After several years of struggling with our daughter on the trans issue, we have officially been relegated to “personae non grata” status with our own child because we recognize the immutable reality that our daughter’s sex doesn’t change simply because she wants to live her life in accordance with trans ideology, which she has adopted, and now identifies as a male.
Al, I’m so sorry you are having a rough day. How long have you had this headache? It has been 4 years since our daughter started this and with our son it has been a little over a month. I was paralyzed for a week and then we have had many things with family and friends to help distract us. If I don’t stay busy, it is too easy to obsess over it. Do you have other close family and friends you can spend time with? If not, try and watch some uplifting movies or read uplifting books. Bake some cookies and take to someone who needs a visit. Serving someone else can help immensely. Sending love and hugs, my friend.
Thank you for writing this. I completely agree with you. I will not be silenced and will not comply. My 16 year old daughter has identified as trans since she was 13/14. My husband and I got ourselves educated on the topic as quickly as possible and have never affirmed. Some of our “truth bombs” seem to sink in, and she doesn’t push back on us using correct pronouns or her given name. Lately, she tells me that she’ll never do anything medically permanent- I pray that is true.
This is a great video on the parental trauma (Dr Miriam Grossman with Jordon Peterson) of going through this with your child. I cried when I listened, as it felt like someone finally understood what we as parents were experiencing.
Yes. Thank you. I have finally decided I will not play the game, nor take the abuse any longer. But I do profess my love so that she will have to be lying if she ever claims that her parents reject her.
I refuse to comply. I refuse to be silent. I stand by your side, and all the other parents here on PITT. We indeed are stronger together and we must continue to voice our concerns until the world listens! So sad to hear your story about your daughter and I hope she returns to you as your daughter. Never give up!
Whenever I notice one of these trans loonies spouting their idioms I can't help but tell how depressed they all are whenever they're not in presence of a camera or among "friends". They seeth with anger and resentment and seem only to be capable of befriending other people who feel similarly, as nobody else has the temerity or patience to keep them company.
I always felt it would be beneficial to confront them over their saddness more than their trans ideology, because it's really these low feelings they're dwelling on that give them presence to explore their confused gender identity in the first place. If we stop talking about their trans message and just call them depressed instead, even though they would yell at us from afar about how we don't get what they're feeling and hate us for getting it wrong, they would in their own private moments, harbor doubts that maybe the real reason behind the tears on their pillow isn't their bodies at all, but their own mind and its impossible expectations for itself.
I have refused to comply and so far my trans identifying daughter has stopped being so angry and doesn’t correct me (doesn’t dare I should say!) I don’t know what switch flipped but I did get furious with her one day and said how dare she not respect my beliefs and my opinions yet insist that we respect hers. It almost, for me, felt like the penny dropped for both of us. I said I just don’t want to hear it any more and I have felt calmer ever since. It’s almost as though I got to the other side of the grieving process and acceptance washed over me. I realised I can’t force her to “Wake Up!” and her mistakes will be her own to deal with. She knows I love her even though I will never agree with her on this. NEVER!!
I aslo refuse ro comply and we don't really acknowledge the elephant in the room it's too painful for all. But I do regularly drop 'truth bombs' like your safer in the female washroom. Or other small things. We really focus on family time and she is responding well and overall seems happier. I have faith she will one day wake up before she is able to harm herself without our consent. 1millionmarchfor kids that just happened in Canada I believe has started to wake up more people of what is going on. ❤️
"how dare she not respect my beliefs and my opinions yet insist that we respect hers"
Great answer. It's why a Left who's always run historically on the platform of Hate will never compromise, but these phony Conservatives will always try to win them over anyways with proclamations of love and understanding, leading to further and further left leaning compromise that always favors the progressives in their incrementalist tactics.
I also refused to comply. My adult daughter was swept into the transgender ideology about six years ago. And I just noticed the same thing. She no longer bristles when she hears me use the correct pronouns. She got used to me calling her by the name her father and I chose for her a long time ago, but this is a pretty new development. I will continue to hold onto reality and I refuse to comply.
I think that you have a good approach there. As the mom, you washed her butt. You know what the equipment is. No one should be forced to believe things that are false.
My son is 16, almost 17. He says he will disown us (his father, 2 older siblings, and me) when he turns 18. He says he wants to take female hormones. I feel he is already lost to me. The anger in his tone, the hate in his eyes, he says he wants me dead. I continue to pray. I am at a low point. It helps knowing I am not alone in this battle to save my child.
