Maybe it’s because my daughter just turned 26 or because she’s been on T for seven years now, but I have come to the realization that I have been living like I’m in a cult too.
Man my heart aches for parents having to make decisions like this. I can't help but wonder if the internet did not exist, would we be seeing so many young people fall into the Trans trap?
I’m so sorry for your experience; it’s heart wrenching as a mother to watch your child harm herself. I pray for your heart to heal so that you can once again see beauty in the world around you. 🙏🏻
My son was in it for somewhere between 4 and 5 years. SO many people were praying for him and finally a few months ago he got hit by something and just came out. He stopped all medications, including the adderall he was on. He read the book of Revelation and started reading the whole bible. I don't necessarily believes he knows as much as he says he does, but praise God he is on a better path. As soon as I accepted the explanation that this whole agenda is just from the devil himself, things began to change. I encourage you to check out on YouTube Isaiah Saldivar's 11:40 minute video "Killed by the woke mind virus" talking about Elon Musk and his son. NEVER lose hope. I do believe that all the world is a stage right now and these children who have been sucked into Satan's agenda will be delivered from it all. My son was. He is also 26...and as are many, was diagnosed on the autism spectrum at age 9. He now has a YouTube channel where he makes up lyrics to music talking about the evil that is and has been going on all around us for decades and really from the beginning of time. The light is about to show up and scatter all the roaches (darkness)!
So sorry. My heart hurts for you both. I won’t use invalid pronouns. I respect that adults have the choice on how they choose to live, but respect goes both ways. We don’t have to have our speech or thoughts compelled. There is a middle ground but some won’t allow there to be. I think it is healthy you let go of what you can’t control and try and mend your heart and mind. ♥️
You listed so many valid, sad and very good and healthy points. Ignoring the elephant in the room is never easy but to survive this cult, parents need to move on. You are correct - you HAVE been living in the cult right along with your daughter. Parents, family members, and friends also get trapped without realizing it. Walking on eggshells, avoiding trigger words, cautiously having conversations, dancing around the obvious, ignoring behavior, withdrawing from social activities, not sending out a family photo at Christmas, not inviting anyone to the house, making excuses, pretending...we all get trapped. I hate this evil transgender cult. The best thing any of us can do at this point is to focus on ourselves, our own well-being, our happiness and move on. One day soon the rest of the world will wake up, catch up, and step up to the truth and reality of what has happened. Some will fight and push back, others will be horrified as to what has taken place, still others will point fingers, and the ones who are disfigured and having serious health issues will have desperate decisions to make...to continue living the lies or to get the help they needed in the first place. God help us.
My story is basically exactly the same, even the ages, which says something about the timing of all of this. Obviously our girls fell under the spell of the same SOB online groomers. However I made mine move out. No way was she making ADULT decisions about her body while I was supporting her like a child. You want to be a grown up & think you know everything? Go right ahead. Didn't really need to make myself available 24/7 for her constant barrage of abuse about how awful I am.
I agree with everything you said 100% ~ for my situation is so similar to yours. Thanks for the encouragement to move on to a new, better state of being!
I cannot imagine your pain. I’m so sorry. God loves you and your daughter. Put your daughter in His hands. While you’re at it, put yourself there too. He doesn’t promise to take away the suffering, but He does promise to be with you in it. Hold onto Jesus. He is very familiar with pain.
My heart goes out to you as the mother of a trans-identifying daughter. I wondered, too, how to navigate this well - especially as a Christian.
There is a way, as I realized much of what you point out.
The place where we end and our children begin can be discovered, and maintaining that boundary benefits all parties.
We are all responsible for our own choices in this life. I’ve made many mistakes and foolish choices in my own life. I have paid some of the consequences for those, and will be held to account for all of it in the end. It’s the height of arrogance to think I can protect my adult child from the same reality.
There’s a difference between accepting people where they are and affirming what they’re doing. We can love our children and accept that they are confused - even deluded - without accepting that their ideas are based in truth. We can assert that it’s because we love them that we can’t affirm what they believe - because we believe it’s not true and that it’s dangerous and will end up hurting them. They, too, can choose to accept us without affirming what we believe to be so. Will they? It’s ultimately their choice.
There is a cost to stand for the truth - and to speak it. Only do so with love and deep compassion. When our children come to their senses, it will make it easier for them to return. Remember, they won’t be turning to the ones who affirmed them, because those people lied to them. They will turn to the one(s) who loved them enough to tell them the truth and who did so graciously.
