In My Dream

My autistic daughter, who suffers with severe depression, social anxiety, OCD, intellectual disability, memory impairment, and body dysmorphia, recently informed me that she’s obsessed with gay male sex in Japanese anime films and in “deviant” art drawings. But it goes beyond that. She informed me that she wants to BECOME a gay man and reenact the porn art she sees. She’s so internalized it that she thinks she has become them. 

I looked that up. Here’s an interesting psychological thing I found that may help explain the strange phenomenon that has taken over my sex-crazed, porn-addicted autistic daughter:

“Introjection, which is common among children and parents, occurs when a person internalizes the beliefs of other people. A child might take on elements of parents’ personalities (https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/psychpedia/personality) or beliefs by adopting their political ideology, concept of right and wrong, or ideas about sex. When people introject, they identify with a person or object so strongly that they cannot separate that person or object from themselves. While everyone learns from the external world and takes on elements of other people’s beliefs and ideas, introjection occurs with minimal thought. A woman who adopts her friends’ views, after they have been carefully explained and considered, is not introjecting, but a child who reflexively adopts a parent’s views without thought can be said to be introjecting. Introjections involve attitudes, behaviors, emotions, and perceptions that are usually obtained from influential or authoritative people in one’s life. They are neither digested nor analyzed; they are simply adopted as a part of one’s personality as concepts that one considers should be believed or behaviors that one thinks ought to be followed. Introjections do not involve an individual’s personal integrity or morality.”

Are autistic girls more likely to introject a male they have an obsession (special interest) with, thus convinced they are themselves males and “trans” and “in the wrong body”? I’m curious to learn what a good independent psychiatrist would say about this.

That’s a long way to saying, this is destroying my daughter. It’s killing me inside too. I’ve given up. I’m destroyed and inconsolable. My life is just one 24/7 panic attack. My home has been taken over by a 17-year-old brainwashed, fully indoctrinated, self-entitled trans-nazi. The social media bypasses the brain and is assumed as Truth by gullible and vulnerable persons.  They’re helpless, defenseless. But so am I because she laughs at me when I cry, thinks it’s funny and I’m “ugly” when she makes me cry; she says she enjoys it and I’m the enemy so I deserve the abuse. Again, full-on introjection of trans script.

She’s tried to run away and get “rescued” by strangers she found on the internet who say they’ll give her free “T” and surgery. Sounds like a human trafficking scam to me. It’s also turned into a 24/7 suicide watch. Her response to my lack of acceptance is to throw a tantrum and threaten suicide, blaming me, and telling social workers I’m trying to “kill” her or that I want her to unalive herself. Nobody cares how I’m grieving and suffering and how I sometimes wish I could fly away. But I’m a responsible carer so I get all the abuse and pain and no respite or care or empathy. I’m the “evil” one. 

Last night I had a dream where I give up, let go, in a year when she turns 18. She runs off with strangers to an unknown fate. I sell the house, move across the pond to retire in Portugal, and do what I love and never look back. My second dream: I adopt a 10-year-old orphan girl and raise her to be a lovely person and leave everything in my will to her. In both dreams I was happy, laughed, stayed busy and never looked back. I never saw my biological daughter again.