I can understand everything you are experiencing. I have seen my sons name pop up on my phone and hesitated because I know it will not end well but also wanting so bad to talk to my son. Sadly my phone lies because it is not my son, only the name we gave him. The reality is the caller is someone who is very troubled and needs help he is not getting. I pray each night not only for my son but for all the families and children destroyed by this madness.
My heart goes out to you and your wife. What a shock it must have been. Although it must be so painful, thank you for sharing your experience because it makes other parents in a similar situation feel less alone.
We are well over 8 years estranged from our daughter now - her choice, never ours. In the early years all I wanted to do was to see her, hug her, tell her I love her, that it’s okay, that we can agree to disagree. Now I don’t know how I’d react, because her cruelty to us has been so sustained and deliberate.
The love will never stop, but as time passes there comes a point when you realise that this is no longer a passing fad. That coming back to the starting point is unlikely. That too much water has flowed under the bridge to make reconciliation the beautiful dream it used to be.
Accepting the reality of long term transition-related estrangement means accepting that everything has changed. Nothing can ever be the same again. I still hope for reconnection. I still long for that message or call. I don’t think it’s coming any time soon.
Sending love and hope to other parents in this situation. Stay as strong as you can, know you are not alone 🩷
The mistake made, the minute you recognized your son at the gathering, was to not immediately retreat to your wife and discuss how to proceed. It may have been better to let your wife make the initial approach. Maybe asking the question, “How are you doing?”. It sounds like your approach was confrontational. Maybe accepting the marriage and the fact the two of them are independent adults. Welcome them as the strangers they are. They probably feel any interaction with you would require Mea Culpas which they will not give.
I have two granddaughters in their teens who have fallen into this stupid trap. I refuse preferred pronouns and adopted names. Their parents go along with the stupidity for fear of suicides and to avoid the confrontations. While I do not approve, I just ignore the ideation of the girls which means they avoid me like the plague even though I live next door.
Depression in the extended family with suicides has not made things easier. Severe self harming and eating disorder have also made the parents’ a hell to live in. I try desperately to be there for them and have long since ended criticism of their parenting. I just try to be there for them financially and otherwise.
I first blame the parents who refused to introduce the girls to any religion. Next, I blame the gifted programs which placed the granddaughters in constant contact with a bunch of gifted screwed up kids who had been confirmed to be “different”, special. Next, I blame the early and constant unlimited access to the internet from age 10 and 12. And, last I blame the isolation created by Covid at the hands of our governments.
I am so sorry for what you are going through - my daughter is in this cult, too, and although we are not estranged, our relationship is not a good as it could be because of this and I do live in a state of anticipatory grief. I writing more to say that I don't think you could have done anything different at this event - it is terrible that you were blindsided by your family - I have come to the conclusion that all I can do for my daughter is continue to be available for her - she is 23 now and I think the only way she will come out of this is through the Grace of God. I was never a particularly religious person, but going through this has drawn me to God because I think that is really the only way out of it for these kids and the only way forward for us parents. I used to think it was a cop out - what is praying going to do? But I have really tried to devote my focus to God, and daily prayer and it has helped. It is really the only thing that has. Getting angry didn't help, trying to talk my daughter out of this nonsense didn't help. I do believe this is literally the devil's work in this world and it is cloaked with "goodness" words like "kindness" and "inclusivity" have double meanings. The literal devil is using these words to corrupt people who know better into supporting this nonsense. I do wish you peace and will pray for you, myself and all of us dealing with this.
What tragedy and grief. We are living in a world at war with reality. Instead of bombs dropping, we have constant assaults on our language and beliefs. Instead of crushed buildings, we have crushed hearts and broken families. Instead of corpses in the street, we have mutilated bodies and children entirely devoid of their true selves. Instead of blatant propaganda spewed by uniformed soldiers, we have a barrage of lies from "experts" and "well-meaning" but utterly duped friends too afraid to say that the Emperor HAS NO CLOTHES!
