I can relate to this. 6 years estranged for us and I imagine it's forever now. I too feel bad for our daughter and all that she is missing out on. I can't believe her life has been easy these past 6yrs. I can only imagine she has had to convince herself that we are monsters and life away from us is better than having us in it. My self esteem has been annihilated. I tried so hard to be the best mother I could be. Who knew a good mother would have been one who would lie to her and recommend harmful medications and surgeries!
We're on our second year of this lonely chapter. It's hard to believe she went from our very loved only daughter and youngest child to virtually gone overnight. I found an address in Sacramento through a once shared bank account. Aside from that, I've had to acknowledge being cornered by the trans cult in different ways. The cost of this will come out beyond heart break and only then, will the trans train begin to slow.
She has no life experience to understand what she has given up. But she has been shown love and family for the time that you had her. And I hope and I trust that she will return. It’s moments like this when we realize that prayer is the most powerful tool we possess. And who can thwart the prayers of the saints. I pray that she will return stronger and wiser, and that her life mission will be determined by the lessons she learns in this time of darkness. Please feel my virtual hug as from a sister
I will never get used to the heart-rending stories of abandoned parents, whose pain is raw and overflowing.
Of course you are trying to re-establish contact with her, with anyone who sees her, new teachers, anyone at all. If you succeed, please see this article: https://www.pittparents.com/p/helping-your-teen-leave-the-gender The therapist there asked the teen to bring to each session a "story from nature", which seems to me a most healthy request. Good luck! A thousand time Good Luck!
So much pain. Yes, she is missing out on beautiful things, on her family. The loving and solid foundation that you gave her will remain with her and hopefully will eventually guide her to what is right and back to her family.
Same story with me too. She’s my third oldest and has become actually kind of mean in a way. Mean through having no empathy or love for all of us and everything she misses because I won’t use her/him/they pronouns. Not that I would call her out or anything because I wouldn’t I just can’t lie and say he/him or they. Like you, I would forgive so fast and want to move on to make up for the last two plus years of lost connection. Anyway, this was a nice piece you wrote and thanks for sharing it. Hopefully we all get to a better place with our lost children.
I am so sorry. Hopefully someday, we all get the answers to the questions that so far have eluded us: why do our children alienate themselves from the people who love them most? How did this ideology penetrate the wall of protection our love should have defended against?
Cults convince their members the rest of the world is out to get them, and that the only place where they are "safe" is with other members of the cult.
Same for us, been about 8/9 years on this road for us. I get sad thinking about the self inflicted pain she has done to herself, breast removal, testosterone, I heard recently that many of our kids on these cross sex hormones have debilitating pain from musculoskeletal and other bodily systems. Which completely makes sense. Just makes me sad, when I feel the crushing wave of sadness hit me I pray for her in the name of Jesus to save her and then I realize all things workout for the Glory of God, even my suffering, even her suffering, even our suffering. Keep a light on, keep a chair at the dinner table, keep grace alive for your child's return because when they do, you will be the ones to put them back together again.
"You left a beautiful family. A beautiful life. You could come back. I’d forgive so fast. You wouldn’t even have to ask." That's right....
My girl & I had so much in common & I was so looking forward to the fun years of being partners in crime, traveling, maybe even going into business together, & now nothing but hateful cult speak-the week before she decided she was trans she had gone to the thrift store again to stock up on her style of bag lady kook & asked me to help her learn how to do makeup
yeah, all the vacations my daughter missed, all the fun times, all the celebrations of life, all the birthdays, and other important holidays, gone as of right now, shuttered in a dark room. All because our most trusted experts could not say no, no you cannot become a boy, or become a girl, now let's work of fixing your mind to love your body. Our experts have collectively failed so bigly for the last 25 years or more it is truly astonishing that anyone today believes anything our experts say. Monsters all of them.
My guess is your child does love “this” and”us,” but has forgotten for a while. It may not be forever. Please remain steadfast in your love for her. There is always hope.
5 years for us. Grief is a constant burden. It doesn’t seem to get any lighter, but after so many years, these overwhelmingly sad moments are spread farther apart and I can generally keep from getting sucked under.
You are 100% correct. Our children come from admittedly imperfect families, but deeply loving families. None of us “deserves” this. They are the ones missing out and suffering the most. Whether they realize it or not.
I am so sorry for your estrangement. You are not alone. I hope your daughter comes back to her family soon.
I was reading the Substack, Family Troubles, by Joshua Coleman. (Dr. Coleman is a psychologist specializing in estrangements.) I noticed in the chat section that many parents have no idea why their child went no-contact. It's an estrangement epidemic.
Well, we on PITT certainly do know why our children estrange--the trans cult. Even parents that go along with the new identity can find themselves dismissed.
You are a good person, a good mother. This is not your fault.
My son moved out December 22nd and lied about what state he moved to. I found out bc I had to mail his new license plates to him a week later. I did go visit him last month and we had some very good conversations about my stance vs his delusion (That is the only thing I can call it) and we are in a good place. I'm grateful, and incredibly aware of how rare it is, that he still talks to me. I feel there is hope in that and that he doesn't just shut down when I speak truth.
I can relate to this. 6 years estranged for us and I imagine it's forever now. I too feel bad for our daughter and all that she is missing out on. I can't believe her life has been easy these past 6yrs. I can only imagine she has had to convince herself that we are monsters and life away from us is better than having us in it. My self esteem has been annihilated. I tried so hard to be the best mother I could be. Who knew a good mother would have been one who would lie to her and recommend harmful medications and surgeries!
