My life has never been easy. I had a difficult childhood like a lot of people. I got through it and strived to make my adulthood different. Although the anxiety of childhood stays with you. My twenties were not better, and I worked hard to overcome my insecurities to build a career.
I can so relate to your post except I was widowed almost 6 years ago. However, my new husband is also optimist that my son will return. I struggle with trusting God still because I too had a hard childhood. I try to lean on my husband’s faith. My son is 26 and this started when he was 25. He first cut financial ties. He had lived in another state already but made another life change and move before announcing his transgenderism to me.
Had tears in my eyes reading your story. Such immense pain has come upon us parents of trans-identified children but, speaking for myself but I feel also for many others, there has also been huge personal
growth. A year into this, having been through the emotional wringer and spent hundreds of hours reading and listening, trying to understand what has happened to my dear child I feel I have gained a much better understanding of the human condition and have much greater empathy, and, I think, wisdom.
I admire you for your persistence and determination, and hope you are reunited with your son happily some day. But please don't say that you "have a PhD" in gender" just because you've spent lots of effort and time educating yourself about it. That's dismissive of the that scientific, time- and soul-consuming effort.
Like all these stories I burst into tears when I read it. It touches a nerve. It’s so sad that there doesn’t seem to be a right approach or outcome. So although your husband listened, I presume he adopted the new name & identity...are you saying that wasn’t good enough for him? He still ended up leaving?
But, I think the author means dear husband does not worry about knowing every last thing about trans, nor does he give in to trans and the identity change, etc. The author immersed herself and hoped her husband would too, but his brain works differently. I get that. My husband is the same, he simply gets about his life and doesn't worry about what he can't control. Well... in some areas! While I might obsess about some things, I don't worry a half-minute about money while he does. That's just how our brains work. I'm grateful too. Hugs to you
Thanks so much, just trying to make sense of it all. Impossible I know. It’s funny, I echo both observations about these natural gender roles we women & our husbands seem to have in this time of distress & I wonder still further, were our children in marriages or unions what would their reactions be? Would they portray sentiments relating to their biological sex or sentiments relating to their gender identity? The innate, the indisputable…what would it be
I think that what a person worries about is more related to temperament than to biological sex. I could be wrong. My worry brain works like my dad's and not my mom's. My mom was the one who worried about money and my dad did not. Tempermentally, I'm more like my Dad.
I am so happy to hear about this new place to which you have come, and about your loving marriage! That is so lovely. The only constant is change, and life is long. I'm looking forward to hearing future chapters of this story.
It seems like the best thing you can do for your son is take care of yourself (and your husband) so that if your son does need you in the future (he likely will!), you will be healthy enough to help him.
What a sweet and tender story - thank you for sharing. I am glad you have a “rock” as not everyone does. You have a lot of wisdom and appreciating what is around you and tapping into the love and strength is what will help you stay strong. Your son must find his own way and the memories, manners, lessons you taught him will surface when he needs them. My daughter got lost in drugs and alcohol and there were many years I thought I would lose her. She is now 4 years clean and sober and I am amazed at how appreciative she is of her childhood and the fond memories she shares with me. She is now a mother and she is instilling the same morals, manners, ethics that I taught to her. I hope that this gender influence is just a fad and that your son will thrive and find happiness. Your marriage has been tested and now it is just the two of you and I feel positive that the best years are just ahead! How wonderful that your husband never wavered and I think it was good for you to learn your PhD in this gender-cult as you will be able to help others understand and cope. Best wishes to all of you!
Thank you. My husband (not my sons father) is like yours. He’s my rock. He believes my son will be okay. I worry and make myself sick. It’s hard when you see how many kids are being harmed....I know several in my small circle who’ve already gone through with surgeries...all under 18....infertility and life long medical harm from this madness seems a high price to pay for teen rebellion.
This is beautiful. Awful that you had to write this, go through this, and have the fact of your son leaving home feel like a release from your pain. My husband is the same as yours, and he keeps saying that things will be better once our daughter leaves us next year; the pain will not be so in my face all the time.
I almost think in order for a marriage to survive something like the gender cult, one spouse has to stay out of the rabbithole, because if both fall down it, there's no coming out. Somebody has to have their feet on the ground, to be able to lean down into the hole with their hand and pull the other one back to life.
I had a difficult childhood too, with a lot of adversity to overcome. There is always a little voice inside me that says, "Of course you weren't able to raise a strong, healthy child. What were you expecting?" I fear that there was some defect inside me that got passed on. Maybe it's true, some genes that made my son vulnerable to mental illness. When you only have one child, it's easier to believe this trouble was inevitable because of who one is or because of one's parenting. Fortunately for those of us who are given to guilt and rumination, there are many parents out there with other, healthy kids to show us that it wasn't inevitable.
