Grief is strange. I guess "nonlinear" would be a better way to describe it. You can be going along with your life with your grief feeling like a manageable backpack. It is never gone, but sometimes it can be distributed across your body and carried without really slowing your pace. You do life without anyone even knowing you have something to grieve about. You take care of yourself, your family, your home, and your job. You are okay.
Since I don’t accept the gender cult my 17 year old daughter run away from home 8 months ago and went to complain to social services that her family are “transphobic and abusive”. They immediately concluded that we were “emotionally abusive” and offered my daughter a studio flat and £400 per month. She has refused to speak to us since then. One month after this I saw her at Sainsbury’s by accident. She immediately began running away from me despite the fact that I was desperate to reach out to her so I tried to call her. I shouted her name twice. She run. I felt horribly when I saw her running but not as horribly as when police turned up on my door to say that a “Public Order Act” allegation had been made against me and that I was invited to a “voluntary interview” or else I would get arrested. So I went to my police interview to discover that I had been accused of “deadnaming” by my own daughter. During the police interview I ranted and raved at police and defended myself totally and the case went no further but I was so hurt that I had a proper mental breakdown. I started smashing the frames containing pictures of her. I cried and cried all day. That broken glass exorcised so much. I have never told this to anybody. My family have noticed that I replaced some photographs but they don’t know how this was done. They don’t know about the smashed glass and the tears and my calls to the Samaritans on that day.
As long as he is alive, there is a chance for an embodied relationship. It does not make it any easier. You are in a liminal place, which is a VERY hard place to be.
My son took his life, so there is no chance of return as the incarnated child I birthed ... AND I have a better relationship with my spirit child than I did in the last two years of his life, which was low contact. I had not hugged my child for a very long time and not by my choice. Toward the end his attitude toward us started to thaw, but I was afraid of saying or doing "the wrong thing," so I was very careful with my words and actions; and we were hopeful. He was planning to change his name legally again to bring back the family names and the middle name we gave him. He asked us to be his witnesses. We found all the completed signed, legal paperwork after his death.
I hope your prodigal child returns home. Hope lives, love is powerful, and that is why we grieve.
The reminders are always there, it has also helped me taking them out of sight, but the grief is with me, especially those moments before I fall asleep and those waking moments when I again realize this is really true and he is gone.
Thank you for this beautiful expression of your reality and ours. I really needed it because I feel guilty that I can’t just ‘get on with life and don’t worry about it’ as some people in my life expect. I do well many days, better than before, but it never goes away.
I pray that all of our children will wake from the dead, come out of this cult and remember how much we love them. 🙏🏼
Grief is indeed strange and all-consuming at times. I am so sorry for your situation and that your son has been caught in the clutches of this evil trans-cult. Over the years, reading these stories and knowing what happened to my own family, I cannot help but be sad for you, for your son and for all of the families who have a lost child. Grief comes in waves and sneaks up without warning. Yes, your heart is shattered and broken but the love you carry for your son will always be with you. I pray that he will return to you, unharmed, and that your family will heal as it is a long process once a child returns from this cult. We all support each other here and we all understand your grief.
SO relatable. Sometimes the heart feels so much pain we wonder if we need to have it physically checked. Its an ache that never ends while they are alienated and want nothing to do with us, and occasionally stabs with anguish whenever there's any news about their next steps away from objective reality.
How is it that you have penned my very thoughts and emotions? We have never met and we don’t even know each other but you have climbed inside my head, heart and psyche- lassoed my thoughts and put them on paper in this essay.
I can very much relate to you. No one understands the pain and anguish we as parents go through. It’s so hard to stay strong. These last few days I have been feeling so hopeless, feeling like God isn’t hearing my cries but I know He does. I too want to strangle the people who have convinced my son that he can be a woman. I just want my son back. It’s going on 3 years that we were blindsided by his announcement. I feel like I’m sinking in a hole and I can’t get out. Please God restore my hope.
I understand, I am also praying for the Lord to restore my hope. I’m thankful that He has given me any tiny hope at all but I struggle as the triggers hit and I don’t see any human possibility for a good outcome in this.
Thankfully, we don’t have to hope in human outcomes. He can do anything. I keep reminding myself of other prodigals He has brought home. I pray that all of us will see the fruition of that hope and faith someday soon. 🙏🏼
I understand the desire to want to strangle the people who try to convince our children they are the opposite sex. They are worse than murderers as they are attempting to kill the souls of our children, not just kill their bodies. We have to remind ourselves that “they know not what they do”. We have to be able to forgive them. There is hope in the UK as people start to wake up and see the mistakes made.
Cults always try to separate people from their families, who would interfere with the brainwashing they practice. The trans cult somehow convinces vulnerable young people their families don't care about them and won't love them if they're trans.
Recently I read something that said that grief doesn't diminish with time; instead, we grow around it. So, if you picture grief as a big hole in your heart, it will stay the same size, but your heart can get bigger and stronger around it. Which to me means that the moments of grief remain just as strong, but we learn different ways of dealing with it and of carrying on with life around it.
I have several pieces of pottery in my kitchen which my son made. We are not alone even though at times we feel we are. I understand your grief. Like you, mine is with me every day.
