Earlier this month I authored two essays on how to parent a dysphoric kid for PITT - see here and here. I chose that title for these essays because, back in 2019 when I was first dealing with this issue with my 11-year-old, this was just the kind of advice I was seeking.
I’m brand new to this reality. I hear you fighting to swim upstream, and I really want to join you. Somehow I WILL join you; but right now I’m caught in a whirlpool and it feels like I’m just struggling to survive.
Two weeks ago I underwent surgery to replace a joint, another procedure on a different joint, and another surgical procedure on a Thursday. The family was planning on a graduation party for another grandchild on that Saturday; so on Friday my daughter decided she needed to tell me that her “daughter” (my 15 year old grandson) would be at the party using “her” new name and dressing as a girl. I was totally blindsided. Then this week on Wednesday, my oldest daughter took me to my therapy appointment (I’m mobility disabled and can’t drive. I have multiple medical conditions that require me to see doctors and therapists every week, and my oldest daughter takes me to most of these appointments), and she offered to join me in my session to discuss her “daughter”. My therapist posed some very important and challenging questions to my daughter. At times they were talking over top of each other and increasing volume; and mostly I struggled to take it in. The session ended with the two of them at some level of agreement, but it was extremely difficult for both me and my daughter.
That evening I told my brother about what was happening, even though I had promised my daughter that I wouldn’t (at her request). I realized right away that I had gone against my word and that I needed to tell her what I did and apologize. She didn’t hear anything except that I had broken trust with her and she was furious! I’ve been trying to balance giving her time to calm down and sending her messages acknowledging her right to be angry with me and how sorry I am, but so far she hasn’t responded. Meanwhile my youngest son (who has three young children and another on the way) told me that he wouldn’t be attending family gatherings or events anymore because he doesn’t want his children to be exposed to this situation. I’m crushed upon crushed. My therapist gave me this connection to PITT as a source of information and guidance. I’m trying to take it in; and I absolutely will figure out what I need to do and do it: but right now I’m a deer caught in the headlights and I’m terrified of jumping the wrong direction.
I hope this makes sense to you. It’s the first time I’ve communicated with anyone outside of family and my therapists about this. It’s still very new and shocking to me. My three daughters are fully affirming of my grandson’s choice and very likely all three are furious with me about my break of trust. I’m not a parent of my grandson. I am limited on so many levels with what influence my daughter will let me have with him. I would really appreciate it if someone here can offer perspective or suggestions or more resources.
Good advice. You seem to be staying one step ahead of this trans-cult nightmare and I hope you are 100% successful in keeping and helping your daughter to be safe. I never realized how prevalent the trans ideology is on the internet because I do not follow or look for anything to do with it. It is quite the challenge to protect a young innocent mind from this cults poison. I knew it was being portrayed in newer movies because I unfortunately sat through a few theater shows, which made me very uncomfortable and angry. I am careful what I watch on Netflix, Hulu, Paramount, etc. because I do not want evil or scary thoughts or images into my mind, but this trans-ideology is sneaky and sly and lurking around every corner. When will this be over? I am amazed that it is still growing and stealing our children after the three years that I have known about this cult. Enough! Keep the fight going and never give up!
“I even went so far as to lock all the Netflix profiles with an age restriction and manually removed titles from what was available for my kids (heartbreakers for example).”
I think you mean “Heartstopper”?
I actually like “Heartstopper” - I just don’t believe Elle is a girl. I can tell the author of the original books is asexual, because in real life, I think Tao would be extremely curious about whether or not his “girlfriend” is planning genital surgery or not. Nick and Charlie’s relationship is apparently getting more physical next season, so I wonder if Tao and Elle are heading in the same direction.
Personally, anything with that much gender ideology makes me sick. This fictional drivel is what got kids into such a confusing mess to begin with. Sounds like she was wise to lock it out.
Thank you. It's too late for anything but prayers for my 27-year-old, but I'm sending your essays to warn the friends I still have (the ones not too busy affirming to hear me) to protect their children and grandchildren. Thank you.
Thanks for your posts on this subject. My 14yo daughter (who desisted a little over a year ago) is doing great, but similar to what you reference about your daughter, it's hard on her that the cult is everywhere. She would like to be able to speak freely among peers without social repercussions, but that's not really possible at this point.
Great suggestions. IHow wonderful it is when both parents can agree on the trans issues, see it for what it is and do what it takes to protect their kids from this cult madness. Unfortunately my husband, along with the kids, have demonised me for not going along with the insanity. Our two daughters are caught up in this, the oldest definitely enticed the youngest to join. And having 2 parents with conflicting ideas, it really does not help. It's really frustrating to watch
"We have documented a massive failure of the mental health system as a root cause of Hale’s reprehensible actions,” Leahy added.
