Today I feel sad. I have been socializing lately, having drinks with parents who speak proudly of their young adult children who are off to college, or are starting promising careers. Other parents prattle on about adorable grandchildren and big family get-togethers at beach houses. I smile and politely ask for details, but I have nothing to add to these conversations. What would I say? My estranged son is still working a minimum wage job and poisoning his body with cross-sex hormones. I can’t confirm that he still has all his body parts. I will probably never have grandchildren, but maybe that’s better: I’ve read that trans-identified men who have children are often abusive narcissists whose B-cluster personality disorders are impermeable to therapy. We can’t afford a beach house, but who cares since there would be no family to gather there? It might seem like wasted potential that a young man whose IQ used to be in the 97th percentile now scrapes by working the cash register in a store, but after years of taking estrogen, his intelligence might be just average now, freeing him from the burden of high expectations. As I smile and nod at these people, I start to wonder why I bother to socialize at all. I got married to have a family, and I don’t have one. I really don’t have anything positive to add to these conversations. I am a black cloud casting a shadow on happier lives. What am I even sticking around for?
Thanks for sharing that. What happened to you is too common. Our children are deluded, being told by YouTube videos that parents are toxic if they do not affirm their delusions. My child also had false memories/lies to make her case for gender transition. I am sure she was a feminine child who preferred soft toys and a dolls house rather than “boys toys”. She would have played with her older brother’s toys sometimes so she was being selective in her memories.
The world has gone crazy, that is certain. We need to hold onto our own mental health, not be persuaded to believe those utter lies.
These students are led by a young male teacher who announces his sexual orientation (a newfangled one) to the entire school. The first time he did it, I was shocked and thought for sure he would be fired. Rather, the student body voted him their favorite teacher, which earned him a speech at graduation. There, he announced his sexual identity to the entire audience of parents and grandparents and received a standing ovation. This, and the fact that the students were always being asked to explore their identities, was my introduction to wokeness. Even though I have been a Democrat my whole life, I was unaware of this cultural shift until I started working at a high school.
My son rode the gender ideology wave when it first began to rise in 2014 and now 10 difficult years have come and gone. He was brilliant and had many great goals as a young teen which all seem to have evaporated, along with his sharp intellect. I do think some of these kids want to dull their minds. He has only held a job for 2 or 3 months in total since this began, so it is good that yours is holding one down--minimum wage or not. Our estranged son left us early on and found an enabling spouse, a trans identifying woman, to support him and keep the pills and the lies flowing, taking care of name changes, and keeping him isolated from people who who might not agree with their choices.
I think it's good that you notice other kids who might be wrestling with this ideology and want to help. I see them out there, too, and feel the same way. I've offered help to parents, the few I've met, who've had this same stuff thrust upon their family and are looking for advice. I've bought, read, and reviewed every gender critical book I can get my hands on. I've watched every single episode of the "Gender: A Wider Lens" podcast. I want to support those fighting this curse. This is how I get past the 'black cloud' that casts a shadow on our lives. I get up each day, drink my coffee, and put one foot in front of the other, hoping that what I've learned can help someone else. Hang in there--we are all rooting for you.
I started to tear up as I read your heart breaking lament. I am in the same position, as my first born son has estranged himself, working an entry level job when he was top of his class, and taking female hormones and thus hurting himself. I didn't send out Christmas pictures, and am aware each day that the casual question, "How is so and so", will remind my heart of the empty ache, sorrow, and fear. I want to encourage you that we aren't responsible for our children's choices. I hold onto my faith and the belief that God is willing and able to heal and restore, and whatever happens He will get us through. Hugs to you. You are not alone.
I too got married to have a family. I don't have one now but I did for about 20 years. Some of the last few were not great but as a whole, I have no regrets. The fact that I'm alone now is painful but it doesn't detract from the fact that I did have a family. I had many years of the joy that can only come from raising children. Nothing can take that away.
I lived the dream, for a while. I cherish that and consider myself fortunate. Sure, I'm alone now but some people never even had a family at all. I did. It was wonderful.
