For Our Lost Children
I am the mother of a troubled adult daughter who started trans identifying - out of the blue - three years ago. She now has a beard, a deep voice, and a flat and hairy chest. She rejected me because I advised her not to rush into medicalising, but I have kept trying to show her my love, and to mend our relationship. She lives in a different city but we have ongoing phone contact and visits every six months or so.
My heart breaks every time I see her. I try to look past all the physical changes to find the sensitive, gentle, caring person I knew for more than 20 years, and who was once so close to me; but I struggle to find her or connect with her.
I wrote this song to help me, and others all around the world, to bear this gut wrenching grief and anguish. I sing it as a prayer for her and for all our lost children.
FOR OUR LOST CHILDREN (LYRICS)
Oh, where have you gone, my darling?
Where are you now, my love?
I'll follow you down to the depths of hell
To bring you back up above.
I search for you in your eyes
And long for the person inside
I weep for your gentle soul
Whose protection was to hide.
Who has stolen your mind?
And how did they deaden your heart?
And why were you, precious darling
A victim of their cruel art?
Oh, where have you gone, my darling?
Where are you now, my love?
I'll follow you down to the depths of hell
To bring you back up above.
I see glimpses of you quickly fading
So others don't see your truth
But I know who you were in your childhood
And the struggles of your youth.
I will never give up, my beloved
I will search for you night and day
I know you are there softly trembling,
Vulnerable and afraid.
I know you are there, my darling,
In dreams you whisper to me
I’ll love you always, my precious child
And pray that you’ll be free.
I cried listening to this. Thank you for sharing it. I’m also the mother of an adult daughter who decided to “transition.” My husband and I were devoted, loving parents. Our child always seemed to return our love. We have not seen or spoken to her in over three years because she refuses all interaction with us. Up until the onset of ROGD, we had no idea that she was planning to cut us off. To make certain I’m not hallucinating, I’ve saved all the affectionate emails, voicemails and texts I received from her up until the day she went “no contact.” My husband is in his 80s and has come to terms with never seeing her again. I live haunted by memories of the kind and loving child and woman she was - or I thought she was. Apparently allegiance to her tribe matters more than basic human decency. Truman Capote wrote that the only unpardonable sin was deliberate cruelty. I can’t decide if that’s true in our case. Again thank you for sharing this lovely prayer-song. Take comfort that you are still seeing your child. She has not cut all ties. She may come back to you. I’ll pray for both our children.
I'm weeping. How can you sing this without breaking into sobs? Thank you for sharing your art with us.