I totally relate to this. The last time I saw my younger daughter, July 2017, after I hugged her taller, much beefier/muscular body goodbye, I realized Lisa was already gone. This person I had spent the last hour talking with at a table set up next to the sidewalk for a close-to-waterfront Portland restaurant, had killed my daughter. I knew that was the last time I would see even a glimpse of the last vestiges of Lisa. She is dead and gone. A month after our last conversation, she cut off her breasts - the same ones she nursed her daughter with - and cut out the first home her daughter had as she grew into the beautiful child she became. At our last conversation, I was asked if I was ‘on her team.’ Being a lawyer, I never sign contracts unread. I asked her to unpack that; tell me what she meant. She would not do that. She repeated it: “Are you on my team?” I told her I could not agree or disagree without knowing what that entailed. I didn’t know she was scheduled to have surgery in a month. From my other kids, I found that out and put two and two together and realized she wanted me to take time off from my law practice and law firm to babysit my granddaughter at my daughter’s house, almost an hour away with traffic from where I lived in another state. If I had been told this in July, 2017, I would have offered to bring my granddaughter to my and her step-grandpa’s house, and maybe taken her to work on a slow Friday when we could leave early. Had I done that, the offer would have been rejected. A year before, my daughter told me we could not have “unsupervised contact” with our granddaughter because we had put out lit candles for Christmas when she and her ex husband and three-month-old granddaughter came over on Christmas Day, almost 6 years before. I saw the person who used to be my daughter one more time, five years later, when her sister was being honored and received a serious promotion. I was told by my older daughter that her “sibling” had requested that I not speak to her. At one point before the ceremony, I happened to turn around and there was the person who used to be my younger daughter. I just looked at her, smiled, and turned away. She stared back and did not smile. I recently heard from my dear nephew that he tried to wish her a happy birthday and she was nasty to him. The person who used to be my daughter is now 44. My nephew is 36. He used to look up to her as his closest in age cousin. He asked me, “what did I do wrong?” Nothing, I told him. The testosterone makes her moody and aggressive. Maybe she doesn’t want to be close any more. That was sad to say but I know that is true for me and my husband. We don’t agree she is a man now, so we are persona non grata. Not family any more. Besides the Rainbow Family, I’ve heard, is all they need. There is nothing that can be done, as you know. Last week at confession, I told the priest about how sad this is for me and he told me to pray for all the parents, like us, who have lost our children to this mind virus. You are all in my prayers. It is so hard when people talk about their children and their grandchildren. And we stay silent. People who haven’t lived this have no idea what it is like. Love to all of you fellow parents! I pray for you all and me daily.
Almost identical to mine. She told me that she should be a boy when she was 17… but she cannot make a living by herself so now she has to live with us.
There is nothing more painful than being declared "dead" by someone still living. Someone that is flesh of your flesh and bone of your bone... There is no greater rejection... And yet, somehow we carry on because we know eventually they'll awaken to the error of their ways and return to us... At least that is our greatest hope and our daily prayer. With GOD, all things are possible.
