Re·morse

I have been struggling with a certain feeling for several years now. I have not been able to quite put my finger on what I was feeling but I recently realized it is REMORSE. I have a deep regret for a wrong that was committed against my nephew. He was groomed. He was manipulated. He was brainwashed. How do I get past this? How do I forgive his friends, teachers, counselors, doctors, therapists, and family members who all affirmed him? I cannot change the past, the outcome or the future so I feel stuck.

Remorse is all consuming as I think about my nephew day and night. Why did he get singled out and why did he believe the transgender lies? Why did his friends suddenly accept that he was born in the wrong body? Why did teachers use his new made-up “girl” name, and pronouns, and then at his high school graduation use this foreign name to announce his accomplishment for completing 12 years of secondary schooling? Clearly, they could see that he was all boy. They knew he had played sports, that he had been in the band, and that he had girlfriends. Right? He was not a small boy or effeminate. He is tall, thin, handsome, smart, talented, and witty. Why didn’t the therapist question his sudden MTF desire instead of affirming him immediately? Why were there not multiple sessions to help him cope, to figure out the underlying reasons for his discomfort, to help him work through any past trauma, and why the sudden rush to reject being a male and want to present as female?

I feel remorse that my nephew was tricked and encouraged to transition. A male teacher put lies into his head about his parents and he turned against them. He left and abandoned his mother and father. I grieved daily. I worried daily. I begged God to bring him home, unharmed. Why did this teacher, who was a trusted authority figure, single out my nephew and point him in the direction of make-belief?

How could any family member go behind my sister’s and brother-in-law’s backs and affirm him in secrecy? Did they honestly think they knew my nephew better than his parents? I regret very deeply that this happened, that all the people who played a part in harming this young man have yet to be held accountable. It is not fair, so I live with this horrible feeling called remorse.

I read the daily PITT stories and I grieve and cry because of the harm that is being done against so many children/young adults. We all share the same pain, sorrow, fear, worry, and angst. And now we share remorse.