In it for the long haul
I am in it for the long haul. A mother walking a marathon, carrying a burden— the truth about the dangers of transitioning.
I have been walking through this space now for 7 years. My daughter may have been embroiled in gender ideology and its social contagion for longer than that even. I must choose my questions and choose my moments, upsetting or offending her may lead to the closure of other possible moments when I want to raise the subject.
That is why I have turned to other parents, walking this same marathon, for help and support.
In our parent support group meetings, people acknowledge the length of time they have been involved in standing and holding firm about their views on the dangers of transition.
We speak of the years we have spent and wasted in this unknown abyss, and bring our concern and comfort to others who have just been dragged in with us. We are sorry and glad you are here, we tell them. You are not alone.
Isolation is a major factor for some of us, so our support groups become a lifeline—the only place in our lives where we don’t have to watch what we say or worry about being judged. We share many experiences in common and at the same time we give each parent who wants to chance to tell their own story, to share their hurt and bewilderment, their frustration and anger, as if they were the first and only to feel this deep hurt and betrayal.
We share our anger at people qualified in medicine who condescendingly tell us and the public that our children, rather than receiving a listening ear and psychological support, should instead be affirmed in their wish to put themselves in danger. We know our children and we were children. They, as we were, are entitled to mess up in their childhood and teens and to learn lessons. They should not be permitted to make decisions that will impact them physically, emotionally and psychologically for the rest of their lives, which they may come to regret.
For 7 years I have been walking on eggshells, reading frightening evidence of the consequences of her wishes. While my daughter has socially transitioned, there are still moments when I think she has seen the light and understands the dangers of wearing binders or the outcomes of a mastectomy or taking cross sex hormones. Then we meet and she refers to herself with male pronouns and I know it’s not over.
Now that she is an adult I am finding ways to let go. I am also giving myself permission to speak more to her about her perilous plans. It’s time for me to share this burden, not just with other parents, but with my daughter—she needs to hear it and, hopefully, to understand.
I am forever grateful to each and every parent I have encountered since I found myself here. I am very sad and so very glad to be among you.