I get it. I view it like Just Mom, below - "even small, everyday things cause our minds to go down the rabbit hole of trying to understand this nightmare". When are we not thinking about our beloved kids as we go about our lives?
You refer to: so-called “trans identifying”. I think that “trans identifying” has been a significant improvement over "trans" but lately I am thinking we need plainer language than that like perhaps "Bearded Lady Drug Addict". Here is one who has gone viral:
"Trans-identified female lawyer berates judge, pulls trans card, gets found in contempt, resists arrest, screams “I can’t breathe,” and yells for people to call 911 as she’s fighting police.
Absolutely glorious performance.
Women should not take testosterone."
I don't have something for the Estrogen addicted young men yet:
"Canada’s Ball-Waxing Horror Show Is Peak Transgender Activism"
I'd concede your point if "male" was Spanish for "female". Sorry, no points for your jalapeño argument.
But it does remind me of the last big fight I had with my daughter before I was blocked. The child chose a male name. She decided to name herself Lewis. But to honor her Cuban grandmother, she spelled it "Luis". I explained that "Luis" isn't pronounced "Lewis" its pronounced "Loo-ez" much like the feminine "Louise". So if she wants it pronounced "Lewis" she should spell it "Lewis". (Or Louis, which is also a correct spelling). But if you are making me call you by your legal name (something that IS a social construct. I vowed never to honor her pronouns but I'd honor a name change) I am going to call you the name on your documentation- Luis (pronounced loo-ees or loo-eez) not Lewis, which is not her name, based on the spelling. . .She also greatly objected to the nickname "Lulu". I did eventually concede to calling her Lewis (after a prior compromise of "Lu") but only to prove that it wouldn't actually make it her name. Even if her mom was using it.
I'm sorry you've had a bad time since being cut off. But you also have to laugh. Its all so dumb. I was recently in a community theatre production with my daughter's girlfriends brother. Her girlfriend brought her to see the show. I got to watch her try to hide from me, twisting in tension from her self imposed estrangement. (Her estrangement was in lieu of nothing. We had resolved the name issue before Christmas and spent Christmas together uneventfully before she cut me off). Watching her try to sneak around the theatre just emphasized how childish it all is. You gotta laugh.
Thanks for the distraction. I hear you; even small, everyday things cause our minds to go down the rabbit hole of trying to understand this nightmare because of the grief. I'm praying with you for all of our kids to come to their senses and break free from this. 🙏🏼
hello dear distressed parent -- I sincerely hope you get your son back but with all due respect, I don't resonate with your analogy using jalapenos. It's a Mexican/Spanish word, and as with most words from another language, using the original pronunciation is common and preferable to many folks. Using the jargon and falsehoods of trans identity ideology is a whole different fruit (or veggie, as the case may be).
I dunno... I am not even a native English speaker, so... I feel like trans is the opposite of jalapenos. The language rules are pretty arbitrary and flexible - biology is not. There are men everywhere - there are plenty of places with no jalapenos. And hence, it's perfectly fine to say jalapenos based on the culture they come from. I am fine with saying jalapenos with "hall" and knishes with a "k". I am absolutely not fine saying "men" and "women" with "cis" or "trans". "Men" and "women" didn't come from Mexico or trans la-la-land. I do hope your son comes back to reality.
Some of the best advice I've gotten is this: Keep loving without affirming. Do your best to keep communication open (Messenger is what worked for me during the estrangement). Tell your son that you love him often and find ways to show it (send birthday, Christmas cards, etc., drop off food (if possible), continue to invite him to family gatherings (he may not accept, but keep asking and maybe someday he will). Continue praying for him. Love like Jesus loves us. I'm now able to see and be with my son in person and enjoy his company again and give him hugs. He still has not come out of the trans ideology, but I am still praying for that to happen. Prayers for you and your son.
We have walked the same path- trying to show our love, even through many years of estrangement. He went through a crisis and is now back in touch w us. It is still hard to get past his trans appearance, but it is infinitely better than being estranged. As parents, I feel we continually find we have to dig ever deeper for the love that’s illuminated by grace and generosity— but we all find a way.
One big issue here is that they are talking gender as identity and you are talking gender as biology. It’s a gaslighting technique. Your trans girl son will need their doctors to analyze their health issues as “biological males on female hormones” all their trans life. Does anybody ever remind their trans kids that nothing they can do will change their genes? Birth certificates should reflect XX or XY genes.
"Does anybody ever remind their trans kids that nothing they can do will change their genes? "
All the time. It doesn't do any good at all. It is like talking to someone in a cult, which they are. "Trans" is a belief. It also doesn't do any good to explain they are damaging their health.
"One big issue here is that they are talking gender as identity and you are talking gender as biology. It’s a gaslighting technique. " 100%
It is a gaslighting technique. And, it has been very effective to promote "trans" as an "identity rights" issue and "healthcare" when it is neither. What we need are more clear eyed rulings that suck the money out of this medical harm like the one below where - "On March 10, 2026, the Fourth Circuit issued its decision in Anderson v. Crouch, reversing a lower court ruling that had required West Virginia’s Medicaid program to cover gender surgeries." Without the hormones and surgeries paid for by all insurance the kids will move on I think. My daughter is on Testosterone and she pays basically nothing for it even though it isn't "Medicine" and it Harms her. Insurance never pays for things if not required.