What I realized, also, is that my daughter made choices that put herself on the road she travels. I had no such luxury. She can choose to come off that road, where the only choice I have is how I will go through my valley.
It’s this unexpected detour that my daughter forced me on that led me to start a ministry for others whose loved ones did likewise. It’s a biblically based navigational program that helps us valley sojourners to shift our focus and process our emotions, and helps us to move forward with freedom and courage. To go through the valley with others who understand the grief, anger, fear, frustration, guilt and shame is beyond comforting - it’s empowering.
If you’re interested in learning more about The Way Through, message me and we’ll connect.
God bless you as you seek peace in the middle of this storm. May all of our children and other loved ones come to their senses and be healed.
Thank you, Colleen. Would love to hear how it impacted you. If you’d like to set up a time to chat, send me an email at belovedinthevalley@ gmail.com and we’ll set up a Zoom call.
If you’re in a similar situation and would like to join one of my virtual groups, the spring sessions begin the week of March 17. We’d love to have you.
Again, email me at the above address for more information.
"Loving detachment " An oxymoron? I am trying this every day about my son who has/is destroying HIM self. And every day this reclaiming my own well-being is an ongoing, at times elusive, effort.
Yes, it’s a paradox but a meaningful one. I’m not saying it’s easy by any means, quite the opposite, and I haven’t had a child in this situation myself but I have had parents and partners bent on destroying themselves. I’ve also worked with teens and young adults determined to destroy themselves (addicts, alcoholics, anorexics, bulimics) and seen what their parents go through. It’s not about giving up on them but it is about being strategic as in: what’s likely to work in this situation? What power do I have to bring about change, if any?
It depends on the age of the child as well of course. It would be extremely difficult to adopt this approach with a child under 18 but over that age it can be the only way to maintain sanity because they then have a legal right to destroy themselves. Again, it’s important to recognise one’s powerlessness in some situations and the risk of having the opposite effect to that intended.
It’s the same principle that underlies self-help groups like Al Anon and Nar Anon which were set up to help parents, partners and loved ones of alcoholics and addicts. It also underlies a form of therapy which was designed for working with people with compulsive disorders called Motivational Interviewing which is based on the belief that the more you try to push someone in the direction you want them to go in, the harder they push back and you end up inadvertently reinforcing their position.
IMO kids/young adults who get stuck in the gender cult are not very different to kids who get caught up in other self-destructive behaviours like addictions and eating disorders. Parents have to walk a fine line with these issues too, neither abandoning the person nor enabling the behaviour. It’s incredibly tricky and such parents need a lot of support.
Pulling back and saying, in effect, I don’t agree with this and I don’t believe in it, but I can’t stop you. If you want help to get back to sanity, I’m here but I’m not going to enable you to destroy yourself. It’s a very hard balancing act. There are some good books and organisations out there that can help parents, like Genspect and Miriam Grossman’s book Lost in TransNation.
I appreciate your thoughtful reply. My son submerged in the trans cult at 19, and at 22 is deeply entrenched. Over time, I have recognized that since my son is an adult (albeit extremely emotionally imature) I am powerless to extract him from this horror, and that any push in this direction does cause him to dig in his heels and risks estrangement, which I am clear I do not want. My love, while tested, remains for him, and I also value offering a thread in his life to sanity. In the meantime, I do feel estranged from and disgusted by my sick culture that has enabled my vulnerable son's path into the abyss of his mental and physical deterioration. While I hold out long term hope for my son to wake up, it may be too late. But I am heartened that the tide does seem to be turning toward exposing the trans cult as heinous and implementing an end or at least a slowing down of its obscene mutilation and destruction of lives, which includes even children.
It sounds like an incredibly painful situation. I hope you have some support, perhaps from people going through the same situation. I know you have that here but the more support you can find, the better.
I totally agree that it’s unconscionable that this toxic cult has been adopted by society at large (or rather, imposed upon society by means of indoctrination and coercion) and that all major institutions have been captured by it. There will always be kids who are vulnerable to seductive ideas such as those offered by this ideology but when politicians and authorities collude with those exploiting them, it’s a completely different situation. I’ve worked in mental health for over thirty years and have never seen anything like this capitulation to a fantasy-based movement. I believe this is the worst medical scandal ever.
Here’s hoping your son wakes up soon. My thoughts and hopes are with you.
If you need something fun and uplifting to read, try The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion!
I’m afraid you’re never getting out if you’re still supporting her financially.
Man my heart aches for parents having to make decisions like this. I can't help but wonder if the internet did not exist, would we be seeing so many young people fall into the Trans trap?
