I do not know how old is your son but he lives in your house and he should respect your house rules and you can set some rules like you don't want him to dress like a woman in your house or have estrange hours or do things that will upset his brother. You can explain to him that he sets a bad example for his brother and that he provokes tension with that behavior. Is he working or studying? If he is not, also he needs to find a job and you and your family will not call him she or her. All the family has to sit with him and explain things clearly. It is your home and you shouldn't be afraid or have fear or feel uncomfortable to live in it. If he doesn't like it he knows what to do. You already had six years of this situation and he didn't change and you couldn't help him in all those years, it is not that you found out that your son is trans and you kick him out, Also is not good for your other sons, you need to protect them. If he has a good heart he will understand and if he is selfish and doesn't care or love his family he will not, but you cannot do anything about it. Life is tough.
Maybe it is time to sit your son down for a heart to heart. Preferably out of the house and with a neutral party present. If you feel you need support, make it an intervention. He needs to be made aware of the negative impact his choices are having on the rest of the family. Give him notice to move out. Be firm. Hopefully, you have support from other family members.
My child [FtM] lives with me, but moved out for a time. I was very depressed whenever she pushed the trans agenda. We were always close and she never lied to me until she became involved with them. She likes to pretend that she is happier cosplaying boy, but relationships are much more difficult for her now. It took years for us to come to an uneasy truce. We can even talk about some of the taboo trans subjects now. This is more because I have been persistent in showing him/her why so much of the country is now reacting to this movement. I ask questions and when he/she is reactive I respond by saying 'this is the problem. If you truly believed all this, you would welcome questions and being able to explain your point of view. The fact that you react in fear tells me that you don't really believe in what you are saying.' And she/he inevitably will come back and talk. It's still uncomfortable, but we are communicating.
I only have 1 child, and it's just us. I don't know what I would have done if I had other children. I don't envy you. May God bless you and help you be strong for your children. Your younger son has to have a voice in this, his mental health is important. As is yours. Sometimes we just have to save ourselves. Blessings!
How do you tell him? The next time he's gone, move all of his crap into plastic bags and leave them in the front yard. Change the locks and lock him out. Let him know what's going down, what he did that made it like that, and then block him everywhere.
I would be apprehensive and on edge with him around as there have been violent episodes of trans people, I would be encouraging him to get out in as nice a way as possible, I would be fearful of my family being hurt by him. I am glad my FtM daughter lives states away b/c she is violent, she has hit us, broken things, cusses, I don't want her around like that. But that's just me.
I’m so sorry for your pain. My older brother had ‘sex reassignment surgery’ (as it was called then) in 1974. He was 8 years older than me; I was 12/13 when it started. The effect on siblings is something that is rarely talked about, but should be. It profoundly impacted my life.
It was good for me to read this and realize that even though the estrangement from two of my children is so painful, It is much better for my mental health than having them live in my house and tiptoe around their feelings and their demands.
I lived through this same turmoil. It's torture. Watching my son finally leave was horrifically sad, but our entire family could finally breathe again, and move on in some semblance of normalcy ourselves.
You said it yourself, your son is an ADULT. So, regardless of his identity issues, he needs to start acting like an adult: get a job, get an apartment, get a life. You are under NO obligation in any way to continue to support someone who obviously doesn't respect you at all.
As 1968 chick said, "This isn't going away. Save yourself and your younger son." If your insistence on his moving reveals ANY sign of agitation or anger on his part, remember what Bev Jo said, "Change the locks and protect yourself." Sadly, more and more of these people are getting violent.
Stop feeling guilty for standing in the TRUTH. Stop beating yourself up and listening to the voices that say you're cruel. They are LIES. You have a right to your privacy, freedom, safety and sanity.
I'm sorry, but you're sacrificing your younger son for the older one that cares not one ounce for you or him.
Your guilt is the same as the parent who enables a drug addicted child who causes chaos throughout the whole family - yet, you provide the drugs to keep going.
This isn't going away. Save yourself, save your young son - give the cult member his 1st & last and a sets of pots/pans & sheets and MOVE HIM OUT!
