My daughter married when she was 23 and gave birth to a son at age 26. Two years later she gave birth to their only daughter, who we’ll call Ellie. During those early years, my daughter (who I’ll refer to as Gail in this account) was an extremely devoted mother, played with her children, nurtured their artistic interests, and her children flourished.
Keep up your good fight and stay stable always for your grandchildren I’m a therapist with a license in CA I only work virtually but if I can be helpful to you please reach out.
Reading the beginning of this piece, my first guess was that Gail, having gone through a crappy experience of motherhood because of her deadbeat husband, was going to have negative associations with motherhood and womanhood and decide she was trans. Then I thought her husband would be the trans-identified one - that his large amounts of time online would lead him to weird fetish porn, and he'd start declaring he was "a better woman than you could ever be," or something equally creepy. I wasn't expecting that their daughter would be the one to adopt a trans identity.
Glad she's stopped ID'ing as trans and never went on hormones. What a tough childhood to live through. Best of luck to her and you.
I was so so scared of how this story was going (full custody to the affirming parent). Thank God it did not end that way. That does not change the fact that it has gone that way in other custody cases, and it is worth pointing out that it is Democrat controlled legislatures that are passing these atrocious laws.
Though it may be unseemly to discuss politics after such a sad story, the author brought it up, so a response is in order. The forward thrust of trans political success has been a liberal - read Democrat - project. GOP is guilty of cowardly indifference, but that is a lesser guilt. So it is hard to fathom the author’s staunch loyalty to the political force that created the conditions for this misery.
I was focusing on this part of her essay: “I have voted Democrat in many elections, and I support gay rights and women’s reproductive rights...” Supporting such pillars of the death culture means she’s loyal to liberal politics, even though she wants to support this one bill. Under the circumstances, that she still clings to party loyalty after these horrible things have happened to her family is what I find hard to fathom. That’s fine if you see it differently.
respectfully: life is more complicated than you make out.
Things don't divide up so neatly as you'd like.
Chucking women's rights -- in particular forced birthing -- because you don't believe in pediatric GD medicalization is extreme. You are throwing the proverbial baby out with the bath water.
Thinking with more nuance is necessary to a successful coalition. As we see with yesterday's elections: the majority of American favor women's right to control whether or not they bring a child into this world. While I understand that some believe "the person begins with conception" that is a philosophical/religious belief that many do not share. There is much much more that goes into procreating than the simple joining of sperm and egg. Raising a child in this world is difficult and should not be forced on anyone. Those are my beliefs. That is a completely separate issue that forced sterilization and ruining the sexual capacities of children with GD.
It is common amongst those who rationalize evil to flatter themselves that they are more sophisticated thinkers than the rest of us. This was Marx’s line of thought, and it was also that of the over-educated clergy that destroyed the Catholic Church with Vatican2.
Absolutely. The liberals who post here repeat endlessly about their liberal bonafides. The liberal view has created this monstrous calumny. To end it, liberal methods will not work.
"She’s now twelve years old. When I explained to her that some detransitioners who were medicalized for gender dysphoria are now finding that they are unable to have children, she decided to return to her previous identity as a female. This week Ellie told her homeroom teacher that her pronouns are no longer he/him, and she’s once again female." And that was that.
She was probably already ambivalent and just needed a good reason to dump it once and for all. Just goes to show the power of communication, information and support from a trusted adult.
God bless you! You were clearly the "rock" that your family needed, and I am so happy that your granddaughter changed her mind. I hope that your daughter can continue giving her children the support and mental stability that they need. Shame on the new stepmother in the picture and that she felt she could use your children as pawns to get more money. I am grateful that the Judge had a clear head and kept the 50/50 custody. Your ex-husband is a weak and selfish man - and it gives me great pleasure to know that he will stand before God one day! Best wishes to you and your family. Stay strong!