Don't beat yourself up about not responding to your son. He cannot hear you anyway. And it would have only caused more crushing stress and would make a "scene" in which YOU are viewed as the "bad guy." You don't have to say any of the things you wanted to. He already knows them deep in his heart. They can run from the truth, but they cannot hide. (Sadly, I believe that is why the suicide rate is so high among trans people; they cannot silence that persistent, small voice in their hearts that drives them either to detransition or to despair.) Never stop praying for him; God can save him. You cannot. I lost my first-born son over 22 years ago to this cult. He will no longer speak to us, but he knows that I pray for him and love him. That's all that matters now.
It is deeply disturbing that your family ambushed you like this. They might think they did nothing wrong, but they are in need of education in charity. It is NOT charity to allow someone to continue to mutilate themselves and live in a dystopian nightmare. It is NOT charity to force parents to accept it, either. I would certainly not trust them any longer. I am grateful that at least SOME of the culture is beginning to see the truth. The acrid smoke of Satan's lies is beginning to blow away. But nothing will bring back the lost years, the lost children who will never live as God intended-- free, safe, whole and peaceful. This war with reality has many victims. We cannot ever give up the fight. Battles are being won, but the war is far from over. God give you strength and peace!
I cannot believe that your extended family did not warn you. That upsets me even more in a way. I think that it is better that you only said what you did. Because he isn’t choosing this path willfully. He’s been sucked into an evil (truly satanic) cult. He isn’t doing this to spite you, he’s doing it despite you. This contagion will eventually cease, and your son and all the others sons (and daughters) will be alone. And those in control who perpetuated it will pretend it never happened. They’ll claim they didn’t know the harms. Many of the sons and daughters will have ruined bodies from hormones that their actual sex were never designed for. Many will do surgeries that will cost them their life, and the surgeons will say they didn’t know. And perhaps then the cult members will slowly wake up to the deception they have been under. Your son is sick, if you can see him in that way, I think it will change you. Your anger is not really directed him, it’s the culture that created him.
If you believe in God then you must also realize there is a demonic ... this insane ideology moved swiftly around the world and manifested with the same dialog...I used to wonder when studying the history of the Roman Empire or watching movies like Ben Hur how that many people could celebrate the evil murder and torture of other human beings but that same insane rage is shown today against anyone, especially young women trying to keep Trans men out of their sports!
Cooperating with evil will not end it...Speak truth in love...When you have done all you can Stand in that truth!
I feel your pain and frustration and you are completely right people don’t ‘get it’ unless they have experienced the pain of losing their son or daughter to this senseless madness. I pray everyday for all families affected by this Trans Craziness. God Bless You
Wow! You were blindsided and I can only imagine your shock. Shame on your family for not telling you that your son and his husband were invited. They threw you and your wife under the bus and drove it right over you. I think you handled the shock of seeing your son and his husband quite well. I wish you could have said more, I wish I could have said more to my nephew, too.
You made your point that he is loved and welcomed and hopefully those kind words will resonate with them.
I can so relate to that feeling of desperately wanting to see your child, and desperately want to avoid seeing them, and the feeling that means theres something wrong with you. Earlier just this week I found myself watching a video of a trans pride march in the city my daughter is at university, hoping to catch a glimpse of her... and then feeling the gut punch when I did.
For me it comes down to this- do I love my daughter enough that I'm willing to fall out with her, or do I love her enough that I'm will to be complicit in her physical and psychological harm, possibly her death? Love that lives in the truth and the light, or love that lives in lies and corruption.
My hopes faded that my adult child (24 at the start) is ever coming back now three years into this drugged, political puppet, cult fetish fed by Internet Nazis with every intention of breaking this nation. Too much time has passed with no communication while she is too drugged up to be anything but the narcissist I now see her as and never to be trusted again. I wouldn't want her to contaminate others. Do I mean all that? Every single day and night I pray the nightmare ends but I'm still here living it in despair and a river of tears. I want the cult to end. I want all the funding for an Internet made war on this nation and all families, to be stopped. Only then, with a ton of work, would it be possible to have a conversation with her. I don't see that happening in this lifetime.
I can understand everything you are experiencing. I have seen my sons name pop up on my phone and hesitated because I know it will not end well but also wanting so bad to talk to my son. Sadly my phone lies because it is not my son, only the name we gave him. The reality is the caller is someone who is very troubled and needs help he is not getting. I pray each night not only for my son but for all the families and children destroyed by this madness.
