When my son was about 14, I found him being groomed by someone who looked like a ‘Lady boy’. This man would send him makeup, and nail products, and other similar things and then get my son to wear them and send photos et cetera online. I suspect that this was an early form of sissy porn and my son’s developing brain was being completely warped and programmed by this.
It's times like this, even if you weren't remotely religious, one is forced to acknowledge that Satan really exists in this world. Some things, when you see them playing out you just know there's an evil force driving it.
I weep for you and your lost son. But please never lose him completely: do you best to keep track of where he is living and his contact details. Somewhere, deep inside him, he knows that you are still his mother.
The one takeaway, I suppose, is that adults have somehow gotten it in their heads that their minor children have any right to privacy. They don't. If weird packages are showing up from God-knows-where, you are within your legal and moral rights to open up that sucker and see what's inside. The ostrich approach helps no one :(
Boy you made an absolutely ridiculous assumption. Stop being snarky. How about write an article for PITT with your productive ideas, rather than lambasting other parents? How do you take away the internet pw when your child is doing HW for school on their laptop, for instance? Now, that would actually be helpful information.
{{ "I can think of no other motivation for a child to keep secrets from a parent other than that they are afraid of the parent's reaction.
What makes children afraid of their parents? Past experience." }}}
Perhaps I am one in eight billion but that was not so in my case. My not telling my mother I had been sexually abused had nothing to do with fearing her or her reaction. She was a strong capable loving open-minded single mom. I didn't want attention drawn to me, I didn't want to have to relate details of what had been done to me because few people and about zero children want to lose their privacy that way. Also as a child you have no clear idea of WHAT might happen in the after-effects of an earth-shaking revelation, regardless of if you have incredibly loving and wise parents or not. Life could be rough, I knew, and as a fiercely independent sort I filed the experiences under "Life's Tough" and felt confident that I could properly process what happened to me by myself.
My eldest went trans at her school aged 15 and since then developed a narcissistic controlling personality. When I voiced concerns after believing her for two years she totally turned against me and started bullying me. Just before Christmas she had me arrested at night on multiple allegations.
She has my 13 year old daughter whose school now use pronouns.
I remember early days at the park, the three of them together playing with friends.
Each one of these stories posted at PITT have some element that is relatable and I know we are all desperately trying to piece together just what went wrong, how it happened and when. The one thing all stories have in common is that overwhelming sense of loss that never quite leaves us and a complete lack of understanding and support from outside this echo chamber. Ugliness, dishonesty, immorality and a lack of accountability permeate our lives now and our children's lives. Last night I was watching an episode of "All Creatures Great and Small." It was a Christmas episode, finale of season one. I cried, it was just so beautiful. The people, common culture, beauty, love. It's no wonder these kids today are so completely lost. They will most likely never experience such things.
Wow, that’s harsh! I’m sure that happens in some cases, but why would you assume that it is widespread? Do you have some kind of evidence? I research the ROGD phenomenon constantly and I’ve never come upon a professional who makes such an assertion about mothers of ROGD kids.
Thanks again for sharing this. My 9-year-old daughter is on the precipice of this hell-world of transness. Her mother let her watch Youtubers who play Roblox. Sounds innocent enough, right? Nope. Some of these game-playing YTers identify as non-binary, as I learned when I researched it. Then her school started teaching gender curriculum. Did you know that liking to play with trucks means you might be a boy? (eyeroll) Now the 9-year-old wants to be a "they/them". Hopefully she'll grow out of it....
My one hope is that whatever comes, she doesn't feel like she must keep secrets from me. Where does serious secret-keeping start? With shame, in my opinion.
I believe children are innocent, and have no reason to feel shame. May we all aspire to never give them a reason to want to keep secrets from us.
Unfortunately, I didn’t know ROGD was a thing until it was already too late. My child had become hostile and secretive, and I tried to give him his space and stay cheerful, thinking this was the sort of teenaged rebellion that teens of my generation went through and came out of after a year or two. It’s a completely different world now.
It sounds like he might be gay. I hope you are prepared to accept and make space for that possibility. It isn't necessary to go trans just because you're gay, especially if you can find self acceptance.
I’m so sorry you have this story to write. It does help all of us going through this trans devastation in our families. I hope that this is not the conclusion but something can pull him out of the cult.
Of the year and a half I’ve been in this nightmare, I wonder if my mental state will ever be back to the pre-trans days. Even if my daughter broke free of the cult, will I always be worried she might slip back in? If I ever am lucky enough to have grandkids, will I worry about their future too?
I know I have to relinquish control and try to enjoy the present but the rumination bit claws it’s way back in my brain.
Sorry this happened to your family. I think it is very possible to be trans and live a productive and happy life, but it can also be self indulgent and delusional for other people. Everyone is different. I would say the main problem your son is facing is the drug abuse and possibly a criminal lifestyle. It sounds like there was some grooming going on too in his early teens which couldn't be helpful. I wish you the best and I hope your son saves himself.