It is no mystery nor accident that those who promote gender affirming “healthcare” are committed to tying it to the right to an abortion and the right for gay couples to marry and be treated with dignity and respect. Transgender ideology is just that; an ideology. Regardless of the facts that is harmful physically and mentally to mere children. We must use our critical thinking skills to separate the many conundrums that make this life messy.
Unbelievable agony and you handled it beautifully and you have such determination and love. You need to write a book! I'm praying that it doesn't happen to my grandkids, especially one granddaughter (7) because her mother, my daughter, goes with Berkeley trends and Berkeley is awfully WOKE. 🙏💜✨🌟
Thank you telling this story so well. More and more people should know how lopsided policies are being manipulated by adults who just want to win in custody battles. The damage is heartbreaking.
What a fantastic mother and grandmother you have been. Unfortunately my own mother died unexpectedly, just a year or so before my daughter announced she was "trans". I know that had my mom been around, she would have had heart-to-heart talks with my daughter, supporting me and her father as loving, concerned, and well informed parents with her best interests always front and centre. I believe my mom would have sorted her out right quick!
Thanks for sharing. It seems that a lot of these really difficult stories are linked to the emotional trauma of children in difficult life circumstances in combination with their direct access to social media and activists who get inside their heads.
So relieved and pleased by the optimistic ending, and by Ellie’s recognition of the value of the constant emotional support she received during a dark time of confusion and pain.
Not to pour cold water on that hopeful ending, but the voting patterns of good-hearted Democrats have enabled this in California, where I’ve lived since 1992. I remember in the 90s being told to shut up and sit down by my colleagues in entertainment, who scoffed at my “outlandish fears” when I expressed indignation that policies were being promoted (by Democrats) allowing school children younger than 14 to be taken for abortions without parental consent OR KNOWLEDGE.
I was literally told that would “never happen.” It did.
The point? This has not been a quick and sudden and unpredictable slide into the usurping of parental rights. Democrats, leftists and self-styled progressives took us here on purpose, and those of us who sounded the alarm 30 years ago were mocked. It grieved me then, and the suffering I see grieves me more now.
I hope and trust Ellie will remain confident and strong in her identity as a young woman. Thank you for sharing this.
So you're new to my state, where I am third-generation Californian, and you're dictating to me what's wrong with being a California Democrat?
I don't think so.
My oldest friend was introduced to sex by older boys when she was 13 in the 1960s, before Roe v Wade. She got pregnant. Her father was extremely controlling and violent and would have beaten her into a miscarriage if he'd found out. So her best friend's parents had to take her to Mexico for an abortion. It was a terribly difficult decision for the friend's parents, but they knew her father and knew that continuing the pregnancy would endanger my friend's life. My friend went on to have a relatively normal adolescence and adulthood, married and had a deeply beloved daughter in her early thirties, and is now happily retired. She only got to live her life because she had an abortion without her parents' knowledge. Thank god for compassionate adults around her.
So don't tell me you get to decide whether a pregnant girl should have access to abortion or not.
Abortion and transgenderist mutilation are two completely different things.
One is a medical necessity because of the way reproduction is designed in all sexual species on Earth. If you don't like it, take it up with the Almighty who designed it that way.
The other is self-harm on an astronomical scale, brainwashed into vulnerable kids by the amoral greed of men like long-time Republican donor and Trumpster James Pritzker.
You sound like the transgender pushers when you say that girls need to access abortion without parental consent because some parents are bad. They say the same thing about gender matters.
"Abortion and transgenderist mutilation are two completely different things."
It's interesting you say that, because I've gotten the impression over the last few years that the arguments of pro-choice activists and trans rights activists have a lot of similarities.
Pro-choice activists: There have always been abortions, and you need to accept that. The real question is whether women are accessing them safely or unsafely.
Trans rights activists: There have always been trans people, and you need to accept that. The real question is whether trans people are transitioning safely or unsafely.
Pro-choice activists: If we don't let women have legal abortion, they'll kill themselves. Why do you want them to die?!
Trans rights activists: If we don't let trans people have legal social and medical transition, they'll kill themselves. Why do you want them to die?!