I'm so sorry, Holly. We've all heard how hard it is for parents to lose a child to death. This is hard, too. We shouldn't be losing our children this way!
My daughter left as soon as she turned 18. She moved out of state. She came back six months later so angry and depressed. She's 25 now. She has a daughter of her own. She talks to me and I see her regularly. We don't argue about this ideology much anymore.
I pray. My friends pray. My church prays. And I cry. I mourn the loss of my daughter. But it's a different type of mourning. It continues at the same level and doesn't ease. But I don't give up hope. I dream of a day I can get a manicure with her like we used to.
My daughter has been wearing a binder now for years. So, she is horribly disfigured. She has been taking testosterone for a year and a half. So, her voice is changed forever. I'll never hear my daughter's voice again. I cry some more. But I still won't give up hope!
I pray regularly for all of our children. Don't lose hope, Holly. Keep praying.
You're welcome! We have to keep living. We have to keep our homes welcoming. We have to be strong enough to help our children put the pieces back together when they come back to us. They're going to need us
Maybe your husband should take hormones with him, and maybe you should take male hormones. Sit him down and tell him that you have decided that you are a male, and that your husband has decided that he is a female. Your husband can wear your bras with water balloons as boobs.
This is a great piece and I'm dealing with the same stuff, like most people here. I think we're seeing a backlash now in some states and, as a result, things may slow down. Some kids will make it out of this. But it's going to be temporary. Transgender is the gateway drug to transhumanism. There are billions to be made in the trans field but even more in the transhumanism movement. Our generation still believes in biology, in humanity, but Gen Z and the generations that follow won't. They're learning in elementary school you can make your own reality when it comes to your body. Most are in favor of passing pro-trans legislation and many identify as non-CIS. I would like to believe this is a phase--like lobotomies or shock treatment--but I doubt it. I would like to believe the breakdown of parent-child bonds are an aberration--but I doubt it. You never know, I guess.
Parents are so caught up in not letting these kids learn the harsh lesson of reality on their own that they shield them for far too long from the costs of their faulty beliefs, until it's too late to reverse the course they've set themselves upon.
Better to have a kid live homeless as a temporary measure than let them become trans and live with regret once they realize their stupid mistakes of youth mistake can't be so easily reversed once they mature out of that cycle.
Sending compassion. Some days the profound loss is even more acute.. My heart is heavy every day about my 21 year old son submerged in the trans cult with Planned Parenthood his monthly drug dealer.
It helps my own sorrow, rage, and incredulity after my son was stolen to read this writer's clarity of expression about how the trans cult infiltrated his daughter and his family. I yearn for more people to "Refuse to comply. Refuse to be silenced."
Thank you so very much for your post. You have articulated my thoughts exactly. Trans ideology is such an insidious assault on our children, our families and our larger society. I know there are many out there who acknowledge this, and we are labeled as bigots, terfs and transphobic. If we could organise ourselves even half as well at the trans ideology activists have done we might have a chance at changing things. But we must speak out and speak out together. Unfortunately the tentacles of the trans movement have very deliberately infiltrated all levels of society over years, something many did not (and still do not) realise was even happening. We must speak out. We have truth and reality on our side
Someone can “identify” as anything they want, but it does not make it so! They will never have the attributes of the actual thing that they “identify” as.
There was a recent gathering of 1,000 so-called “Furries” who claim to be dogs or “Canine Beings”. “Furries” are individuals who enjoy cosplaying in animal suits, or “therians” who are people who “identify as a creature other than human”. For example, some therians, short for “therianthrope,” might “believe that they are a cat soul reincarnated into a human body,” yet when they took off their costumes, they were ordinary human beings.
Little kids dress up for Halloween and ‘believe’ they are the Little Mermaid, a Princess, Harry Potter, or Superman. That belief can be so intense that occasionally a “Superman” tries to fly off a roof! Will you put up the ladder for your little “Superman”?
You will never have the attributes of the actual thing you “identify” as. It is all make believe!
Under this craziness: If someone wanted to self-identify as a Flat Rock...
Will you fully support their delusions? Or otherwise, you could be called a “bigoted hateful racist against igneous, sedimentary, and metamorphic persons”!
This is why it's evil for adults to try to proselytize kids.
Kids spend a lot of time in their imaginations: dressing up as a superhero, wanting to be a race car driver, wondering if there's a monster under their bed, etc.
They make silly decisions bc they're kids. There's a twitter video of a man offering a young boy $10k in cash (on a table) or 2 Oreo cookies. The kid confidently chooses the cookies . . .
