My husband and I braced ourselves before we walk into the high school. It was parent teacher interview night. We looked around and then we relaxed a bit. It had been a few years since we were here, and no one seemed to remember us. The crowded halls and classrooms were a nice distraction. At home, we’re the anguished parents of a 19-year-old daughter who told us out-of-the-blue five years ago that she’s actually our son. But here, we could blend in with the other parents, talk about our younger son and normal things like tests and homework. We could focus on the mundane.
Stella is an amazing teacher. Could you imagine where we would be without her, Sasha and the others who have made it their mission to help guide us through this nightmare? Thank you doesn't even begin to cut it for these courageous souls. Bravo to you Mum for keeping hold on your emotions while talking to the teacher. Shows strength and personal awareness. My learning experience on this matter is to keep my emotions in check, stick to the facts, plant the seeds. I find the folks who I originally spoke to about my daughter thinking she is a boy, the folks who looked at me with a crooked eye, judged me on my mothering, expressed their concerns in my lack of support, those folks have started to come around. I've had several recently say to me " I thought of you and A when I read, saw, heard this trans article, and wow, this has really grown, I see your concerns, this must be really hard. " ummm....thanks?
Point being, folks outside of the nightmare are waking up I think. Those seeds are growing!
I feel your exact pain on so many levels and I am happy you "educated" this wonderful teacher. I gather there are many, many more educators who are totally in the dark about what is really happening. I too, have a Mia who goes by Micah when she's not at home/at college. She is respectful about our feelings when she is home which gives me hope that the door is still open. Hopefully with age comes wisdom.
This will be the first Christmas without my college-aged daughter; I refuse to call her my son. Kudos to all those parents who can watch their kids transition. I cannot and will not. It doesn't make me a bad mother, but the truth is, she left me. She rejected me and dismissed me. There is so much pain and suffering surrounding this topic, I can barely read anymore after six years in this nightmare. Perhaps, the tide is turning ever so slightly, and I appreciate this author sharing a very positive experience. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays, everyone. May our suffering (and our kid's suffering) end soon.
I have been going through this with my daughter for about seven years. It is hard to read anymore. It's hard to watch the detransitioners. The grief and despair is beyond words sometimes. But I agree with your last sentence, "May our suffering (and our kid's suffering) end soon." Amen
thanks for writing that. i'm at risk of a 3 hour bitter tirade (with footnotes and references) so will now work on my 3 minute pitch. its to hard to stop this whole ROGD thing from taking over
It comes from above, folks. Addressing this 'gender' epoch at the school level is essentially informational only. Schools follow state and federal 'guidance'. 'Guidance' is not law, and that is what the TRA push to codify is all about. Once it's Law, it's virtually impossible to walk back.
I strongly advise everyone to look up your state's 'guidance' on 'transgender' students.
Here is NYS:
"The person best situated to determine a student’s gender identity is the individual student...
One’s gender identity is an innate, largely inflexible characteristic of each individual’s personality that is generally established by age four, although the age at which individuals come to understand and express their gender identity may vary based on each person’s social and familial development.
It is recommended that schools accept a student’s assertion of his/her/their own gender identity..
There is no threshold medical or mental health diagnosis or treatment requirement that any student must meet in order to have his/her/their gender identity recognized and respected by a school.
Some transgender and GNC students have not talked to their families about their gender identity for reasons including safety concerns or a lack of acceptance. School personnel should speak with the student first before discussing a student’s gender nonconformity or transgender status with the student’s parent or guardian. For the same reasons, school personnel should discuss with the student how the school should refer to the student, e.g., appropriate pronoun use, in written communication to the student’s parent or guardian..."
If more teachers were this way. I teach in a parochial school, have fear that we havea couple of teachers that support trans agenda. The public HS where my son went both promoted and supported trans agenda. Mrs. Thompson is a wonderful teacher!
I'm so proud of you for taking that leap of faith. It is hard to read your story. I now have two daughters whose name can't not be said in their company. These smart sensitive girls who don't want to be objectified anymore than we did. Navigating the male gaze. It's fun when you want it, and creepy and weird when you don't. I don't think I found my true power as a woman until I became a mother, and even then it was hard not to second guess many of the choices I was making. I am grateful that your husband is walking beside you in this nightmare of a "journey". Every day I try to tell myself, it won't always be this way. The complicit silence is what is slowing eating away at my soul.
Excellent post. The teacher clearly had not considered the parents' perspective of a ROGD teen, since she has a young child...so this isn't quite on her radar yet. I think you were very successful at planting the seeds and offering a personal perspective on this while demonstrating love and sensitivity. Bravo!
Way to go, mom. So glad you had a civil conversation where you didn't feel judged or policed. And I hope your child (and all of our children) find their way back to their true selves.
Beautifully done. Thank you for sharing this.
