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Frederick R Prete's avatar

This is a wonderfully articulated, brave, and astute essay. You are correct that "Many parents these days are afraid of their teenage children" and are "tiptoeing around their teenagers so as not to incur their disapproval." As a psychologist and former stay-at-home dad who raised three, I agree with you completely. It's necessary that parents do all that they can to reassume control — in a firm, but kind and loving way — and responsibility for the integrity of their home life. The school systems have worked very hard to insert themselves in between children and parents, and it has been very damaging... We all know the damage that unbridled use of the Internet can cause. It's remarkable how wonderfully you've navigated these forces. Your family is lucky to have you, you are lucky to have such a supportive spouse, and I admire your strength and tenacity. My very best wishes to you and your family. Thank you so much for sharing your story, Frederick

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Emily Ann's avatar

I wish this had been around 4 years ago. Now my daughter is on the verge of turning 18 and we can't turn off the internet (all her school work is done there). We also fell into the trap described in the essay of tiptoeing around and being afraid of our kid's reaction to everything - she is defiant, impulsive, and chaotic so we opted to choose our battles carefully and that led to a more permissive parenting style during these critical years than I would have otherwise imposed. There was the additional complication of our straight older son who could not emotionally handle the arguments, chaos, and turmoil that us imposing rules on our defiant daughter was causing. I thought by not making gender a battle anymore (while also refusing to affirm), she would grow out of it. She only has grown more entrenched. We made so many mistakes. I'm so glad to hear of a success story.

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