I threw my son out. I am not proud of that. Months of pain, grief, confusion and fury turned me into a powder keg that exploded one afternoon. My son was born with high functioning autism and ADHD. He developed anxiety and depression very early in life. He struggled his whole life with schooling and friendships. He was also aggressive, lazy, stubborn, disobedient and vindictive. The school rang me almost every day with problems of stealing, violence, disobedience and melt downs. I was shunned by the other mothers at the school and lost many friendships. My son was never invited on play dates and never had a birthday party as nobody would come. He was invited to two birthday parties in his life. Both times he was new to the school and the child had invited the whole class. This same child, my beautiful son, was also energetic, bright, creative, intelligent and extremely funny, like a younger Jim Carrey. He was also athletic and dexterous; my sister thought he would be a professional athlete. Although he was a handful, I intensely loved his free spirit and his spontaneity.
What kind of parent kicks their kid out of the house, for any reason? All this does is expose the inner workings of the mind of someone who is anti-trans. And don’t act like I’m generalizing all of you just based on one post, an overwhelming amount of the replies agree with you and think you were justified. You deserve to feel all of the shame you are feeling for abandoning your child. You are a terrible human being.
Sometimes breaking and letring go is the only way for self preservation. Be gentle on yourself my friend, you have had years of struggle only for it all to end in the worst case scenario imo from being a mum of a son who thinks he's a girl... I've had to let go too, it's too exhausting.
Thank you for that interesting information. The sensory difficulties with food are common with children on the spectrum. All mine were fussy in different ways, not just with food. My daughters both would not eat lunch at school. For some just eating in a dining room with other children is distressing. Maybe the noise is too much. You are fortunate that your daughter was able to tell you she did not trust doctors. She is wise. Mine went non verbal/selectively mute/shut down. Either they were unable to talk about their feelings or they decided taking about them was a waste of time as people would not listen. I believe we lived in a particularly difficult town in England with some very ignorant woke professionals with weird ideas. I am just thankful that my eldest was able to see the clinic was not helpful. She also had the sense to ignore her psychiatrist who would have prescribed respiridone. I remember feeling proud of my daughter seeing her with her back to the psychiatrist reading her book and refusing to accept a prescription for respiridone. My youngest when she later was seeing psychiatrists was the opposite in her thinking, trying to get as strong a dose of antidepressant as she could by threatening suicide. That led to wanting testosterone next. It was a slippery slope down, scary to watch.
It's difficult, to put it mildly, when you have a challenging kid. I had several children, and didn't have to deal with this as a single mother, but it was still so hard to have a troubled son. I know what it's like to have parents dislike you because of your child, and how people assume his problems are caused by bad parenting. It doesn't matter if your other children are high-achieving, model citizens, as mine were. The difficult child is the one who defines you. How much more difficult must it have been for you, as a single mother? My heart goes out to you.
I'm here now because my difficult child who matured into a young man of whom we were very proud, has also transitioned. And he has mostly cut us off, because although we love and accept him regardless, we do not believe he's a woman, and that's unacceptable, according to his new community. I hope and pray he wises up some day, but I think it will take years before that happens, if it does at all.
I know. The heartache is nearly unbearable. So many of us had kids with developmental and social challenges -- and the Covid lockdowns sucked them into the black hole of gender ideology and medical exploitation. May the Almighty expose this fraud for what it is and save our precious children.
Good for you.! Finally. I worry about how you still praise him, but I hope you will never let him back. The trans issue sounds like the least of what this entitled man has. You need to escape, for good and to finally have a good, happy life yourself.
Thank you for your post. You truly are amazing. If only families critical of you had one iota of who you are and what your experience has been.
I have a very similar 19yo son, albeit I was able to extricate mine from public school and that whole trajectory through Special Education. Mine ended up in 1 on 1 prep school at public expense. I also was spared most of the abhorrent behavior piece. But I felt the pain of the other moms dissing me too, I felt the pain of the lack of birthday party invitations...I know they secretly thought I was a bad mom.....I was spared the single mom thing.
My kid got inspired by the cult, watching his now 16 yo sister identify as a boy for several years (but she may have desisted, bcz she does not seem to be going down the road.) The medical establishment or rather the "Trans (sic) medical industrial complex does not wait for proper evaluations, (or any evaluations,) they don't scrutinize the recipients, instead they prescribe the puberty blockers or wrong sex hormones on the first visit; they include their prospects in groups of similarly situated which ensures their continued trajectory down a very painful path, that we are precluded from talking about or warning them about...