“Stick and stones” comes to mind. We have to stop being offended and hurt by being called bigots, racists, transphobes etc it is all made up stupidity we need to STOP playing the game.
I hope that you and others do refuse to be silent. It is only by speaking out and telling our stories that this horror will ever end
I posted an article a couple weeks ago about contacting senators and urging them to support the Protect Children’s Innocence Act. Telling our stories over and over until politicians listen will have an impact . This week I will have a Zoom chat with two of Senator Klobuchar’s staff including a counsel for the judiciary committee . At the same time I read that Democrats walked out of a an Energy and Commerce Committee meeting to avoid hearing the truth about gender affirming care. If any of you have a Democratic Senator on that committee you really need to contact them Do not allow them to hide behind party politics and pretend they do not know the dangers of gender affirming care
Amy seems to be sitting on the fence on this perhaps because she doesn't agree with the ideology? I lived in MN all my life - but a few years. Moved out a couple years ago just as this was hitting our family. Think there's any hope that Finke will be defeated in the next election? Good Luck!
I do not live in the Twin Cities so I do not know how popular Finke is . If Amy is on the fence I am doing my best to convince her . If you have friends who live in Minnesota have them all write to her I have my friends writing Amy’s website does not say you have to be from Minnesota to write to her so you and others could write also This is a national problem
If you're looking for a hill to die on, this is it! As a society, if can't agree on something as simple as this, then get ready. After 3 years, my wife and I had our first conversation with our daughter via google meet this past weekend. It went much better than I hoped. I think maybe she's starting to see through it, but still too early to tell. One of the most useful things I've ever seen on the topic of Detransition is at the following link on Genspect. I've been using this to gauge where we're at in the whole process.
I would also recommend the following book. It has helped us tremendously. I believe a miracle was granted to open up the lines of communication after being cutoff for 3 years.
I'm so happy for you with this breakthrough! It gives me hope with my own estranged daughter. Today is National Daughter's Day and it was very difficult.
Al, I’m so sorry you are having a rough day. How long have you had this headache? It has been 4 years since our daughter started this and with our son it has been a little over a month. I was paralyzed for a week and then we have had many things with family and friends to help distract us. If I don’t stay busy, it is too easy to obsess over it. Do you have other close family and friends you can spend time with? If not, try and watch some uplifting movies or read uplifting books. Bake some cookies and take to someone who needs a visit. Serving someone else can help immensely. Sending love and hugs, my friend.
Thank you for writing this. I completely agree with you. I will not be silenced and will not comply. My 16 year old daughter has identified as trans since she was 13/14. My husband and I got ourselves educated on the topic as quickly as possible and have never affirmed. Some of our “truth bombs” seem to sink in, and she doesn’t push back on us using correct pronouns or her given name. Lately, she tells me that she’ll never do anything medically permanent- I pray that is true.
This is a great video on the parental trauma (Dr Miriam Grossman with Jordon Peterson) of going through this with your child. I cried when I listened, as it felt like someone finally understood what we as parents were experiencing.
https://youtu.be/Su2Z4_iQHz4?si=NeW9L-RP8Aefnbgm
It helps to hear about parents going through the same thing. Stay strong!
Yes. Thank you. I have finally decided I will not play the game, nor take the abuse any longer. But I do profess my love so that she will have to be lying if she ever claims that her parents reject her.
I refuse to comply. I refuse to be silent. I stand by your side, and all the other parents here on PITT. We indeed are stronger together and we must continue to voice our concerns until the world listens! So sad to hear your story about your daughter and I hope she returns to you as your daughter. Never give up!
Whenever I notice one of these trans loonies spouting their idioms I can't help but tell how depressed they all are whenever they're not in presence of a camera or among "friends". They seeth with anger and resentment and seem only to be capable of befriending other people who feel similarly, as nobody else has the temerity or patience to keep them company.
I always felt it would be beneficial to confront them over their saddness more than their trans ideology, because it's really these low feelings they're dwelling on that give them presence to explore their confused gender identity in the first place. If we stop talking about their trans message and just call them depressed instead, even though they would yell at us from afar about how we don't get what they're feeling and hate us for getting it wrong, they would in their own private moments, harbor doubts that maybe the real reason behind the tears on their pillow isn't their bodies at all, but their own mind and its impossible expectations for itself.
I agree with you!
