For more on this author. Before anything else, a disclaimer: I am not, and do not claim to be any kind of expert in transgender healthcare for kids. I am just a parent trying to get an honest understanding, enough to be able to advise my child. I am asking questions and trying to learn. I am looking for answers—I’m not under the misapprehension I already have all of them.
To the author: You are being gaslit, and as a scientist you’re trying to make rational sense out of an emotionally-coercive tactic. You’re wasting time trying to prove that these people are not using evidence-based science, and you’re tiptoeing because of the concern about being labeled “Transphobe.” The enemy who is trying to destroy your child’s body couldn’t care less about nuance, politeness or science. It’s time to stop being nice. Don’t waste your time trying to debate rationally with cult members. Every evil movement in history (pushing cigarettes on pregnant women, Nazism, etc.) had plenty of white coat doctors trying to add an air of reputability to a cause that was purely based on money and power. Don’t waste your time. Trust your gut and your training in data and science and recognize you’re dealing with a Pharma-cult; nothing more, nothing less. Then use that objective reality to focus on your child’s health and stop worrying about whether other parents in these groups agree with you. (And as someone who gets censored frequently in comment sections, I have noticed that on the rare occasions that the censors are slow, I end up seeing many comments that agree with my points. These online groups you’re wasting time with are curated to give the false impression of consensus.) The trans cult will collapse within 10 years as so many of the detransitioners start to have a louder voice. Til then, your job is to protect your kid, not to play nice with brainwashed parents.
Thank you for going into these snake pits and doing the research and posing the rational questions. You have some amazing thoughtful analysis that is helpful to so many of us.
There is some information out there, some of the things I have found. I found papers in the bmj from 2005 warning of bone density issues with puberty blockers. Osteoporosis is not safe or reversible it turns out. The drugs used as puberty blockers are not actually passed for use in gender care though it's legal to use them. They were approved for precocious puberty.
They are the same drugs used to chemically castrate dangerous sex offenders.
Thanks to the Cass report and Professor Carl hennigan (professor of evidence based medicine) they now believe puberty blockers actually lock in dysphoria. A common factor in getting past gender dysphoria is simply going through adolescence.
Puberty blockers then mixed with cross sex hormones leads to infertility in most cases.
There's a Swedish study which found the suicide rate for people who went through gender care was 19 times that of the "normal" control group which flies in the face of the do you want a dead daughter live son reasoning of many people in charge of gender care.
Thoughtful therapy (watchful waiting) sees up to 90 percent of people with gender dysphoria learning to live happily in their own bodies without so much as a puberty blocker let alone cross sex hormones or surgery. Many in the gender grift say this is Trans conversion therapy. They would rather put everyone on the medical path.
Obviously this still leaves 10 percent who still need gender care. Personally I would rather give my child a 9 in ten chance of living in their own bodies as some gender surgeries carry up to a 60 percent failure rate and when things go wrong it can be debilitating.
To see some of this for yourself rather than taking my word for it Google why has Sweden banned puberty blockers, I found a lot of new research I'd missed in some of the links.
It's not just Sweden, Finland France and the UK are also stepping away from ideology led care and going back to watchful waiting therapy and also trying to establish evidence based gender care.
Phobias are irrational fears of things. Having a different point of view or asking legitimate questions to not indicate an irrational fear. Anytime I see something called phobic it simply means that the accusers want to shut discussion down because they can’t argue their points.
Thank you for your thoughtful article. This has been my exact dilemma since about 2014. I have not found a group on either "side" that is not an echo chamber to some degree, and (I may be blasted for this), I find it here on PITT as well. The general societal lack of critical thinking and the abundance of fear mongering and the utter unwillingness on either side to have a meaningful discussion prioritizing common ground has me locked in a place of suspended animation.
Even my therapist guided me in a direction of her personal beliefs. I specifically asked her multiple times to "challenge what I think I believe to know to be true" and "provide me information from both sides" and "help me recognize any confirmation bias I may have". Ultimately, she admitted her paradigm, and I had to leave that therapy relationship. I value my friendship with 2 other mothers who are experiencing similar situations and are willing to discuss, consider and honor all of the parts of this, and to question beliefs and biases, etc. I consider myself extremely lucky to have these relationships.