For the life of me, I cannot understand why parents continue to allow themselves to be tortured by this cult while not protecting other family members from it too. I would be really pissed at my mother if she exposed me to this bullshit.
Sorry for not sugar coating it like most suicidal empaths will do - time to get some balls and end your families torture. Is there a dad in the picture????? Move him out.
"My younger son refuses to be in the same room with his “trans” brother. He is so angry and turned off by the effects of hormones and social “transitioning.” He will peek into the family room to see if it’s “safe,” and only then come in to enjoy watching something together."
I've read about this sibling reaction here previously. Maybe it's just to avoid conflict, but it seems that the skeptical sibling realizes that the disease is contagious. Thank God for that in any case.
This whole thing is such deviation to families. We are living it too, and praying everyday for healing. Thankfully, my son is finishing up his last year of college so he’s not home. I don’t think I could live with having it in front of me.
Are you still paying for your son's college? Health benefits? Cell phone? Why?
Cut them off. Period. Once they get into this cult - they shouldn't be supported. Continuing to feed their insanity is part of the problem. Sure, it hurts - but tough love is a thing that needs to come back. If the cult member can't support themselves, there's a big chance they'll snap out of it. All these parents supplying daily life needs are just feeding the cult addiction.
I do feel for you and the awful Catch 22 in which you've found yourself. I felt the same when my son came out as trans. Mind you, he didn't do much in the way of cross dressing and didn't start hormones until he'd left for college. - and estranged himself. It's been over three years and I have neither heard nor seen him since. Maybe you're the lucky one even though at present it doesn't seem like that to you.
At this point, my concern is will he harm or kill you or the rest of his family? Seriously. I keep thinking of Rob and Michelle Reiner's son. If he is threatening in anyway, I would change the locks and tell him he has to go. Trying to help such a selfish cultist is not worth dying over.
I do not know how old is your son but he lives in your house and he should respect your house rules and you can set some rules like you don't want him to dress like a woman in your house or have estrange hours or do things that will upset his brother. You can explain to him that he sets a bad example for his brother and that he provokes tension with that behavior. Is he working or studying? If he is not, also he needs to find a job and you and your family will not call him she or her. All the family has to sit with him and explain things clearly. It is your home and you shouldn't be afraid or have fear or feel uncomfortable to live in it. If he doesn't like it he knows what to do. You already had six years of this situation and he didn't change and you couldn't help him in all those years, it is not that you found out that your son is trans and you kick him out, Also is not good for your other sons, you need to protect them. If he has a good heart he will understand and if he is selfish and doesn't care or love his family he will not, but you cannot do anything about it. Life is tough.
what was the relationship between the Emperor and the little boy who was the only one who was brave enough to say was naked ? was he ever thanked !
I somewhat don't want my out of state son to come visit, since just hearing his voice I can pretend he still looks the same.
His sister won't understand.
Is the boy " still in there" like Charles Wallace was, at the end of The Wrinkle in Time.
I prefer to hope and pray so
Maybe it is time to sit your son down for a heart to heart. Preferably out of the house and with a neutral party present. If you feel you need support, make it an intervention. He needs to be made aware of the negative impact his choices are having on the rest of the family. Give him notice to move out. Be firm. Hopefully, you have support from other family members.
My child [FtM] lives with me, but moved out for a time. I was very depressed whenever she pushed the trans agenda. We were always close and she never lied to me until she became involved with them. She likes to pretend that she is happier cosplaying boy, but relationships are much more difficult for her now. It took years for us to come to an uneasy truce. We can even talk about some of the taboo trans subjects now. This is more because I have been persistent in showing him/her why so much of the country is now reacting to this movement. I ask questions and when he/she is reactive I respond by saying 'this is the problem. If you truly believed all this, you would welcome questions and being able to explain your point of view. The fact that you react in fear tells me that you don't really believe in what you are saying.' And she/he inevitably will come back and talk. It's still uncomfortable, but we are communicating.
I only have 1 child, and it's just us. I don't know what I would have done if I had other children. I don't envy you. May God bless you and help you be strong for your children. Your younger son has to have a voice in this, his mental health is important. As is yours. Sometimes we just have to save ourselves. Blessings!