Pro-choice activists: Biology does not determine who is a separate human being. My feelings do. If I feel an embryo or fetus is not a human, it's not a human, and you have no right to impose your philosophy on me.
Trans rights activists: Biology does not determine who is a woman or a man. My feelings do. If I feel a person with a particular body is not a woman or a man, they're not a woman or a man, and you have no right to impose your philosophy on me.
Pro-choice activists: To be opposed to women seeking abortions - a part of the larger female population - is to hate women.
Trans rights activists: To be opposed to people seeking transition - a part of the larger LGBT population - is to hate LGBT people.
Pro-choice activists: Don't like abortion? Cool, no one is making you have an abortion,
Trans rights activists: Don't like transition? Cool, no one is making you transition.
Pro-choice activists: Almost no women regret having abortions. The ones who do were mentally ill to begin with, and are such a small group, statistically, that they're not worthy of greater attention.
Trans rights activists: Almost no trans people regret transitioning. The ones who do were mentally ill to begin with, and are such a small group, statistically, that they're not worthy of greater attention.
"Her father was extremely controlling and violent and would have beaten her into a miscarriage if he'd found out."
I wonder if her father had become aggressive and potentially violent towards her and her unborn baby, her maternal instincts would have kicked in and she'd have kept the baby - fleeing home if required.
I appreciate that you are upset, but voting becasue of an emotional reaction is not wise. We should all be applying reason and logic to every situation. Your friends situation is awful yes, but it's not a good reason to allow for every pregnant girl to take the life of an unborn baby. We have to go to facts to make this decision and the facts we need to look at aren't the emotional conditions of someone who has an unwanted pregnancy, but wether or not the life in the womb is a human being or not. I won't answer that for you, but I'm just saying that is an important topic to ponder on, becasue if in fact we can discuss this with a calm state of mind and we do indeed come to the conclusion that it is an unborn baby and not just an unwanted foetus, then the matter is no different to murder. It isn't a light matter, it is one that really needs open discussion based on facts and biology. Needs to be debated openly till we can agree on the facts.
...just as this whole affirmation model and puberty blockers and hrt need to be openly discussed and debated with facts, logic, biology, science and a rational mind. However, I pray it didn't become an issue like abortion that get a passed and slipped under the rug as a life choice and the world goes on.... blinded by self virtue and altruism and applauding children to transition, all the while parents sit at home eating their fingernails to the bone and crying from the depths of their heart to be heard and for this nonsense to stop, fingers pointing at them in shocking disdain at their apparent "phobias" and "ignorance".
One day, nature and statistics will hopefull reveal the full whack of this travesty and common semse will prevail. The facts are in front of us, the rest of the world just need to recognise it.
The point wasn’t to compare the two procedures but to point out that, despite what you claim, they are both made possible by the usurpation of parental rights.
Committing a crime (abortion in the 60s) in an effort to avoid a crime that hasn’t happened (abuse by an angry father) isn’t a winning argument, morally or legally.
Some parents are abusive. They should be called into account for that. But their neglect and abuse doesn’t warrant the removal of rights from ALL parents.
It’s your arrogance and self-righteousness that has allowed Democrats to claim the right of the State to destroy young minds and bodies.
The two issues ARE connected, and I hope your obvious discomfort about that encourages you to consider the reality of unintended consequences.
The erosion of the support for PARENTAL control of their own minor children has been going on for years. The notion of the "emancipated minor", a minor who can make medical and other decisions for himself, is very damaging. I support abortion, but also feel that the parent MUST be part of the decision-making process for the pregnant minor.
The horrors of what has happened since then make the concerns you and I both had quite prescient.
Keep up your good fight and stay stable always for your grandchildren I’m a therapist with a license in CA I only work virtually but if I can be helpful to you please reach out.