I appreciate the notion, to consider your work with your son as a job done very well and consider your self kinda "free." That is where our family is at currently....how do we do that artfully, in a way where it (read he) doesn't come back to bite us, and that doesn't cost us financially. Best of luck on your next phase!!
wow, that was a tough read. completely heartbreaking…I honestly can’t imagine.
let me be clear tho: you did the right thing.
growing up I had different circumstances but long story short, my father was a very emotionally manipulative person. one of the ways he did this was through financial support. he basically kept me and my brother in a state of prolonged adolescence by bailing us out of every failure in our adult lives, so that we both never had to face the consequences of our own actions. needless to say, we both became self destructive heroin addicts. by the Grace of God he went bankrupt by the time I was about 25-26 and all of a sudden I was forced to grow up and become a responsible man. it was incredibly painful and took the better part of 4 years but it was one of the greatest experiences of my life. I shudder to think of the wretched human I would have become if the money and soft support hadn’t run out.
I hope I’m not sounding to self aggrandizing and I’m not trying to scare you, but sometimes letting a child have to grow up themselves and letting them go can be the greatest act of Love a parent can give. it’s not a magic bullet and no outcomes are certain except one: if you kept sheltering and supporting him non-stop, it would end very badly.
stay strong in the knowledge that you have done everything possible for your kid.
First, you have my deepest sympathy and highest respect
Second, you didn't " throw him out ".
His " life choice" caused you so much angst and torment that a point came when cohabitation was no longer an option, though none of your fault. He technically chose by default to exit mom's welcoming house when his" choice" unacceptably wounded his mother. In your son's defense, his autism makes him a perfect candidate for believing the dangerous lies of the trans cult. This being said, not everyone on the spectrum goes trans. Most are prompted by the trans ideology but many don't fall for it. And though I put the blame for all your pain squarely on the trans extremists and advocates, there is still a level of personal responsibility that cannot be dismissed. Your son is very correct when he calls his life decision a choice.
Third, I got exhausted just by reading all you have done to give your son a chance at a successful, happy and meaningful, and this, without any support system. You have not left one stone unturned to find creative ways to help him, regardless of the cost. You have paid your dues to motherhood above and beyond what was expected of you. With the powers that have never been conferred to me and a complete lack of authority, if only my life experience and my brokenness as a detransitioner, I declare you free of any false sense of shame, fault or obligation.
You have done it all. You are now officially done.
Your son s life is in his hands. And yes I understand, his choices suck after all you have done but it's on him. You did all you humanly could. If I may, I would slightly modify your title from " it finally broke me" to " it finally freed me". You have sacrificed every thing for your kid: your family, your friends, your career, your health, your sleep...You are now free. Enjoy every aspect of it. You deserve it. You can sleep well with the satisfaction that you raised your insanely difficult son well and you made it alive. You have in you to go forward. You are anything but broken. You are one solid, courageous, head strong mama who has kept her sanity and her sense of human dignity in the midst of utter craziness. You can be proud of yourself. I'm of you.
I hope your son doesn't end up living on the street. Was he employed? Is he on disability? Does he have the skills needed to function as an adult? I'm not blaming you for throwing him out. I get that you reached the limit of what you could put up with, and you're not legally obligated to give him a place to live, but I hope he has a safe place to go.
I am so proud of you - kicking your son out of your home is exactly what you needed to do for YOU! Tough Love. Setting boundaries. Claiming your own space. Letting go. Finding Your Peace. It is not your fault that your son struggled, a lot of kids struggle. But him being rude, hateful, stubborn, lazy, disobedient etc. is unacceptable behavior and he chose these actions because he got attention. He sounds angry - perhaps because there is an absent father figure? Still, a lot of kids have a missing parent, and it does not give them the right to be awful to other people, it is not an excuse - ever. Your story is very sad. The fact that he chose to become a woman has nothing to do with you. He needs to live his life, suffer the consequences of his actions - and grow up. School of very hard knocks indeed. Please focus on yourself and let your healing process begin as raising your son on your own without support and financial help has probably drained you emotionally, mentally and physically. We are all supporting you here on this sub stack because we know how hard this trans ideology is on any family. Learn to love yourself again and focus on what brings you joy and seek it out. Let Go and Let God...Best wishes to you.