Your article hit on all of this for me. I would 100% support whatever action that would help my child, but I just can't-- and couldn't-- find the people and the information I need. In some ways it's too late. My children (yes multiple) are over 18 and can and are doing what they want to do. We no longer have much say in anything. My work now is focused on getting my head and heart straight in this. It's very, very, very easy to second guess myself on all of what has happened in the last 8 or so years.
I wish you the best as you navigate this with your child & family. It's a windy road made extra treacherous by the emotional landmines on all sides of this issue. There is no simple answer and no one size fits all approach.
As with many things pharma (I'm not meaning to mix topics, but it is the Same Playbook - including gaslighting and shunning the injured), they base grand claims on data that's fraudulent or flimsy or incorrectly interpreted or designed to produce certain results, like when giving surveys with certain questions to certain populations, and then coming out with a statistic on suicide. Like giving a medicine that should be given early on the eighth day ...
And they cite the same studies, some don't even say what they say they say ...
And they own the news, and give simplistic infographics, (Newsguard is a pharma captured force of deception on many fronts. As is all the mainstream and progressive media and fact checkers).
The same sites that were all about safe and effective, and don't listen to the heroic covid doctors, like Healthline,
Are sites you can ask questions to about gender identity, and in a few screens be led from the nice words about reversible social transition to the hormones to the some people choose to surgically affirm their gender ...
And of course wikipedia ..
And it's all on a house of lies.
Disgusting, dangerous lies.
And well meaning people forming an army of 1984-like cult members,
many really meaning well.
And when the detransitioners and those behind them,
And the vaccine injured and those behind them,
unite ..
it will be a powerful force for accountability
I'm very glad to see that The Highwire is including the harm of trans medicalization and lack of informed consent - and division of children and parents - in their news (and hopefully, probably, legal) scope. (please please do not believe what Wikipedia / google / fact checkers say about these people .. they have been correct on so much. Yes there is actual incorrect /exaggerated / speculative info out there that's vaccine risk aware, but The Highwire really do their best to be solid. Started out working on The Doctors show on mainstream media, realized they were missing so much of the picture, saw how pharma captures lawmakers and schools and news, and learned and shared and grew from there.
Their mission is to eradicate man made disease. And fight for informed consent. (And the rights of parents to be part of their children;s medical decisions). So this is something they're beginning to cover. I'm sure they would welcome parents and detransitioners and aware doctors and therapists, etc, reaching out to them.
Thank you for this. I am glad there are parents like you out there. So many of us feel afraid to speak to or ask for support from other parents, family or friends, for fear of being labeled transphobic. At first I was taken in by the suicide threats of "allies," but, as a thinking person, Extremely Quickly perceived the toxic intolerance for anyone questioning the sanity of this social trend that seems to be disproportionate among my daughter's peers, in both my "community" and "family." People who have left me to raise her alone suddenly seem to think they know her better than I do, including her father and his family. They care more about scoring points as every other weekend and holiday allies than her Long Term physical and mental health. More support for the Cult than the loving Mother who raised a child who is typical of internet influenced dysphoria.
Trans is a big umbrella, but when it comes to the teens/kids the 'social contagion' aspect to this is very important. Once this is understood, the proper reaction from parents and authority figures changes rapidly. You really should check out this article out in The TransAtlantic. I think you will get something from it…
Thanks for sharing. There is nothing - nothing - honest about the transgender cult; do not expect any from anyone ensnared by it. I would keep asking questions though, in hopes that there are other parents like yourself who are truly looking for answers to help their kids. You could make a difference.
This is so familiar! I was also kicked out of two support groups for asking questions and expressing what I felt were general concerns. Almost all of the posts were of parents having parties for their teens coming out or somehow profiting socially from their teens' trans identification. It was upsetting.
When it comes to the social contagion part of this thing, affirmation is the worst thing parents and authority figures can do, yet they do it. Invested, they then get peeved to say the least, when they are questioned…
Thank you for all your research. I had a similar experience with the first ‘support group’ I joined on FB. It only took a few days for me to realize that it was an echo chamber when a member posted a link to an article advising a slow down of giving puberty blockers to adolescents. They were blasted by the admins. I soon found a Christian-based group that is interested in the truth. I’m still in that group and will sometimes leave comments encouraging members to think for themselves or recommending some other resources. I’ve been pretty careful so I can stay in the group. I don’t look at the posts much but there are parents who are really struggling and the ideology to just keep going along with it breaks down for many of them. For example, there are trans kids involved in sex trafficking, drugs and who are estranged despite their parents fully supporting them. Can they really still think becoming trans is good for their kids? But everytime someone expresses a doubt, here come the platitudes from other members with no basis in reality.