Hello - could I message you regarding therapy
Yes
Reading the beginning of this piece, my first guess was that Gail, having gone through a crappy experience of motherhood because of her deadbeat husband, was going to have negative associations with motherhood and womanhood and decide she was trans. Then I thought her husband would be the trans-identified one - that his large amounts of time online would lead him to weird fetish porn, and he'd start declaring he was "a better woman than you could ever be," or something equally creepy. I wasn't expecting that their daughter would be the one to adopt a trans identity.
Glad she's stopped ID'ing as trans and never went on hormones. What a tough childhood to live through. Best of luck to her and you.
What a scumbag. Lesson learned-people don’t change. Get the best divorce lawyer money can buy & get people like this out of your & your kid’s lives.
I was so so scared of how this story was going (full custody to the affirming parent). Thank God it did not end that way. That does not change the fact that it has gone that way in other custody cases, and it is worth pointing out that it is Democrat controlled legislatures that are passing these atrocious laws.
Though it may be unseemly to discuss politics after such a sad story, the author brought it up, so a response is in order. The forward thrust of trans political success has been a liberal - read Democrat - project. GOP is guilty of cowardly indifference, but that is a lesser guilt. So it is hard to fathom the author’s staunch loyalty to the political force that created the conditions for this misery.
staunch?
she's promoting a bill sponsored by JD Vance.
How is that "staunch" support for Democrats?
I was focusing on this part of her essay: “I have voted Democrat in many elections, and I support gay rights and women’s reproductive rights...” Supporting such pillars of the death culture means she’s loyal to liberal politics, even though she wants to support this one bill. Under the circumstances, that she still clings to party loyalty after these horrible things have happened to her family is what I find hard to fathom. That’s fine if you see it differently.
respectfully: life is more complicated than you make out.
Things don't divide up so neatly as you'd like.
Chucking women's rights -- in particular forced birthing -- because you don't believe in pediatric GD medicalization is extreme. You are throwing the proverbial baby out with the bath water.
Thinking with more nuance is necessary to a successful coalition. As we see with yesterday's elections: the majority of American favor women's right to control whether or not they bring a child into this world. While I understand that some believe "the person begins with conception" that is a philosophical/religious belief that many do not share. There is much much more that goes into procreating than the simple joining of sperm and egg. Raising a child in this world is difficult and should not be forced on anyone. Those are my beliefs. That is a completely separate issue that forced sterilization and ruining the sexual capacities of children with GD.
It is common amongst those who rationalize evil to flatter themselves that they are more sophisticated thinkers than the rest of us. This was Marx’s line of thought, and it was also that of the over-educated clergy that destroyed the Catholic Church with Vatican2.
Absolutely. The liberals who post here repeat endlessly about their liberal bonafides. The liberal view has created this monstrous calumny. To end it, liberal methods will not work.
Yep
What a useless man she was married to.
"She’s now twelve years old. When I explained to her that some detransitioners who were medicalized for gender dysphoria are now finding that they are unable to have children, she decided to return to her previous identity as a female. This week Ellie told her homeroom teacher that her pronouns are no longer he/him, and she’s once again female." And that was that.
She was probably already ambivalent and just needed a good reason to dump it once and for all. Just goes to show the power of communication, information and support from a trusted adult.
God bless you! You were clearly the "rock" that your family needed, and I am so happy that your granddaughter changed her mind. I hope that your daughter can continue giving her children the support and mental stability that they need. Shame on the new stepmother in the picture and that she felt she could use your children as pawns to get more money. I am grateful that the Judge had a clear head and kept the 50/50 custody. Your ex-husband is a weak and selfish man - and it gives me great pleasure to know that he will stand before God one day! Best wishes to you and your family. Stay strong!
It is no mystery nor accident that those who promote gender affirming “healthcare” are committed to tying it to the right to an abortion and the right for gay couples to marry and be treated with dignity and respect. Transgender ideology is just that; an ideology. Regardless of the facts that is harmful physically and mentally to mere children. We must use our critical thinking skills to separate the many conundrums that make this life messy.