Since I don’t accept the gender cult my 17 year old daughter run away from home 8 months ago and went to complain to social services that her family are “transphobic and abusive”. They immediately concluded that we were “emotionally abusive” and offered my daughter a studio flat and £400 per month. She has refused to speak to us since then. One month after this I saw her at Sainsbury’s by accident. She immediately began running away from me despite the fact that I was desperate to reach out to her so I tried to call her. I shouted her name twice. She run. I felt horribly when I saw her running but not as horribly as when police turned up on my door to say that a “Public Order Act” allegation had been made against me and that I was invited to a “voluntary interview” or else I would get arrested. So I went to my police interview to discover that I had been accused of “deadnaming” by my own daughter. During the police interview I ranted and raved at police and defended myself totally and the case went no further but I was so hurt that I had a proper mental breakdown. I started smashing the frames containing pictures of her. I cried and cried all day. That broken glass exorcised so much. I have never told this to anybody. My family have noticed that I replaced some photographs but they don’t know how this was done. They don’t know about the smashed glass and the tears and my calls to the Samaritans on that day.
As long as he is alive, there is a chance for an embodied relationship. It does not make it any easier. You are in a liminal place, which is a VERY hard place to be.
My son took his life, so there is no chance of return as the incarnated child I birthed ... AND I have a better relationship with my spirit child than I did in the last two years of his life, which was low contact. I had not hugged my child for a very long time and not by my choice. Toward the end his attitude toward us started to thaw, but I was afraid of saying or doing "the wrong thing," so I was very careful with my words and actions; and we were hopeful. He was planning to change his name legally again to bring back the family names and the middle name we gave him. He asked us to be his witnesses. We found all the completed signed, legal paperwork after his death.
I hope your prodigal child returns home. Hope lives, love is powerful, and that is why we grieve.
The reminders are always there, it has also helped me taking them out of sight, but the grief is with me, especially those moments before I fall asleep and those waking moments when I again realize this is really true and he is gone.
Prayers for you 🙏
🩷
The worst thing about this pain is how chosen it is. Transition..estrangement…the pain & suffering it has inflicted…was such a choice. It’s so cruel
My grief is with me every day. Sometimes I make it through without tears and sometimes not. 💔
Eloquent expression of the pain and angry that you parents of trans children experience.
Thank you for your thoughts.
Thank you for this beautiful expression of your reality and ours. I really needed it because I feel guilty that I can’t just ‘get on with life and don’t worry about it’ as some people in my life expect. I do well many days, better than before, but it never goes away.
I pray that all of our children will wake from the dead, come out of this cult and remember how much we love them. 🙏🏼
Grief is indeed strange and all-consuming at times. I am so sorry for your situation and that your son has been caught in the clutches of this evil trans-cult. Over the years, reading these stories and knowing what happened to my own family, I cannot help but be sad for you, for your son and for all of the families who have a lost child. Grief comes in waves and sneaks up without warning. Yes, your heart is shattered and broken but the love you carry for your son will always be with you. I pray that he will return to you, unharmed, and that your family will heal as it is a long process once a child returns from this cult. We all support each other here and we all understand your grief.
SO relatable. Sometimes the heart feels so much pain we wonder if we need to have it physically checked. Its an ache that never ends while they are alienated and want nothing to do with us, and occasionally stabs with anguish whenever there's any news about their next steps away from objective reality.
How is it that you have penned my very thoughts and emotions? We have never met and we don’t even know each other but you have climbed inside my head, heart and psyche- lassoed my thoughts and put them on paper in this essay.
Sometimes the grief can be unbearable, but know that you are not alone.
I can very much relate to you. No one understands the pain and anguish we as parents go through. It’s so hard to stay strong. These last few days I have been feeling so hopeless, feeling like God isn’t hearing my cries but I know He does. I too want to strangle the people who have convinced my son that he can be a woman. I just want my son back. It’s going on 3 years that we were blindsided by his announcement. I feel like I’m sinking in a hole and I can’t get out. Please God restore my hope.
3 years for us also, 🩷
I understand, I am also praying for the Lord to restore my hope. I’m thankful that He has given me any tiny hope at all but I struggle as the triggers hit and I don’t see any human possibility for a good outcome in this.
Thankfully, we don’t have to hope in human outcomes. He can do anything. I keep reminding myself of other prodigals He has brought home. I pray that all of us will see the fruition of that hope and faith someday soon. 🙏🏼
I understand the desire to want to strangle the people who try to convince our children they are the opposite sex. They are worse than murderers as they are attempting to kill the souls of our children, not just kill their bodies. We have to remind ourselves that “they know not what they do”. We have to be able to forgive them. There is hope in the UK as people start to wake up and see the mistakes made.
How desperate people must be to abandon their parents!
Cults always try to separate people from their families, who would interfere with the brainwashing they practice. The trans cult somehow convinces vulnerable young people their families don't care about them and won't love them if they're trans.
This is true, also true is that there is a significant rise generally in young people alienating or estranging their parents. It’s cruel
Recently I read something that said that grief doesn't diminish with time; instead, we grow around it. So, if you picture grief as a big hole in your heart, it will stay the same size, but your heart can get bigger and stronger around it. Which to me means that the moments of grief remain just as strong, but we learn different ways of dealing with it and of carrying on with life around it.
…because we have no choice. But perhaps we should see it as a powerful thing, that human beings are resilient. Can’t let it destroy us
I have several pieces of pottery in my kitchen which my son made. We are not alone even though at times we feel we are. I understand your grief. Like you, mine is with me every day.