"He went to a woke doctor, got a referral to an endocrinologist, had his blood tests and got his hormones... There were no questions asked and no counselling offered."
What kind of parent kicks their kid out of the house, for any reason? All this does is expose the inner workings of the mind of someone who is anti-trans. And don’t act like I’m generalizing all of you just based on one post, an overwhelming amount of the replies agree with you and think you were justified. You deserve to feel all of the shame you are feeling for abandoning your child. You are a terrible human being.
Sometimes breaking and letring go is the only way for self preservation. Be gentle on yourself my friend, you have had years of struggle only for it all to end in the worst case scenario imo from being a mum of a son who thinks he's a girl... I've had to let go too, it's too exhausting.
Is there a part of this essay that was cut off?
Anyway that sucks, I'm sorry for all you've had to go through. Reminds me of that movie Babadook.
Thank you for that interesting information. The sensory difficulties with food are common with children on the spectrum. All mine were fussy in different ways, not just with food. My daughters both would not eat lunch at school. For some just eating in a dining room with other children is distressing. Maybe the noise is too much. You are fortunate that your daughter was able to tell you she did not trust doctors. She is wise. Mine went non verbal/selectively mute/shut down. Either they were unable to talk about their feelings or they decided taking about them was a waste of time as people would not listen. I believe we lived in a particularly difficult town in England with some very ignorant woke professionals with weird ideas. I am just thankful that my eldest was able to see the clinic was not helpful. She also had the sense to ignore her psychiatrist who would have prescribed respiridone. I remember feeling proud of my daughter seeing her with her back to the psychiatrist reading her book and refusing to accept a prescription for respiridone. My youngest when she later was seeing psychiatrists was the opposite in her thinking, trying to get as strong a dose of antidepressant as she could by threatening suicide. That led to wanting testosterone next. It was a slippery slope down, scary to watch.
I'm sorry for all the suffering you have endured.
You did what you had to do to.
It's difficult, to put it mildly, when you have a challenging kid. I had several children, and didn't have to deal with this as a single mother, but it was still so hard to have a troubled son. I know what it's like to have parents dislike you because of your child, and how people assume his problems are caused by bad parenting. It doesn't matter if your other children are high-achieving, model citizens, as mine were. The difficult child is the one who defines you. How much more difficult must it have been for you, as a single mother? My heart goes out to you.
I'm here now because my difficult child who matured into a young man of whom we were very proud, has also transitioned. And he has mostly cut us off, because although we love and accept him regardless, we do not believe he's a woman, and that's unacceptable, according to his new community. I hope and pray he wises up some day, but I think it will take years before that happens, if it does at all.
I know. The heartache is nearly unbearable. So many of us had kids with developmental and social challenges -- and the Covid lockdowns sucked them into the black hole of gender ideology and medical exploitation. May the Almighty expose this fraud for what it is and save our precious children.
Good for you.! Finally. I worry about how you still praise him, but I hope you will never let him back. The trans issue sounds like the least of what this entitled man has. You need to escape, for good and to finally have a good, happy life yourself.
So sad! All problems are now “ solved” by changing your sex, which is a complete impossibility
Thank you for your post. You truly are amazing. If only families critical of you had one iota of who you are and what your experience has been.
I have a very similar 19yo son, albeit I was able to extricate mine from public school and that whole trajectory through Special Education. Mine ended up in 1 on 1 prep school at public expense. I also was spared most of the abhorrent behavior piece. But I felt the pain of the other moms dissing me too, I felt the pain of the lack of birthday party invitations...I know they secretly thought I was a bad mom.....I was spared the single mom thing.
My kid got inspired by the cult, watching his now 16 yo sister identify as a boy for several years (but she may have desisted, bcz she does not seem to be going down the road.) The medical establishment or rather the "Trans (sic) medical industrial complex does not wait for proper evaluations, (or any evaluations,) they don't scrutinize the recipients, instead they prescribe the puberty blockers or wrong sex hormones on the first visit; they include their prospects in groups of similarly situated which ensures their continued trajectory down a very painful path, that we are precluded from talking about or warning them about...
