I have not shared this letter with my daughter but for me writing helps me process my feelings. We've hit a tough patch for sure and I needed to put my thoughts together. I will share this letter with my daughter's non affirming therapist before I share it with my daughter. I have received so much comfort from reading other parents posts that I wanted to share in case it can also help someone else. This letter was inspired (and in fact a few areas lifted) from a post to my dear daughter that appeared on your site. I've had that post sitting on my desktop and have read and reread it numerous times.
My son who thinks exactly the same way as your daughter came into the room and asked me what was I doing. I gave him to read your letter to your daughter.
He read a paragraph very thoughtfully then felt like a traitor to his transgender peers; gave back to me my phone and exited the room.
What happened to teachers, doctors, psychiatrists, parents, friends, family, government, society standing for TRUTH and helping to teach children to love the body you were born with, and to take on the responsibility of being? What ideology has changed this centuries old process that worked pretty damn well up until a few years ago?
For those who may not be aware of them, GDSN (Gender Dysphoria Support Network) and Gender - A Wider Lens podcast by Stella O'Malley and Sasha Ayad, offer great support for parents whose children have been caught up in this.
Thank you for writing that and for making it available to others. You have beautifully expressed so much of what I have experienced and felt. My situation is very similar, in almost all respects, to yours except that my daughter is now a young adult so is living independently. Six months ago she started taking testosterone. As an adolescent she struggled with friendships and her emotions were turbulent. In hindsight I can see that affected her self-esteem. Although I knew she spent time on Tumbl’r and was obsessed with certain bands and emo fashion I had no idea of the significance of that. I do now, and I very much regret not engaging more with her at the time. My child and so many others are in the thrall of gender ideology. Everyday I look for signs that this madness is coming to an end.
You suggest mental illness must be hell. I spent some time in that world with depression and the very bad thinking patterns and obsessions that clogged my brain with fog and disfunction. Mental illness is a faulty place to make decisions from. Parents need to be able to step in at those times and call the shots.
Thank you for sharing this with all of us who are in the same boat -feeling like we’re sinking. Like another commenter, your letter will stay on my computer as a reference and a launching point for my own letter to my gender-confused son. Hugs & support from another lost lefty mama. xo
Wow! I’m in a pool of tears in Virginia. It will be my computer your letter stays on. It’s like you read my mind! I feel your heart because my heart breaks from the same reality.
Surgically changing the healthy body you were born in makes no sense. On any level. Just as forcing teachers and all professionals to keep our children’s secrets is wrong. It is only teaching our children how to lie. I feel like I’m losing my mind! So thank you for your letter, I’m not feeling so alone. My prayer is that more parents speak up. We demand our parent’s rights back until our child is 18. No more secrets!
You have expressed so much of what is in my heart. I'm thinking of sharing your words with my daughter. She might listen better if it is a bit removed from our own relationship. This crazy situation is made easier knowing that (unfortunately) there are other parents who know what our family is going through. Thank you for this.
When size, diversity and ethnicity, bias (read Potential Reporting Bias in Neuroimaging Studies of Sex Differences, for instance) etc. are taken into account, there is no female or male brain.
"Dump the “dimorphism”: Comprehensive synthesis of human brain studies reveals few male-female differences beyond size"
They found almost no differences that were widely reproduced across studies, even those involving thousands of participants. For example, the volume or thickness of specific regions in the cerebral cortex is often reported to differ between men and women. However, the meta-synthesis shows that the regions identified differ enormously between studies. Male-female brain differences are also poorly replicated between diverse populations, such as Chinese versus American, meaning there is no universal marker that distinguishes men and women's brains across the human species.
men’s overall brain size is about 11% bigger than women’s, but unlike some songbirds, no specific brain areas are disproportionately larger in men or women. Brain size is proportional to body size, and the brain difference between sexes is actually smaller than other internal organs, such as the heart, lungs and kidneys, which range from 17% to 25% larger in men.
When overall size is properly controlled, no individual brain region varies by more than about 1% between men and women, and even these tiny differences are not found consistently across geographically or ethnically diverse populations.
Other highly touted brain sex differences are also a product of size, not sex. These include the ratio of gray matter to white matter and the ratio of connections between, versus within, the two hemispheres of the brain. Both of these ratios are larger in people with smaller brains, whether male or female.
Excellent points! I’m going to use some of your words in my letter to my daughter who thinks she’ll be a “man” if she has surgery. It’s all madness! And sadness.
