She's Back, with a Beard

In the beginning times, when our daughter first came out as trans, I would have given anything to be where we are now. It’s hard to describe, unless you’ve been through it, how horrible it is to see your child become captured by trans-ideology. To hear them reject and insult their family. To drop all their friends. To denounce their very name and insist on a new one. To get rid of all their gender-based possessions – clothing, jewelry, hair accessories, shoes, jackets, even underwear.

And then there were the lies. She’s always really been a boy. Yes, she wants to date men but that just means she’s gay. In fact, it’s easier to date now because she’s living as her “true self”. The binder isn’t painful. The side effects from the drugs are worth the medical complications. She’s a persecuted minority fighting for trans rights. And on and on. Did she even believe this garbage herself?

It was truly awful. I thought if I could just have my sweet daughter back I would be happy. And I do have her back. After a yearlong estrangement, she has moved home. After dropping out of college, she has gone back and will graduate in May. She has a job. She supports herself. She helps out around the house. We call her by her birth name and she effortlessly answers. She is funny and thoughtful and kind. So, yes, I am happy. Thankful even. But….. she is still on T. She still has a beard. (There are other changes to her body that I don’t want to even contemplate.) She still uses her fake name outside our home. And she is still suffering from all the issues that drove her to this ideology in the first place – anxiety, loneliness, depression.

I don’t know when this will end – when she will detransition or if she even will but all signs indicate that this cult is losing its appeal for her. So, it’s like having her back the way she was before, but with a beard. If I don’t think about what could have been for her, I can be happy. And I am.