I appreciate the notion, to consider your work with your son as a job done very well and consider your self kinda "free." That is where our family is at currently....how do we do that artfully, in a way where it (read he) doesn't come back to bite us, and that doesn't cost us financially. Best of luck on your next phase!!
wow, that was a tough read. completely heartbreaking…I honestly can’t imagine.
let me be clear tho: you did the right thing.
growing up I had different circumstances but long story short, my father was a very emotionally manipulative person. one of the ways he did this was through financial support. he basically kept me and my brother in a state of prolonged adolescence by bailing us out of every failure in our adult lives, so that we both never had to face the consequences of our own actions. needless to say, we both became self destructive heroin addicts. by the Grace of God he went bankrupt by the time I was about 25-26 and all of a sudden I was forced to grow up and become a responsible man. it was incredibly painful and took the better part of 4 years but it was one of the greatest experiences of my life. I shudder to think of the wretched human I would have become if the money and soft support hadn’t run out.
I hope I’m not sounding to self aggrandizing and I’m not trying to scare you, but sometimes letting a child have to grow up themselves and letting them go can be the greatest act of Love a parent can give. it’s not a magic bullet and no outcomes are certain except one: if you kept sheltering and supporting him non-stop, it would end very badly.
stay strong in the knowledge that you have done everything possible for your kid.
God bless…
A few things come to mind:
First, you have my deepest sympathy and highest respect
Second, you didn't " throw him out ".
His " life choice" caused you so much angst and torment that a point came when cohabitation was no longer an option, though none of your fault. He technically chose by default to exit mom's welcoming house when his" choice" unacceptably wounded his mother. In your son's defense, his autism makes him a perfect candidate for believing the dangerous lies of the trans cult. This being said, not everyone on the spectrum goes trans. Most are prompted by the trans ideology but many don't fall for it. And though I put the blame for all your pain squarely on the trans extremists and advocates, there is still a level of personal responsibility that cannot be dismissed. Your son is very correct when he calls his life decision a choice.
Third, I got exhausted just by reading all you have done to give your son a chance at a successful, happy and meaningful, and this, without any support system. You have not left one stone unturned to find creative ways to help him, regardless of the cost. You have paid your dues to motherhood above and beyond what was expected of you. With the powers that have never been conferred to me and a complete lack of authority, if only my life experience and my brokenness as a detransitioner, I declare you free of any false sense of shame, fault or obligation.
You have done it all. You are now officially done.
Your son s life is in his hands. And yes I understand, his choices suck after all you have done but it's on him. You did all you humanly could. If I may, I would slightly modify your title from " it finally broke me" to " it finally freed me". You have sacrificed every thing for your kid: your family, your friends, your career, your health, your sleep...You are now free. Enjoy every aspect of it. You deserve it. You can sleep well with the satisfaction that you raised your insanely difficult son well and you made it alive. You have in you to go forward. You are anything but broken. You are one solid, courageous, head strong mama who has kept her sanity and her sense of human dignity in the midst of utter craziness. You can be proud of yourself. I'm of you.
I hope your son doesn't end up living on the street. Was he employed? Is he on disability? Does he have the skills needed to function as an adult? I'm not blaming you for throwing him out. I get that you reached the limit of what you could put up with, and you're not legally obligated to give him a place to live, but I hope he has a safe place to go.
I am so proud of you - kicking your son out of your home is exactly what you needed to do for YOU! Tough Love. Setting boundaries. Claiming your own space. Letting go. Finding Your Peace. It is not your fault that your son struggled, a lot of kids struggle. But him being rude, hateful, stubborn, lazy, disobedient etc. is unacceptable behavior and he chose these actions because he got attention. He sounds angry - perhaps because there is an absent father figure? Still, a lot of kids have a missing parent, and it does not give them the right to be awful to other people, it is not an excuse - ever. Your story is very sad. The fact that he chose to become a woman has nothing to do with you. He needs to live his life, suffer the consequences of his actions - and grow up. School of very hard knocks indeed. Please focus on yourself and let your healing process begin as raising your son on your own without support and financial help has probably drained you emotionally, mentally and physically. We are all supporting you here on this sub stack because we know how hard this trans ideology is on any family. Learn to love yourself again and focus on what brings you joy and seek it out. Let Go and Let God...Best wishes to you.
"He went to a woke doctor, got a referral to an endocrinologist, had his blood tests and got his hormones... There were no questions asked and no counselling offered."
A glimpse into the Trans-Industrial Complex.