I’m sorry you have been unable to find concrete information or evidence of the facts surrounding transgender care or transgender pursuits.
I personally don’t believe conclusive evidence exists yet. You may find it 20 years from now, and only if the actual scientific evidence is ever released.
As a science based individual I’m sure you’re aware of brain maturation. So all I can offer is my own decision regarding my daughter’s pursuit of transitioning to male.
My research and limited understanding of hormone therapy & transgender based surgeries has brought me to the conclusion that the benefits of waiting for brain maturity far outweighs the inconveniences of surpassing puberty prior to embarking upon interventions,
I say this because even the healthiest of people undergoing surgery experience complications, some fatal, some life altering and debilitating. Hormone replacement therapy, no matter the cause imposes risks of blood clots, cancer & organ damage. Remember we’re talking about life long hormone therapy.
Granted, ones less desirable lifestyle choices can impose substantial risk as well.
I speak from a place similar to yours, in that I’m a mom that would do anything to protect my children and do all that I can for them to lead a happy, healthy, fulfilled life, including laying down my own life for theirs.
I’m also a nurse. I’ve worked in urology, surgery, and with physically & mentally handicapped pediatrics, adolescents, & adults.
I’ve administered quite a bit of testosterone to male patients & seen the positive & negative effects. I’ve seen where puberty blockers serve a useful purpose in keeping a developmentally stunted child from progressing in size & maturity to maintain a more congruent appearance, I’ve also witnessed seemingly healthy people become septic post operatively. I personally assisted in penile implant surgeries where the patient had nothing but complications post surgically & there were no issues during the procedure.
I’m not saying there are no success stories. I’m not suggesting transition isn’t appropriate for anyone.
What I am saying is in MY OPINION it may take a strong adult to endure all the potentials both physically and mentally.
I won’t lie. My religious beliefs do make it very difficult for me to accept the concept of wishing to change gender. However, they also cause me to know it’s not for me to judge. So, I accept anyone, in any form as a child of God, to be judged by Him alone.
For a young person to seek transition they are not comfortable with their appearance. Meaning it doesn’t conform to what they feel. Imagine that same person trying to withstand disfigurement or extreme illness while feeling so uneasy with themself. To me there’s a far greater risk for suicide.
Maintaining a sense of self worth prior to embarking on a life altering procedure seems more likely to create a better outcome.
Heck, who knows, if you wait it out, the world may become more accepting of individuals for who they are even if they don’t conform to the traditional norms.
I wish you success in your pursuit of accurate scientific data. Please do share if you find some,
I would encourage people to seek out the stories of those young people who are detransitioning. They are difficult to find, not because there aren't plenty of them, but because the powers that be don't want you to know their stories. They are heart wrenching! Chloe Cole is a young woman who went on puberty blockers and had bilateral mastectomies as an early teen, and now regrets her decision. She felt her depression and autism were not adequately explored before gender affirming care was prescribed. Find these stories! They will inform your decision to withhold permanent treatment from your child until they are old enough to understand the consequences (if they are actually told the truth).Yes, these are permanent, not readily reversible, treatments.
That all makes a lot of sense (although I'm not religious myself) - I'm not at all convinced someone who is 18 can really fully understand the long-term consequences of choices about their fertility and their body, let alone someone younger.
And I agree with you - I haven't seen anything that makes me think any of the huge risks are justified and waiting for brain maturation seems very sensible to me. How exactly that works when legally the choice becomes theirs at 18, I don't know, but I guess that's what we have to try to figure out.
You may find this cruel or manipulative, however we have expressed to our daughter we won’t cover any interventions through our medical plan. She is 23 & employed on a contract basis & would have to pay for her own medical coverage out of pocket. We have agreed to pay for psychological counseling of the non affirming kind. We’ve indicated we would drop all family coverage if that’s what it takes to not have her procedures or hormone therapy covered under our policy.
She’s obviously not happy with this but understands our reasoning and right to do so.
She showed no indication of wanting to change in this way until she started college. My comment to her, when making her aware of this, was that we felt it was self diagnosed & she needed to embark on counseling/therapy for an actual diagnosis.
