Being a parent to a gender non-conforming child is a frightening journey. It requires one to draw on every ounce of courage, patience and skill in order to survive the onslaught of this ideology. An ideology that has left reality behind and is determined to quickly affirm and transition our children. Parental authority is no longer recognized by otherwise reasonable adults or lawmakers or by the highly politicized trans movement. Parents are left to navigate myriad terms and ideas they have never heard before, terms that seems to defy reality. It is a world where new labels, concepts and genders arise frequently and seem to be created out of pure fantasy.
So nice to read a positive essay! How great you were able to connect with other people experiencing what you were experiencing. I am glad you were able to attend the conferences and learn about this social contagion from respected and admired leaders and therapists. I have listened to Sasha Ayad’s and Stella O’Malley’s podcasts on transgender - they speak with such clarity. Your story lifts my spirits and gives all of us here much needed hope. There is safety and strength in numbers, and this PITT group is getting stronger and wiser every day. Best wishes to you, your family and especially to your daughter. Do not give up!
Luckily, I don’t have any kids who have been trapped by this dangerous ideology. I’m hoping that by the time my grandkids grow up this dangerous authoritarian cult will have disappeared forever.
My heart goes out to any parent who has to deal with this insanity. I also hope that parents will get together with others to fight this very dangerous cult that is subverting facts, and reality. We cannot live in a society based on lies. Fight this with all your being !fight for truth.
Hello, we are doing the #1millionmarch4children across Canada Sept 20th! . The usual groups are attending but not organizing. I am looking for a few speakers for the event in Victoria for the march and the Legislature. If you have anyone to recommend I would appreciate it. https://fb.me/e/2KvfH59ql
What does "gender non-conforming" actually mean? This appears to be about "conforming to some societal imposed thinking that girls need to wear pink and boys need to wear blue. This is not a RULE people. This is marketing and made-up. PEOPLE can do and wear what they like. Men can wear skirts. It doesnt make them women! It is just a man wearing a skirt. Women wear ties - are they now men? NO. It's called stereotyping - that's all. Its not a disease or even a problem.
Thanks so much for telling us your story. It inspired others. I'm in Cananda, and there doesn't seem to be alot of support for parents. I've been online for the past 2 years, trying to learn how to help my child, and how to keep my sanity. Thanks for reminding me, that it's the bond we have that helps the most.
I'm in Canada too! Planning to go to the calgary 1 million March for children event on Sept 20 when I am there for work. Happy to connect as well. We are over a year in but seeing positive signs and spend a lot of time with our daughter and have hope we are on our way out of this but it's a long road.
I agree with how helpful it is to be around other people who are going through the same experience!! Without question Lisa, Stella and Sasha are full of wisdom about this issue and parenting. However one small gripe about this essay... shouldn't we be accepting of gender non-conformity in our children? Isn't that some of the problem.. the stereotypes around what is considered to be female and male. I think you mean to say being a parent to a child who claims to be a different sex... is a frightening journey. Very clear language is so important with this subject.
My read on it was that she was saying "being a parent of a gender-nonconforming child *at this moment in our culture* is a frightening journey"... Because ideologues will attempt to use your child for their own ends and their mind viruses are strengthened by intoxicating promises. But I may have misread.
Personally I welcome gender non-conformity. I think that the idea that someone who doesn't fit into gendered stereotypes was "born into the wrong body" is... Medieval at best.
These stereotypes are a part of reality. I have observed mountainbikes for one day. About 80 percent of those whom I have seen on the downhill trail were men. And from 20 percent who were women 80 percent folllowed a man, who was likely to be the husband with a boy child behind them o a boyfriend. I was biking behind my son.
On the whole day a have seen only one little girl. But this girl in my opinion, no matter what, is not more or less girl as the other ones. She just likes mountainbiking. It may has something to do with adrenalin, but definitely not with the chromosomes.
I asked Lisa Marchiano what she meant by holding the tension means- here is what she wrote "Holding the tension means something like being able to sit with uncertainty and not collapsing into one sidedness. In terms of parenting, it could look like cultivating an openness to hear your child’s perspective even while holding onto your own knowledge about what is right."
I would attend a retreat but I am unable to afford it at present.
The next event I know of (for parents, and I would like to attend, but for the fee) will be in Annapolis, MD - which might be doable as I’ve been there many times. If someone wants to have a companion, PM me! Go to Gender: A Wider Lens for info.