I have refused to comply and so far my trans identifying daughter has stopped being so angry and doesn’t correct me (doesn’t dare I should say!) I don’t know what switch flipped but I did get furious with her one day and said how dare she not respect my beliefs and my opinions yet insist that we respect hers. It almost, for me, felt like the penny dropped for both of us. I said I just don’t want to hear it any more and I have felt calmer ever since. It’s almost as though I got to the other side of the grieving process and acceptance washed over me. I realised I can’t force her to “Wake Up!” and her mistakes will be her own to deal with. She knows I love her even though I will never agree with her on this. NEVER!!
I aslo refuse ro comply and we don't really acknowledge the elephant in the room it's too painful for all. But I do regularly drop 'truth bombs' like your safer in the female washroom. Or other small things. We really focus on family time and she is responding well and overall seems happier. I have faith she will one day wake up before she is able to harm herself without our consent. 1millionmarchfor kids that just happened in Canada I believe has started to wake up more people of what is going on. ❤️
I heard about the marches in Canada it made me feel really hopeful and proud of all those fantastic parents!
"how dare she not respect my beliefs and my opinions yet insist that we respect hers"
Great answer. It's why a Left who's always run historically on the platform of Hate will never compromise, but these phony Conservatives will always try to win them over anyways with proclamations of love and understanding, leading to further and further left leaning compromise that always favors the progressives in their incrementalist tactics.
I also refused to comply. My adult daughter was swept into the transgender ideology about six years ago. And I just noticed the same thing. She no longer bristles when she hears me use the correct pronouns. She got used to me calling her by the name her father and I chose for her a long time ago, but this is a pretty new development. I will continue to hold onto reality and I refuse to comply.
I think that you have a good approach there. As the mom, you washed her butt. You know what the equipment is. No one should be forced to believe things that are false.
As a psychologist and parent, I agree with you.
My son is 16, almost 17. He says he will disown us (his father, 2 older siblings, and me) when he turns 18. He says he wants to take female hormones. I feel he is already lost to me. The anger in his tone, the hate in his eyes, he says he wants me dead. I continue to pray. I am at a low point. It helps knowing I am not alone in this battle to save my child.
I'm so sorry, Holly. We've all heard how hard it is for parents to lose a child to death. This is hard, too. We shouldn't be losing our children this way!
My daughter left as soon as she turned 18. She moved out of state. She came back six months later so angry and depressed. She's 25 now. She has a daughter of her own. She talks to me and I see her regularly. We don't argue about this ideology much anymore.
I pray. My friends pray. My church prays. And I cry. I mourn the loss of my daughter. But it's a different type of mourning. It continues at the same level and doesn't ease. But I don't give up hope. I dream of a day I can get a manicure with her like we used to.
My daughter has been wearing a binder now for years. So, she is horribly disfigured. She has been taking testosterone for a year and a half. So, her voice is changed forever. I'll never hear my daughter's voice again. I cry some more. But I still won't give up hope!
I pray regularly for all of our children. Don't lose hope, Holly. Keep praying.
Thank you, Terri, for your words of encouragement
You're welcome! We have to keep living. We have to keep our homes welcoming. We have to be strong enough to help our children put the pieces back together when they come back to us. They're going to need us
Maybe your husband should take hormones with him, and maybe you should take male hormones. Sit him down and tell him that you have decided that you are a male, and that your husband has decided that he is a female. Your husband can wear your bras with water balloons as boobs.
This works for some.
This is a great piece and I'm dealing with the same stuff, like most people here. I think we're seeing a backlash now in some states and, as a result, things may slow down. Some kids will make it out of this. But it's going to be temporary. Transgender is the gateway drug to transhumanism. There are billions to be made in the trans field but even more in the transhumanism movement. Our generation still believes in biology, in humanity, but Gen Z and the generations that follow won't. They're learning in elementary school you can make your own reality when it comes to your body. Most are in favor of passing pro-trans legislation and many identify as non-CIS. I would like to believe this is a phase--like lobotomies or shock treatment--but I doubt it. I would like to believe the breakdown of parent-child bonds are an aberration--but I doubt it. You never know, I guess.
Parents are so caught up in not letting these kids learn the harsh lesson of reality on their own that they shield them for far too long from the costs of their faulty beliefs, until it's too late to reverse the course they've set themselves upon.
Better to have a kid live homeless as a temporary measure than let them become trans and live with regret once they realize their stupid mistakes of youth mistake can't be so easily reversed once they mature out of that cycle.
You're forecast is bleak. Do others agree? I hold onto hope that this trans madness can be defeated, that reality will prevail.
I hope you are right. Today was a hard day. National Daughters Day.
Sending compassion. Some days the profound loss is even more acute.. My heart is heavy every day about my 21 year old son submerged in the trans cult with Planned Parenthood his monthly drug dealer.