I feel the same way. I was raised by a narcissistic mother and waited many years to have children. I think deep down I always felt I wouldn't be a good mother. It crushes me to think I somehow caused my beautiful, smart and quirky daughter to choose the trans path.
It’s not you, it’s a pervasive societal corruption, and you are powerless over it. It didn’t occur by accident. The most privileged and confident of parents still cannot control their children’s independent involvement with the things of this world, including ugly, seductive, spurious things that have nothing to offer. One of life’s most heartbreaking lessons for me has been the realization that love — my love — is not enough. I want it to be, because it’s such a powerful emotion, but sometimes it’s just a feeling.
If at that point there is love elsewhere, it’s a saving grace. We never know what will happen next. When all else fails, we can acknowledge the love that lives on in our heart, and just let go.
Yes. Know it wasn't you. There are very few families without some level of dysfunction- destructive patterns to overcome. I feel immense guilt too, but have two happily married young daughters who hate what this cult has done to their only brother. The pressure on boys is immense, and even within gender critical circles, most emphasize society's affect on young women. Not to downplay media's objectification and hyper- sexualization of the female, but our young males are biologically different, and specifically targeted via video games & pornography, while being told they are "born rapists" and the world's "oppressors". The pressure to be a man in this world is unfathomable to me. Prayers for our sons. ♡♡
Wow! I found your post so encouraging! Thank you. I needed to hear a lot of your words. Your attitude is refreshing and I pray others may feel your strength, too.
Your story is eerily like mine. Mom of an only child who, although very bright, was developmentally stuck while living at home. A sweet boy who became depressed, angry, and manipulative in adolescence. Our sadness and fear for him mixed with relief at being free from his abuse after he left home and cut us off. My husband is also less consumed by this than I am, but once in while the sadness descends on him like a rock and he can't hold back tears. Other people assure us that our son will eventually find his way, and we try to believe that for the sake of our sanity, but this is uncharted territory. A few years ago everyone assured us that he would outgrow what looked like extended teenaged rebellion, and that never happened. Our kids are brainwashed and offering themselves up to butchers who promise them paradise. It's terrifying not knowing if they'll snap out of it before it's too late.
someone in the system, probably at school , groomed and molested your son. that is why he "suddenly" changed . do not forget , that this was caused by someone . it almost always is when there in not a long history of issues
From what I have read the trauma can come from multiple of situations. Molestation is one. It can also be bullying, marital problems in the family or just not fitting in, to name a few of the others. I personally don’t believe there is a one thing that fits all the situations. This is at contagious levels in certain areas. I think there are many different and varying factors.
covering up for people who push unsuspecting children into these horrific tragedies is not good policy. you claim some kind of knowledge because you heard things in the media . On this subject all the media is horribly and completely bias . I am just pointing that out . I believe the condition you are in is deluded.
There is actually a thorough, long term study on gender dysphoric youth that I have never seen mentioned in the mainstream, which outlines a wide breadth of markers. Abuse and trauma, of course, but not necessarily sexual abuse. It sounds like Ann has done her research. She's not "covering" for anyone.
because if you talk to the people who do that they almost always mention that it happened to them . ALSO don't be dumb - the reason to mention this is that only by raising awareness of this can OTHER kids can be protected from the predator. They will want to raise the question with their son once things calm down a bit . Where do you think all the anger these kids feel comes from? sadly they are not ready to talk about what happened and mis-direct their anger at their parents . you can keep the Oprah sloganeering my friend, the molesters love it when peopple don't ask questions
There are several reasons postulated for this phenomenon of trans stuff. Number 1 on the list is abuse, either sexual or emotional trauma. Others are social contagion, autism on some level, exposure to hormone disrupters(I wish more studying on this were done) and mental health issues. But, the experts are too quick to play the trans card instead of engaging these youngsters in long term therapy. They slap a label on them and away they go. Sad to say.
I can so relate to your post except I was widowed almost 6 years ago. However, my new husband is also optimist that my son will return. I struggle with trusting God still because I too had a hard childhood. I try to lean on my husband’s faith. My son is 26 and this started when he was 25. He first cut financial ties. He had lived in another state already but made another life change and move before announcing his transgenderism to me.
Thank you for reminding me what I rock I have in my husband, too. I pray for you, your husband, and your son. We're all doing this, one day at a time.
Had tears in my eyes reading your story. Such immense pain has come upon us parents of trans-identified children but, speaking for myself but I feel also for many others, there has also been huge personal
growth. A year into this, having been through the emotional wringer and spent hundreds of hours reading and listening, trying to understand what has happened to my dear child I feel I have gained a much better understanding of the human condition and have much greater empathy, and, I think, wisdom.