Hello screamingcat. Years ago my dad told me sometimes you need to spend the money you don't have to take advantage of something timely that is vital. I want to encourage you that this may be one of those times. Please think creatively--do you have an aunty that would help you with the money? Decide its going to be your Christmas presents this year? Maybe take money out of retirement savings? Borrow on equity? Yes, there are potentially steep fees/costs of getting retirement money out early... but...your retirement may be easier if you know you did what you could now. Best to you.
If I had those resources, I would use them. I’m not in good straits currently, due to crappy circumstances and bad health. It’s a longggg story, but I just don’t have the funds. Having a malignant brain tumor, both parents dying, thyroid surgery, spinal surgery, breast cancer surgeries... and throw in a delayed divorce, Covid lockdown, my estranged daughter, etc. I haven’t been able to work to make ends meet. No, don’t have a house either. I’m just trying to keep my head above water. Thanks to the generosity of some sweet generous people, I’ve managed to keep going.
I’m surprised I’m still around, but not interested in more pain!
I also attended the retreat and recommend any event held by these three ladies. History will recognize them as pioneers during these very troubled times.
‘Holding the tension of opposites' means simultaneously holding the feelings and thoughts of a pair of opposite perspectives. Being able to experience and honour both but not identifying wholly with either.
To do so genuinely requires the ability to hold the opposites within yourself, otherwise you’re just identifying with one perspective and trying to understand the opposite perspective from your own standpoint (which can come across as patronising, condescending, judgemental or simply as ‘not getting it’).
Pairs of opposites most people find easier to hold include thing like their lazy self and active self, tidy side and messy side, nurturing parent and angry parent.
It becomes more difficult with opposites that involve our most deeply held values and beliefs.
With opposites it’s not possible to reconcile them (you can’t turn water into fire, earth into air) so when we become conscious of opposite forces within us, we experience an awareness that there are different ways to think/believe than our own.
This is not easy work or work that everyone even wishes to do, but it most definitely helps in conflict resolution, whether within a personal relationship or in the wider world.
With our trans-identified children, it means holding the tension of our own perspective and theirs, along with their feelings and worldview.
For some of us we’re holding our children’s more immature worldview, such as the teenager archetype, as well as our own more mature adult self worldview, for others it’s holding the opposites of conformity vs rebellion, fixed idea about x vs fixed idea about y.
I would love to hear more about that too. I was trying to imagine. I am thinking it must mean comfort with holding a different view and giving it a steady but not overbearing presence, sort of like if you hold a boundary with your child who keeps trying to get around it, and you just stay steady and calm so they know it is real and reliable. Maybe that means that you don't need to hide behind using pronouns and giving in to all of the affirming demands, but instead can steadily and calmly offer a different, consistent, and steadying position. That way your kids can't just run down the steep trans hill without brakes. They have to look at the landscape, consider other pathways do exist, consider the trans worldview is not ultimate and will not just be taken up by a parent just because child wants it. It's like you hold a place for yourself as a parent, and in doing so, you also hold a space for your child to have a wider scope of potential reflection, choices, perspectives. If everyone around your child is 100% on the same track, your child cannot even see any other space that could be tread. As much as they might insist the parent is wrong, a parent by nature is meant to reliably hold a space for the child that encompasses more than what the child can see on their own, and they can feel that their parent has been that for them, hopefully, all their lives. No one can establish helpfully the awareness and possibility of other ways like the parent can.
I am guessing. I want to hear what the tension of opposites means.
Gender identity ideology is a deliberate, destructive belief system propagated by billlionaire bad actors like Martin/"Martine" Rothblatt ("Transhumanism"), James/"Jennifer" Pritzker (architecture prizes and academic chairs), Jon Stryker of Arkus Foundation and others. Read Jennifer Bilek to "follow the money" @BJPortraits on Twitter and The11thHourBlog. She is excellent for the financial/political/cultural infiltration angle.
So nice to read a positive essay! How great you were able to connect with other people experiencing what you were experiencing. I am glad you were able to attend the conferences and learn about this social contagion from respected and admired leaders and therapists. I have listened to Sasha Ayad’s and Stella O’Malley’s podcasts on transgender - they speak with such clarity. Your story lifts my spirits and gives all of us here much needed hope. There is safety and strength in numbers, and this PITT group is getting stronger and wiser every day. Best wishes to you, your family and especially to your daughter. Do not give up!
