Sometimes I get so sad. You pop into my mind and I just start crying. Like now. I’m reading a book about how to draw birds. We are at our cabin. Your dad is trying to fix a hose line. Your siblings are inside playing a video game together. It's so beautiful and peaceful in the mountains. The aspens are such a lovely green and the side reflecting the sun right now is like heavenly light. It's glorious. Yet my thoughts turn to you and the sadness I feel. I’m wishing you loved this. Loved us. And then I get down on myself. Try to understand why you hate me. I still don’t know why. I’ve always struggled with my self-esteem so it’s not hard for me to get to a dark place about myself and why my eldest daughter hates me so.
But just now I tried to read again and I thought, no, I like me. I like that I like this book. I love that I notice nature. I like that I’m thoughtful and artistic. I like that I enjoy playing games. I’m fun. I’m funny. I’ve been a really good mom. I like me. And it made me sad for you. You left a beautiful family. A beautiful life. You could come back. I’d forgive so fast. You wouldn’t even have to ask. It’s been nine months since you said, “I’m trans,” and left without a goodbye. You swiftly blocked us out of your life. And right now I feel that it’s you who is missing out and I feel bad for you. For whoever becomes your family that you and they also don’t get us.
I have the same situation. I don’t know the why the where or when but just like that. My son has been highjacked from the life he loved and was so loved in… do not give in or give up keep the faith. It’s all I have. My tears come with out notice my heart remains hopeful Big hugs to you and know you are never alone
Praying for you
Love to you. This is moving. That is part of the heartbreak….the wisdom of knowing they are throwing away something they will eventually want.