I admire you for your persistence and determination, and hope you are reunited with your son happily some day. But please don't say that you "have a PhD" in gender" just because you've spent lots of effort and time educating yourself about it. That's dismissive of the that scientific, time- and soul-consuming effort.
Like all these stories I burst into tears when I read it. It touches a nerve. It’s so sad that there doesn’t seem to be a right approach or outcome. So although your husband listened, I presume he adopted the new name & identity...are you saying that wasn’t good enough for him? He still ended up leaving?
Hello Anon. Its all hard. I'm sorry.
But, I think the author means dear husband does not worry about knowing every last thing about trans, nor does he give in to trans and the identity change, etc. The author immersed herself and hoped her husband would too, but his brain works differently. I get that. My husband is the same, he simply gets about his life and doesn't worry about what he can't control. Well... in some areas! While I might obsess about some things, I don't worry a half-minute about money while he does. That's just how our brains work. I'm grateful too. Hugs to you
Thanks so much, just trying to make sense of it all. Impossible I know. It’s funny, I echo both observations about these natural gender roles we women & our husbands seem to have in this time of distress & I wonder still further, were our children in marriages or unions what would their reactions be? Would they portray sentiments relating to their biological sex or sentiments relating to their gender identity? The innate, the indisputable…what would it be
Hello Again
I think that what a person worries about is more related to temperament than to biological sex. I could be wrong. My worry brain works like my dad's and not my mom's. My mom was the one who worried about money and my dad did not. Tempermentally, I'm more like my Dad.
I am so happy to hear about this new place to which you have come, and about your loving marriage! That is so lovely. The only constant is change, and life is long. I'm looking forward to hearing future chapters of this story.
It seems like the best thing you can do for your son is take care of yourself (and your husband) so that if your son does need you in the future (he likely will!), you will be healthy enough to help him.
What a sweet and tender story - thank you for sharing. I am glad you have a “rock” as not everyone does. You have a lot of wisdom and appreciating what is around you and tapping into the love and strength is what will help you stay strong. Your son must find his own way and the memories, manners, lessons you taught him will surface when he needs them. My daughter got lost in drugs and alcohol and there were many years I thought I would lose her. She is now 4 years clean and sober and I am amazed at how appreciative she is of her childhood and the fond memories she shares with me. She is now a mother and she is instilling the same morals, manners, ethics that I taught to her. I hope that this gender influence is just a fad and that your son will thrive and find happiness. Your marriage has been tested and now it is just the two of you and I feel positive that the best years are just ahead! How wonderful that your husband never wavered and I think it was good for you to learn your PhD in this gender-cult as you will be able to help others understand and cope. Best wishes to all of you!
It is so encouraging to have the detrans stories available. There is a verse from the Hebrew songbook which captures this hope perfectly for me
Psalm 27:13-14
I would have lost heart, unless I had believed
That I would see the goodness of the Lord
In the land of the living.
14 Wait on the Lord;
Be of good courage,
And He shall strengthen your heart;
Wait, I say, on the Lord!
Our DT folks have no idea the strength and hope we derive from seeing them walking in health and wholeness. All Things Are Possible!
Another piece of wisdom that comes from the Hebrew wisdom literature explains the beauty of the dance you and your husband are experiencing.
Ecclesiastical 4:9-12
Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their labor:
10 If either of them falls down,
one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls
and has no one to help them up.
11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?
12 Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
I have written your psalm in my diary. Thank you
Thank you for this reminder to have faith in our Father
Thank you. My husband (not my sons father) is like yours. He’s my rock. He believes my son will be okay. I worry and make myself sick. It’s hard when you see how many kids are being harmed....I know several in my small circle who’ve already gone through with surgeries...all under 18....infertility and life long medical harm from this madness seems a high price to pay for teen rebellion.
This is beautiful. Awful that you had to write this, go through this, and have the fact of your son leaving home feel like a release from your pain. My husband is the same as yours, and he keeps saying that things will be better once our daughter leaves us next year; the pain will not be so in my face all the time.
I almost think in order for a marriage to survive something like the gender cult, one spouse has to stay out of the rabbithole, because if both fall down it, there's no coming out. Somebody has to have their feet on the ground, to be able to lean down into the hole with their hand and pull the other one back to life.
Love this so much. I am so glad you have this wonderful man. But remember, you are a rock too!!
Thank you for posting. It helps. Same story for me only without the supportive husband. Dealing with this alone.
