Schools, back off. It’s my kid you’re transitioning

Republished with permission from Mercatornet.com

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I never thought that I’d be afraid for my son to go to school.

I come from a long line of teachers. My grandma was a teacher; my two sisters, a sister-in-law, several cousins, my two best friends and several of my friends are teachers. I like teachers.

I always thought school was there to help our kids learn and teach them how to fit into society. Teachers are the salt of the earth. I never once would have imagined that schools could harm children.

I was wrong.

School never went smoothly for my rambunctious son. He was the one the teachers dreaded. He was very active, very inquisitive … and very disruptive. I envied the moms of ideal students who sat perfectly through their lessons. I didn’t have that. I cringed at every note sent home, and I suffered through every phone call. Around the same time, he was identified as gifted. The psychologist said that might explain his actions -- he is likely bored with school and this led to him acting out. When I presented the findings to the teachers, they practically rolled their eyes. Nothing changed.

Fortunately, my son slowly started maturing and, as he matured, he became less disruptive. Things started turning around in fourth grade when he started growing out of these behaviours. What a relief! He left elementary school with a bit of success.

Having a challenging child made me self-conscious about my parenting because of how the school treated me -- like the bad parent that didn’t know best, just because my son didn’t fit that perfect student mold. I always thought parents had supreme authority over their children, like my parents and sisters did, so this treatment by the school was a surprise.

I’ve now learned that parents are regularly undermined in the school setting, sometimes in matters that are entirely ideological and personal.

My son suddenly, out of nowhere, self-diagnosed himself as trans at age 15. I realized he thought he was trans because he was quirky and socially awkward and had been bullied in middle school. He thought it explained why he never fit in. Schools go out of their way to help a kid who declares they are trans; they are so worried that they will be bullied. But they ignore the bullying that went on before this declaration.

Parents have a say in everything about their child unless they declare that they are trans. If your child declares that they are trans then you are deemed a bad parent if you do not go along with the ideology. Schools may threaten to remove your child unless you transition them either socially or medically. If a child complains to the school that their parents are not supporting their trans identity, the parents are not consulted -- rather, they are considered to be causing harm and, therefore, they are unfit parents.

It’s almost as if parents are being disciplined by a school that thinks it knows best, and their power is given to confused children instead. This prevents parents from protecting their children from emotional and physical harm. If schools continue to marginalize parents, how will this work out?

I’m not even sure where and how this idea became so strong in schools. There is no science or biology to back this up. Since when does a parent not know more about their own child and what’s best for them than a school counsellor? It would be absurd and laughable if it weren’t so terrifying. Schools change children’s names and pronouns without parent’s permission – even though they still need a parent’s permission to administer over-the-counter medicine or life-saving medications like EpiPens.

This is what happened to my child.

Without my permission or knowledge, my son’s school counsellor changed his name to a girl’s name. When I wrote to the counsellor, she ignored my emails. I was looked upon as the enemy even though I have always been my son’s biggest advocate. I was afraid to push back because I feared that the school would call in child services.

Trans-identified kids are not given therapy for the trauma of being bullied for being gay, geeky, quirky, autistic or socially awkward. They are just led down a path towards medical self-harm and told that this is the only way they will feel better. That’s why there are thousands of detransitioned young adults out there -- because these kids did not receive proper therapy.

Schools are even promoting to kindergarten kids that you can be born in the wrong body. They are now teaching and confusing kids about the trans gingerbread model and telling them that they could be any gender at all. Children are now questioning the most irrefutable fact about themselves -- that they might not be the sex they were born.

How did this happen?

There are now books and animated shows confusing children even more. How has something as simple as science and biology changed to be about feelings?

Now that his school will open up after COVID, I am scared to send my son there because educators push this dogma. I no longer care if he even finishes high school or goes to college. I just want my son to mature so that he can realize that his sex cannot change before he harms himself. But how do I do that in today’s society? I feel I no longer have any power as a parent and I cannot trust that I won’t be undermined by the school.

I feel powerless. I had to sit through a phone conference with a teacher calling my masculine son a girl’s name and using she/her pronouns. My hands are tied because I cannot lose my relationship with my son over this. Why do schools put parents in this position?

This is a medical scandal in the making!

How many more young adults will experience medical harm and live a life with damaged bodies? Are 57,000 detransitioners on one site alone enough?

Aren’t there any teachers who are worried about the affirmation model for all gender-questioning teens? Are they afraid to speak out? When the tide turns -- and it will -- what will happen with all these teachers, principals and counsellors who stayed quiet, who went along with the flow instead of questioning? I thought teachers had critical thinking skills. Is this no longer a requirement for teachers or is blindly following the only requirement these days to get a teaching certificate? How will they be judged when all the transitioned children come to realize they have been harmed? Can they sue these institutions, teachers or counsellors?

Do schools really have children’s best interests at heart or their own agenda?

I just want my child to learn English, math and science, not beliefs, not someone else’s religion positioned as fact. When will parents get their rights back so they can send their children to school safely? It’s not too late for teachers and counsellors to start questioning this ideology, for teachers to put the focus back on teaching their subjects instead of indoctrinating our children.

When I was a child in school, the nuns would hit my hands with a ruler. It hurt. At the time, I thought that was wrong but I’d rather they hit my kid’s hand then tell my son that he is the wrong sex. This hurts more. The sting of that ruler on my hand is just a memory. What these teachers are doing is causing irreversible mental and potentially physical harm to other people’s kids. To my kid. This needs to stop.

Teachers and counsellors, it’s time for you to realize that parents who are studying this subject know -- we do not need your uneducated opinion on our child’s feelings and health. You do not have our permission to give our child medicine without our consent, nor do you have permission to send children and adolescents down a path that leads to a lifetime of medicalisation which leads to sterility and loss of sexual function.

You are not in school to be our kids' friends. You are there to be responsible adults, educating our young people and helping their parents to prepare them to become functioning members of our society.

Are you going to help pay for college or the medical expenses for putting our children back together? No, you won’t. And so, it is imperative that you do no harm. Back off; stop trying to parent and coach kids on matters that are outside your competence.

Schools, you’re on notice.