I accepted at the start, because the thought of losing the beautiful relationship with my son was too much for me to bare. That was 3 1/2 years ago. I haven't laid eyes on him since October of 2022, when he came home to spend my birthday with me. I thought I was doing the only right and sane thing I could at this time. After he left I grieved - hard - I actually felt the physical pain in my heart and my lower belly, almost like when I gave birth to him. This happened while I was receiving some deep bodywork. Im sure I'm not alone in this. I had to go through it several more times and I'm not sure if I'm done - if I'll ever be done. Its like I'm in such mourning, so no, "they" don't know. The strongest, truest most absolute bond is between a mother and child - this is found in all of nature. We have physical, emotional, spiritual and energetic ties/strings to our children. Its no wonder this pain is so deep in every way.
After he left (he lives out west) the communication got increasingly more sporadic. I didn't understand...I was supportive, I used his new name, yes, I affirmed. I couldn't even look at the research until recently. I didn't need to, I know it goes against nature - which is never good. He is 27 now, what recourse do I have?
I suppose I will be judged for this as well. I really don't give a shit.
I sit in the quiet solitude of my grief not really knowing what to do. Is he angry with me for not saying no, and telling him not to do this? Did his therapist/transfriends say its best to cut himself off from his family? Will I ever see his beautiful face again? Is he scared, ashamed, filled with hate, sadness? Is he sick from the drugs, surgery, guilt? Is he happy, filled with joy at his new life without me?
These are all questions left unanswered because he will not talk to me and I still don't know why. I no longer have the space for anger. I feel numb, honestly.
Since I smelled a rat when this trans thing started, I went down the rabbit hole, and would come out sounding the ALARM on FB. When the 'kind' and 'compassionate' would signal their allegiance to this toxin, I would gently try to explain to them what I had learned; I still assume that most people haven't got half a clue what this trans thing does to a person's body, not to mention that it fools no one anyway. (Yesterday on zoom, a "man" named Tom with "he/him" pronouns. NOT. FOOLED. It makes THEM look foolish, sorry to say.)
Anyway, my most legion unfriendings were over this issue, which amazes me. It's just so brazenly WRONG. I'd throw out all the gory details and they'd accuse me of being "chaotic" (it was evidence after evidence after evidence).
One of the most cloying "be kind" and "gosh, Dog, I thought you were smarter than this" people finally unfriended me over posting a PITT piece like this in response to her wailing that Trump was going to shut this shit down.
Imagine screaming into the void at people so kind that they cannot hear how much this is hurting people.
It's amazing. That anyone ever thought this was a good idea in the first place is amazing. All of it. Amazing.
And I am SO SORRY that this happened to you, and to anyone with this experience. I cannot even begin to imagine the pain of this.
I am so sorry. The sadness and isolation is just awful. I also wrote a PITT article about my son and our relatives who affirm him and are unforgivably clueless and rude to me: Against "Be Kind" https://www.pittparents.com/p/against-be-kind?utm_source=publication-search We are not alone, but it does not help very much when our sons are being destroyed. My only path for now is to take care of myself, partly because life goes on, but also in the far away thought that perhaps I can help him later on
Ugly crying here! I’m sad, exhausted, angry beyond words! I now understand the phrase, “with a heavy heart”! My son was stolen from us and no one understands except those going through this unimaginable denial of reality! I’m tired of holding my feelings and thoughts inside for fear of losing what’s left of my relationship with my SON! God help us all!!
And to my liberal friends….you know nothing of our struggle and the daily pain of seeing your adult living in a state of delusion….so just save your speeches and virtuous words…..you really don’t know anything.
Right there with you, and I feel exactly the same about my own adult son. I tried to tell my daughter she has no idea how it feels to be the parent, to lose your son that you know is living in a mental illness that you will not ever affirm. It is heartbreaking beyond words. Love to you, and prayers that some day this madness will end.
So very heartbreaking, I feel deeply for all of you Moms, and Dads here. I am so sorry you are enduring such pain. I have no children, but my adult niece, transitioned around age 30, six years ago. I had a hard time with it especially having her breasts cut off and sporting the new man chest and scars on social media. I was trying to adjust, but she’s cut me off completely. I can only imagine the heartbreak a parent feels. I am so drawn to all of your stories, all of it such a demonic nightmare happening in our world.
Thank you for expressing this in the written word, what so many of us feel.
Yes, if Only they knew!
When my "daughter" went to a school formal in a suit with shaved hair & oversized man's shoes; another parent said "you've been robbed". Others thought this was a cruel comment. It did cut through me, but it's probably the only thing thats ever been said to me that showed some insight into the pain I feel with every milestone. Its less cruel than "they look great, just accept it". This was 5 years ago.... still on this horrendous journey.
Thank you for articulating so accurately my sentiments that are exhausting to endure, let alone try to find words that give voice to my life after my son was also hijacked by a sick, evil mind virus.
You tugged at many mama and papa heartstrings with this incredibly insightful post that can only come from personal experience.