Thank you for sharing your story. Just FYI from the U.K.: https://www.transgendertrend.com/17-yr-olds-fast-tracked-adult-gender-services-nhs/
Luckily, I don’t have any kids who have been trapped by this dangerous ideology. I’m hoping that by the time my grandkids grow up this dangerous authoritarian cult will have disappeared forever.
My heart goes out to any parent who has to deal with this insanity. I also hope that parents will get together with others to fight this very dangerous cult that is subverting facts, and reality. We cannot live in a society based on lies. Fight this with all your being !fight for truth.
L
Hello, we are doing the #1millionmarch4children across Canada Sept 20th! . The usual groups are attending but not organizing. I am looking for a few speakers for the event in Victoria for the march and the Legislature. If you have anyone to recommend I would appreciate it. https://fb.me/e/2KvfH59ql
https://www.facebook.com/VancouverIsland1millionmarch4children
The Muslim and Christian Community are with us. 5-10 000 in Victoria Please pass this on and email me at shareawarecanada@gmail.com
What does "gender non-conforming" actually mean? This appears to be about "conforming to some societal imposed thinking that girls need to wear pink and boys need to wear blue. This is not a RULE people. This is marketing and made-up. PEOPLE can do and wear what they like. Men can wear skirts. It doesnt make them women! It is just a man wearing a skirt. Women wear ties - are they now men? NO. It's called stereotyping - that's all. Its not a disease or even a problem.
I live in Australia! Is there a similar group doing this in Oz??? Please help!!!
Thanks so much for telling us your story. It inspired others. I'm in Cananda, and there doesn't seem to be alot of support for parents. I've been online for the past 2 years, trying to learn how to help my child, and how to keep my sanity. Thanks for reminding me, that it's the bond we have that helps the most.
I'm in Canada too! Planning to go to the calgary 1 million March for children event on Sept 20 when I am there for work. Happy to connect as well. We are over a year in but seeing positive signs and spend a lot of time with our daughter and have hope we are on our way out of this but it's a long road.
Sent you an email. Let's connect.
So when and where is the next retreat? Where do we get information on it?
https://mailchi.mp/44285dd0ab32/webinar-sunday-aug-27th-dos-donts-damage-control-9368364?e=fbac526afa
I agree with how helpful it is to be around other people who are going through the same experience!! Without question Lisa, Stella and Sasha are full of wisdom about this issue and parenting. However one small gripe about this essay... shouldn't we be accepting of gender non-conformity in our children? Isn't that some of the problem.. the stereotypes around what is considered to be female and male. I think you mean to say being a parent to a child who claims to be a different sex... is a frightening journey. Very clear language is so important with this subject.
My read on it was that she was saying "being a parent of a gender-nonconforming child *at this moment in our culture* is a frightening journey"... Because ideologues will attempt to use your child for their own ends and their mind viruses are strengthened by intoxicating promises. But I may have misread.
Personally I welcome gender non-conformity. I think that the idea that someone who doesn't fit into gendered stereotypes was "born into the wrong body" is... Medieval at best.
These stereotypes are a part of reality. I have observed mountainbikes for one day. About 80 percent of those whom I have seen on the downhill trail were men. And from 20 percent who were women 80 percent folllowed a man, who was likely to be the husband with a boy child behind them o a boyfriend. I was biking behind my son.
On the whole day a have seen only one little girl. But this girl in my opinion, no matter what, is not more or less girl as the other ones. She just likes mountainbiking. It may has something to do with adrenalin, but definitely not with the chromosomes.
"where Lisa spoke of holding the tension of opposites" - can someone please explain what Lisa meant? Thank you
I asked Lisa Marchiano what she meant by holding the tension means- here is what she wrote "Holding the tension means something like being able to sit with uncertainty and not collapsing into one sidedness. In terms of parenting, it could look like cultivating an openness to hear your child’s perspective even while holding onto your own knowledge about what is right."
Hello Sadmom2, from another Sad Mom
Never thought I would have a handle like 'sad mom'. Hello and peace to you, nonetheless. 🩷
Same! Until and aside from this, I was not a Sad Mom.
I would attend a retreat but I am unable to afford it at present.
The next event I know of (for parents, and I would like to attend, but for the fee) will be in Annapolis, MD - which might be doable as I’ve been there many times. If someone wants to have a companion, PM me! Go to Gender: A Wider Lens for info.