My heart goes out to you and your wife. What a shock it must have been. Although it must be so painful, thank you for sharing your experience because it makes other parents in a similar situation feel less alone.
We are well over 8 years estranged from our daughter now - her choice, never ours. In the early years all I wanted to do was to see her, hug her, tell her I love her, that it’s okay, that we can agree to disagree. Now I don’t know how I’d react, because her cruelty to us has been so sustained and deliberate.
The love will never stop, but as time passes there comes a point when you realise that this is no longer a passing fad. That coming back to the starting point is unlikely. That too much water has flowed under the bridge to make reconciliation the beautiful dream it used to be.
Accepting the reality of long term transition-related estrangement means accepting that everything has changed. Nothing can ever be the same again. I still hope for reconnection. I still long for that message or call. I don’t think it’s coming any time soon.
Sending love and hope to other parents in this situation. Stay as strong as you can, know you are not alone 🩷
The mistake made, the minute you recognized your son at the gathering, was to not immediately retreat to your wife and discuss how to proceed. It may have been better to let your wife make the initial approach. Maybe asking the question, “How are you doing?”. It sounds like your approach was confrontational. Maybe accepting the marriage and the fact the two of them are independent adults. Welcome them as the strangers they are. They probably feel any interaction with you would require Mea Culpas which they will not give.
I have two granddaughters in their teens who have fallen into this stupid trap. I refuse preferred pronouns and adopted names. Their parents go along with the stupidity for fear of suicides and to avoid the confrontations. While I do not approve, I just ignore the ideation of the girls which means they avoid me like the plague even though I live next door.
Depression in the extended family with suicides has not made things easier. Severe self harming and eating disorder have also made the parents’ a hell to live in. I try desperately to be there for them and have long since ended criticism of their parenting. I just try to be there for them financially and otherwise.
I first blame the parents who refused to introduce the girls to any religion. Next, I blame the gifted programs which placed the granddaughters in constant contact with a bunch of gifted screwed up kids who had been confirmed to be “different”, special. Next, I blame the early and constant unlimited access to the internet from age 10 and 12. And, last I blame the isolation created by Covid at the hands of our governments.
None of that can be undone. . .
So relatable. I feel this way too. Sorry for your painful experience. Thank you for sharing.
I am so sorry for what you are going through - my daughter is in this cult, too, and although we are not estranged, our relationship is not a good as it could be because of this and I do live in a state of anticipatory grief. I writing more to say that I don't think you could have done anything different at this event - it is terrible that you were blindsided by your family - I have come to the conclusion that all I can do for my daughter is continue to be available for her - she is 23 now and I think the only way she will come out of this is through the Grace of God. I was never a particularly religious person, but going through this has drawn me to God because I think that is really the only way out of it for these kids and the only way forward for us parents. I used to think it was a cop out - what is praying going to do? But I have really tried to devote my focus to God, and daily prayer and it has helped. It is really the only thing that has. Getting angry didn't help, trying to talk my daughter out of this nonsense didn't help. I do believe this is literally the devil's work in this world and it is cloaked with "goodness" words like "kindness" and "inclusivity" have double meanings. The literal devil is using these words to corrupt people who know better into supporting this nonsense. I do wish you peace and will pray for you, myself and all of us dealing with this.
💔
What tragedy and grief. We are living in a world at war with reality. Instead of bombs dropping, we have constant assaults on our language and beliefs. Instead of crushed buildings, we have crushed hearts and broken families. Instead of corpses in the street, we have mutilated bodies and children entirely devoid of their true selves. Instead of blatant propaganda spewed by uniformed soldiers, we have a barrage of lies from "experts" and "well-meaning" but utterly duped friends too afraid to say that the Emperor HAS NO CLOTHES!
