I am on my way to visit my son now, after a year long strained relationship. When he had one blow after another, joblessness, a car accident, divorce and now homelessness, we stayed in touch throughout by text, even superficially, which was painful..
About 3 months ago in all of his distress he told me, "Mom, I have to tell you something…
I am on my way to visit my son now, after a year long strained relationship. When he had one blow after another, joblessness, a car accident, divorce and now homelessness, we stayed in touch throughout by text, even superficially, which was painful..
About 3 months ago in all of his distress he told me, "Mom, I have to tell you something. The queer community says if your parents don't affirm you, it means that they don't love you and to cut them off. But I know you and Dad love me." His words.
I have no pretense that if I said the wrong thing that he could take back to his community that could be construed as offensive, we would be out too. Estranged. It's a difficult line to walk, one of alternating fear and courage.
Keep sending those texts. We are here for the long haul. The word 'always' in "always you'll be" doesn't end. And I completely agree that when he wakes up from the delusion and lies, we will be the ones still here, to walk alongside him while he heals. Always. Keep going mom. You're doing the right thing.
Please elaborate on those superficial texts if you can. Struggling to stay in touch while my estranged son gives me one or two word replies. It wears thin after a while and I often see myself letting him drift away even more for the sake of my heart, and what little is left of it for me to give to my other children.
Dear BrokenHeartedMumma, by superficial texts I mean 'how is your cat?', 'Dad and I saw this dog with a backpack and thought of Tucker (dog) and how he loved his backpack', and 'can you send me your recipe for the scones you made?' My husband sends dad jokes he finds on Facebook. This is painful to do when ignoring the obvious disaster that is our family. Thanksgiving visit didn't go well. I feel myself pulling away too Mumma. To protect my heart, my life, and leave him to his bad decisions. I love him, and will engage still, just not as often. I hear you on trying to preserve yourself for your other children.
The most important thing for me is reframing where my son is at. He’s trapped in a religion or cult like group. I see him as someone who’s been hijacked by a cult. People in cults are brainwashed and can’t think for themselves. So, I don’t expect a response from him. I text him knowing it will be one way communication. So texting doesn’t stress me out because I have no expectations of a response. The content varies. I tell him How we are doing, share important news, wish him well, tell him I’m proud of him for being a hard worker, etc. I always end with I love you… I miss you, Mom
I am on my way to visit my son now, after a year long strained relationship. When he had one blow after another, joblessness, a car accident, divorce and now homelessness, we stayed in touch throughout by text, even superficially, which was painful..
About 3 months ago in all of his distress he told me, "Mom, I have to tell you something. The queer community says if your parents don't affirm you, it means that they don't love you and to cut them off. But I know you and Dad love me." His words.
I have no pretense that if I said the wrong thing that he could take back to his community that could be construed as offensive, we would be out too. Estranged. It's a difficult line to walk, one of alternating fear and courage.
Keep sending those texts. We are here for the long haul. The word 'always' in "always you'll be" doesn't end. And I completely agree that when he wakes up from the delusion and lies, we will be the ones still here, to walk alongside him while he heals. Always. Keep going mom. You're doing the right thing.
Please elaborate on those superficial texts if you can. Struggling to stay in touch while my estranged son gives me one or two word replies. It wears thin after a while and I often see myself letting him drift away even more for the sake of my heart, and what little is left of it for me to give to my other children.
Dear BrokenHeartedMumma, by superficial texts I mean 'how is your cat?', 'Dad and I saw this dog with a backpack and thought of Tucker (dog) and how he loved his backpack', and 'can you send me your recipe for the scones you made?' My husband sends dad jokes he finds on Facebook. This is painful to do when ignoring the obvious disaster that is our family. Thanksgiving visit didn't go well. I feel myself pulling away too Mumma. To protect my heart, my life, and leave him to his bad decisions. I love him, and will engage still, just not as often. I hear you on trying to preserve yourself for your other children.
The most important thing for me is reframing where my son is at. He’s trapped in a religion or cult like group. I see him as someone who’s been hijacked by a cult. People in cults are brainwashed and can’t think for themselves. So, I don’t expect a response from him. I text him knowing it will be one way communication. So texting doesn’t stress me out because I have no expectations of a response. The content varies. I tell him How we are doing, share important news, wish him well, tell him I’m proud of him for being a hard worker, etc. I always end with I love you… I miss you, Mom