I too sometimes wonder why I socialize. My friends talk about their kids and grandkids and I stay silent other than nods and smiles where appropriate to their shares. It’s lonely even when surrounded by people.
I would love if one of my babies teachers inspired my kiddo to be herself. My baby had dreams to be a vet or a brain surgeon now it is a depressed moody kid inspiring to be a boy. I would love if someone would inspire her.
I teach high school also. I love this piece. I show up and befriend the different kiddos in my classes because other teachers loved (not in a weird way) my quirky daughter (who wants to be a boy). The teachers were the highlight of HS for her. Thank you for your service!
"I have observed that when the auditorium seats fill up for an assembly, the seats on either side of you are always empty". Sad as it is, maybe it's for the better? In our school the seats around this girl would be filled with other "they/them"-s and other "queer kids". If your school has only one trans identifying student, it's doing way better than other schools. (And hopefully not being encouraged and cheered by others will help your student snap out of it faster). Also, if there are other trans identifying kids but she doesn't have anything in common with them either , it may also help her find a way out of this identity. (But of course it's terribly painful for her for now and I hope her parents know and are working on helping her). Thanks for being there for her.
I've always been an introvert, I recharge with beauty and/or solace. My wife is a social butterfly who charges from other people, and the energy they create. We have 2 great groups of friends that my wife will plan for us to party with nearly weekly. It is often done at our house where we will cook dinner. Since the estrangement from our daughter now living as a breastless bearded man, I do enjoy the parties, however they are something I would never want or plan for on my own. I know I need people and it is best for me, but like this author the pain I feel when friends go on and on about their children and grandchildren while I politely smile and nod, is difficult. "As I smile and nod at these people, I start to wonder why I bother to socialize at all. I got married to have a family, and I don’t have one. I really don’t have anything positive to add to these conversations. I am a black cloud casting a shadow on happier lives. What am I even sticking around for?" It is sad, however my wife and I are adopting a foster child that has no one that will take her and she is beautiful, we have had her since she was 6 days old and she is now near 2.5. We are in our mid 50's so this is a daunting task. But this beautiful little girl that no one wanted has given me more reasons to treat myself as if I were someone I loved. So that I can be my best for this little girl, my youngest daughter. So I have that and I am grateful. We both are, all 3 of us are. Her name is Grace, we call her Seregrace. The adoption process takes a bit through DFCS but should be final late this summer. Her biological mother gave her those names which we will honor. Thanks be to God.
Thanks for sharing that. What happened to you is too common. Our children are deluded, being told by YouTube videos that parents are toxic if they do not affirm their delusions. My child also had false memories/lies to make her case for gender transition. I am sure she was a feminine child who preferred soft toys and a dolls house rather than “boys toys”. She would have played with her older brother’s toys sometimes so she was being selective in her memories.
The world has gone crazy, that is certain. We need to hold onto our own mental health, not be persuaded to believe those utter lies.
These students are led by a young male teacher who announces his sexual orientation (a newfangled one) to the entire school. The first time he did it, I was shocked and thought for sure he would be fired. Rather, the student body voted him their favorite teacher, which earned him a speech at graduation. There, he announced his sexual identity to the entire audience of parents and grandparents and received a standing ovation. This, and the fact that the students were always being asked to explore their identities, was my introduction to wokeness. Even though I have been a Democrat my whole life, I was unaware of this cultural shift until I started working at a high school.
My son rode the gender ideology wave when it first began to rise in 2014 and now 10 difficult years have come and gone. He was brilliant and had many great goals as a young teen which all seem to have evaporated, along with his sharp intellect. I do think some of these kids want to dull their minds. He has only held a job for 2 or 3 months in total since this began, so it is good that yours is holding one down--minimum wage or not. Our estranged son left us early on and found an enabling spouse, a trans identifying woman, to support him and keep the pills and the lies flowing, taking care of name changes, and keeping him isolated from people who who might not agree with their choices.