Unbelievable agony and you handled it beautifully and you have such determination and love. You need to write a book! I'm praying that it doesn't happen to my grandkids, especially one granddaughter (7) because her mother, my daughter, goes with Berkeley trends and Berkeley is awfully WOKE. 🙏💜✨🌟
Balance is sorely missing across the board these days, despite old wisdom that says--moderation in everything!
Thank you telling this story so well. More and more people should know how lopsided policies are being manipulated by adults who just want to win in custody battles. The damage is heartbreaking.
The Governor vetoed SB107. He’s getting the message from constituents.
What a fantastic mother and grandmother you have been. Unfortunately my own mother died unexpectedly, just a year or so before my daughter announced she was "trans". I know that had my mom been around, she would have had heart-to-heart talks with my daughter, supporting me and her father as loving, concerned, and well informed parents with her best interests always front and centre. I believe my mom would have sorted her out right quick!
Thanks for sharing. It seems that a lot of these really difficult stories are linked to the emotional trauma of children in difficult life circumstances in combination with their direct access to social media and activists who get inside their heads.
So relieved and pleased by the optimistic ending, and by Ellie’s recognition of the value of the constant emotional support she received during a dark time of confusion and pain.
Not to pour cold water on that hopeful ending, but the voting patterns of good-hearted Democrats have enabled this in California, where I’ve lived since 1992. I remember in the 90s being told to shut up and sit down by my colleagues in entertainment, who scoffed at my “outlandish fears” when I expressed indignation that policies were being promoted (by Democrats) allowing school children younger than 14 to be taken for abortions without parental consent OR KNOWLEDGE.
I was literally told that would “never happen.” It did.
The point? This has not been a quick and sudden and unpredictable slide into the usurping of parental rights. Democrats, leftists and self-styled progressives took us here on purpose, and those of us who sounded the alarm 30 years ago were mocked. It grieved me then, and the suffering I see grieves me more now.
I hope and trust Ellie will remain confident and strong in her identity as a young woman. Thank you for sharing this.
Well said. 👏🏻
So you're new to my state, where I am third-generation Californian, and you're dictating to me what's wrong with being a California Democrat?
I don't think so.
My oldest friend was introduced to sex by older boys when she was 13 in the 1960s, before Roe v Wade. She got pregnant. Her father was extremely controlling and violent and would have beaten her into a miscarriage if he'd found out. So her best friend's parents had to take her to Mexico for an abortion. It was a terribly difficult decision for the friend's parents, but they knew her father and knew that continuing the pregnancy would endanger my friend's life. My friend went on to have a relatively normal adolescence and adulthood, married and had a deeply beloved daughter in her early thirties, and is now happily retired. She only got to live her life because she had an abortion without her parents' knowledge. Thank god for compassionate adults around her.
So don't tell me you get to decide whether a pregnant girl should have access to abortion or not.
Abortion and transgenderist mutilation are two completely different things.
One is a medical necessity because of the way reproduction is designed in all sexual species on Earth. If you don't like it, take it up with the Almighty who designed it that way.
The other is self-harm on an astronomical scale, brainwashed into vulnerable kids by the amoral greed of men like long-time Republican donor and Trumpster James Pritzker.
You sound like the transgender pushers when you say that girls need to access abortion without parental consent because some parents are bad. They say the same thing about gender matters.
"Abortion and transgenderist mutilation are two completely different things."
It's interesting you say that, because I've gotten the impression over the last few years that the arguments of pro-choice activists and trans rights activists have a lot of similarities.
Pro-choice activists: There have always been abortions, and you need to accept that. The real question is whether women are accessing them safely or unsafely.
Trans rights activists: There have always been trans people, and you need to accept that. The real question is whether trans people are transitioning safely or unsafely.
Pro-choice activists: If we don't let women have legal abortion, they'll kill themselves. Why do you want them to die?!
Trans rights activists: If we don't let trans people have legal social and medical transition, they'll kill themselves. Why do you want them to die?!