How do you tell him? The next time he's gone, move all of his crap into plastic bags and leave them in the front yard. Change the locks and lock him out. Let him know what's going down, what he did that made it like that, and then block him everywhere.
I would be apprehensive and on edge with him around as there have been violent episodes of trans people, I would be encouraging him to get out in as nice a way as possible, I would be fearful of my family being hurt by him. I am glad my FtM daughter lives states away b/c she is violent, she has hit us, broken things, cusses, I don't want her around like that. But that's just me.
I am sorry that you are going through so much grief, and all for one you love. Truth is still truth.
I’m so sorry for your pain. My older brother had ‘sex reassignment surgery’ (as it was called then) in 1974. He was 8 years older than me; I was 12/13 when it started. The effect on siblings is something that is rarely talked about, but should be. It profoundly impacted my life.
It was good for me to read this and realize that even though the estrangement from two of my children is so painful, It is much better for my mental health than having them live in my house and tiptoe around their feelings and their demands.
I lived through this same turmoil. It's torture. Watching my son finally leave was horrifically sad, but our entire family could finally breathe again, and move on in some semblance of normalcy ourselves.
You said it yourself, your son is an ADULT. So, regardless of his identity issues, he needs to start acting like an adult: get a job, get an apartment, get a life. You are under NO obligation in any way to continue to support someone who obviously doesn't respect you at all.
As 1968 chick said, "This isn't going away. Save yourself and your younger son." If your insistence on his moving reveals ANY sign of agitation or anger on his part, remember what Bev Jo said, "Change the locks and protect yourself." Sadly, more and more of these people are getting violent.
Stop feeling guilty for standing in the TRUTH. Stop beating yourself up and listening to the voices that say you're cruel. They are LIES. You have a right to your privacy, freedom, safety and sanity.
I'll be praying for you......
I'm sorry, but you're sacrificing your younger son for the older one that cares not one ounce for you or him.
Your guilt is the same as the parent who enables a drug addicted child who causes chaos throughout the whole family - yet, you provide the drugs to keep going.
This isn't going away. Save yourself, save your young son - give the cult member his 1st & last and a sets of pots/pans & sheets and MOVE HIM OUT!
For the life of me, I cannot understand why parents continue to allow themselves to be tortured by this cult while not protecting other family members from it too. I would be really pissed at my mother if she exposed me to this bullshit.
Sorry for not sugar coating it like most suicidal empaths will do - time to get some balls and end your families torture. Is there a dad in the picture????? Move him out.
This is so sad.
And so relatable
"My younger son refuses to be in the same room with his “trans” brother. He is so angry and turned off by the effects of hormones and social “transitioning.” He will peek into the family room to see if it’s “safe,” and only then come in to enjoy watching something together."
I've read about this sibling reaction here previously. Maybe it's just to avoid conflict, but it seems that the skeptical sibling realizes that the disease is contagious. Thank God for that in any case.
This whole thing is such deviation to families. We are living it too, and praying everyday for healing. Thankfully, my son is finishing up his last year of college so he’s not home. I don’t think I could live with having it in front of me.
Thoughts and prayers to you.
Are you still paying for your son's college? Health benefits? Cell phone? Why?
Cut them off. Period. Once they get into this cult - they shouldn't be supported. Continuing to feed their insanity is part of the problem. Sure, it hurts - but tough love is a thing that needs to come back. If the cult member can't support themselves, there's a big chance they'll snap out of it. All these parents supplying daily life needs are just feeding the cult addiction.
I do feel for you and the awful Catch 22 in which you've found yourself. I felt the same when my son came out as trans. Mind you, he didn't do much in the way of cross dressing and didn't start hormones until he'd left for college. - and estranged himself. It's been over three years and I have neither heard nor seen him since. Maybe you're the lucky one even though at present it doesn't seem like that to you.
At this point, my concern is will he harm or kill you or the rest of his family? Seriously. I keep thinking of Rob and Michelle Reiner's son. If he is threatening in anyway, I would change the locks and tell him he has to go. Trying to help such a selfish cultist is not worth dying over.
This is relatable.