How I Tell (Lefty) Friends...

...why I oppose today's medical gender-affirming care for minors.

Hi there! Me again.

The not-socially-conservative lady with a beloved lesbian, autistic teenage daughter who was offered testosterone by a doctor who’d known her for about 12 minutes. You can read about that (with no run-on sentences) here.

Unlike that post, I’ll keep this one short.

I shock people who know me when I say that I do not support the current model of “gender-affirming care” for minors.

To keep my friends listening, I need to be careful. The language I use matters.

Here’s what I do say:

1. I love that you care about children who are struggling. Did you know that the latest scientific studies show that medical transition does not prevent suicide? If this stuff saved children’s lives, I would support it. Can you imagine how terrifying it must be for parents who hear, “Would you like a trans son or a dead daughter”? Yet, that’s not a real thing.

2. I know that you value science. So, still following the science: did you know that puberty blockers started being prescribed before they were fully studied? New studies show that they affect more than just the reproductive system. Puberty blockers inhibit bone and brain development, damaging kids’ skeletons, brain function, and I.Q. This is because puberty is a time when the bones store calcium, and the brain and body grow really fast. Bodies are integrated systems. Puberty is about more than reproduction.

3. I’m scared that in the U.S., children are often offered puberty blockers or hormones on their first visit to the doctor, without any exploration of their other conditions, like autism or mental illness. (That’s what happened to my kiddo.) What do you think about that?

4. I have co-led an NIH study, unrelated to gender. Taxpayers paid for my work and I was grateful. Did you know that the doctor who is the most vocal advocate of these treatments has refused to publish the data from her NIH-funded study?

   Yet, she also recommended girls as young as 13 to get double mastectomies, saying they can have breast implants later if they change their minds. I wonder why no one has conducted a comprehensive follow-up study on what happened to those children? Don’t they deserve that?

5. Was adolescence hard for you? I found that I couldn’t function, so I wore my dad’s big flannel shirts for most of high school. How did it feel when your body changed so fast, and your mind was whirling with hormones? Did you struggle to find your group or feel like you didn't fit in?

6. I wonder: what if adolescence is meant to be challenging? When you were 13, did you have strongly held beliefs about yourself that you don’t hold now? Do you think children are equipped with the perspective to make decisions that will affect their entire lives? How do they know if they are uncomfortable temporarily because they are gay, or female, or changing a lot, and/or undiagnosed autistic? For more: check out this series by Maia Poet.

   Complex conversations are rare these days. I find they are best had in person, with humility, on a walk. All you can hope to do is plant seeds of curiosity.

   All of this stuff is so vulnerable: Adolescence, Gender, Sex, and Parenting.

   Vulnerability is an opportunity for deepening friendships.

   Ask questions.

   Listen to what your friends say. Give them grace and time.

   We can have complicated conversations.

   I hope your conversations go well, and I’d love to hear about them!

   I always have more to learn.

   Note: This post is about children. I support adults doing whatever they need to feel happy and well, as long as they aren’t hurting themselves or others. May my gentle, kind, adult transgender friends, whom I love (and share my concerns for their own children), thrive peacefully.