I'm so sorry....:(
I had a difficult childhood too, with a lot of adversity to overcome. There is always a little voice inside me that says, "Of course you weren't able to raise a strong, healthy child. What were you expecting?" I fear that there was some defect inside me that got passed on. Maybe it's true, some genes that made my son vulnerable to mental illness. When you only have one child, it's easier to believe this trouble was inevitable because of who one is or because of one's parenting. Fortunately for those of us who are given to guilt and rumination, there are many parents out there with other, healthy kids to show us that it wasn't inevitable.
I feel the same way. I was raised by a narcissistic mother and waited many years to have children. I think deep down I always felt I wouldn't be a good mother. It crushes me to think I somehow caused my beautiful, smart and quirky daughter to choose the trans path.
It’s not you, it’s a pervasive societal corruption, and you are powerless over it. It didn’t occur by accident. The most privileged and confident of parents still cannot control their children’s independent involvement with the things of this world, including ugly, seductive, spurious things that have nothing to offer. One of life’s most heartbreaking lessons for me has been the realization that love — my love — is not enough. I want it to be, because it’s such a powerful emotion, but sometimes it’s just a feeling.
If at that point there is love elsewhere, it’s a saving grace. We never know what will happen next. When all else fails, we can acknowledge the love that lives on in our heart, and just let go.
Yes. Know it wasn't you. There are very few families without some level of dysfunction- destructive patterns to overcome. I feel immense guilt too, but have two happily married young daughters who hate what this cult has done to their only brother. The pressure on boys is immense, and even within gender critical circles, most emphasize society's affect on young women. Not to downplay media's objectification and hyper- sexualization of the female, but our young males are biologically different, and specifically targeted via video games & pornography, while being told they are "born rapists" and the world's "oppressors". The pressure to be a man in this world is unfathomable to me. Prayers for our sons. ♡♡
Thank you for this comment. We need to remember that the war on women is always a war on men as well because all of this is a war on humanity.
Wow! I found your post so encouraging! Thank you. I needed to hear a lot of your words. Your attitude is refreshing and I pray others may feel your strength, too.
Your story is eerily like mine. Mom of an only child who, although very bright, was developmentally stuck while living at home. A sweet boy who became depressed, angry, and manipulative in adolescence. Our sadness and fear for him mixed with relief at being free from his abuse after he left home and cut us off. My husband is also less consumed by this than I am, but once in while the sadness descends on him like a rock and he can't hold back tears. Other people assure us that our son will eventually find his way, and we try to believe that for the sake of our sanity, but this is uncharted territory. A few years ago everyone assured us that he would outgrow what looked like extended teenaged rebellion, and that never happened. Our kids are brainwashed and offering themselves up to butchers who promise them paradise. It's terrifying not knowing if they'll snap out of it before it's too late.
Me too mama. Mine turned 30 this year, a tough milestone for sure.
someone in the system, probably at school , groomed and molested your son. that is why he "suddenly" changed . do not forget , that this was caused by someone . it almost always is when there in not a long history of issues
From what I have read the trauma can come from multiple of situations. Molestation is one. It can also be bullying, marital problems in the family or just not fitting in, to name a few of the others. I personally don’t believe there is a one thing that fits all the situations. This is at contagious levels in certain areas. I think there are many different and varying factors.
See my post.
From what you have read from the VERY TRANS PROMOTING PRESS that may be , but in real life life that is just cover for the guilty .
Don’t make assumption about me or others. That is not a good policy.
covering up for people who push unsuspecting children into these horrific tragedies is not good policy. you claim some kind of knowledge because you heard things in the media . On this subject all the media is horribly and completely bias . I am just pointing that out . I believe the condition you are in is deluded.
There is actually a thorough, long term study on gender dysphoric youth that I have never seen mentioned in the mainstream, which outlines a wide breadth of markers. Abuse and trauma, of course, but not necessarily sexual abuse. It sounds like Ann has done her research. She's not "covering" for anyone.
got a name and source for that? are you a bot?
You can't be certain that someone molested this woman's son. Why cause more pain?
Agree! Groomed yes
because if you talk to the people who do that they almost always mention that it happened to them . ALSO don't be dumb - the reason to mention this is that only by raising awareness of this can OTHER kids can be protected from the predator. They will want to raise the question with their son once things calm down a bit . Where do you think all the anger these kids feel comes from? sadly they are not ready to talk about what happened and mis-direct their anger at their parents . you can keep the Oprah sloganeering my friend, the molesters love it when peopple don't ask questions
There are several reasons postulated for this phenomenon of trans stuff. Number 1 on the list is abuse, either sexual or emotional trauma. Others are social contagion, autism on some level, exposure to hormone disrupters(I wish more studying on this were done) and mental health issues. But, the experts are too quick to play the trans card instead of engaging these youngsters in long term therapy. They slap a label on them and away they go. Sad to say.