Letter from an “Abusive Mother”: On my birthday I missed my kids, so I decided to send them both cards. I went to the store and carefully picked out the cards, and wrote out messages of joy, compassion, love, and support. The one for my younger son, who is at boarding school, would be delivered by his dad. The one to my 19 year old, I decided to hand deliver along with some birthday cake and fresh blueberries.
This. This is the damage wrought by gender ideology and this "Salvation Cult." It shouldn't be this hard to parent. If our culture didn't do such damage to the natural attachment a child has with their primary caregivers--the parents who are wired to protect and care for that child--our children would be less difficult to capture with this nonsense. It's alarming and doesn't bode well for the future of humanity. You also describe essence of motherhood: "My son is in danger, and I will never abandon my maternal love." He knows. Underneath all that exhausting cognitive dissonance, he knows you love him this much.
I'd even venture to guess the stalking and harrassment charges are because when you're reaching out to him, the embarrassment and shame are probably too much to bear and he's reminded of who he actually is. It messes with the story he's telling himself. But it also communicates that he can always come home. I hope he comes home soon.
I am a few steps behind you. I have been agonizing about the strong likelihood my almost 16-year-old son will start estrogen. He talks to his friends constantly about his long wait until he can get going on his new life as a woman and leave home at 18. For the year and a half since we got “the announcement” via text, I thought it was ridiculous to imagine anyone would take our son away. I believed that when it came down to it, our son would panic and clutch tightly to us and the comfort of our loving home. I can see how naïve I’ve been, especially given that my son is the living, breathing embodiment of one bad decision after another. As an oppositional defiant kid, he simply can’t make a reasonable choice. Even if I don’t weigh in, he’s adept at knowing what will most effectively twist the knife and block any risk of not “winning” the imaginary power struggle he projects onto every last decision. And the reason for his skill is that for his first 12 years on this planet, he was glued to my side. He knows me as well as I know him. It terrifies me that it would take almost nothing for my kid to wind up in a homeless shelter like your child. How is it that this hateful ideology never stops delivering the next blow to parents? Always at the ready with another kick to the chest? We had the grave misfortune to be raising the wrong kid at the wrong time, and there doesn’t seem to be a bottom.
The wise thing is to encourage family counseling with a neutral counselor. Abuse is not turning the wifi off. These young adults need to be encouraged to get their act together to be able to take care of themselves. Blaming parents for their choices is wrong and then they feel they have no agency over their life.
This sounds like good advice and I think you are right about the kids. This idea that turning off WIFI = abuse seems to be widespread. I think the kids are encouraged by online and in school groomers to say it is abuse because it diminishes bad guy (the well intentioned and not) access to them.
Some of the elements are so incredibly similar to our experience - except that it didn't go as far - that it is eerie - including turning off WIFI sometimes, our daughter's altered personality, the school, and another mom (it would take a better person than I am to forgive her). My heart goes out to you and your whole family (this affects everyone) and I send my very best wishes. This whole ship needs to be turned around for the USA.
Thank you for writing this as painful as it may be. To all of us "abusive mothers" out there, we are not alone. The hostility is the hard to deal with and the most difficult for me to understand in our own situation. Your response as a loving, supportive, strong mother is a guide post. I hope your efforts will be rewarded with a reunion soon!
Thank you for sharing your heartbreaking story. Your love is not a crime, it is a lifeline to your son. I hope that you can see Tracy soon, even if it is in court. There will be many other parents and well-wishers like me with you in spirit. Please write back to PITT and keep us posted on what happens.
My heart is hurting heavily for what you are going through. Maybe you can get the help of one of your state senators. They are our public servants and it is their job to help us. They certainly have a bigger voice. I am praying for you, Tracy, and your whole family. This witch hunt must stop.
It’s terrifying and so heartbreaking. I am so sorry you and your family have to live through this unimaginable situation. Our therapist warned us to lay low when we first learned about our kid’s gender confusion and caution us that school could call social services on us for not affirming and could take our child away. I couldn’t believe it at first. I hope for your family to be reunited and for this ‘legal’ nonsense to end. 🙏🏻
Let's be clear. You say "heavily blue city" and "blue state". The Democratic Party must now be viewed as the enemy of families. They want children to be stripped from parents. The Biden Administration wants to make it easy for minor children to have mutilation surgeries. The actions of the Democrats are anti-family.
Heartbreaking but amazing letter.