I think it's good that you notice other kids who might be wrestling with this ideology and want to help. I see them out there, too, and feel the same way. I've offered help to parents, the few I've met, who've had this same stuff thrust upon their family and are looking for advice. I've bought, read, and reviewed every gender critical book I can get my hands on. I've watched every single episode of the "Gender: A Wider Lens" podcast. I want to support those fighting this curse. This is how I get past the 'black cloud' that casts a shadow on our lives. I get up each day, drink my coffee, and put one foot in front of the other, hoping that what I've learned can help someone else. Hang in there--we are all rooting for you.
Thanks for your story. I find helping other people is such a balm for a broken heart.
I started to tear up as I read your heart breaking lament. I am in the same position, as my first born son has estranged himself, working an entry level job when he was top of his class, and taking female hormones and thus hurting himself. I didn't send out Christmas pictures, and am aware each day that the casual question, "How is so and so", will remind my heart of the empty ache, sorrow, and fear. I want to encourage you that we aren't responsible for our children's choices. I hold onto my faith and the belief that God is willing and able to heal and restore, and whatever happens He will get us through. Hugs to you. You are not alone.
I too got married to have a family. I don't have one now but I did for about 20 years. Some of the last few were not great but as a whole, I have no regrets. The fact that I'm alone now is painful but it doesn't detract from the fact that I did have a family. I had many years of the joy that can only come from raising children. Nothing can take that away.
I lived the dream, for a while. I cherish that and consider myself fortunate. Sure, I'm alone now but some people never even had a family at all. I did. It was wonderful.
Never give up on your son, he’s still your son. But for sure help out the they/them girl who wants to be a mother.
I too sometimes wonder why I socialize. My friends talk about their kids and grandkids and I stay silent other than nods and smiles where appropriate to their shares. It’s lonely even when surrounded by people.
Soooo so beautiful, in so many ways 💔🙁❤🙏
I would love if one of my babies teachers inspired my kiddo to be herself. My baby had dreams to be a vet or a brain surgeon now it is a depressed moody kid inspiring to be a boy. I would love if someone would inspire her.
I'm so sorry. And thank you. Please stick around. These poor kids. How society has failed them.
I wish there were more teachers like you who could see the children for what they are. Thank you.
I teach high school also. I love this piece. I show up and befriend the different kiddos in my classes because other teachers loved (not in a weird way) my quirky daughter (who wants to be a boy). The teachers were the highlight of HS for her. Thank you for your service!
"I have observed that when the auditorium seats fill up for an assembly, the seats on either side of you are always empty". Sad as it is, maybe it's for the better? In our school the seats around this girl would be filled with other "they/them"-s and other "queer kids". If your school has only one trans identifying student, it's doing way better than other schools. (And hopefully not being encouraged and cheered by others will help your student snap out of it faster). Also, if there are other trans identifying kids but she doesn't have anything in common with them either , it may also help her find a way out of this identity. (But of course it's terribly painful for her for now and I hope her parents know and are working on helping her). Thanks for being there for her.
I've always been an introvert, I recharge with beauty and/or solace. My wife is a social butterfly who charges from other people, and the energy they create. We have 2 great groups of friends that my wife will plan for us to party with nearly weekly. It is often done at our house where we will cook dinner. Since the estrangement from our daughter now living as a breastless bearded man, I do enjoy the parties, however they are something I would never want or plan for on my own. I know I need people and it is best for me, but like this author the pain I feel when friends go on and on about their children and grandchildren while I politely smile and nod, is difficult. "As I smile and nod at these people, I start to wonder why I bother to socialize at all. I got married to have a family, and I don’t have one. I really don’t have anything positive to add to these conversations. I am a black cloud casting a shadow on happier lives. What am I even sticking around for?" It is sad, however my wife and I are adopting a foster child that has no one that will take her and she is beautiful, we have had her since she was 6 days old and she is now near 2.5. We are in our mid 50's so this is a daunting task. But this beautiful little girl that no one wanted has given me more reasons to treat myself as if I were someone I loved. So that I can be my best for this little girl, my youngest daughter. So I have that and I am grateful. We both are, all 3 of us are. Her name is Grace, we call her Seregrace. The adoption process takes a bit through DFCS but should be final late this summer. Her biological mother gave her those names which we will honor. Thanks be to God.
I hope your student will be happy some day!