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MirandaIV's avatar

I have carried this burden for three years now and I am becoming more and more angry. I suspect I’m going to sound really selfish now, but after three years of agony, I’m now furious that my life has been taken away and will never be normal.

Why could I not have a normal life with a normal son who found a normal wife and had normal children? I don’t ask for anything exciting, just an average vision of the future; one which most of my friends seem to have with all those images of weddings and children being born. Instead, I have to make up lies and quickly change the subject when people ask me how my boys are.

How can you say to people who barely know you that two of them are drug addicts and of these two, one handsome 6 foot boy thinks he is now a woman and you can’t bear it

and that the other one completely hates me and blames me for his life mistakes and has completely rewritten his childhood.

I have one lovely son left in my life and I try to focus my hopes and any conversations about my children on him but it’s really hard. I don’t even feel I have a normal relationship with him because he has also been rejected by his siblings and doesn’t want to talk about them. All contact with him must be very upbeat and superficial and I’m constantly worried that I will lose him as well.

I monitor every contact with him watching for signs that I’m annoying him or irritating him in case I lose him too. I worry that he will detect my stress and anxiety and sadness and pull away because his in-laws are so much more stable and content.

I feel like my happiness and optimism and trust has been stolen from me. No one but other parents could possibly understand what a huge hole this has left in me. I feel I will never be truly happy again.

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Average Dad's avatar

Yep, that is how our lives are as parents of trans children, somedays that cross we bear is too much and we must rest for our selves and sanity. So thankful for my Wife as we struggle along this dusty, terrible, pothole laden road, together. Could not imagine going it alone without her. So sick of it all! Thanks be to God for seeing us through another day.

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