This is a transcript of a Partners for Ethical Care (PEC) parent story. The original version can be found here, and the podcast version can be found here, as part of PEC’s podcast series, “The Witness: True Stories of Children and Gender Identity.
As an academically advanced student, my daughter never quite fit in with her peers. Social isolation, dealing with substantial losses in her short life, and entering puberty before she was emotionally ready were overwhelming. Searching the internet, reading tumblr, watching YouTube, and discovering porn led her to find the meaning to her discomfort – she was transgender. With more internet time her dysphoria worsened.
Thinking this was a gender issue we found a gender therapist to help her sort out her pain. Instead of exploring the root of her problems, this therapist just affirmed her identity as transgender. Within a couple of months, she guided her to “come out” at school, where she was applauded and told she was brave. She was only 12 years old. I only found out after the fact.
I went to the school counselor and asked why they would let this happen, why weren't her parents contacted to see “what issues” she may be going through? The school counselor relayed to me, “They're following the guidance passed in 2016, that parents are NOT to be NOTIFIED if a child self-identifies as a transgender.” Later I asked my child how her self-declaration at school was going, she replied, “It's fine, no one cares.” I find it deeply disturbing, NO ONE cares enough to consult with parents on what MY child was going through.
We also went to a gender clinic which affirmed and offered to prescribe my 13 year old daughter Testosterone – on that same day! In a private consultation of myself and this MD, who was NOT an ENDOCRINOLOGIST, she disclosed to me, "Our clinic is having a harder time distinguishing between 'real' and 'social influenced' trans kids.” I also asked her, “With no long term studies, you're giving young females an adult male hormone, how do you sleep with yourself at night”? Her reply, “It makes them SO HAPPY.”
Re "... entering puberty before she was emotionally ready..."
I have long wondered if the era of nervous overparenting and protectiveness might not be playing a role in the trans epidemic. Perhaps if kids were allowed to experience some of life's rougher edges they might be a tad more prepared for puberty? Just a thought.
I wish every medical and educational professional read this. I hope you and your daughter are doing better.