Hello screamingcat. Years ago my dad told me sometimes you need to spend the money you don't have to take advantage of something timely that is vital. I want to encourage you that this may be one of those times. Please think creatively--do you have an aunty that would help you with the money? Decide its going to be your Christmas presents this year? Maybe take money out of retirement savings? Borrow on equity? Yes, there are potentially steep fees/costs of getting retirement money out early... but...your retirement may be easier if you know you did what you could now. Best to you.
If I had those resources, I would use them. I’m not in good straits currently, due to crappy circumstances and bad health. It’s a longggg story, but I just don’t have the funds. Having a malignant brain tumor, both parents dying, thyroid surgery, spinal surgery, breast cancer surgeries... and throw in a delayed divorce, Covid lockdown, my estranged daughter, etc. I haven’t been able to work to make ends meet. No, don’t have a house either. I’m just trying to keep my head above water. Thanks to the generosity of some sweet generous people, I’ve managed to keep going.
I’m surprised I’m still around, but not interested in more pain!
So, suffice it to say, I can’t afford retreats. 😔
Can you initiate a crowdfunding with this information?
Oh dear! I'm so sorry. Its really been a pile-on. My comments were not meant to add to that! Grateful you have sweet friends to help out.
I also attended the retreat and recommend any event held by these three ladies. History will recognize them as pioneers during these very troubled times.
What is 'the tension of opposites?
‘Holding the tension of opposites' means simultaneously holding the feelings and thoughts of a pair of opposite perspectives. Being able to experience and honour both but not identifying wholly with either.
To do so genuinely requires the ability to hold the opposites within yourself, otherwise you’re just identifying with one perspective and trying to understand the opposite perspective from your own standpoint (which can come across as patronising, condescending, judgemental or simply as ‘not getting it’).
Pairs of opposites most people find easier to hold include thing like their lazy self and active self, tidy side and messy side, nurturing parent and angry parent.
It becomes more difficult with opposites that involve our most deeply held values and beliefs.
With opposites it’s not possible to reconcile them (you can’t turn water into fire, earth into air) so when we become conscious of opposite forces within us, we experience an awareness that there are different ways to think/believe than our own.
This is not easy work or work that everyone even wishes to do, but it most definitely helps in conflict resolution, whether within a personal relationship or in the wider world.
With our trans-identified children, it means holding the tension of our own perspective and theirs, along with their feelings and worldview.
For some of us we’re holding our children’s more immature worldview, such as the teenager archetype, as well as our own more mature adult self worldview, for others it’s holding the opposites of conformity vs rebellion, fixed idea about x vs fixed idea about y.
I’d like to know also what that means. Thanks
I would love to hear more about that too. I was trying to imagine. I am thinking it must mean comfort with holding a different view and giving it a steady but not overbearing presence, sort of like if you hold a boundary with your child who keeps trying to get around it, and you just stay steady and calm so they know it is real and reliable. Maybe that means that you don't need to hide behind using pronouns and giving in to all of the affirming demands, but instead can steadily and calmly offer a different, consistent, and steadying position. That way your kids can't just run down the steep trans hill without brakes. They have to look at the landscape, consider other pathways do exist, consider the trans worldview is not ultimate and will not just be taken up by a parent just because child wants it. It's like you hold a place for yourself as a parent, and in doing so, you also hold a space for your child to have a wider scope of potential reflection, choices, perspectives. If everyone around your child is 100% on the same track, your child cannot even see any other space that could be tread. As much as they might insist the parent is wrong, a parent by nature is meant to reliably hold a space for the child that encompasses more than what the child can see on their own, and they can feel that their parent has been that for them, hopefully, all their lives. No one can establish helpfully the awareness and possibility of other ways like the parent can.
I am guessing. I want to hear what the tension of opposites means.
I wonder if the societal level gender madness was a bug or feature in the mass formation we have been subjected to.
Gender identity ideology is a deliberate, destructive belief system propagated by billlionaire bad actors like Martin/"Martine" Rothblatt ("Transhumanism"), James/"Jennifer" Pritzker (architecture prizes and academic chairs), Jon Stryker of Arkus Foundation and others. Read Jennifer Bilek to "follow the money" @BJPortraits on Twitter and The11thHourBlog. She is excellent for the financial/political/cultural infiltration angle.
Gender Affirming Care will be the next opioid crisis.