In a statement released on Tuesday, Leahy said, “We have had a First Amendment right to publish these documents from the moment we legally obtained them in June 2024.”
Or maybe she was having mental health problems and latched onto "trans" because it answers all problems in life. Presto Chango - magic!
But it looks like she was on drugs like SSRIs and likely synthetic testosterone which would have made her more aggressive. Girls/women are not normally the ones who shoot up places. The mental health people at Vanderbilt Medical Center are to blame for that. It looks like they almost committed her twice but failed to do so. And, she was under their care from the time she was 6 years old. That is 22 years of "care".
As a therapist, I have really appreciated these essays from this parent. Some really great suggestions! Every day, I am struck by how insane it is that the vast majority of therapists are "affirming" - and I believe that it is largely because they have no idea what is really going on. I think some of it is they themselves are brainwashed in grad school and by the APA and ACA, etc; but I think a big part of it is like the rest of the population, they think it's a matter of kindness vs bigotry. When I speak one on one with other therapists, as well as friends, neighbors, etc - they are usually horrified when I tell them about ROGD, about the gaming-anime-porn gateway, the ease with which kids can get hormones, the fact that 12 year olds have had double mastectomies, that parents have lost custody of their kids over this, that the current Democratic nominee for VP has made his state a "sanctuary state" for trans-identifying kids, etc... Most people, including therapists, have no idea what is really going on, they just think they are being kind and compassionate and "inclusive" by being "affirming." So I hope that more parents continue to connect with each other and speak out about what is really going on. I know it's an excruciating path for you parents going through this, and I just want to encourage you to continue writing these posts, sharing your stories, creating and participating in support groups, educating your pediatricians, writing to your legislators. As this author said, nobody is coming to save you - but you are not alone, and your connecting with others is a big part of changing this tide.
My friend/neighbor is a LCSW doing talk therapy with teens/young adults mostly. She says that the hardest thing is that these patients really believe they are "trans", but that her job is to guide them to understand "why" they think they are "trans". The younger teens usually break out of the fever dream once they realize that it's ALL based on stereotypes made up about gender.....and the gradual progression through adolescence/puberty. The older ones are harder to deal with as they have become allies and have also developed a SJW type of attitude on life in general.
I agree with her. I think for a lot of these kids, especially the older ones you reference, there is an innate, unexpressed rage; SJW + trans are the media for them to channel this rage & feelings of deep disconnect & a human desire to belong & be purposeful...
These are all excellent suggestions. Thank you for sharing 🙏
The stakes are too high to not be proactive and consistent with curating a child’s time in front of a screen. It’s no longer optional for raising happy, healthy kids.
I am not a parent and am amazed to learn how pervasive these themes are in the various genres you bring up. And thinking about the bigger picture, how easily manipulated people are. Am guessing that goes double for young people. And glad you imparted the obvious lesson that because your older daughter isn't hyper feminine presenting like the younger daughter doesn't make her less of a person somehow.
Thank you so much for writing this. We are stuck in this anime trans situation at the moment. We have cut off all online completely for 2 and half months and we wondered if this was the correct thing to do. Not that anyone knows for sure. But I fully think it is a cult and that this is the only option.
Is there anyone who has referrals for "non-affirming parent coach or professional" for this topic? I am really interested in speaking to a coach or professional.
Go to TherapyFirst.org - and if you don't see someone listed in your state, send a message to the group. Many of us are not publicly listed, to protect our licenses etc.
It's designed as a picture book but the content is geared more toward teens and young adults. It contains numerous footnotes with quotes from scientific studies, doctors, and therapists who are against the trans cult movement.
Great work!! Thank you for sharing. Oh how I wish my friends with kids would listen to me when I say how dangerous the internet is for their kids and no, anime isn't creative, it's very dodgy gateway. Gah. So despairing.
I’m brand new to this reality. I hear you fighting to swim upstream, and I really want to join you. Somehow I WILL join you; but right now I’m caught in a whirlpool and it feels like I’m just struggling to survive.