I’m so sorry for your experience; it’s heart wrenching as a mother to watch your child harm herself. I pray for your heart to heal so that you can once again see beauty in the world around you. 🙏🏻
My son was in it for somewhere between 4 and 5 years. SO many people were praying for him and finally a few months ago he got hit by something and just came out. He stopped all medications, including the adderall he was on. He read the book of Revelation and started reading the whole bible. I don't necessarily believes he knows as much as he says he does, but praise God he is on a better path. As soon as I accepted the explanation that this whole agenda is just from the devil himself, things began to change. I encourage you to check out on YouTube Isaiah Saldivar's 11:40 minute video "Killed by the woke mind virus" talking about Elon Musk and his son. NEVER lose hope. I do believe that all the world is a stage right now and these children who have been sucked into Satan's agenda will be delivered from it all. My son was. He is also 26...and as are many, was diagnosed on the autism spectrum at age 9. He now has a YouTube channel where he makes up lyrics to music talking about the evil that is and has been going on all around us for decades and really from the beginning of time. The light is about to show up and scatter all the roaches (darkness)!
This is a great show of acceptance, the last step of grief. Congratulations to the author.
So sorry. My heart hurts for you both. I won’t use invalid pronouns. I respect that adults have the choice on how they choose to live, but respect goes both ways. We don’t have to have our speech or thoughts compelled. There is a middle ground but some won’t allow there to be. I think it is healthy you let go of what you can’t control and try and mend your heart and mind. ♥️
You listed so many valid, sad and very good and healthy points. Ignoring the elephant in the room is never easy but to survive this cult, parents need to move on. You are correct - you HAVE been living in the cult right along with your daughter. Parents, family members, and friends also get trapped without realizing it. Walking on eggshells, avoiding trigger words, cautiously having conversations, dancing around the obvious, ignoring behavior, withdrawing from social activities, not sending out a family photo at Christmas, not inviting anyone to the house, making excuses, pretending...we all get trapped. I hate this evil transgender cult. The best thing any of us can do at this point is to focus on ourselves, our own well-being, our happiness and move on. One day soon the rest of the world will wake up, catch up, and step up to the truth and reality of what has happened. Some will fight and push back, others will be horrified as to what has taken place, still others will point fingers, and the ones who are disfigured and having serious health issues will have desperate decisions to make...to continue living the lies or to get the help they needed in the first place. God help us.
My story is basically exactly the same, even the ages, which says something about the timing of all of this. Obviously our girls fell under the spell of the same SOB online groomers. However I made mine move out. No way was she making ADULT decisions about her body while I was supporting her like a child. You want to be a grown up & think you know everything? Go right ahead. Didn't really need to make myself available 24/7 for her constant barrage of abuse about how awful I am.
I agree with everything you said 100% ~ for my situation is so similar to yours. Thanks for the encouragement to move on to a new, better state of being!
I cannot imagine your pain. I’m so sorry. God loves you and your daughter. Put your daughter in His hands. While you’re at it, put yourself there too. He doesn’t promise to take away the suffering, but He does promise to be with you in it. Hold onto Jesus. He is very familiar with pain.
My heart goes out to you as the mother of a trans-identifying daughter. I wondered, too, how to navigate this well - especially as a Christian.
There is a way, as I realized much of what you point out.
The place where we end and our children begin can be discovered, and maintaining that boundary benefits all parties.
We are all responsible for our own choices in this life. I’ve made many mistakes and foolish choices in my own life. I have paid some of the consequences for those, and will be held to account for all of it in the end. It’s the height of arrogance to think I can protect my adult child from the same reality.
There’s a difference between accepting people where they are and affirming what they’re doing. We can love our children and accept that they are confused - even deluded - without accepting that their ideas are based in truth. We can assert that it’s because we love them that we can’t affirm what they believe - because we believe it’s not true and that it’s dangerous and will end up hurting them. They, too, can choose to accept us without affirming what we believe to be so. Will they? It’s ultimately their choice.
There is a cost to stand for the truth - and to speak it. Only do so with love and deep compassion. When our children come to their senses, it will make it easier for them to return. Remember, they won’t be turning to the ones who affirmed them, because those people lied to them. They will turn to the one(s) who loved them enough to tell them the truth and who did so graciously.
What I realized, also, is that my daughter made choices that put herself on the road she travels. I had no such luxury. She can choose to come off that road, where the only choice I have is how I will go through my valley.
