…watch out, because if you get bumped, it's all the way back to Start!
~AN EASY GUIDE TO PARENTING YOUR TRANS IDENTIFIED CHILD~
Agree to use their new name and pronouns—you need to pick your battles.
Never agree to name changes and pronouns—the goal posts will keep moving.
It's just a phase. Relax, they'll outgrow it.
Never relax your vigilance: it’s a slippery slope towards hormones and surgery.
Don't allow them to mistreat you—set boundaries.
Ignore their mistreatment—they are trying to provoke you.
Talk to them about gender, be curious.
Never mention gender, it allows them to reinforce their narrative.
Take away their phone/computer.
Don't take away their devices—it's their only access to friends/social life.
They are in a cult—never cut off contact.
They are being abusive—set a firm boundary.
Show only kindness even when they treat you badly.
Don't allow disrespect. The more you allow them to mistreat you, the meaner they will become.
This is out of your control. The more you reach out for them, the farther they run.
Never stop reaching, never stop trying.
Apologize for things you haven't done; you must appease them.
Be authentic, never lie, don't apologize.
If you don't affirm, they might become suicidal.
If you do affirm, they might irreversibly damage their bodies, then become suicidal.
If they call you transphobic, stop talking to you, and then doctors remove their healthy body parts, you might become suicidal.
If they have surgery, be by their side and take care of them.
If they have surgery, say you can have no part of self-harm.
Take away their insurance.
Never take away their insurance.
Send your child to therapy.
Never send your child to therapy.
There should be consequences for disrespectful behavior.
Just be grateful they’re speaking to you again.
Always tell them the truth; be authentic.
Hide your true feelings at all costs.
Tiptoe around, try not to set them off.
Be yourself- don't treat them like they're fragile.
Agree with whatever they say, or you will lose them. This is the worst outcome.
Losing them is better than losing yourself. Losing yourself is the worst outcome.
When you text/write to them, assume every word is being shown to captured therapists and teachers, friends, and family members. It will probably be posted on Twitter.
Write from your heart and don’t worry about what the world says. You know what’s true.
Try to convince others to see things your way.
People must come to their own conclusions- you can't convince anyone.
Relax! Your child needs to see you aren’t taken down by this.
Panic! Your child might damage their body forever!
Set aside everything to try to save your child.
Focus on your own life. Save yourself.
You can learn and grow from these challenges.
These challenges will drain your joy, shorten your life, and destroy your health.
The goal is that they feel supported by you.
The goal is to tell them the truth.
The goal is to remain neutral.
The goal is to preserve the relationship.
The goal is that they don't have surgery/take hormones.
The goal is that they don’t regret having surgery/taking hormones.
The goal is that they don't become estranged.
The goal is that they eventually come back to you.
The goal is that they are happy, even if that means without you.
The goal is that they don't publicly denounce you.
The goal is that they don't report you to child protective services.
The goal is to avoid debilitating depression & despair.
The goal is that you don't lose your mind.
There are the right actions, the magic words, the perfect phrasing, the ideal attitude that will bring them back. Follow this advice and you too can be one of the lucky ones!
Sorry! You followed all the advice. You worked very hard. You followed the rules. Unfortunately, your child still believes they are trans and has rejected you. Go back to the beginning and start again.