My beautiful son, (early 20's), joined the cult last year. No discussion, no counselling. We had a couple of sporadic meetings with him since he moved out at the beginning of the year, but I cannot see him in his woman costume. It is akin to watching the train wreck. He says seeing us is also depressing and he can not do in person meetings. Our lack of affirmation has caused him to rant on his social media that we are cancelled, monsters, villains. He mocks us, as do those of his new "found family". The shallowness of his relationships with these people show. They squabble amongst themselves & discuss topics that keep them isolated form reality. This child of mine. How did he get to this place. How long can he live his life online before he has to step into the real world and make an account for the choices he has made, and right all those he has wronged.
The deep grief has led to me to low places and some day I'm not sure I will ever climb out of this mirk. Does peace ever come? or do we continue on like zombies, day in, day out. I know it is still early in the journey for us, perhaps that is why the grief is so intense. But I do hope to one day laugh spontaneously and think again of beautiful things. For now though, I am angry. I fight on twitter because I'm angry. That makes me exhausted too. I want peace. I crave peace. I want to wake up and not thinking about the gender cult that has gripped our children while the world sleeps. From a mum who misses her son.
I feel angry too. The wreck of a person who was my daughter is shallow cruel and cold, treating me as a source of income or ignoring me. No truth left in this testosterone addict. Now I understand why it is better to have no contact. Transgenderism is evil and living with a transgender person is like going through Hell. Looking for a way out
I am on the same cruel journey. I lost a daughter to the cult. The pain overwhelmed me. She refused counselling. I sought counselling but no amount of counselling could help. I tell myself now she is still my daughter, just deceived because of her autism. The world calls her a man. I am alone, holding onto my belief that she is still my child, no matter what damage she has allowed to be inflicted on her body. Why can she not see truth? Why does everybody else affirm this delusion? Still no answers.
Your article spoke to me entirely.. it’s like you’re reading my mind and I share all of these emotions, fears & heartbreak. My 19 year old trans son has ‘cancelled’ us from his life along with his 2 half siblings ( 1 of whom is a doctor 12 years his senior) who are financially supporting him through a very fast medical transition. They’ve all lied and demonised us, blocked us from contact just for expressing our concern. I’m bereft. This time last year we still had our beautiful daughter .. she left home for Uni with the intention of transitioning without telling us. Now his bedroom sits empty and we’ve no idea if we’ll ever be reconciled. No conversations have ever been allowed. We have worked so hard in coming to terms with & supporting him but realise now we only had to suggest some slight doubt/concern to be cast out as transphobes. From believing him and supporting him, I now believe he is in the clutches of something truly evil. What can we do? I share your pain 🖤
I am daring to agree with you in thinking our trans children are in the clutches of something truly evil. Being “cancelled” by my daughter was the worst type of grief. She reinvented her past, believing that she had done typical boy activities. The truth was she had been a feminine girl. I share your pain. There has been some reconciliation, but the damage is irreversible.
Hi Peg, I’m pleased you have had some reconciliation but I can totally understand how the damage feels irreversible ..it drives deep into the soul. Although we also have had some brief contact with our ‘son’ it is very superficial and no deep conversations have taken place. We are still supporting him financially and actually believe we are being played…ie he just sends a message every so often to keep us warm but it is purely to ‘tick the box’., to keep the next months allowance flowing in. We have had our first Christmas without him and he has chosen to completely ignore us..no messages at all. We have also now moved house, not being able to live any longer in limbo in our family home - the only home he’s ever known. In fact, we have probably unwittingly done him a favour in allowing him to completely sever himself from his past but we have had to think of ourselves and our own mental well being. We honestly don’t feel there will ever be a future relationship for us that will ever be truthful and authentic. I still actively grieve but also I have more times when I am able to let go of him and accept that he is lost to us. Maybe the best that I will be left with are happy memories of my daughter - I know they are real and true. I don’t think I’ll ever know my ‘son’ and the longer times goes on the less I wish to know him. His coldness and cruelty will perhaps be the treatment that sets me free of him. Just as he wishes to be free of me. Sad times - sending you strength.
I have been “ played” too. The only communication is for selfish purposes. I am treated like a piece of furniture, just here to be used. If I dare try to initiate conversation it is rejected. I feel hated. The coldness and cruelty hurts.
I share your pain and your experience at seeing my daughter's former friends. I asked God every day WHY? The only thing I have in my head is the mantra of Mark 9:29. Only prayer can drive the demon out. Only prayer and nothing else. But there are days when I feel my faith slipping away and it's all I can do to hold on to it.
If words could heal, these are some that will do it. You have described my experience so well. I too watch my children’s former friends. I go to their weddings, their baby showers. I celebrate the happy moments that I will most likely never experience for myself. I avoid people that care but will never truly understand. How sacred is that space, the place where parents who have lived this gather, see ourselves in each other’s eyes, and say, I’m here. I will walk this with you.
Oh dear Mama. What a vulnerable, honest post. I so resonate with your sentiment. I too share your faith and pain in my church/ friendships. Thank you for sharing. ❤️🙏🏻
Feeling the very same sadness you have expressed.