Loved your letter very much.
I texted it to a friend with a similar girl.
My son who thinks exactly the same way as your daughter came into the room and asked me what was I doing. I gave him to read your letter to your daughter.
He read a paragraph very thoughtfully then felt like a traitor to his transgender peers; gave back to me my phone and exited the room.
I wonder if I helped him doubt a little.
What happened to teachers, doctors, psychiatrists, parents, friends, family, government, society standing for TRUTH and helping to teach children to love the body you were born with, and to take on the responsibility of being? What ideology has changed this centuries old process that worked pretty damn well up until a few years ago?
For those who may not be aware of them, GDSN (Gender Dysphoria Support Network) and Gender - A Wider Lens podcast by Stella O'Malley and Sasha Ayad, offer great support for parents whose children have been caught up in this.
How does your older daughter feel about all of this?
Thank you for writing that and for making it available to others. You have beautifully expressed so much of what I have experienced and felt. My situation is very similar, in almost all respects, to yours except that my daughter is now a young adult so is living independently. Six months ago she started taking testosterone. As an adolescent she struggled with friendships and her emotions were turbulent. In hindsight I can see that affected her self-esteem. Although I knew she spent time on Tumbl’r and was obsessed with certain bands and emo fashion I had no idea of the significance of that. I do now, and I very much regret not engaging more with her at the time. My child and so many others are in the thrall of gender ideology. Everyday I look for signs that this madness is coming to an end.
You suggest mental illness must be hell. I spent some time in that world with depression and the very bad thinking patterns and obsessions that clogged my brain with fog and disfunction. Mental illness is a faulty place to make decisions from. Parents need to be able to step in at those times and call the shots.
That should be common sense.
Thank you for sharing this with all of us who are in the same boat -feeling like we’re sinking. Like another commenter, your letter will stay on my computer as a reference and a launching point for my own letter to my gender-confused son. Hugs & support from another lost lefty mama. xo
Thank you for sharing this beautiful letter! Your daughter Is so lucky to have you. “giving up is not an option” sending you love and support... ❤️
Wow! I’m in a pool of tears in Virginia. It will be my computer your letter stays on. It’s like you read my mind! I feel your heart because my heart breaks from the same reality.
Surgically changing the healthy body you were born in makes no sense. On any level. Just as forcing teachers and all professionals to keep our children’s secrets is wrong. It is only teaching our children how to lie. I feel like I’m losing my mind! So thank you for your letter, I’m not feeling so alone. My prayer is that more parents speak up. We demand our parent’s rights back until our child is 18. No more secrets!
You have expressed so much of what is in my heart. I'm thinking of sharing your words with my daughter. She might listen better if it is a bit removed from our own relationship. This crazy situation is made easier knowing that (unfortunately) there are other parents who know what our family is going through. Thank you for this.
When size, diversity and ethnicity, bias (read Potential Reporting Bias in Neuroimaging Studies of Sex Differences, for instance) etc. are taken into account, there is no female or male brain.
"Dump the “dimorphism”: Comprehensive synthesis of human brain studies reveals few male-female differences beyond size"
They found almost no differences that were widely reproduced across studies, even those involving thousands of participants. For example, the volume or thickness of specific regions in the cerebral cortex is often reported to differ between men and women. However, the meta-synthesis shows that the regions identified differ enormously between studies. Male-female brain differences are also poorly replicated between diverse populations, such as Chinese versus American, meaning there is no universal marker that distinguishes men and women's brains across the human species.
men’s overall brain size is about 11% bigger than women’s, but unlike some songbirds, no specific brain areas are disproportionately larger in men or women. Brain size is proportional to body size, and the brain difference between sexes is actually smaller than other internal organs, such as the heart, lungs and kidneys, which range from 17% to 25% larger in men.
When overall size is properly controlled, no individual brain region varies by more than about 1% between men and women, and even these tiny differences are not found consistently across geographically or ethnically diverse populations.
Other highly touted brain sex differences are also a product of size, not sex. These include the ratio of gray matter to white matter and the ratio of connections between, versus within, the two hemispheres of the brain. Both of these ratios are larger in people with smaller brains, whether male or female.
Excellent points! I’m going to use some of your words in my letter to my daughter who thinks she’ll be a “man” if she has surgery. It’s all madness! And sadness.
🙏🏻