We’re having difficulty finding a proper psychiatrist or psychologist. The waiting lists are very long .
I don't think it's either - parents who know their individual kids are best placed to make a judgment on what might get through to them best. I hope it works and she comes to a place of happiness without medical intervention.
Funny - I was just watching a true-crime show in which 2 people who were teens at the time they planned and committed a particularly atrocious murder (the mastermind was 16, the triggerman 19) and are now being let out of jail scott-free (from life sentences) under new US protocols that "juvenile offenders" should be given special leniency - BECAUSE (as the lawyers sonorously and lengthily explain), the frontal cortex is not mature until AT LEAST age 25, plus people younger than that, especially teens, are not fully able to understand risks and consequences. (I'd be willing to bet that some of those same lawyers would be all for 13-year olds getting top surgery, although perhaps I'm being unfair to them...) "The teen brain is NOT the same as the adult brain," they keep repeating. Maybe there is some data in that whole situation (it came out of a Supreme Court decision a few years ago) that might be useful or at least interesting. A LOT of rather awful criminals have been released (many who had been sentenced to LWOP) because of their ages at the time of their crimes. Seems to be a HUGE double standard at work somewhere....
And if you are a young woman who wants to have an elective hysterectomy you will have a huge battle on your hands for the same reasons. Unless of course you say you are a trans man. Then it's full steam ahead, no questions necessary.
Thank you for the even-handed article. It shows the extraordinary diligence we parents do when it comes to our children and their wellbeing. On my part, for our (male) child, I did a deep dive into the state-of-the-art when it comes to research on the effect of estrogen (or oestrogen across the pond!) on the male body. Here is what I found: https://bit.ly/estro_on_men. Although estrogen is promoted as improving mental health, in studies conducted within a clinical setting, there is no evidence that it helps with the psychosocial functioning of natal males. On the contrary, recent published literature points to a strong body of evidence that such treatment can lead to major depressive disorder and long-term cognitive impairment. Case reports published in the last couple of years indicate that estrogen may induce autoimmune disorders. There is evidence in the published literature of estrogen's role in raising risks in cardiovascular diseases, two different kinds of cancers, and liver diseases. Evidence from clinical encounters and insurance claims demonstrates significantly higher rates of neurological and physiological disorders in the transgender population compared to the general population. There is also evidence accumulating over several decades that transgender women on estrogen bear an elevated all-cause mortality rate along with an increased rate of suicide compared with the general population of either natal sex. You have your own Substack - feel free to use any of the evidence that I go through in my review. And once again, thank you.
I need to come back and read the whole thing when I have time to process it all ... but
a) thank you for sharing!
b) this so reflects my experience in 2017. I didn't go past a local, in-person group because it was clear they were all crazy ("my 3 year old is trans and my 2 year old is deciding"). I wanted support for something that was foreign and illogical and what I got was ideology.
c) thanks for fighting the good fight and trying to engage on those forums.
Thanks! There was at least one person who reached out after I got chucked out who said it had been the final straw for them also leaving, so maybe I took at least one other parent with me :)
Thank you for this intellectually rigorous and in thoughtful essay. As a fellow scientist, I must compliment you on your impeccable embodiment of calm, reasoned, thoughtful critical thinking while dealing with this very difficult issue. I wish that I had your patience. Your long-suffering, reasoned approach is inspiring. That said, I'm very sorry for the challenges through which you and your family are going. Your intuitions are correct, in my opinion. There is no strong body of data supporting the contentions that are most concerning to you. And, the claims that systemic hormone manipulations are completely safe and/or reversible are known to be inaccurate. Any such physiological manipulations are going to have systemwide (sometimes deleterious) repercussions and unintended consequences. That's just biological fact. If "safe" and "reversible" were true, there would be no warnings or lists of undesirable side effects associated with these medications... in fact, you wouldn't need a prescription for them. Again, thank you for your essay. I wish the very best outcome for you and your family. Sincerely, Frederick
To the author: You are being gaslit, and as a scientist you’re trying to make rational sense out of an emotionally-coercive tactic. You’re wasting time trying to prove that these people are not using evidence-based science, and you’re tiptoeing because of the concern about being labeled “Transphobe.” The enemy who is trying to destroy your child’s body couldn’t care less about nuance, politeness or science. It’s time to stop being nice. Don’t waste your time trying to debate rationally with cult members. Every evil movement in history (pushing cigarettes on pregnant women, Nazism, etc.) had plenty of white coat doctors trying to add an air of reputability to a cause that was purely based on money and power. Don’t waste your time. Trust your gut and your training in data and science and recognize you’re dealing with a Pharma-cult; nothing more, nothing less. Then use that objective reality to focus on your child’s health and stop worrying about whether other parents in these groups agree with you. (And as someone who gets censored frequently in comment sections, I have noticed that on the rare occasions that the censors are slow, I end up seeing many comments that agree with my points. These online groups you’re wasting time with are curated to give the false impression of consensus.) The trans cult will collapse within 10 years as so many of the detransitioners start to have a louder voice. Til then, your job is to protect your kid, not to play nice with brainwashed parents.
