My husband, my rock
My life has never been easy. I had a difficult childhood like a lot of people. I got through it and strived to make my adulthood different. My twenties were not better, and I worked hard to overcome my insecurities to build a career.
I wanted adulthood to be better. It took a long time, but things finally improved when I met my husband in my late twenties. He was so positive and had so much energy. He was fun. He helped me to stay upbeat since my moods seemed to be influenced by others.
The next decades of my life were fantastic. My career is incredible, and I’ve done things I never imagined I’d accomplish. I had a beautiful son and a great family. I wanted my son's childhood to be different from the one I had—and it was! My son had a great childhood. He told me this a lot. He was happy.
Then my son came out as “trans”, something I didn't see coming. It was also the last thing I expected since my son had always been comfortable being male. I fell apart. My husband did not. My husband just listened to everything my son had to say.
After 3 years of trying to hold my son off from hormones and trying to keep a relationship, my son ran away.
I was in shock but after a few days of having the toxic energy and abuse from my son gone, it felt like a release. I was sad and scared for him but not being around the stress was better. I realized that he needed to leave. He needed to try and figure it out. I’m proud of him for making this big move since he had been unable to move forward at home. He had been completely dependent on us. I’d tried for years to push him to be independent, but he wasn’t ready. I’m hoping this separation gives him self-confidence to become a healthy adult and move forward.
I truly believe that this identity formed as an attempt to pull away from us. We were very close, and as a family we were happy. I have hope that he’ll come through this and become a better person. We all learn from our mistakes, just as I did. I have seen many detransitioners emerge from their trans identities with amazing grace.
Back to my husband. I am worried I’ll never see my son again. My husband isn't. He knows we will see him again—but he worries what it will look like. My husband is very traditional and loves family. My son was always just like him. I can’t imagine those values not emerging again. My son pitted us against each other, and it was hard on our marriage.
When my son decided he was “trans”, my husband never read the studies or watched any videos. I read everything and watched everything. I have a PhD knowledge of gender now. I felt like I was doing all the work and my husband was passive about it. I would get so frustrated that he would not get immersed like me. He ignored it and kept going. He would say irritating things to me, like he’s going to do what he does. We can’t stop it. He didn’t want this to happen to our son, but he didn’t let it bother him. I let it bother me. I had put my life on hold trying to stop my son, and I couldn’t move forward.
Now that my son is gone, my husband is still the same, unchanged. He just lives in the present and doesn’t worry. I had found this so irritating in the past but now I take comfort in learning from my husband’s calmness and positivity about this whole horrible ordeal. Our marriage is stronger than ever. We have only kindness toward each other. We don’t have our only child in our life right now, but we have us. We went through a life-changing event, but we know we will survive. I can’t change what has happened, but with my husband, my rock, I will get through this no matter what happens. In my heart I know my son will get through this fad and be a better person on the other side. I have hope from seeing the brave detransitioners emerge with such enlightenment. I know my son will too.
A fable:
A farmer loses his horse.
The neighbors say: "How sad you lost your horse!"
The farmer says: "Good? Bad? Who can say?"
The next day, the horse comes back, and brought four wild mares with him.
The neighbors say: "How fortunate! Your horse came back, and now has four more horses, making you a wealthier man!"
The farmer says: "Good? Bad? Who can say?"
The next day, the farmer's son tries to break in one of the wild mares. But she bucks him off, and he breaks a leg.
The neighbors say: "How unfortunate that your son broke his leg!"
The farmer says: "Good? Bad? Who can say."
The next day, the Army comes through the village. They impress all the young men in the town, forcing them to join the army. But the father's son, who has a broken leg, is of no use to them, so they let him stay home.
The neighbors say: "How fortunate! If your son didn't have a broken leg, he'd be forced to join the army and you may never see him again."
The farmer says: "Good? Bad? Who can say?"
I was a transvestite for many years. I found some immediate relief while doing it. Though I teetered many times whether to try permanent changes (hormones, surgery, going full time) I never went that far. And as the years passed, I got to a point I don't do it anymore.
Did it cause problems? Yes. Did I grow a bit from addressing the psychic pain and taking a risk that really no one would advise me to do? In some ways, yes.
But the main thing was I didn't have this society-wide cheerleading group pushing me to go all the way at lightning speed. I really dread what might have happened if those people were around me when I was a confused teenager.
You are grieving the death of a child who is not dead. That society is so hell bent of looking after the gender confused persons happiness and completely ignoring the devastation and despair the rest of the family is experiencing is outrageous. Something terrible is unfolding in the lives of young people that could not be happening without social media and the contagion it is spreading to convince young people they are something they are not.
I just read an interesting article which drew many parallels to the gender dysphoria madness with the false memory phenomenon of the 80s which ended up destroying many, many lives with false accusations of sexual abuse prompted by therapists who insisted to their mentally unstable clients that the reasons for their current struggles were rooted in past sexual trauma of which they had no memory. The therapists then convinced their patients to undergo hypnosis to recover these false memories for things which never happened.
Medicine has made some terribly tragic mistakes in dealing with mental health issues that seemed like a good solution at the time but resulted in terrible harm. Not the least among these was performing lobotomies for depression, and encouraging belly sleeping for infants which resulted in tens of thousands of babies dying from SIDS. Something equally tragic is taking place now and children and families are paying a terrible price.