Every day
Every day I read, I listen, I think Every day I read Bernard Lane Jamie Reed Mia Hughes Eyes Open PITT (and hundreds more) Every day I listen Helen Joyce Stella O'Malley Colin Wright Eliza Mondegreen Jennifer Sey (and hundreds more) Every day I celebrate Cass, Skrmetti, HHS, COHERE The WPATH Files, Sturm, UPenn (and hundreds more) While every day I long For my son Who Despite my reading Despite my listening Despite my celebrating Despite me Is not one step closer to me Not one step out of the cult. And I am not one step closer To working out how To say a word, a sentence To having him back. Not one step closer. Every day.
Me, too. I wish I could devote all that time, energy, and attention to studying things I am passionate about, things that I love, such as regenerative agriculture, cooking, writing, and art. But this black hole has sucked my daughter into it, and I can’t look away. I keep searching, hoping for some knowledge, the right words, a shred of hope that I can pull her back. It consumes all of me.
This hits so hard! In my head, I have hours of conversations with my trans child, telling her of all the research, all the reasons why she needs to just wake up from this. But in real life, all I manage is a sentence or two, and I’m sure it all comes out wrong. And the nightmare goes on.