I feel your pain and I’m so sorry for you.
Thank you for the kind words. Sending you compassion too.
It helps my own sorrow, rage, and incredulity after my son was stolen to read this writer's clarity of expression about how the trans cult infiltrated his daughter and his family. I yearn for more people to "Refuse to comply. Refuse to be silenced."
thank you
Thank you so very much for your post. You have articulated my thoughts exactly. Trans ideology is such an insidious assault on our children, our families and our larger society. I know there are many out there who acknowledge this, and we are labeled as bigots, terfs and transphobic. If we could organise ourselves even half as well at the trans ideology activists have done we might have a chance at changing things. But we must speak out and speak out together. Unfortunately the tentacles of the trans movement have very deliberately infiltrated all levels of society over years, something many did not (and still do not) realise was even happening. We must speak out. We have truth and reality on our side
Someone can “identify” as anything they want, but it does not make it so! They will never have the attributes of the actual thing that they “identify” as.
There was a recent gathering of 1,000 so-called “Furries” who claim to be dogs or “Canine Beings”. “Furries” are individuals who enjoy cosplaying in animal suits, or “therians” who are people who “identify as a creature other than human”. For example, some therians, short for “therianthrope,” might “believe that they are a cat soul reincarnated into a human body,” yet when they took off their costumes, they were ordinary human beings.
Little kids dress up for Halloween and ‘believe’ they are the Little Mermaid, a Princess, Harry Potter, or Superman. That belief can be so intense that occasionally a “Superman” tries to fly off a roof! Will you put up the ladder for your little “Superman”?
You will never have the attributes of the actual thing you “identify” as. It is all make believe!
Under this craziness: If someone wanted to self-identify as a Flat Rock...
Will you fully support their delusions? Or otherwise, you could be called a “bigoted hateful racist against igneous, sedimentary, and metamorphic persons”!
This is why it's evil for adults to try to proselytize kids.
Kids spend a lot of time in their imaginations: dressing up as a superhero, wanting to be a race car driver, wondering if there's a monster under their bed, etc.
They make silly decisions bc they're kids. There's a twitter video of a man offering a young boy $10k in cash (on a table) or 2 Oreo cookies. The kid confidently chooses the cookies . . .
“Stick and stones” comes to mind. We have to stop being offended and hurt by being called bigots, racists, transphobes etc it is all made up stupidity we need to STOP playing the game.
I hope that you and others do refuse to be silent. It is only by speaking out and telling our stories that this horror will ever end
I posted an article a couple weeks ago about contacting senators and urging them to support the Protect Children’s Innocence Act. Telling our stories over and over until politicians listen will have an impact . This week I will have a Zoom chat with two of Senator Klobuchar’s staff including a counsel for the judiciary committee . At the same time I read that Democrats walked out of a an Energy and Commerce Committee meeting to avoid hearing the truth about gender affirming care. If any of you have a Democratic Senator on that committee you really need to contact them Do not allow them to hide behind party politics and pretend they do not know the dangers of gender affirming care
Good for you keep fighting!!!
I’m a dedicated donor and activist -- so not silent at all! Thank you for all you do.
Amy seems to be sitting on the fence on this perhaps because she doesn't agree with the ideology? I lived in MN all my life - but a few years. Moved out a couple years ago just as this was hitting our family. Think there's any hope that Finke will be defeated in the next election? Good Luck!
I do not live in the Twin Cities so I do not know how popular Finke is . If Amy is on the fence I am doing my best to convince her . If you have friends who live in Minnesota have them all write to her I have my friends writing Amy’s website does not say you have to be from Minnesota to write to her so you and others could write also This is a national problem
If you're looking for a hill to die on, this is it! As a society, if can't agree on something as simple as this, then get ready. After 3 years, my wife and I had our first conversation with our daughter via google meet this past weekend. It went much better than I hoped. I think maybe she's starting to see through it, but still too early to tell. One of the most useful things I've ever seen on the topic of Detransition is at the following link on Genspect. I've been using this to gauge where we're at in the whole process.
https://genspect.org/the-arc-of-detransition/
I would also recommend the following book. It has helped us tremendously. I believe a miracle was granted to open up the lines of communication after being cutoff for 3 years.
https://www.amazon.com/Consecration-St-Joseph-Wonders-Spiritual/
Good luck and keep the faith. We're all doing the right thing to fight this movement.
I'm so happy for you with this breakthrough! It gives me hope with my own estranged daughter. Today is National Daughter's Day and it was very difficult.
So happy for you! How long was she in before estranging?