It's times like this, even if you weren't remotely religious, one is forced to acknowledge that Satan really exists in this world. Some things, when you see them playing out you just know there's an evil force driving it.
I weep for you and your lost son. But please never lose him completely: do you best to keep track of where he is living and his contact details. Somewhere, deep inside him, he knows that you are still his mother.
The one takeaway, I suppose, is that adults have somehow gotten it in their heads that their minor children have any right to privacy. They don't. If weird packages are showing up from God-knows-where, you are within your legal and moral rights to open up that sucker and see what's inside. The ostrich approach helps no one :(
Boy you made an absolutely ridiculous assumption. Stop being snarky. How about write an article for PITT with your productive ideas, rather than lambasting other parents? How do you take away the internet pw when your child is doing HW for school on their laptop, for instance? Now, that would actually be helpful information.
I'm very sorry for your situation. I'm certain your son was groomed into his "trans" identity.
Wearing dresses and makeup does not turn a man into a woman. Nor does taking cross-sex hormones or having surgery.
{{ "I can think of no other motivation for a child to keep secrets from a parent other than that they are afraid of the parent's reaction.
What makes children afraid of their parents? Past experience." }}}
Perhaps I am one in eight billion but that was not so in my case. My not telling my mother I had been sexually abused had nothing to do with fearing her or her reaction. She was a strong capable loving open-minded single mom. I didn't want attention drawn to me, I didn't want to have to relate details of what had been done to me because few people and about zero children want to lose their privacy that way. Also as a child you have no clear idea of WHAT might happen in the after-effects of an earth-shaking revelation, regardless of if you have incredibly loving and wise parents or not. Life could be rough, I knew, and as a fiercely independent sort I filed the experiences under "Life's Tough" and felt confident that I could properly process what happened to me by myself.
My eldest went trans at her school aged 15 and since then developed a narcissistic controlling personality. When I voiced concerns after believing her for two years she totally turned against me and started bullying me. Just before Christmas she had me arrested at night on multiple allegations.
She has my 13 year old daughter whose school now use pronouns.
I remember early days at the park, the three of them together playing with friends.
How has it come to this utter destruction.
Each one of these stories posted at PITT have some element that is relatable and I know we are all desperately trying to piece together just what went wrong, how it happened and when. The one thing all stories have in common is that overwhelming sense of loss that never quite leaves us and a complete lack of understanding and support from outside this echo chamber. Ugliness, dishonesty, immorality and a lack of accountability permeate our lives now and our children's lives. Last night I was watching an episode of "All Creatures Great and Small." It was a Christmas episode, finale of season one. I cried, it was just so beautiful. The people, common culture, beauty, love. It's no wonder these kids today are so completely lost. They will most likely never experience such things.
Wow, that’s harsh! I’m sure that happens in some cases, but why would you assume that it is widespread? Do you have some kind of evidence? I research the ROGD phenomenon constantly and I’ve never come upon a professional who makes such an assertion about mothers of ROGD kids.
Thanks again for sharing this. My 9-year-old daughter is on the precipice of this hell-world of transness. Her mother let her watch Youtubers who play Roblox. Sounds innocent enough, right? Nope. Some of these game-playing YTers identify as non-binary, as I learned when I researched it. Then her school started teaching gender curriculum. Did you know that liking to play with trucks means you might be a boy? (eyeroll) Now the 9-year-old wants to be a "they/them". Hopefully she'll grow out of it....
My one hope is that whatever comes, she doesn't feel like she must keep secrets from me. Where does serious secret-keeping start? With shame, in my opinion.
I believe children are innocent, and have no reason to feel shame. May we all aspire to never give them a reason to want to keep secrets from us.
Unfortunately, I didn’t know ROGD was a thing until it was already too late. My child had become hostile and secretive, and I tried to give him his space and stay cheerful, thinking this was the sort of teenaged rebellion that teens of my generation went through and came out of after a year or two. It’s a completely different world now.
New comment written.
You bear responsibility for giving him access to internet (so porn, social media, etc) that had set him on this path.
It sounds like he might be gay. I hope you are prepared to accept and make space for that possibility. It isn't necessary to go trans just because you're gay, especially if you can find self acceptance.
I’m so sorry you have this story to write. It does help all of us going through this trans devastation in our families. I hope that this is not the conclusion but something can pull him out of the cult.
Of the year and a half I’ve been in this nightmare, I wonder if my mental state will ever be back to the pre-trans days. Even if my daughter broke free of the cult, will I always be worried she might slip back in? If I ever am lucky enough to have grandkids, will I worry about their future too?
I know I have to relinquish control and try to enjoy the present but the rumination bit claws it’s way back in my brain.
Thinking of you
Sorry this happened to your family. I think it is very possible to be trans and live a productive and happy life, but it can also be self indulgent and delusional for other people. Everyone is different. I would say the main problem your son is facing is the drug abuse and possibly a criminal lifestyle. It sounds like there was some grooming going on too in his early teens which couldn't be helpful. I wish you the best and I hope your son saves himself.