Two weeks ago I underwent surgery to replace a joint, another procedure on a different joint, and another surgical procedure on a Thursday. The family was planning on a graduation party for another grandchild on that Saturday; so on Friday my daughter decided she needed to tell me that her “daughter” (my 15 year old grandson) would be at the party using “her” new name and dressing as a girl. I was totally blindsided. Then this week on Wednesday, my oldest daughter took me to my therapy appointment (I’m mobility disabled and can’t drive. I have multiple medical conditions that require me to see doctors and therapists every week, and my oldest daughter takes me to most of these appointments), and she offered to join me in my session to discuss her “daughter”. My therapist posed some very important and challenging questions to my daughter. At times they were talking over top of each other and increasing volume; and mostly I struggled to take it in. The session ended with the two of them at some level of agreement, but it was extremely difficult for both me and my daughter.
That evening I told my brother about what was happening, even though I had promised my daughter that I wouldn’t (at her request). I realized right away that I had gone against my word and that I needed to tell her what I did and apologize. She didn’t hear anything except that I had broken trust with her and she was furious! I’ve been trying to balance giving her time to calm down and sending her messages acknowledging her right to be angry with me and how sorry I am, but so far she hasn’t responded. Meanwhile my youngest son (who has three young children and another on the way) told me that he wouldn’t be attending family gatherings or events anymore because he doesn’t want his children to be exposed to this situation. I’m crushed upon crushed. My therapist gave me this connection to PITT as a source of information and guidance. I’m trying to take it in; and I absolutely will figure out what I need to do and do it: but right now I’m a deer caught in the headlights and I’m terrified of jumping the wrong direction.
I hope this makes sense to you. It’s the first time I’ve communicated with anyone outside of family and my therapists about this. It’s still very new and shocking to me. My three daughters are fully affirming of my grandson’s choice and very likely all three are furious with me about my break of trust. I’m not a parent of my grandson. I am limited on so many levels with what influence my daughter will let me have with him. I would really appreciate it if someone here can offer perspective or suggestions or more resources.
Good advice. You seem to be staying one step ahead of this trans-cult nightmare and I hope you are 100% successful in keeping and helping your daughter to be safe. I never realized how prevalent the trans ideology is on the internet because I do not follow or look for anything to do with it. It is quite the challenge to protect a young innocent mind from this cults poison. I knew it was being portrayed in newer movies because I unfortunately sat through a few theater shows, which made me very uncomfortable and angry. I am careful what I watch on Netflix, Hulu, Paramount, etc. because I do not want evil or scary thoughts or images into my mind, but this trans-ideology is sneaky and sly and lurking around every corner. When will this be over? I am amazed that it is still growing and stealing our children after the three years that I have known about this cult. Enough! Keep the fight going and never give up!
“I even went so far as to lock all the Netflix profiles with an age restriction and manually removed titles from what was available for my kids (heartbreakers for example).”
I think you mean “Heartstopper”?
I actually like “Heartstopper” - I just don’t believe Elle is a girl. I can tell the author of the original books is asexual, because in real life, I think Tao would be extremely curious about whether or not his “girlfriend” is planning genital surgery or not. Nick and Charlie’s relationship is apparently getting more physical next season, so I wonder if Tao and Elle are heading in the same direction.
Personally, anything with that much gender ideology makes me sick. This fictional drivel is what got kids into such a confusing mess to begin with. Sounds like she was wise to lock it out.
I can understand that. I wouldn’t let my kids watch it either.
Thank you. It's too late for anything but prayers for my 27-year-old, but I'm sending your essays to warn the friends I still have (the ones not too busy affirming to hear me) to protect their children and grandchildren. Thank you.
Thanks for your posts on this subject. My 14yo daughter (who desisted a little over a year ago) is doing great, but similar to what you reference about your daughter, it's hard on her that the cult is everywhere. She would like to be able to speak freely among peers without social repercussions, but that's not really possible at this point.
Great suggestions. IHow wonderful it is when both parents can agree on the trans issues, see it for what it is and do what it takes to protect their kids from this cult madness. Unfortunately my husband, along with the kids, have demonised me for not going along with the insanity. Our two daughters are caught up in this, the oldest definitely enticed the youngest to join. And having 2 parents with conflicting ideas, it really does not help. It's really frustrating to watch
FYI
"The Tennessee Star Releases ‘Manifesto’ Left by Transgender Covenant School Killer Audrey Hale"
https://tennesseestar.com/covenant-school-shooting/the-tennessee-star-releases-manifesto-left-by-transgender-covenant-school-killer-audrey-hale/tpappert/2024/09/03/
"We have documented a massive failure of the mental health system as a root cause of Hale’s reprehensible actions,” Leahy added.
In a statement released on Tuesday, Leahy said, “We have had a First Amendment right to publish these documents from the moment we legally obtained them in June 2024.”
Someone in a post a long time ago (maybe Helene?) stated what the symbol meant. Can anyone provide an answer?