Thank you for going into these snake pits and doing the research and posing the rational questions. You have some amazing thoughtful analysis that is helpful to so many of us.
There is some information out there, some of the things I have found. I found papers in the bmj from 2005 warning of bone density issues with puberty blockers. Osteoporosis is not safe or reversible it turns out. The drugs used as puberty blockers are not actually passed for use in gender care though it's legal to use them. They were approved for precocious puberty.
They are the same drugs used to chemically castrate dangerous sex offenders.
Thanks to the Cass report and Professor Carl hennigan (professor of evidence based medicine) they now believe puberty blockers actually lock in dysphoria. A common factor in getting past gender dysphoria is simply going through adolescence.
Puberty blockers then mixed with cross sex hormones leads to infertility in most cases.
There's a Swedish study which found the suicide rate for people who went through gender care was 19 times that of the "normal" control group which flies in the face of the do you want a dead daughter live son reasoning of many people in charge of gender care.
Thoughtful therapy (watchful waiting) sees up to 90 percent of people with gender dysphoria learning to live happily in their own bodies without so much as a puberty blocker let alone cross sex hormones or surgery. Many in the gender grift say this is Trans conversion therapy. They would rather put everyone on the medical path.
Obviously this still leaves 10 percent who still need gender care. Personally I would rather give my child a 9 in ten chance of living in their own bodies as some gender surgeries carry up to a 60 percent failure rate and when things go wrong it can be debilitating.
To see some of this for yourself rather than taking my word for it Google why has Sweden banned puberty blockers, I found a lot of new research I'd missed in some of the links.
It's not just Sweden, Finland France and the UK are also stepping away from ideology led care and going back to watchful waiting therapy and also trying to establish evidence based gender care.
Hopefully the rest of the world will follow
Phobias are irrational fears of things. Having a different point of view or asking legitimate questions to not indicate an irrational fear. Anytime I see something called phobic it simply means that the accusers want to shut discussion down because they can’t argue their points.
Thank you for your thoughtful article. This has been my exact dilemma since about 2014. I have not found a group on either "side" that is not an echo chamber to some degree, and (I may be blasted for this), I find it here on PITT as well. The general societal lack of critical thinking and the abundance of fear mongering and the utter unwillingness on either side to have a meaningful discussion prioritizing common ground has me locked in a place of suspended animation.
Even my therapist guided me in a direction of her personal beliefs. I specifically asked her multiple times to "challenge what I think I believe to know to be true" and "provide me information from both sides" and "help me recognize any confirmation bias I may have". Ultimately, she admitted her paradigm, and I had to leave that therapy relationship. I value my friendship with 2 other mothers who are experiencing similar situations and are willing to discuss, consider and honor all of the parts of this, and to question beliefs and biases, etc. I consider myself extremely lucky to have these relationships.
Your article hit on all of this for me. I would 100% support whatever action that would help my child, but I just can't-- and couldn't-- find the people and the information I need. In some ways it's too late. My children (yes multiple) are over 18 and can and are doing what they want to do. We no longer have much say in anything. My work now is focused on getting my head and heart straight in this. It's very, very, very easy to second guess myself on all of what has happened in the last 8 or so years.
I wish you the best as you navigate this with your child & family. It's a windy road made extra treacherous by the emotional landmines on all sides of this issue. There is no simple answer and no one size fits all approach.
As with many things pharma (I'm not meaning to mix topics, but it is the Same Playbook - including gaslighting and shunning the injured), they base grand claims on data that's fraudulent or flimsy or incorrectly interpreted or designed to produce certain results, like when giving surveys with certain questions to certain populations, and then coming out with a statistic on suicide. Like giving a medicine that should be given early on the eighth day ...