My beautiful son, (early 20's), joined the cult last year. No discussion, no counselling. We had a couple of sporadic meetings with him since he moved out at the beginning of the year, but I cannot see him in his woman costume. It is akin to watching the train wreck. He says seeing us is also depressing and he can not do in person meetings. Our lack of affirmation has caused him to rant on his social media that we are cancelled, monsters, villains. He mocks us, as do those of his new "found family". The shallowness of his relationships with these people show. They squabble amongst themselves & discuss topics that keep them isolated form reality. This child of mine. How did he get to this place. How long can he live his life online before he has to step into the real world and make an account for the choices he has made, and right all those he has wronged.
The deep grief has led to me to low places and some day I'm not sure I will ever climb out of this mirk. Does peace ever come? or do we continue on like zombies, day in, day out. I know it is still early in the journey for us, perhaps that is why the grief is so intense. But I do hope to one day laugh spontaneously and think again of beautiful things. For now though, I am angry. I fight on twitter because I'm angry. That makes me exhausted too. I want peace. I crave peace. I want to wake up and not thinking about the gender cult that has gripped our children while the world sleeps. From a mum who misses her son.
I feel angry too. The wreck of a person who was my daughter is shallow cruel and cold, treating me as a source of income or ignoring me. No truth left in this testosterone addict. Now I understand why it is better to have no contact. Transgenderism is evil and living with a transgender person is like going through Hell. Looking for a way out
I am on the same cruel journey. I lost a daughter to the cult. The pain overwhelmed me. She refused counselling. I sought counselling but no amount of counselling could help. I tell myself now she is still my daughter, just deceived because of her autism. The world calls her a man. I am alone, holding onto my belief that she is still my child, no matter what damage she has allowed to be inflicted on her body. Why can she not see truth? Why does everybody else affirm this delusion? Still no answers.
Absolutely beautiful. Thank you from another mom with a broken heart
Thank you Justine. Hope your broken heart will heal one day.
Your article spoke to me entirely.. it’s like you’re reading my mind and I share all of these emotions, fears & heartbreak. My 19 year old trans son has ‘cancelled’ us from his life along with his 2 half siblings ( 1 of whom is a doctor 12 years his senior) who are financially supporting him through a very fast medical transition. They’ve all lied and demonised us, blocked us from contact just for expressing our concern. I’m bereft. This time last year we still had our beautiful daughter .. she left home for Uni with the intention of transitioning without telling us. Now his bedroom sits empty and we’ve no idea if we’ll ever be reconciled. No conversations have ever been allowed. We have worked so hard in coming to terms with & supporting him but realise now we only had to suggest some slight doubt/concern to be cast out as transphobes. From believing him and supporting him, I now believe he is in the clutches of something truly evil. What can we do? I share your pain 🖤
I am daring to agree with you in thinking our trans children are in the clutches of something truly evil. Being “cancelled” by my daughter was the worst type of grief. She reinvented her past, believing that she had done typical boy activities. The truth was she had been a feminine girl. I share your pain. There has been some reconciliation, but the damage is irreversible.
Hi Peg, I’m pleased you have had some reconciliation but I can totally understand how the damage feels irreversible ..it drives deep into the soul. Although we also have had some brief contact with our ‘son’ it is very superficial and no deep conversations have taken place. We are still supporting him financially and actually believe we are being played…ie he just sends a message every so often to keep us warm but it is purely to ‘tick the box’., to keep the next months allowance flowing in. We have had our first Christmas without him and he has chosen to completely ignore us..no messages at all. We have also now moved house, not being able to live any longer in limbo in our family home - the only home he’s ever known. In fact, we have probably unwittingly done him a favour in allowing him to completely sever himself from his past but we have had to think of ourselves and our own mental well being. We honestly don’t feel there will ever be a future relationship for us that will ever be truthful and authentic. I still actively grieve but also I have more times when I am able to let go of him and accept that he is lost to us. Maybe the best that I will be left with are happy memories of my daughter - I know they are real and true. I don’t think I’ll ever know my ‘son’ and the longer times goes on the less I wish to know him. His coldness and cruelty will perhaps be the treatment that sets me free of him. Just as he wishes to be free of me. Sad times - sending you strength.
I have been “ played” too. The only communication is for selfish purposes. I am treated like a piece of furniture, just here to be used. If I dare try to initiate conversation it is rejected. I feel hated. The coldness and cruelty hurts.
We love them, pray for them. hope and wait that one day they will come to their senses. Some of us fight so that our pain has an outlet. Hugs to you.
I share your pain and your experience at seeing my daughter's former friends. I asked God every day WHY? The only thing I have in my head is the mantra of Mark 9:29. Only prayer can drive the demon out. Only prayer and nothing else. But there are days when I feel my faith slipping away and it's all I can do to hold on to it.
Love you Dee. Thank you for being my warrior sister in arms.
Thank you for being a source of comfort to me and to all of us. We are not alone!
If words could heal, these are some that will do it. You have described my experience so well. I too watch my children’s former friends. I go to their weddings, their baby showers. I celebrate the happy moments that I will most likely never experience for myself. I avoid people that care but will never truly understand. How sacred is that space, the place where parents who have lived this gather, see ourselves in each other’s eyes, and say, I’m here. I will walk this with you.
Lynn, I knew you would understand. Hugs my friend.
Oh dear Mama. What a vulnerable, honest post. I so resonate with your sentiment. I too share your faith and pain in my church/ friendships. Thank you for sharing. ❤️🙏🏻
Hugs Teresa