"The Fourth Circuit just handed down a ruling that gender medicine advocates will hate, we know so because Erin in the Morn said so...
Here's a clear-eyed look at what it says, what it doesn't, and why the evidence problem isn't going away."
"The panel’s analysis turns on two key questions that our organization gives a lot of thought to. The first is deceptively simple: does excluding coverage of, or banning, gender medical interventions classify people based on who they are, or based on what they’re being treated for?
The court’s answer is the latter. West Virginia doesn’t deny coverage to transgender people as a class. It declines to cover a specific diagnosis — gender dysphoria — for surgical treatment. Anyone, regardless of transgender status, can receive a vaginoplasty covered by West Virginia Medicaid if they have a qualifying diagnosis like congenital absence of a vagina (which is a rarebut actualcondition called vaginal agenesis). No one, regardless of sex or transgender status, can get that same procedure covered if the diagnosis is gender dysphoria. The exclusion is diagnosis-based, not identity-based.
This is the Skrmetti framework applied to adults and to the Medicaid context.
The evidence problem
The second question that the Fourth Circuit addressed is whether banning gender medical interventions, or excluding from coverage in the case of West Virginia, is a rational policy for states to adopt. (While Skrmetti dealt with a ban on procedures as opposed to West Virginia’s exclusion from Medicaid, the court deals with this succinctly: if a state can rationally prohibit these treatments — as the Supreme Court held Tennessee could for minors — then a state can certainly rationally decline to fund them.)
Here, as the Supreme Court did in Skrmetti, the Fourth Circuit engaged directly with the evidence — or rather, the lack of it, but this time looking at adults as well as minors. "
Sending you compassion. I yearn for my son back, too - also seduced into the horror during college. Thank you for your post. I always mispronounce jalapenos, and your post prompted a smile, which I appreciate even more after my beloved son was stolen by our sick culture.
I could not have said it better. Thank you for saying it like it is for you, me, and so many other parents with estranged trans children.
I get it. I view it like Just Mom, below - "even small, everyday things cause our minds to go down the rabbit hole of trying to understand this nightmare". When are we not thinking about our beloved kids as we go about our lives?
You refer to: so-called “trans identifying”. I think that “trans identifying” has been a significant improvement over "trans" but lately I am thinking we need plainer language than that like perhaps "Bearded Lady Drug Addict". Here is one who has gone viral:
https://xcancel.com/BillboardChris/status/2037056119588212846
"Trans-identified female lawyer berates judge, pulls trans card, gets found in contempt, resists arrest, screams “I can’t breathe,” and yells for people to call 911 as she’s fighting police.
Absolutely glorious performance.
Women should not take testosterone."
I don't have something for the Estrogen addicted young men yet:
"Canada’s Ball-Waxing Horror Show Is Peak Transgender Activism"
https://www.nationalreview.com/2019/07/canadas-ball-waxing-horror-show-peak-transgen-activism/
https://joshuacolemanphd.substack.com/p/the-quiet-violence-of-being-left?utm_campaign=post-expanded-share&utm_medium=web
I found this article helpful today, as well as his follow up article posted today. Thought I'd share.
I'd concede your point if "male" was Spanish for "female". Sorry, no points for your jalapeño argument.
But it does remind me of the last big fight I had with my daughter before I was blocked. The child chose a male name. She decided to name herself Lewis. But to honor her Cuban grandmother, she spelled it "Luis". I explained that "Luis" isn't pronounced "Lewis" its pronounced "Loo-ez" much like the feminine "Louise". So if she wants it pronounced "Lewis" she should spell it "Lewis". (Or Louis, which is also a correct spelling). But if you are making me call you by your legal name (something that IS a social construct. I vowed never to honor her pronouns but I'd honor a name change) I am going to call you the name on your documentation- Luis (pronounced loo-ees or loo-eez) not Lewis, which is not her name, based on the spelling. . .She also greatly objected to the nickname "Lulu". I did eventually concede to calling her Lewis (after a prior compromise of "Lu") but only to prove that it wouldn't actually make it her name. Even if her mom was using it.
I'm sorry you've had a bad time since being cut off. But you also have to laugh. Its all so dumb. I was recently in a community theatre production with my daughter's girlfriends brother. Her girlfriend brought her to see the show. I got to watch her try to hide from me, twisting in tension from her self imposed estrangement. (Her estrangement was in lieu of nothing. We had resolved the name issue before Christmas and spent Christmas together uneventfully before she cut me off). Watching her try to sneak around the theatre just emphasized how childish it all is. You gotta laugh.