And they cite the same studies, some don't even say what they say they say ...
And they own the news, and give simplistic infographics, (Newsguard is a pharma captured force of deception on many fronts. As is all the mainstream and progressive media and fact checkers).
The same sites that were all about safe and effective, and don't listen to the heroic covid doctors, like Healthline,
Are sites you can ask questions to about gender identity, and in a few screens be led from the nice words about reversible social transition to the hormones to the some people choose to surgically affirm their gender ...
And of course wikipedia ..
And it's all on a house of lies.
Disgusting, dangerous lies.
And well meaning people forming an army of 1984-like cult members,
many really meaning well.
And when the detransitioners and those behind them,
And the vaccine injured and those behind them,
unite ..
it will be a powerful force for accountability
I'm very glad to see that The Highwire is including the harm of trans medicalization and lack of informed consent - and division of children and parents - in their news (and hopefully, probably, legal) scope. (please please do not believe what Wikipedia / google / fact checkers say about these people .. they have been correct on so much. Yes there is actual incorrect /exaggerated / speculative info out there that's vaccine risk aware, but The Highwire really do their best to be solid. Started out working on The Doctors show on mainstream media, realized they were missing so much of the picture, saw how pharma captures lawmakers and schools and news, and learned and shared and grew from there.
Their mission is to eradicate man made disease. And fight for informed consent. (And the rights of parents to be part of their children;s medical decisions). So this is something they're beginning to cover. I'm sure they would welcome parents and detransitioners and aware doctors and therapists, etc, reaching out to them.
https://thehighwire.com/?s=transgender
Love to all the parents ... the love you have for your children is beautiful and powerful ...
I can't imagine what it's like ...
Reality will win ...
Thank you for this. I am glad there are parents like you out there. So many of us feel afraid to speak to or ask for support from other parents, family or friends, for fear of being labeled transphobic. At first I was taken in by the suicide threats of "allies," but, as a thinking person, Extremely Quickly perceived the toxic intolerance for anyone questioning the sanity of this social trend that seems to be disproportionate among my daughter's peers, in both my "community" and "family." People who have left me to raise her alone suddenly seem to think they know her better than I do, including her father and his family. They care more about scoring points as every other weekend and holiday allies than her Long Term physical and mental health. More support for the Cult than the loving Mother who raised a child who is typical of internet influenced dysphoria.
Trans is a big umbrella, but when it comes to the teens/kids the 'social contagion' aspect to this is very important. Once this is understood, the proper reaction from parents and authority figures changes rapidly. You really should check out this article out in The TransAtlantic. I think you will get something from it…
https://thetransatlantic.substack.com/p/ideology-and-anxiety-what-can-we
Thanks for sharing. There is nothing - nothing - honest about the transgender cult; do not expect any from anyone ensnared by it. I would keep asking questions though, in hopes that there are other parents like yourself who are truly looking for answers to help their kids. You could make a difference.
This is so familiar! I was also kicked out of two support groups for asking questions and expressing what I felt were general concerns. Almost all of the posts were of parents having parties for their teens coming out or somehow profiting socially from their teens' trans identification. It was upsetting.
When it comes to the social contagion part of this thing, affirmation is the worst thing parents and authority figures can do, yet they do it. Invested, they then get peeved to say the least, when they are questioned…
https://thetransatlantic.substack.com/p/ideology-and-anxiety-what-can-we
And then you get the DARVO of "these people are exploiting our kids - don't even read it" when you try to discuss the actual evidence.
Very true. Powerful psychosocial forces are at work, so it is hardly a surprising reaction. I make the point in this article…
https://thetransatlantic.substack.com/p/ideology-and-anxiety-what-can-we
Thank you for all your research. I had a similar experience with the first ‘support group’ I joined on FB. It only took a few days for me to realize that it was an echo chamber when a member posted a link to an article advising a slow down of giving puberty blockers to adolescents. They were blasted by the admins. I soon found a Christian-based group that is interested in the truth. I’m still in that group and will sometimes leave comments encouraging members to think for themselves or recommending some other resources. I’ve been pretty careful so I can stay in the group. I don’t look at the posts much but there are parents who are really struggling and the ideology to just keep going along with it breaks down for many of them. For example, there are trans kids involved in sex trafficking, drugs and who are estranged despite their parents fully supporting them. Can they really still think becoming trans is good for their kids? But everytime someone expresses a doubt, here come the platitudes from other members with no basis in reality.