I will add that these souls can back themselves into a corner if they have radically changed their appearance and lifestyle and more so if they chose to surgically alter themselves, then in their head have huge doubts and a desire to de-transition. They likely feel trapped and afraid to desist as they made it everything with everyone they surrounded themselves with and their ‘allies’ likely won’t remain allied if they perform an about-face.
And they likely fear not being loved by someone romantically after living an alternate life. 😢
Hopefully those in that space know that they can always find people who understand that mental health challenges are real and would be supportive. 🙏🏼
Beautifully written. This is me too. You have expressed my feelings/heart. I have so much anger toward all those who cheer(ed) him on. God bless you and your son. I pray he comes back to you.
If they only knew, it’s because we love our child.
No one has explained to me how my body created a child with the body of the wrong sex that didn’t show up until 14 years after birth.
How many times a day does a mother say her child’s name? How many times from once the name is picked until they are asked to suddenly use a different one? Or their pronouns?
Because they know that if they can break the mother-child bond, they have a victim of the cult for life. They know that we above everyone else in the world know our children & love them more than everyone.
So heartbreaking and beautifully written. I am so sorry that this is your reality, and I pray that your son will know the Truth and the Truth will set him free.
This should be a billboard. I pray for my soul when I wish for them to feel the same pain that you are in their own lives with their own children. The rejection is as bad as death. Maybe possibly worse, but not quite because of prayer and hope. I pray for all the families that are living this nightmare, so thankful that although I have many different issues in my life, this is k no it one of them. But I do not fool myself: there but for the grace of God go I. It could be any one of us, it’s the random dart of pain and suffering. It’s the only thing I voted against in the election, because crazily and insanely. It has become a political issue, even though it really is not. I pray for sanity to return to all of these kids who’ve been sucked up into this horrific contagion, knowing full well that I did nothing differently than any of you.
Mary Anne, We need more people like you, who objectively understand that no one can change sex and that queer ideology is hurting so many vulnerable kids, adults and families alike. Thank-you for your compassion.
My son was surprised when I did not respond to his announcement that he was "non-binary" now. I told him he was still the same kid I'd raised and nothing is our relationship had changed. I can't imagine the anguish and difficulty of walking the minefield of 'the transitioning child', and the life changes beyond. You spell out that horror in painful detail here.
ken, Maybe your best response is exactly this - not acting with surprise at your son's announcement. Continue to refer to him as your son. Hopefully, he will not "progress" to believing he is female.
I accepted at the start, because the thought of losing the beautiful relationship with my son was too much for me to bare. That was 3 1/2 years ago. I haven't laid eyes on him since October of 2022, when he came home to spend my birthday with me. I thought I was doing the only right and sane thing I could at this time. After he left I grieved - hard - I actually felt the physical pain in my heart and my lower belly, almost like when I gave birth to him. This happened while I was receiving some deep bodywork. Im sure I'm not alone in this. I had to go through it several more times and I'm not sure if I'm done - if I'll ever be done. Its like I'm in such mourning, so no, "they" don't know. The strongest, truest most absolute bond is between a mother and child - this is found in all of nature. We have physical, emotional, spiritual and energetic ties/strings to our children. Its no wonder this pain is so deep in every way.
After he left (he lives out west) the communication got increasingly more sporadic. I didn't understand...I was supportive, I used his new name, yes, I affirmed. I couldn't even look at the research until recently. I didn't need to, I know it goes against nature - which is never good. He is 27 now, what recourse do I have?
I suppose I will be judged for this as well. I really don't give a shit.
I sit in the quiet solitude of my grief not really knowing what to do. Is he angry with me for not saying no, and telling him not to do this? Did his therapist/transfriends say its best to cut himself off from his family? Will I ever see his beautiful face again? Is he scared, ashamed, filled with hate, sadness? Is he sick from the drugs, surgery, guilt? Is he happy, filled with joy at his new life without me?
These are all questions left unanswered because he will not talk to me and I still don't know why. I no longer have the space for anger. I feel numb, honestly.
Dammit I miss my son 😢
Since I smelled a rat when this trans thing started, I went down the rabbit hole, and would come out sounding the ALARM on FB. When the 'kind' and 'compassionate' would signal their allegiance to this toxin, I would gently try to explain to them what I had learned; I still assume that most people haven't got half a clue what this trans thing does to a person's body, not to mention that it fools no one anyway. (Yesterday on zoom, a "man" named Tom with "he/him" pronouns. NOT. FOOLED. It makes THEM look foolish, sorry to say.)
Anyway, my most legion unfriendings were over this issue, which amazes me. It's just so brazenly WRONG. I'd throw out all the gory details and they'd accuse me of being "chaotic" (it was evidence after evidence after evidence).
One of the most cloying "be kind" and "gosh, Dog, I thought you were smarter than this" people finally unfriended me over posting a PITT piece like this in response to her wailing that Trump was going to shut this shit down.
Imagine screaming into the void at people so kind that they cannot hear how much this is hurting people.
It's amazing. That anyone ever thought this was a good idea in the first place is amazing. All of it. Amazing.