Thanks for the distraction. I hear you; even small, everyday things cause our minds to go down the rabbit hole of trying to understand this nightmare because of the grief. I'm praying with you for all of our kids to come to their senses and break free from this. 🙏🏼
hello dear distressed parent -- I sincerely hope you get your son back but with all due respect, I don't resonate with your analogy using jalapenos. It's a Mexican/Spanish word, and as with most words from another language, using the original pronunciation is common and preferable to many folks. Using the jargon and falsehoods of trans identity ideology is a whole different fruit (or veggie, as the case may be).
or fruit -- it's debatable!
jelly pen yo! Spicy! Thank you for the laugh.
The real food adds zest to life.
The lying dogma burns life out of people.
Getting either one in your eyes forces tears.
I dunno... I am not even a native English speaker, so... I feel like trans is the opposite of jalapenos. The language rules are pretty arbitrary and flexible - biology is not. There are men everywhere - there are plenty of places with no jalapenos. And hence, it's perfectly fine to say jalapenos based on the culture they come from. I am fine with saying jalapenos with "hall" and knishes with a "k". I am absolutely not fine saying "men" and "women" with "cis" or "trans". "Men" and "women" didn't come from Mexico or trans la-la-land. I do hope your son comes back to reality.
It's The Emperor's New Clothes all over again...
Some of the best advice I've gotten is this: Keep loving without affirming. Do your best to keep communication open (Messenger is what worked for me during the estrangement). Tell your son that you love him often and find ways to show it (send birthday, Christmas cards, etc., drop off food (if possible), continue to invite him to family gatherings (he may not accept, but keep asking and maybe someday he will). Continue praying for him. Love like Jesus loves us. I'm now able to see and be with my son in person and enjoy his company again and give him hugs. He still has not come out of the trans ideology, but I am still praying for that to happen. Prayers for you and your son.
We have walked the same path- trying to show our love, even through many years of estrangement. He went through a crisis and is now back in touch w us. It is still hard to get past his trans appearance, but it is infinitely better than being estranged. As parents, I feel we continually find we have to dig ever deeper for the love that’s illuminated by grace and generosity— but we all find a way.
One big issue here is that they are talking gender as identity and you are talking gender as biology. It’s a gaslighting technique. Your trans girl son will need their doctors to analyze their health issues as “biological males on female hormones” all their trans life. Does anybody ever remind their trans kids that nothing they can do will change their genes? Birth certificates should reflect XX or XY genes.
"Does anybody ever remind their trans kids that nothing they can do will change their genes? "
All the time. It doesn't do any good at all. It is like talking to someone in a cult, which they are. "Trans" is a belief. It also doesn't do any good to explain they are damaging their health.
"One big issue here is that they are talking gender as identity and you are talking gender as biology. It’s a gaslighting technique. " 100%
It is a gaslighting technique. And, it has been very effective to promote "trans" as an "identity rights" issue and "healthcare" when it is neither. What we need are more clear eyed rulings that suck the money out of this medical harm like the one below where - "On March 10, 2026, the Fourth Circuit issued its decision in Anderson v. Crouch, reversing a lower court ruling that had required West Virginia’s Medicaid program to cover gender surgeries." Without the hormones and surgeries paid for by all insurance the kids will move on I think. My daughter is on Testosterone and she pays basically nothing for it even though it isn't "Medicine" and it Harms her. Insurance never pays for things if not required.
"The Fourth Circuit just handed down a ruling that gender medicine advocates will hate, we know so because Erin in the Morn said so...
Here's a clear-eyed look at what it says, what it doesn't, and why the evidence problem isn't going away."
https://lgbcouragecoalition.substack.com/p/the-fourth-circuit-just-handed-down
"The panel’s analysis turns on two key questions that our organization gives a lot of thought to. The first is deceptively simple: does excluding coverage of, or banning, gender medical interventions classify people based on who they are, or based on what they’re being treated for?
The court’s answer is the latter. West Virginia doesn’t deny coverage to transgender people as a class. It declines to cover a specific diagnosis — gender dysphoria — for surgical treatment. Anyone, regardless of transgender status, can receive a vaginoplasty covered by West Virginia Medicaid if they have a qualifying diagnosis like congenital absence of a vagina (which is a rarebut actualcondition called vaginal agenesis). No one, regardless of sex or transgender status, can get that same procedure covered if the diagnosis is gender dysphoria. The exclusion is diagnosis-based, not identity-based.
This is the Skrmetti framework applied to adults and to the Medicaid context.
The evidence problem
The second question that the Fourth Circuit addressed is whether banning gender medical interventions, or excluding from coverage in the case of West Virginia, is a rational policy for states to adopt. (While Skrmetti dealt with a ban on procedures as opposed to West Virginia’s exclusion from Medicaid, the court deals with this succinctly: if a state can rationally prohibit these treatments — as the Supreme Court held Tennessee could for minors — then a state can certainly rationally decline to fund them.)
Here, as the Supreme Court did in Skrmetti, the Fourth Circuit engaged directly with the evidence — or rather, the lack of it, but this time looking at adults as well as minors. "
Sending you compassion. I yearn for my son back, too - also seduced into the horror during college. Thank you for your post. I always mispronounce jalapenos, and your post prompted a smile, which I appreciate even more after my beloved son was stolen by our sick culture.
I don't get it