This. This is the damage wrought by gender ideology and this "Salvation Cult." It shouldn't be this hard to parent. If our culture didn't do such damage to the natural attachment a child has with their primary caregivers--the parents who are wired to protect and care for that child--our children would be less difficult to capture with this nonsense. It's alarming and doesn't bode well for the future of humanity. You also describe essence of motherhood: "My son is in danger, and I will never abandon my maternal love." He knows. Underneath all that exhausting cognitive dissonance, he knows you love him this much.
I'd even venture to guess the stalking and harrassment charges are because when you're reaching out to him, the embarrassment and shame are probably too much to bear and he's reminded of who he actually is. It messes with the story he's telling himself. But it also communicates that he can always come home. I hope he comes home soon.
I am a few steps behind you. I have been agonizing about the strong likelihood my almost 16-year-old son will start estrogen. He talks to his friends constantly about his long wait until he can get going on his new life as a woman and leave home at 18. For the year and a half since we got “the announcement” via text, I thought it was ridiculous to imagine anyone would take our son away. I believed that when it came down to it, our son would panic and clutch tightly to us and the comfort of our loving home. I can see how naïve I’ve been, especially given that my son is the living, breathing embodiment of one bad decision after another. As an oppositional defiant kid, he simply can’t make a reasonable choice. Even if I don’t weigh in, he’s adept at knowing what will most effectively twist the knife and block any risk of not “winning” the imaginary power struggle he projects onto every last decision. And the reason for his skill is that for his first 12 years on this planet, he was glued to my side. He knows me as well as I know him. It terrifies me that it would take almost nothing for my kid to wind up in a homeless shelter like your child. How is it that this hateful ideology never stops delivering the next blow to parents? Always at the ready with another kick to the chest? We had the grave misfortune to be raising the wrong kid at the wrong time, and there doesn’t seem to be a bottom.
The wise thing is to encourage family counseling with a neutral counselor. Abuse is not turning the wifi off. These young adults need to be encouraged to get their act together to be able to take care of themselves. Blaming parents for their choices is wrong and then they feel they have no agency over their life.
This sounds like good advice and I think you are right about the kids. This idea that turning off WIFI = abuse seems to be widespread. I think the kids are encouraged by online and in school groomers to say it is abuse because it diminishes bad guy (the well intentioned and not) access to them.
Some of the elements are so incredibly similar to our experience - except that it didn't go as far - that it is eerie - including turning off WIFI sometimes, our daughter's altered personality, the school, and another mom (it would take a better person than I am to forgive her). My heart goes out to you and your whole family (this affects everyone) and I send my very best wishes. This whole ship needs to be turned around for the USA.
Thank you for writing this as painful as it may be. To all of us "abusive mothers" out there, we are not alone. The hostility is the hard to deal with and the most difficult for me to understand in our own situation. Your response as a loving, supportive, strong mother is a guide post. I hope your efforts will be rewarded with a reunion soon!
So heartbreaking, I have no words. I hope your son will come back. There is always hope.
My sympathies to you.
My daughter has just cancelled on us this holiday.
I was surprised she took up the invite initially after the arguments of the last visit.
She wants me to have attrition and be supportive of the lies and her partner's T drug abuse.
We have waves of thaw and back to hostility again.
I forgive her and patiently wait for the desistance in the years to come.
It's been 3 years since the announcement.
From feelings of deep sorrow, anger, disbelief, all of that, I am more numb than grief stricken today.
I remind myself of the love we have always had for her and am still thankful for the experience of being a parent.
This Easter weekend we can allow ourselves to forgive our kids, their groomers, and ourselves, so that in the future we can build up again.
Thank you for sharing your heartbreaking story. Your love is not a crime, it is a lifeline to your son. I hope that you can see Tracy soon, even if it is in court. There will be many other parents and well-wishers like me with you in spirit. Please write back to PITT and keep us posted on what happens.
My heart is hurting heavily for what you are going through. Maybe you can get the help of one of your state senators. They are our public servants and it is their job to help us. They certainly have a bigger voice. I am praying for you, Tracy, and your whole family. This witch hunt must stop.
It’s terrifying and so heartbreaking. I am so sorry you and your family have to live through this unimaginable situation. Our therapist warned us to lay low when we first learned about our kid’s gender confusion and caution us that school could call social services on us for not affirming and could take our child away. I couldn’t believe it at first. I hope for your family to be reunited and for this ‘legal’ nonsense to end. 🙏🏻
Let's be clear. You say "heavily blue city" and "blue state". The Democratic Party must now be viewed as the enemy of families. They want children to be stripped from parents. The Biden Administration wants to make it easy for minor children to have mutilation surgeries. The actions of the Democrats are anti-family.