Pro-choice activists: Biology does not determine who is a separate human being. My feelings do. If I feel an embryo or fetus is not a human, it's not a human, and you have no right to impose your philosophy on me.
Trans rights activists: Biology does not determine who is a woman or a man. My feelings do. If I feel a person with a particular body is not a woman or a man, they're not a woman or a man, and you have no right to impose your philosophy on me.
Pro-choice activists: To be opposed to women seeking abortions - a part of the larger female population - is to hate women.
Trans rights activists: To be opposed to people seeking transition - a part of the larger LGBT population - is to hate LGBT people.
Pro-choice activists: Don't like abortion? Cool, no one is making you have an abortion,
Trans rights activists: Don't like transition? Cool, no one is making you transition.
Pro-choice activists: Almost no women regret having abortions. The ones who do were mentally ill to begin with, and are such a small group, statistically, that they're not worthy of greater attention.
Trans rights activists: Almost no trans people regret transitioning. The ones who do were mentally ill to begin with, and are such a small group, statistically, that they're not worthy of greater attention.
👏🏻 Damn. Well put.
"Her father was extremely controlling and violent and would have beaten her into a miscarriage if he'd found out."
I wonder if her father had become aggressive and potentially violent towards her and her unborn baby, her maternal instincts would have kicked in and she'd have kept the baby - fleeing home if required.
at age 13?
what do you think would have happened to a pregnant 13 year old run-away?
I'll tell you: further exploitation. Probably she would have been forced into prostitution.
Get a clue.
I appreciate that you are upset, but voting becasue of an emotional reaction is not wise. We should all be applying reason and logic to every situation. Your friends situation is awful yes, but it's not a good reason to allow for every pregnant girl to take the life of an unborn baby. We have to go to facts to make this decision and the facts we need to look at aren't the emotional conditions of someone who has an unwanted pregnancy, but wether or not the life in the womb is a human being or not. I won't answer that for you, but I'm just saying that is an important topic to ponder on, becasue if in fact we can discuss this with a calm state of mind and we do indeed come to the conclusion that it is an unborn baby and not just an unwanted foetus, then the matter is no different to murder. It isn't a light matter, it is one that really needs open discussion based on facts and biology. Needs to be debated openly till we can agree on the facts.
...just as this whole affirmation model and puberty blockers and hrt need to be openly discussed and debated with facts, logic, biology, science and a rational mind. However, I pray it didn't become an issue like abortion that get a passed and slipped under the rug as a life choice and the world goes on.... blinded by self virtue and altruism and applauding children to transition, all the while parents sit at home eating their fingernails to the bone and crying from the depths of their heart to be heard and for this nonsense to stop, fingers pointing at them in shocking disdain at their apparent "phobias" and "ignorance".
One day, nature and statistics will hopefull reveal the full whack of this travesty and common semse will prevail. The facts are in front of us, the rest of the world just need to recognise it.
The point wasn’t to compare the two procedures but to point out that, despite what you claim, they are both made possible by the usurpation of parental rights.
Committing a crime (abortion in the 60s) in an effort to avoid a crime that hasn’t happened (abuse by an angry father) isn’t a winning argument, morally or legally.
Some parents are abusive. They should be called into account for that. But their neglect and abuse doesn’t warrant the removal of rights from ALL parents.
It’s your arrogance and self-righteousness that has allowed Democrats to claim the right of the State to destroy young minds and bodies.
The two issues ARE connected, and I hope your obvious discomfort about that encourages you to consider the reality of unintended consequences.
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Ditto this, my comment wouldn't have been near as eloquent or polite. Self righteous for sure!
I agree with you. Well said.
The erosion of the support for PARENTAL control of their own minor children has been going on for years. The notion of the "emancipated minor", a minor who can make medical and other decisions for himself, is very damaging. I support abortion, but also feel that the parent MUST be part of the decision-making process for the pregnant minor.
The horrors of what has happened since then make the concerns you and I both had quite prescient.