As kids head back to school all across the country, debates rage on as to how teachers and schools can best support gender non-conforming kids. These arguments often pit teachers against parents in a fight that sees students as the most common casualty. As the parent of a gender-distressed kid, I have felt betrayed by school officials in the past; at the same time, I have great respect and empathy for teachers and guidance counselors. I do not think deepening the divide between families and educators is the way to solve this problem, rather, here is my three step plan for creating a more supportive environment for ALL students.
The school is not a place where a students lifestyle needs to be supported. It is a place to learn reading, writing, and arithmetic. All this gender crap should be left at the door and only acknowledged if a gender confused student becomes disruptive and only to remove the distraction so other children are not robbed of their education.
By embracing it the school system has only exacerbated this social contagion that is destroying young people's lives. Perhaps the public school system should focus on getting literacy rates up before tackling wether or not little Bobby should take puberty blockers and have his dick mutilated by quack doctors.
It's amazing how confident a young person will become when they achieve proficiency in their grade level academic pursuits. No gender affirming care needed for kids to feel like they belong. Just teachers doing their job and instructing on the subject matter the taxpayers are paying them to teach. They do not need to serve as psychoanalysts. The parents can take their own children and do that on their own time and their own dime
The stunning irony of a poster saying “Feelings aren’t facts. Feelings are real but they aren’t always reality” in this context. The entire trans movement is based on feelings accepted as facts. And those “facts” lead to physical and psychological harm for our kids.
Remind your daughters how much they love her their fathers, brothers, uncles, grandfathers, or whomever makes a strong male impression in her life. Hope that gives her perspective.
Brilliantly put. Thank you for this contribution, every point you make is spot on and screams common sense. This is exactly how my daughter (a desister who for a year used they/them at her former school without our knowledge) feels about pronouns at school, to the point that she would ask to miss class when she knew specific events would involve publicly announcing ones pronouns/gender orientation/ sexual preference. In one of the school annual diversity events, kids (13-18) were encouraged to declare not only their pronouns, but to proclaim their sexual/gender orientation; a teacher would say we ‘salute bisexuals’ (for example) expecting the ‘so self-identified’ bisexual students in the room to stand up or wave; then they would salute the heteros, the gay, the lesbians, the asexuals, moving on to a string of genders: trans, non-binary… Schools need to leave the kids alone and resume their role of gentle supporters within a strong partnership with parents. 🙏🏻
This is an extremely coherent, well presented set of ideas. As both a psychologist and parent, I agree with you completely. You are applying reason, common sense, and data to a problem that (unfortunately) seems immune to these curatives. I would hope that your thoughts get distributed widely. Thank you for this very thoughtful essay, Frederick
The public schools in Denver have only poured fuel on the fire. They have a policy that contradicts your advice - maybe with the exception of your first point. The policy reads like it was written by trans activists and is buried deep in their website in a form that can't be downloaded, printed or copied.
Excellent! I wish I had had these words and this clarity of thought while my daughter was still in school. I don't know for sure whether her schools used male name and pronouns with her, but I strongly suspect it. That would mean potentially four years of unauthorized psycho-social intervention.
So well put! And thanks for including me in the piece. As you clearly know, I think the impetus to protect "gender-diverse" kids has sadly led to the opposite in many ways, and somehow we have arrived at a place where we have less understanding of the natural variation of gender nonconformity, less understanding of gender itself (whatever the heck that word means). These are great suggestions. How do we get school personnel to be open to them—and how do we get school regulations to allow for these options?
Thanks for this comprehensive summary of the current state of knowledge about gender nonconformity (vs trans), downsides of forced pronoun labeling, and school vs parents information sharing. August 2022- this is where we're at.
Brilliant.
The school is not a place where a students lifestyle needs to be supported. It is a place to learn reading, writing, and arithmetic. All this gender crap should be left at the door and only acknowledged if a gender confused student becomes disruptive and only to remove the distraction so other children are not robbed of their education.
By embracing it the school system has only exacerbated this social contagion that is destroying young people's lives. Perhaps the public school system should focus on getting literacy rates up before tackling wether or not little Bobby should take puberty blockers and have his dick mutilated by quack doctors.
It's amazing how confident a young person will become when they achieve proficiency in their grade level academic pursuits. No gender affirming care needed for kids to feel like they belong. Just teachers doing their job and instructing on the subject matter the taxpayers are paying them to teach. They do not need to serve as psychoanalysts. The parents can take their own children and do that on their own time and their own dime
Amen Amen!
A quote I heard years ago is that "Feelings may be indicators of reality, but they are never generators of reality."
The stunning irony of a poster saying “Feelings aren’t facts. Feelings are real but they aren’t always reality” in this context. The entire trans movement is based on feelings accepted as facts. And those “facts” lead to physical and psychological harm for our kids.
Remind your daughters how much they love her their fathers, brothers, uncles, grandfathers, or whomever makes a strong male impression in her life. Hope that gives her perspective.
Brilliantly put. Thank you for this contribution, every point you make is spot on and screams common sense. This is exactly how my daughter (a desister who for a year used they/them at her former school without our knowledge) feels about pronouns at school, to the point that she would ask to miss class when she knew specific events would involve publicly announcing ones pronouns/gender orientation/ sexual preference. In one of the school annual diversity events, kids (13-18) were encouraged to declare not only their pronouns, but to proclaim their sexual/gender orientation; a teacher would say we ‘salute bisexuals’ (for example) expecting the ‘so self-identified’ bisexual students in the room to stand up or wave; then they would salute the heteros, the gay, the lesbians, the asexuals, moving on to a string of genders: trans, non-binary… Schools need to leave the kids alone and resume their role of gentle supporters within a strong partnership with parents. 🙏🏻
WOW. Great work here. I'll be passing this on and using it. THANK YOU.
This is an extremely coherent, well presented set of ideas. As both a psychologist and parent, I agree with you completely. You are applying reason, common sense, and data to a problem that (unfortunately) seems immune to these curatives. I would hope that your thoughts get distributed widely. Thank you for this very thoughtful essay, Frederick
The public schools in Denver have only poured fuel on the fire. They have a policy that contradicts your advice - maybe with the exception of your first point. The policy reads like it was written by trans activists and is buried deep in their website in a form that can't be downloaded, printed or copied.
Excellent! I wish I had had these words and this clarity of thought while my daughter was still in school. I don't know for sure whether her schools used male name and pronouns with her, but I strongly suspect it. That would mean potentially four years of unauthorized psycho-social intervention.
This was fantastic. Can't help but wish it had a byline, however.
Awesome! Thank you for this lucid summary. This should be required reading for every school administrator and teacher.
So well put! And thanks for including me in the piece. As you clearly know, I think the impetus to protect "gender-diverse" kids has sadly led to the opposite in many ways, and somehow we have arrived at a place where we have less understanding of the natural variation of gender nonconformity, less understanding of gender itself (whatever the heck that word means). These are great suggestions. How do we get school personnel to be open to them—and how do we get school regulations to allow for these options?
Thanks for this comprehensive summary of the current state of knowledge about gender nonconformity (vs trans), downsides of forced pronoun labeling, and school vs parents information sharing. August 2022- this is where we're at.
Brilliant! Right on!