It’s this unexpected detour that my daughter forced me on that led me to start a ministry for others whose loved ones did likewise. It’s a biblically based navigational program that helps us valley sojourners to shift our focus and process our emotions, and helps us to move forward with freedom and courage. To go through the valley with others who understand the grief, anger, fear, frustration, guilt and shame is beyond comforting - it’s empowering.
If you’re interested in learning more about The Way Through, message me and we’ll connect.
God bless you as you seek peace in the middle of this storm. May all of our children and other loved ones come to their senses and be healed.
So graciously written. Love to connect. blessings, Colleen from Canada
Thank you, Colleen. Would love to hear how it impacted you. If you’d like to set up a time to chat, send me an email at belovedinthevalley@ gmail.com and we’ll set up a Zoom call.
If you’re in a similar situation and would like to join one of my virtual groups, the spring sessions begin the week of March 17. We’d love to have you.
Again, email me at the above address for more information.
Blessings!
Dottie
Very well-written and a very wise approach. Loving detachment is the only way to save one’s sanity in this situation.
"Loving detachment " An oxymoron? I am trying this every day about my son who has/is destroying HIM self. And every day this reclaiming my own well-being is an ongoing, at times elusive, effort.
Yes, it’s a paradox but a meaningful one. I’m not saying it’s easy by any means, quite the opposite, and I haven’t had a child in this situation myself but I have had parents and partners bent on destroying themselves. I’ve also worked with teens and young adults determined to destroy themselves (addicts, alcoholics, anorexics, bulimics) and seen what their parents go through. It’s not about giving up on them but it is about being strategic as in: what’s likely to work in this situation? What power do I have to bring about change, if any?
It depends on the age of the child as well of course. It would be extremely difficult to adopt this approach with a child under 18 but over that age it can be the only way to maintain sanity because they then have a legal right to destroy themselves. Again, it’s important to recognise one’s powerlessness in some situations and the risk of having the opposite effect to that intended.
It’s the same principle that underlies self-help groups like Al Anon and Nar Anon which were set up to help parents, partners and loved ones of alcoholics and addicts. It also underlies a form of therapy which was designed for working with people with compulsive disorders called Motivational Interviewing which is based on the belief that the more you try to push someone in the direction you want them to go in, the harder they push back and you end up inadvertently reinforcing their position.
IMO kids/young adults who get stuck in the gender cult are not very different to kids who get caught up in other self-destructive behaviours like addictions and eating disorders. Parents have to walk a fine line with these issues too, neither abandoning the person nor enabling the behaviour. It’s incredibly tricky and such parents need a lot of support.
Pulling back and saying, in effect, I don’t agree with this and I don’t believe in it, but I can’t stop you. If you want help to get back to sanity, I’m here but I’m not going to enable you to destroy yourself. It’s a very hard balancing act. There are some good books and organisations out there that can help parents, like Genspect and Miriam Grossman’s book Lost in TransNation.
I appreciate your thoughtful reply. My son submerged in the trans cult at 19, and at 22 is deeply entrenched. Over time, I have recognized that since my son is an adult (albeit extremely emotionally imature) I am powerless to extract him from this horror, and that any push in this direction does cause him to dig in his heels and risks estrangement, which I am clear I do not want. My love, while tested, remains for him, and I also value offering a thread in his life to sanity. In the meantime, I do feel estranged from and disgusted by my sick culture that has enabled my vulnerable son's path into the abyss of his mental and physical deterioration. While I hold out long term hope for my son to wake up, it may be too late. But I am heartened that the tide does seem to be turning toward exposing the trans cult as heinous and implementing an end or at least a slowing down of its obscene mutilation and destruction of lives, which includes even children.
It sounds like an incredibly painful situation. I hope you have some support, perhaps from people going through the same situation. I know you have that here but the more support you can find, the better.
I totally agree that it’s unconscionable that this toxic cult has been adopted by society at large (or rather, imposed upon society by means of indoctrination and coercion) and that all major institutions have been captured by it. There will always be kids who are vulnerable to seductive ideas such as those offered by this ideology but when politicians and authorities collude with those exploiting them, it’s a completely different situation. I’ve worked in mental health for over thirty years and have never seen anything like this capitulation to a fantasy-based movement. I believe this is the worst medical scandal ever.
Here’s hoping your son wakes up soon. My thoughts and hopes are with you.
Bravo... Truth sets one free! Congratulations!
🙏🏻❤️🙏🏻
Keep up with the new way of thinking as defined here. It’s exactly what you need to do. Just support where you can. They have been brainwashed.🙏 🥰🥰