Find Your Method

Dear Parents,

I’m writing this because I know I’m not alone.

Many of us are carrying a pain that’s hard to describe. It feels as though our children weren’t lost physically but were mentally and emotionally lost. “Kidnapped” may sound extreme, yet it often feels like they were abducted by a social contagion that slowly pulled them away from the people they once were. And the impact doesn’t stop with them. It reaches deeply into our families, into our homes, and into our daily lives.

We try to keep moving forward, but it’s hard when the people we dedicated our lives to suddenly feel like strangers. We taught them values. We modeled principles. We loved them, guided them, and did the best we knew how. And yet one day, we’re left asking how someone can change so completely, rejecting their past and embracing a version of themselves that doesn’t make sense to those who live grounded in reality.

What makes this even harder is the way love is now being redefined.

We are often told that love means going along with everything. That love means silence. That love means affirming things we know, deep in our hearts, are wrong and harmful. And that is where the deepest pain lives. Because our hearts are screaming “no,” while everything around us tells us to stay quiet and comply.

That hurts more than anything.

As parents, our instinct is to protect. When we see our children walking toward something we believe will harm them, every part of us wants to pull them back, to say “stop,” to say, “stay close to me,” to say, “let me help you.” That doesn’t come from hate. It comes from love. Real love.

If my child were walking toward drugs, self-destruction, or any path that would damage their body or soul, no one would question my right or my duty to say no. No one would call that cruelty. They would call it care. They would call it responsibility. Yet somehow, when the harm is emotional, psychological, or wrapped in ideology, we are told to pretend we don’t see it. We are told to go along with it, even when every instinct in us knows this is not right.

That conflict breaks parents.

And when things fall apart, when our children drift further away, the first place we turn is inward.

What did I miss?

What did I do wrong?

Why didn’t I stop it?

As parents, blaming ourselves comes naturally. But the truth is, how could we have known? How could we have anticipated something so deliberately engineered? This didn’t happen overnight. It was built slowly, carefully, and reinforced by systems and voices we never imagined would target our families. We didn’t fail. We were unprepared for something none of us were warned about.

Still, knowing that doesn’t magically lift the weight we carry.

I want to be clear, I’m not here to preach. There are many beliefs, religions, techniques, and paths to healing. Each person must find their own way. For me, what helps me climb out of that hole, again and again, is God. Knowing His presence. Knowing He listens. Knowing He guides and protects me when I feel completely lost. That is my method.

But the most important thing I want to say to all of us is this:

Do not blame yourself.

No matter how much you taught your children, no matter how strong your values were, they are still independent individuals with their own minds. You did not create this outcome on your own.

What you must do, however, is find your method.

You still have a life to live.

You still have people who love you.

You are still needed.

Whether your method is faith, community, therapy, purpose, or something else entirely, you need a way to climb out of the hole. Staying trapped in guilt will only slowly take everything else with it, and that helps no one.

Find your method.

Hold onto it.

And give yourself permission to live.

With respect and solidarity,