My husband, my rock

My life has never been easy. I had a difficult childhood like a lot of people. I got through it and strived to make my adulthood different. My twenties were not better, and I worked hard to overcome my insecurities to build a career.

I wanted adulthood to be better. It took a long time, but things finally improved when I met my husband in my late twenties. He was so positive and had so much energy. He was fun. He helped me to stay upbeat since my moods seemed to be influenced by others.

The next decades of my life were fantastic. My career is incredible, and I’ve done things I never imagined I’d accomplish. I had a beautiful son and a great family. I wanted my son's childhood to be different from the one I had—and it was! My son had a great childhood. He told me this a lot. He was happy.

Then my son came out as “trans”, something I didn't see coming. It was also the last thing I expected since my son had always been comfortable being male. I fell apart. My husband did not. My husband just listened to everything my son had to say.

After 3 years of trying to hold my son off from hormones and trying to keep a relationship, my son ran away.

I was in shock but after a few days of having the toxic energy and abuse from my son gone, it felt like a release. I was sad and scared for him but not being around the stress was better. I realized that he needed to leave. He needed to try and figure it out. I’m proud of him for making this big move since he had been unable to move forward at home. He had been completely dependent on us. I’d tried for years to push him to be independent, but he wasn’t ready. I’m hoping this separation gives him self-confidence to become a healthy adult and move forward.

I truly believe that this identity formed as an attempt to pull away from us. We were very close, and as a family we were happy. I have hope that he’ll come through this and become a better person. We all learn from our mistakes, just as I did. I have seen many detransitioners emerge from their trans identities with amazing grace.

Back to my husband. I am worried I’ll never see my son again. My husband isn't. He knows we will see him again—but he worries what it will look like. My husband is very traditional and loves family. My son was always just like him. I can’t imagine those values not emerging again. My son pitted us against each other, and it was hard on our marriage.

When my son decided he was “trans”, my husband never read the studies or watched any videos. I read everything and watched everything. I have a PhD knowledge of gender now. I felt like I was doing all the work and my husband was passive about it. I would get so frustrated that he would not get immersed like me. He ignored it and kept going. He would say irritating things to me, like he’s going to do what he does. We can’t stop it. He didn’t want this to happen to our son, but he didn’t let it bother him. I let it bother me. I had put my life on hold trying to stop my son, and I couldn’t move forward.

Now that my son is gone, my husband is still the same, unchanged. He just lives in the present and doesn’t worry. I had found this so irritating in the past but now I take comfort in learning from my husband’s calmness and positivity about this whole horrible ordeal. Our marriage is stronger than ever. We have only kindness toward each other. We don’t have our only child in our life right now, but we have us. We went through a life-changing event, but we know we will survive. I can’t change what has happened, but with my husband, my rock, I will get through this no matter what happens. In my heart I know my son will get through this fad and be a better person on the other side. I have hope from seeing the brave detransitioners emerge with such enlightenment. I know my son will too.