In The Path of a Hurricane
My daughter is a senior in high school. Under the normal circumstances we would be enthusiastically discussing colleges and careers, planning post-graduation trips, and checking out cute prom dresses. However, the circumstances are far from normal. We are a house in the path of Hurricane T. The thing about hurricanes is that they are unpredictable. It may turn before reaching our house or it may hit it full force and level it to the ground. Or maybe it will cause some damage but not destroy it.
I watch my daughter for the smallest signs of desistance or escalation, like the colors on the hurricane map: Is it red—moving closer my way? Is she wearing her binder again? Is it green? Is she wearing something feminine?
Like mindlessly wiping the dust as you walk through the house, I continue with our daily routine—school, work, chores, driving lessons. However, one does not pick new tiles for the bathroom or start major renovation while waiting to see if a hurricane will hit. Every breeze seems like the first gust—I am always on high alert and can't plan anything.
I have no idea what the next few months will bring. She got accepted in a few colleges and I feel no joy. What difference will it make if she takes the path of self-destruction?
I think about the gap year she should take but how do we plan anything concrete together when I don't know what's in her mind? Is she planning to leave home and start transitioning the day she graduates?
I am not painting the fence, not remodeling the bathrooms. All I do is wait. I wait, frozen in panic, I wait trying desperately to stay close to her. Maybe it will stop or delay the hurricane while I surround my house with sandbags of love. I pray, I obsess, and I wait wait wait... If the hurricane turns and passes our house, we will paint it pretty cheerful colors and plan everything we can't plan now. We will have so much fun! If the hurricane hits... Well, I guess I will have to assess the damage and see what can be rebuilt.
I hope and pray that the hurricane turns before reaching our house but if it hits, I hope it will lift up our mighty little house and land right on the transgender cult witch and crush her. And then my girl will find her way back home.
Sorry for any confusion. I agree about the dress to some extent. My daughter was more of a tomboy growing up, but did not mind dresses. I would not make much fuss over her clothes. I am much more concerned about my child's heart and soul and health than how they dress. I never made any comments to her on her choice of clothing. My referring to the tux was to show how I resonated very well with the writer I commented to. As far as my daughter goes, I did not make any comments on her choice of clothing or even wearing that tux. I did let her know that her binding her chest is hurting her and that in her attempts to chop off her hair, grow out her body hair, wear all boy clothes, wear only men's deodorant, etc and binding... that these outward appearances were really pointing to a deeper issue within... her self loathing and rejecting of any femininity and at the core her identity. It was what I saw as her attempt to hide behind and cover up any hint or appearance or smell, etc of being a girl or being who God made her to be that caused me concern and hurt for her. And like Mark said, my greatest fears were what I saw coming down the road if she did not get off this course... bodily harm, mutilation and alienating me. I read the book "Irreversible Damage" when my daughter was first doing this stuff... just "socially transitioning"(I had no idea at the time that is what she was doing).. part of me felt like, okay, maybe she's just confused about her sexuality, or maybe just being gender non-conforming, but I dreaded and hoped it was not where I saw what happened to most of the girls in the book as related by devastated parents. I prayed it would not be me in that boat... and 2 years later, here I am, sadly. my child now plans to do hormones, etc. she insists on boy names/pronouns, she has alienated my and most of her family this past year. She has been convinced I am evil, intolerant, bigoted, etc. I never rejected her. I have always expressed love to her, even when her actions have hurt me deeply. I have tried to respect her "boundaries". I refuse to call her this boy name and use they/he pronouns, but as a way to keep relationship, I just call her pet names or affectionate names. That is not good enough for her. She is brainwashed in this cult and cannot be reasoned with.
Perhaps a Christian College.