It’s all so disordered.
Thank you for expressing your heart on this, and mine as well.
Stella is an amazing teacher. Could you imagine where we would be without her, Sasha and the others who have made it their mission to help guide us through this nightmare? Thank you doesn't even begin to cut it for these courageous souls. Bravo to you Mum for keeping hold on your emotions while talking to the teacher. Shows strength and personal awareness. My learning experience on this matter is to keep my emotions in check, stick to the facts, plant the seeds. I find the folks who I originally spoke to about my daughter thinking she is a boy, the folks who looked at me with a crooked eye, judged me on my mothering, expressed their concerns in my lack of support, those folks have started to come around. I've had several recently say to me " I thought of you and A when I read, saw, heard this trans article, and wow, this has really grown, I see your concerns, this must be really hard. " ummm....thanks?
Point being, folks outside of the nightmare are waking up I think. Those seeds are growing!
I feel your exact pain on so many levels and I am happy you "educated" this wonderful teacher. I gather there are many, many more educators who are totally in the dark about what is really happening. I too, have a Mia who goes by Micah when she's not at home/at college. She is respectful about our feelings when she is home which gives me hope that the door is still open. Hopefully with age comes wisdom.
This will be the first Christmas without my college-aged daughter; I refuse to call her my son. Kudos to all those parents who can watch their kids transition. I cannot and will not. It doesn't make me a bad mother, but the truth is, she left me. She rejected me and dismissed me. There is so much pain and suffering surrounding this topic, I can barely read anymore after six years in this nightmare. Perhaps, the tide is turning ever so slightly, and I appreciate this author sharing a very positive experience. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays, everyone. May our suffering (and our kid's suffering) end soon.
I have been going through this with my daughter for about seven years. It is hard to read anymore. It's hard to watch the detransitioners. The grief and despair is beyond words sometimes. But I agree with your last sentence, "May our suffering (and our kid's suffering) end soon." Amen
I pray for our children to wake up from this madness - not only for them but also selfishly for us. When we can be whole again too....
thanks for writing that. i'm at risk of a 3 hour bitter tirade (with footnotes and references) so will now work on my 3 minute pitch. its to hard to stop this whole ROGD thing from taking over
Missed the session with Stella but I’m now working on my pitch.
Wow! That is a clever and eloquent way of having mind-interacting conversation. Stella O'Malley is very clever as are you.
Respect
It comes from above, folks. Addressing this 'gender' epoch at the school level is essentially informational only. Schools follow state and federal 'guidance'. 'Guidance' is not law, and that is what the TRA push to codify is all about. Once it's Law, it's virtually impossible to walk back.
I strongly advise everyone to look up your state's 'guidance' on 'transgender' students.
Here is NYS:
"The person best situated to determine a student’s gender identity is the individual student...
One’s gender identity is an innate, largely inflexible characteristic of each individual’s personality that is generally established by age four, although the age at which individuals come to understand and express their gender identity may vary based on each person’s social and familial development.
It is recommended that schools accept a student’s assertion of his/her/their own gender identity..
There is no threshold medical or mental health diagnosis or treatment requirement that any student must meet in order to have his/her/their gender identity recognized and respected by a school.
Some transgender and GNC students have not talked to their families about their gender identity for reasons including safety concerns or a lack of acceptance. School personnel should speak with the student first before discussing a student’s gender nonconformity or transgender status with the student’s parent or guardian. For the same reasons, school personnel should discuss with the student how the school should refer to the student, e.g., appropriate pronoun use, in written communication to the student’s parent or guardian..."
https://www.p12.nysed.gov/dignityact/documents/Transg_GNCGuidanceFINAL.pdf
Scary, and it all sounds so reasonable.
Great piece!
If more teachers were this way. I teach in a parochial school, have fear that we havea couple of teachers that support trans agenda. The public HS where my son went both promoted and supported trans agenda. Mrs. Thompson is a wonderful teacher!
I'm so proud of you for taking that leap of faith. It is hard to read your story. I now have two daughters whose name can't not be said in their company. These smart sensitive girls who don't want to be objectified anymore than we did. Navigating the male gaze. It's fun when you want it, and creepy and weird when you don't. I don't think I found my true power as a woman until I became a mother, and even then it was hard not to second guess many of the choices I was making. I am grateful that your husband is walking beside you in this nightmare of a "journey". Every day I try to tell myself, it won't always be this way. The complicit silence is what is slowing eating away at my soul.
Excellent post. The teacher clearly had not considered the parents' perspective of a ROGD teen, since she has a young child...so this isn't quite on her radar yet. I think you were very successful at planting the seeds and offering a personal perspective on this while demonstrating love and sensitivity. Bravo!
Way to go, mom. So glad you had a civil conversation where you didn't feel judged or policed. And I hope your child (and all of our children) find their way back to their true selves.