7 years she’s turning 25 this month the hope that she will come to her senses quickly fading heart broken forever
We're on our second year of this lonely chapter. It's hard to believe she went from our very loved only daughter and youngest child to virtually gone overnight. I found an address in Sacramento through a once shared bank account. Aside from that, I've had to acknowledge being cornered by the trans cult in different ways. The cost of this will come out beyond heart break and only then, will the trans train begin to slow.
She has no life experience to understand what she has given up. But she has been shown love and family for the time that you had her. And I hope and I trust that she will return. It’s moments like this when we realize that prayer is the most powerful tool we possess. And who can thwart the prayers of the saints. I pray that she will return stronger and wiser, and that her life mission will be determined by the lessons she learns in this time of darkness. Please feel my virtual hug as from a sister
I like you too! 🌻
May it be
Your heart will be true
You walk a lonely road
Oh, how far you are from home
I will never get used to the heart-rending stories of abandoned parents, whose pain is raw and overflowing.
Of course you are trying to re-establish contact with her, with anyone who sees her, new teachers, anyone at all. If you succeed, please see this article: https://www.pittparents.com/p/helping-your-teen-leave-the-gender The therapist there asked the teen to bring to each session a "story from nature", which seems to me a most healthy request. Good luck! A thousand time Good Luck!
So much pain. Yes, she is missing out on beautiful things, on her family. The loving and solid foundation that you gave her will remain with her and hopefully will eventually guide her to what is right and back to her family.
Same story with me too. She’s my third oldest and has become actually kind of mean in a way. Mean through having no empathy or love for all of us and everything she misses because I won’t use her/him/they pronouns. Not that I would call her out or anything because I wouldn’t I just can’t lie and say he/him or they. Like you, I would forgive so fast and want to move on to make up for the last two plus years of lost connection. Anyway, this was a nice piece you wrote and thanks for sharing it. Hopefully we all get to a better place with our lost children.
I am so sorry. Hopefully someday, we all get the answers to the questions that so far have eluded us: why do our children alienate themselves from the people who love them most? How did this ideology penetrate the wall of protection our love should have defended against?
Stay strong. The truth never dies.
Cults convince their members the rest of the world is out to get them, and that the only place where they are "safe" is with other members of the cult.
If you look at Tik Tok that’s all influencers say, that they have to cut off anybody who doesn’t support the transition
Same for us, been about 8/9 years on this road for us. I get sad thinking about the self inflicted pain she has done to herself, breast removal, testosterone, I heard recently that many of our kids on these cross sex hormones have debilitating pain from musculoskeletal and other bodily systems. Which completely makes sense. Just makes me sad, when I feel the crushing wave of sadness hit me I pray for her in the name of Jesus to save her and then I realize all things workout for the Glory of God, even my suffering, even her suffering, even our suffering. Keep a light on, keep a chair at the dinner table, keep grace alive for your child's return because when they do, you will be the ones to put them back together again.
"You left a beautiful family. A beautiful life. You could come back. I’d forgive so fast. You wouldn’t even have to ask." That's right....
My girl & I had so much in common & I was so looking forward to the fun years of being partners in crime, traveling, maybe even going into business together, & now nothing but hateful cult speak-the week before she decided she was trans she had gone to the thrift store again to stock up on her style of bag lady kook & asked me to help her learn how to do makeup
yeah, all the vacations my daughter missed, all the fun times, all the celebrations of life, all the birthdays, and other important holidays, gone as of right now, shuttered in a dark room. All because our most trusted experts could not say no, no you cannot become a boy, or become a girl, now let's work of fixing your mind to love your body. Our experts have collectively failed so bigly for the last 25 years or more it is truly astonishing that anyone today believes anything our experts say. Monsters all of them.
“I’m wishing you loved this. Loved us.”
My guess is your child does love “this” and”us,” but has forgotten for a while. It may not be forever. Please remain steadfast in your love for her. There is always hope.
Beautifully written. It’s been 4 years since our adult daughter cut her family out of her life.
The pain ebbs and flows, but never goes away. What a horrible cult this is!
5 years for us. Grief is a constant burden. It doesn’t seem to get any lighter, but after so many years, these overwhelmingly sad moments are spread farther apart and I can generally keep from getting sucked under.
You are 100% correct. Our children come from admittedly imperfect families, but deeply loving families. None of us “deserves” this. They are the ones missing out and suffering the most. Whether they realize it or not.
I am so sorry for your estrangement. You are not alone. I hope your daughter comes back to her family soon.
I was reading the Substack, Family Troubles, by Joshua Coleman. (Dr. Coleman is a psychologist specializing in estrangements.) I noticed in the chat section that many parents have no idea why their child went no-contact. It's an estrangement epidemic.
Well, we on PITT certainly do know why our children estrange--the trans cult. Even parents that go along with the new identity can find themselves dismissed.
You are a good person, a good mother. This is not your fault.
My son moved out December 22nd and lied about what state he moved to. I found out bc I had to mail his new license plates to him a week later. I did go visit him last month and we had some very good conversations about my stance vs his delusion (That is the only thing I can call it) and we are in a good place. I'm grateful, and incredibly aware of how rare it is, that he still talks to me. I feel there is hope in that and that he doesn't just shut down when I speak truth.
How did you find out where he moved? Great that he is still talking!