Affirmation is the WORST response. It's tragic, but too easy to fall into when surrounded by so much pressure. Check this out…
https://thetransatlantic.substack.com/p/ideology-and-anxiety-what-can-we
Sorry you don’t live closer. In the US and there are groups for concerned parents who haven’t drunk the kool aid
I’m sorry you have been unable to find concrete information or evidence of the facts surrounding transgender care or transgender pursuits.
I personally don’t believe conclusive evidence exists yet. You may find it 20 years from now, and only if the actual scientific evidence is ever released.
As a science based individual I’m sure you’re aware of brain maturation. So all I can offer is my own decision regarding my daughter’s pursuit of transitioning to male.
My research and limited understanding of hormone therapy & transgender based surgeries has brought me to the conclusion that the benefits of waiting for brain maturity far outweighs the inconveniences of surpassing puberty prior to embarking upon interventions,
I say this because even the healthiest of people undergoing surgery experience complications, some fatal, some life altering and debilitating. Hormone replacement therapy, no matter the cause imposes risks of blood clots, cancer & organ damage. Remember we’re talking about life long hormone therapy.
Granted, ones less desirable lifestyle choices can impose substantial risk as well.
I speak from a place similar to yours, in that I’m a mom that would do anything to protect my children and do all that I can for them to lead a happy, healthy, fulfilled life, including laying down my own life for theirs.
I’m also a nurse. I’ve worked in urology, surgery, and with physically & mentally handicapped pediatrics, adolescents, & adults.
I’ve administered quite a bit of testosterone to male patients & seen the positive & negative effects. I’ve seen where puberty blockers serve a useful purpose in keeping a developmentally stunted child from progressing in size & maturity to maintain a more congruent appearance, I’ve also witnessed seemingly healthy people become septic post operatively. I personally assisted in penile implant surgeries where the patient had nothing but complications post surgically & there were no issues during the procedure.
I’m not saying there are no success stories. I’m not suggesting transition isn’t appropriate for anyone.
What I am saying is in MY OPINION it may take a strong adult to endure all the potentials both physically and mentally.
I won’t lie. My religious beliefs do make it very difficult for me to accept the concept of wishing to change gender. However, they also cause me to know it’s not for me to judge. So, I accept anyone, in any form as a child of God, to be judged by Him alone.
For a young person to seek transition they are not comfortable with their appearance. Meaning it doesn’t conform to what they feel. Imagine that same person trying to withstand disfigurement or extreme illness while feeling so uneasy with themself. To me there’s a far greater risk for suicide.
Maintaining a sense of self worth prior to embarking on a life altering procedure seems more likely to create a better outcome.
Heck, who knows, if you wait it out, the world may become more accepting of individuals for who they are even if they don’t conform to the traditional norms.
I wish you success in your pursuit of accurate scientific data. Please do share if you find some,
🕊️🙏❤️
I would encourage people to seek out the stories of those young people who are detransitioning. They are difficult to find, not because there aren't plenty of them, but because the powers that be don't want you to know their stories. They are heart wrenching! Chloe Cole is a young woman who went on puberty blockers and had bilateral mastectomies as an early teen, and now regrets her decision. She felt her depression and autism were not adequately explored before gender affirming care was prescribed. Find these stories! They will inform your decision to withhold permanent treatment from your child until they are old enough to understand the consequences (if they are actually told the truth).Yes, these are permanent, not readily reversible, treatments.
That all makes a lot of sense (although I'm not religious myself) - I'm not at all convinced someone who is 18 can really fully understand the long-term consequences of choices about their fertility and their body, let alone someone younger.
And I agree with you - I haven't seen anything that makes me think any of the huge risks are justified and waiting for brain maturation seems very sensible to me. How exactly that works when legally the choice becomes theirs at 18, I don't know, but I guess that's what we have to try to figure out.
You may find this cruel or manipulative, however we have expressed to our daughter we won’t cover any interventions through our medical plan. She is 23 & employed on a contract basis & would have to pay for her own medical coverage out of pocket. We have agreed to pay for psychological counseling of the non affirming kind. We’ve indicated we would drop all family coverage if that’s what it takes to not have her procedures or hormone therapy covered under our policy.