Don't beat yourself up about not responding to your son. He cannot hear you anyway. And it would have only caused more crushing stress and would make a "scene" in which YOU are viewed as the "bad guy." You don't have to say any of the things you wanted to. He already knows them deep in his heart. They can run from the truth, but they cannot hide. (Sadly, I believe that is why the suicide rate is so high among trans people; they cannot silence that persistent, small voice in their hearts that drives them either to detransition or to despair.) Never stop praying for him; God can save him. You cannot. I lost my first-born son over 22 years ago to this cult. He will no longer speak to us, but he knows that I pray for him and love him. That's all that matters now.
It is deeply disturbing that your family ambushed you like this. They might think they did nothing wrong, but they are in need of education in charity. It is NOT charity to allow someone to continue to mutilate themselves and live in a dystopian nightmare. It is NOT charity to force parents to accept it, either. I would certainly not trust them any longer. I am grateful that at least SOME of the culture is beginning to see the truth. The acrid smoke of Satan's lies is beginning to blow away. But nothing will bring back the lost years, the lost children who will never live as God intended-- free, safe, whole and peaceful. This war with reality has many victims. We cannot ever give up the fight. Battles are being won, but the war is far from over. God give you strength and peace!
😥🙏🩵I'm so, so sorry .... and you did not fail ... hugs and love to you and your wife...
I cannot believe that your extended family did not warn you. That upsets me even more in a way. I think that it is better that you only said what you did. Because he isn’t choosing this path willfully. He’s been sucked into an evil (truly satanic) cult. He isn’t doing this to spite you, he’s doing it despite you. This contagion will eventually cease, and your son and all the others sons (and daughters) will be alone. And those in control who perpetuated it will pretend it never happened. They’ll claim they didn’t know the harms. Many of the sons and daughters will have ruined bodies from hormones that their actual sex were never designed for. Many will do surgeries that will cost them their life, and the surgeons will say they didn’t know. And perhaps then the cult members will slowly wake up to the deception they have been under. Your son is sick, if you can see him in that way, I think it will change you. Your anger is not really directed him, it’s the culture that created him.
If you believe in God then you must also realize there is a demonic ... this insane ideology moved swiftly around the world and manifested with the same dialog...I used to wonder when studying the history of the Roman Empire or watching movies like Ben Hur how that many people could celebrate the evil murder and torture of other human beings but that same insane rage is shown today against anyone, especially young women trying to keep Trans men out of their sports!
Cooperating with evil will not end it...Speak truth in love...When you have done all you can Stand in that truth!
I feel your pain and frustration and you are completely right people don’t ‘get it’ unless they have experienced the pain of losing their son or daughter to this senseless madness. I pray everyday for all families affected by this Trans Craziness. God Bless You
I understand. I’m in a similar situation. I never thought this would happen.
Wow! You were blindsided and I can only imagine your shock. Shame on your family for not telling you that your son and his husband were invited. They threw you and your wife under the bus and drove it right over you. I think you handled the shock of seeing your son and his husband quite well. I wish you could have said more, I wish I could have said more to my nephew, too.
You made your point that he is loved and welcomed and hopefully those kind words will resonate with them.
I can so relate to that feeling of desperately wanting to see your child, and desperately want to avoid seeing them, and the feeling that means theres something wrong with you. Earlier just this week I found myself watching a video of a trans pride march in the city my daughter is at university, hoping to catch a glimpse of her... and then feeling the gut punch when I did.
For me it comes down to this- do I love my daughter enough that I'm willing to fall out with her, or do I love her enough that I'm will to be complicit in her physical and psychological harm, possibly her death? Love that lives in the truth and the light, or love that lives in lies and corruption.
You're not alone mate, we see you
I perfectly understand the desolation. May I ask how did he read your PITT entry?
My hopes faded that my adult child (24 at the start) is ever coming back now three years into this drugged, political puppet, cult fetish fed by Internet Nazis with every intention of breaking this nation. Too much time has passed with no communication while she is too drugged up to be anything but the narcissist I now see her as and never to be trusted again. I wouldn't want her to contaminate others. Do I mean all that? Every single day and night I pray the nightmare ends but I'm still here living it in despair and a river of tears. I want the cult to end. I want all the funding for an Internet made war on this nation and all families, to be stopped. Only then, with a ton of work, would it be possible to have a conversation with her. I don't see that happening in this lifetime.