Kristin how young , immature she is, how she may still be prone to making impulsive decisions with bad consequences. So yeah, if nothing else, it probably scared her into waiting. Good. Hopefully, she will fully wake up and open her eyes while she waits.
That's a good theory! I sometimes wonder if the car wreck made her realize that the support we provide in a crisis (however small) is more important than "supporting" new pronouns? But I'm only guessing and I've never dared ask for fear of re-opening that can of worms.
Key moment….“I said what her friends’ parents did was none of my concern.”
Your daughter heard that and realized you weren’t going to buy into the gender-cult madness.
Well done, Mom.
In addition to diagraming the dynamics of a dangerous fad beautifully, you mentioned something that is critical for female sexual development. That (normal) women eventually learn to love having their bodies celebrated by men. I am convinced this is the key to overcoming sex dysphoria. Indeed, it is a necessary developmental pathway to a full sexual life. Feminism and many other social contaminants destroyed this beautiful experience for women and men. This goes beyond lust by the way. It contains a psychological and cognitive component. Do we teach our girls to expect this and embrace it when they experience it? Do we have role modeling opportunities and structured experiences to facilitate this joyful experience for women and men? Has crassness and pornography ruined this natural process? Something got in the way.
When I prescribe sensate focus exercises for couples this is what I am trying to help them achieve.