She is very smart and a pretty girl, had difficulty at school when pandemic started. Then somehow got groomed (online? Before pandemic she had very little time to go online, she went to a very traditional school and did not use computer that much). We moved from CA to UT, hoping that there would be no school closures. Never imagined UT would be this crazy. Her private school is very liberal but we did not realize… she declared to be a boy trapped in a girl’s body when she was 17, and no way back afterwards. She changed her name after she turned 18。
I totally relate to this. The last time I saw my younger daughter, July 2017, after I hugged her taller, much beefier/muscular body goodbye, I realized Lisa was already gone. This person I had spent the last hour talking with at a table set up next to the sidewalk for a close-to-waterfront Portland restaurant, had killed my daughter. I knew that was the last time I would see even a glimpse of the last vestiges of Lisa. She is dead and gone. A month after our last conversation, she cut off her breasts - the same ones she nursed her daughter with - and cut out the first home her daughter had as she grew into the beautiful child she became. At our last conversation, I was asked if I was ‘on her team.’ Being a lawyer, I never sign contracts unread. I asked her to unpack that; tell me what she meant. She would not do that. She repeated it: “Are you on my team?” I told her I could not agree or disagree without knowing what that entailed. I didn’t know she was scheduled to have surgery in a month. From my other kids, I found that out and put two and two together and realized she wanted me to take time off from my law practice and law firm to babysit my granddaughter at my daughter’s house, almost an hour away with traffic from where I lived in another state. If I had been told this in July, 2017, I would have offered to bring my granddaughter to my and her step-grandpa’s house, and maybe taken her to work on a slow Friday when we could leave early. Had I done that, the offer would have been rejected. A year before, my daughter told me we could not have “unsupervised contact” with our granddaughter because we had put out lit candles for Christmas when she and her ex husband and three-month-old granddaughter came over on Christmas Day, almost 6 years before. I saw the person who used to be my daughter one more time, five years later, when her sister was being honored and received a serious promotion. I was told by my older daughter that her “sibling” had requested that I not speak to her. At one point before the ceremony, I happened to turn around and there was the person who used to be my younger daughter. I just looked at her, smiled, and turned away. She stared back and did not smile. I recently heard from my dear nephew that he tried to wish her a happy birthday and she was nasty to him. The person who used to be my daughter is now 44. My nephew is 36. He used to look up to her as his closest in age cousin. He asked me, “what did I do wrong?” Nothing, I told him. The testosterone makes her moody and aggressive. Maybe she doesn’t want to be close any more. That was sad to say but I know that is true for me and my husband. We don’t agree she is a man now, so we are persona non grata. Not family any more. Besides the Rainbow Family, I’ve heard, is all they need. There is nothing that can be done, as you know. Last week at confession, I told the priest about how sad this is for me and he told me to pray for all the parents, like us, who have lost our children to this mind virus. You are all in my prayers. It is so hard when people talk about their children and their grandchildren. And we stay silent. People who haven’t lived this have no idea what it is like. Love to all of you fellow parents! I pray for you all and me daily.
🙏😢
Almost identical to mine. She told me that she should be a boy when she was 17… but she cannot make a living by herself so now she has to live with us.
There are people fighting for us parents. Remember that.
There is nothing more painful than being declared "dead" by someone still living. Someone that is flesh of your flesh and bone of your bone... There is no greater rejection... And yet, somehow we carry on because we know eventually they'll awaken to the error of their ways and return to us... At least that is our greatest hope and our daily prayer. With GOD, all things are possible.
I continue to celebrate my son's birthday. I continue to use his birth name. I will not use this new name of someone I do not know.
😢 Praying for all of us and our children 🙏
🙏😢
It brought me to tears. My daughter’s 20th birthday is coming up. Happy birthday my precious girl. 💔
Send her a birthday text if you can. She knows it's her birthday, acknowledge it!
She lives with us now. We will have some celebration for her for sure. Thanks!
Please can you tell me your story? My trans identifying daughter will be 20 soon too. She doesn’t talk to any of us since she is 17 💔.
She is very smart and a pretty girl, had difficulty at school when pandemic started. Then somehow got groomed (online? Before pandemic she had very little time to go online, she went to a very traditional school and did not use computer that much). We moved from CA to UT, hoping that there would be no school closures. Never imagined UT would be this crazy. Her private school is very liberal but we did not realize… she declared to be a boy trapped in a girl’s body when she was 17, and no way back afterwards. She changed her name after she turned 18。
learning the term "deadname" was part of my peaking. My immediate thought was "well isn't that a stab to every mother's heart"
Yes, a total throat punch!
I can only imagine the grief you feel day in, day out, but you express it so beautifully, your words bring me to tears. I'm so sorry.
I hope Ricky knows you love him.