I just saw that. She believed that she was "born in the wrong body" and wrote that wrong body was why her brain didn't work.
Maybe the wrong-sex hormones made the brain not work right.
Or maybe she was having mental health problems and latched onto "trans" because it answers all problems in life. Presto Chango - magic!
But it looks like she was on drugs like SSRIs and likely synthetic testosterone which would have made her more aggressive. Girls/women are not normally the ones who shoot up places. The mental health people at Vanderbilt Medical Center are to blame for that. It looks like they almost committed her twice but failed to do so. And, she was under their care from the time she was 6 years old. That is 22 years of "care".
"You are essentially getting your kid out of a cult mindset" Absolutely true!!
And, it is supported everywhere outside the home which is madness.
As a therapist, I have really appreciated these essays from this parent. Some really great suggestions! Every day, I am struck by how insane it is that the vast majority of therapists are "affirming" - and I believe that it is largely because they have no idea what is really going on. I think some of it is they themselves are brainwashed in grad school and by the APA and ACA, etc; but I think a big part of it is like the rest of the population, they think it's a matter of kindness vs bigotry. When I speak one on one with other therapists, as well as friends, neighbors, etc - they are usually horrified when I tell them about ROGD, about the gaming-anime-porn gateway, the ease with which kids can get hormones, the fact that 12 year olds have had double mastectomies, that parents have lost custody of their kids over this, that the current Democratic nominee for VP has made his state a "sanctuary state" for trans-identifying kids, etc... Most people, including therapists, have no idea what is really going on, they just think they are being kind and compassionate and "inclusive" by being "affirming." So I hope that more parents continue to connect with each other and speak out about what is really going on. I know it's an excruciating path for you parents going through this, and I just want to encourage you to continue writing these posts, sharing your stories, creating and participating in support groups, educating your pediatricians, writing to your legislators. As this author said, nobody is coming to save you - but you are not alone, and your connecting with others is a big part of changing this tide.
Thank you writing this, I needed it today. A parent ❤️🩹
My friend/neighbor is a LCSW doing talk therapy with teens/young adults mostly. She says that the hardest thing is that these patients really believe they are "trans", but that her job is to guide them to understand "why" they think they are "trans". The younger teens usually break out of the fever dream once they realize that it's ALL based on stereotypes made up about gender.....and the gradual progression through adolescence/puberty. The older ones are harder to deal with as they have become allies and have also developed a SJW type of attitude on life in general.
I agree with her. I think for a lot of these kids, especially the older ones you reference, there is an innate, unexpressed rage; SJW + trans are the media for them to channel this rage & feelings of deep disconnect & a human desire to belong & be purposeful...
These are all excellent suggestions. Thank you for sharing 🙏
The stakes are too high to not be proactive and consistent with curating a child’s time in front of a screen. It’s no longer optional for raising happy, healthy kids.
I am not a parent and am amazed to learn how pervasive these themes are in the various genres you bring up. And thinking about the bigger picture, how easily manipulated people are. Am guessing that goes double for young people. And glad you imparted the obvious lesson that because your older daughter isn't hyper feminine presenting like the younger daughter doesn't make her less of a person somehow.
The phrase, “no one is coming to save you,” resonates with me. I too, had a similar epiphany. It’s an extremely lonely place to be.
Thank you so much for writing this. We are stuck in this anime trans situation at the moment. We have cut off all online completely for 2 and half months and we wondered if this was the correct thing to do. Not that anyone knows for sure. But I fully think it is a cult and that this is the only option.
Is there anyone who has referrals for "non-affirming parent coach or professional" for this topic? I am really interested in speaking to a coach or professional.
Go to TherapyFirst.org - and if you don't see someone listed in your state, send a message to the group. Many of us are not publicly listed, to protect our licenses etc.
Do a phone or zoom consult with Sasha Ayad.
Try this person. https://www.therapyfirst.org/therapists/patricia-constantinian-psy-d/
This book can be very helpful for parents:
Transgender Mindbender: How This 21st Century Fad is Mutilating Our Children
https://www.amazon.com/Transgender-Mindbender-Century-Mutilating-Children/dp/1959620185/ref=sr_1_1
It's designed as a picture book but the content is geared more toward teens and young adults. It contains numerous footnotes with quotes from scientific studies, doctors, and therapists who are against the trans cult movement.
It's temporarily out of stock, must be popular!
Great work!! Thank you for sharing. Oh how I wish my friends with kids would listen to me when I say how dangerous the internet is for their kids and no, anime isn't creative, it's very dodgy gateway. Gah. So despairing.