And I am SO SORRY that this happened to you, and to anyone with this experience. I cannot even begin to imagine the pain of this.
I am so sorry. The sadness and isolation is just awful. I also wrote a PITT article about my son and our relatives who affirm him and are unforgivably clueless and rude to me: Against "Be Kind" https://www.pittparents.com/p/against-be-kind?utm_source=publication-search We are not alone, but it does not help very much when our sons are being destroyed. My only path for now is to take care of myself, partly because life goes on, but also in the far away thought that perhaps I can help him later on
Ugly crying here! I’m sad, exhausted, angry beyond words! I now understand the phrase, “with a heavy heart”! My son was stolen from us and no one understands except those going through this unimaginable denial of reality! I’m tired of holding my feelings and thoughts inside for fear of losing what’s left of my relationship with my SON! God help us all!!
And to my liberal friends….you know nothing of our struggle and the daily pain of seeing your adult living in a state of delusion….so just save your speeches and virtuous words…..you really don’t know anything.
Right there with you, and I feel exactly the same about my own adult son. I tried to tell my daughter she has no idea how it feels to be the parent, to lose your son that you know is living in a mental illness that you will not ever affirm. It is heartbreaking beyond words. Love to you, and prayers that some day this madness will end.
So very heartbreaking, I feel deeply for all of you Moms, and Dads here. I am so sorry you are enduring such pain. I have no children, but my adult niece, transitioned around age 30, six years ago. I had a hard time with it especially having her breasts cut off and sporting the new man chest and scars on social media. I was trying to adjust, but she’s cut me off completely. I can only imagine the heartbreak a parent feels. I am so drawn to all of your stories, all of it such a demonic nightmare happening in our world.
Sending all of you prayers of peace and hope.
Thank you for expressing this in the written word, what so many of us feel.
Yes, if Only they knew!
When my "daughter" went to a school formal in a suit with shaved hair & oversized man's shoes; another parent said "you've been robbed". Others thought this was a cruel comment. It did cut through me, but it's probably the only thing thats ever been said to me that showed some insight into the pain I feel with every milestone. Its less cruel than "they look great, just accept it". This was 5 years ago.... still on this horrendous journey.
Anytime I find anyone who expresses stupidity I am disappointed, no matter what their political beliefs.
Thank you for articulating so accurately my sentiments that are exhausting to endure, let alone try to find words that give voice to my life after my son was also hijacked by a sick, evil mind virus.
You tugged at many mama and papa heartstrings with this incredibly insightful post that can only come from personal experience.
I will add that these souls can back themselves into a corner if they have radically changed their appearance and lifestyle and more so if they chose to surgically alter themselves, then in their head have huge doubts and a desire to de-transition. They likely feel trapped and afraid to desist as they made it everything with everyone they surrounded themselves with and their ‘allies’ likely won’t remain allied if they perform an about-face.
And they likely fear not being loved by someone romantically after living an alternate life. 😢
Hopefully those in that space know that they can always find people who understand that mental health challenges are real and would be supportive. 🙏🏼
Beautifully written. This is me too. You have expressed my feelings/heart. I have so much anger toward all those who cheer(ed) him on. God bless you and your son. I pray he comes back to you.
If they only knew, it’s because we love our child.
No one has explained to me how my body created a child with the body of the wrong sex that didn’t show up until 14 years after birth.
How many times a day does a mother say her child’s name? How many times from once the name is picked until they are asked to suddenly use a different one? Or their pronouns?
Why are we the enemy?
Because they know that if they can break the mother-child bond, they have a victim of the cult for life. They know that we above everyone else in the world know our children & love them more than everyone.
So heartbreaking and beautifully written. I am so sorry that this is your reality, and I pray that your son will know the Truth and the Truth will set him free.
This should be a billboard. I pray for my soul when I wish for them to feel the same pain that you are in their own lives with their own children. The rejection is as bad as death. Maybe possibly worse, but not quite because of prayer and hope. I pray for all the families that are living this nightmare, so thankful that although I have many different issues in my life, this is k no it one of them. But I do not fool myself: there but for the grace of God go I. It could be any one of us, it’s the random dart of pain and suffering. It’s the only thing I voted against in the election, because crazily and insanely. It has become a political issue, even though it really is not. I pray for sanity to return to all of these kids who’ve been sucked up into this horrific contagion, knowing full well that I did nothing differently than any of you.
Mary Anne, We need more people like you, who objectively understand that no one can change sex and that queer ideology is hurting so many vulnerable kids, adults and families alike. Thank-you for your compassion.
Yes, they know nothing at all.
My son was surprised when I did not respond to his announcement that he was "non-binary" now. I told him he was still the same kid I'd raised and nothing is our relationship had changed. I can't imagine the anguish and difficulty of walking the minefield of 'the transitioning child', and the life changes beyond. You spell out that horror in painful detail here.
ken, Maybe your best response is exactly this - not acting with surprise at your son's announcement. Continue to refer to him as your son. Hopefully, he will not "progress" to believing he is female.
Excellent!! This gave me chills - our experiences are SO similar! Sadly. Praying for us all. ❤️