She’s obviously not happy with this but understands our reasoning and right to do so.
She showed no indication of wanting to change in this way until she started college. My comment to her, when making her aware of this, was that we felt it was self diagnosed & she needed to embark on counseling/therapy for an actual diagnosis.
We’re having difficulty finding a proper psychiatrist or psychologist. The waiting lists are very long .
I don't think it's either - parents who know their individual kids are best placed to make a judgment on what might get through to them best. I hope it works and she comes to a place of happiness without medical intervention.
Funny - I was just watching a true-crime show in which 2 people who were teens at the time they planned and committed a particularly atrocious murder (the mastermind was 16, the triggerman 19) and are now being let out of jail scott-free (from life sentences) under new US protocols that "juvenile offenders" should be given special leniency - BECAUSE (as the lawyers sonorously and lengthily explain), the frontal cortex is not mature until AT LEAST age 25, plus people younger than that, especially teens, are not fully able to understand risks and consequences. (I'd be willing to bet that some of those same lawyers would be all for 13-year olds getting top surgery, although perhaps I'm being unfair to them...) "The teen brain is NOT the same as the adult brain," they keep repeating. Maybe there is some data in that whole situation (it came out of a Supreme Court decision a few years ago) that might be useful or at least interesting. A LOT of rather awful criminals have been released (many who had been sentenced to LWOP) because of their ages at the time of their crimes. Seems to be a HUGE double standard at work somewhere....
And if you are a young woman who wants to have an elective hysterectomy you will have a huge battle on your hands for the same reasons. Unless of course you say you are a trans man. Then it's full steam ahead, no questions necessary.
Thank you for the even-handed article. It shows the extraordinary diligence we parents do when it comes to our children and their wellbeing. On my part, for our (male) child, I did a deep dive into the state-of-the-art when it comes to research on the effect of estrogen (or oestrogen across the pond!) on the male body. Here is what I found: https://bit.ly/estro_on_men. Although estrogen is promoted as improving mental health, in studies conducted within a clinical setting, there is no evidence that it helps with the psychosocial functioning of natal males. On the contrary, recent published literature points to a strong body of evidence that such treatment can lead to major depressive disorder and long-term cognitive impairment. Case reports published in the last couple of years indicate that estrogen may induce autoimmune disorders. There is evidence in the published literature of estrogen's role in raising risks in cardiovascular diseases, two different kinds of cancers, and liver diseases. Evidence from clinical encounters and insurance claims demonstrates significantly higher rates of neurological and physiological disorders in the transgender population compared to the general population. There is also evidence accumulating over several decades that transgender women on estrogen bear an elevated all-cause mortality rate along with an increased rate of suicide compared with the general population of either natal sex. You have your own Substack - feel free to use any of the evidence that I go through in my review. And once again, thank you.
Thanks ML this is all really interesting and your piece looks very thorough - will read and digest - thanks for sharing :)
I will look when I have time.
I need to come back and read the whole thing when I have time to process it all ... but
a) thank you for sharing!
b) this so reflects my experience in 2017. I didn't go past a local, in-person group because it was clear they were all crazy ("my 3 year old is trans and my 2 year old is deciding"). I wanted support for something that was foreign and illogical and what I got was ideology.
c) thanks for fighting the good fight and trying to engage on those forums.
d) great artwork selection!
Thanks! There was at least one person who reached out after I got chucked out who said it had been the final straw for them also leaving, so maybe I took at least one other parent with me :)
Thank you for this intellectually rigorous and in thoughtful essay. As a fellow scientist, I must compliment you on your impeccable embodiment of calm, reasoned, thoughtful critical thinking while dealing with this very difficult issue. I wish that I had your patience. Your long-suffering, reasoned approach is inspiring. That said, I'm very sorry for the challenges through which you and your family are going. Your intuitions are correct, in my opinion. There is no strong body of data supporting the contentions that are most concerning to you. And, the claims that systemic hormone manipulations are completely safe and/or reversible are known to be inaccurate. Any such physiological manipulations are going to have systemwide (sometimes deleterious) repercussions and unintended consequences. That's just biological fact. If "safe" and "reversible" were true, there would be no warnings or lists of undesirable side effects associated with these medications... in fact, you wouldn't need a prescription for them. Again, thank you for your essay. I wish the very best outcome for you and your family. Sincerely, Frederick
Thank you :)