I have the same situation. My son is now 29. I think he is in a cult and has been brainwashed. He takes hormones to be feminine. Has a lot of trans friends. More friends than he ever had before and he’s very proud of this. I think this is the allure of the cult. All friends are trans women. A few homo men I think. I pray he recognizes his place in the world without drugs. Testosterone suppressing drugs and injections of progesterone. He had depression as a teen. I think this is his solution and excuse for why the depression. It was likely the lack of factors we now know and emphasize for human happiness. Good food, sunlight and circadian rhythm, socialization, sleep, and not too much screen time, grateful practice. He has always had tummy issues. Still his gut brain axis affecting the proper metabolism.
When I was a young child I continually had nightmares about wolves coming in my bedroom. I never understood the meaning of these dreams……..until now! This cloak describes the barrier between my trans child & myself & I imagine many others. If I could I would rip it to pieces & have my beautiful daughter back in my life. I hate this cult with all my being & those that encourage & indoctrinate our kids.
Right now, I am experimenting with not trying to unravel it. She is legally an adult, I have no leverage other than stopping her tuition room & board at university, which I have contemplated but probably will not do. I remember being that age and whenever an adult questioned my choices, I ALWAYS doubled down and defended them to the hilt. So right now, the experiment is to leave her time and space to ruminate on what she is doing. Maybe some of the recent shift in media coverage of the trans issue will seep into her testosterone-addled brain, without my bringing it to her attention. Maybe one day she will notice the budding bald spot on at the back of her head, which her father and I can already see . . .
Very similar situation with our daughter! The devil was cheering during the pandemic when vulnerable people were isolated with the wrong people. God was kicked out and loving families were pushed away. We foolishly thought our daughter was more grounded in her faith and would be a beacon for others. Instead she was sucked into a Marxist ideology and before we knew it proclaimed herself “neither a woman nor a man”. We were chastised for removing our masks, not getting our booster shots, and using the wrong pronouns. I was blatantly told, “I’m trying to unlearn everything I’ve been taught.” She’s now isolated herself in a “queer collective community” in Brooklyn and refused to give us her address, stating she was “afraid” because we (her parents) are “transphobes” and “homophobes”. We have always supported her in all of her many endeavors while growing up and never displayed bigotry of any kind so I’m calling it as I see it: she was brainwashed.
100% same here... her father announced his spontaneously visit , sort of a surprise... she told him, that if he's going to do that, she'll call the police. This literally broke his heart. His princess has turned overnight into a cold hearted feminist , neomarxist, non binary, empathy lacking ... person (to use their vocabulary).
…it’s in the playbook, I heard about this then my son said it too. I’ll call the police if you attempt to come near me. He kept talking about protection. Unbelievable, all I wanted to do was go for a coffee & a chat. They’ve convinced themselves we are monsters
Playbook…you nailed it! The whole “process” seems like a playbook to me…otherwise we wouldn’t identify so much with all other stories written here…would we ?
same here… our daughter moved to Berlin, to Babylon so to say, as far as possible from home and she’s managing our contact onto “no contact”. She knows what we think and feel… but we are “the bad”… we are wrong.
I wonder if she’ll ever wake up …and if… what kind of a person will she be then ? I cannot imagine that what she’s going through now is not going to live any scars on her young soul…
It’s sad isn’t it. That we were powerless during those crucial years in their development. The hand that’s been dealt. Be strong & take care of yourself.
This beautifully written essay reminded me of the Poison Dress motif in mythology (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poison_dress). I hope your child wakes up soon and takes the Poison Dress off...
Oh wow! You have captured the essence of this beautifully. A cloak. Woven of lies and deceit and misinformation and disinformation and twisted facts and propaganda. To cover anxiety and depression and self loathing. I too have looked for the thread to unpick this deception in my son. Tried to counter with facts and logic. He doesn’t want to listen. Our son is covered by the same cloak. Thank you for this helpful analogy and I pray that one day your child’s cloak unravels too.
Try the Socratic method, ask questions about their definitions, their meanings, their intents, their proof, their findings. Ask these open ended questions pretend that you do not know anything about this. Do not push back, do not pick a side, be open, do not attack or blame, study the evidence with him, walk as well as you can with him down this terrible road. Be sure to study the what if's especially on reversing cross sex surgeries and hormones, look for people and examine those who have desisted with him, question everything but you must do so in a thought provoking manner because we all know that just as we did when we were teenager's if our parents said no and were hard in some areas it made us go beyond the line drawn - same here.
Try to get a secret agent(s) on the outside that he is comfortable with, that you are comfortable with and trust to also do these same strategies.
Take long walks together, look for beauty. Point out thriving families, speak of the beauty of children. Talk about what being a man/woman is and means.
When your child is talking listen for cues of emotional words they say, cue in on that, drill down into that, I heard you say you don't like becoming hairy, or your voice is deepening and sounding strange to you, or you feel tingly in areas, what does that mean, or when you said the word breasts I thought you said it in a different way, tell me about that.
Lastly, the best advice I have heard on this is.............that our children need to finish their adolescence, it takes time, and space to do so, it is hard today obviously and takes longer today obviously because of the social aspect of it all. Try to talk about what this means and what adolescence is and what it means and what it signifies and what changes occur and why.
Parents, when their world turns dark and ugly, and their decisions have backfired, their glitter families failed them, their allies have failed them, work has failed them, they can't out run the lie they live everyday, and they have no where left to turn, YOU must be the light in the dark, you must keep the door open, you must be the anchor in the bay, do not burn this bridge, when all hope fades for them, you must keep grace alive for your children, no one will love them more than you will.
when my soul feels crushed,
lord I look up, lord I look up
your my hope and stay
my anchor in the bay
I have Faith
I have Faith
Lord I have faith in you
Proverbs 21-22
If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat;
if he is thirsty, give him water to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head,
Thank you, this is such sage advice and I so do wish that I had of known this sooner. I have tried the logic and the questions but he doesn’t want to know. He doesn’t want to talk. It’s like talking to a brick wall. The shutters come down over his eyes and his heart. His ears seem to be stuffed with cloth. And he can only abide my presence for very short periods of time. We love him so very very much and keep telling him and showing him. But we’re not going to affirm him in his delusion and that he finds absolutely dumbfounding. He thinks that we have changed, and can’t see that it’s him that’s changed. He is at university and comes home for some of the holidays, but finds spending any amount of time with us challenging. Over summer I tried the question approach, but he accused me of having ulterior motives! We are Christians and as such, we believe in truth and reality. He’s rejected everything that we have taught him, so there is very little left to talk about that we don’t disagree on sadly. We just keep loving him the best we know how and trust the rest to God. Our hearts are broken 💔
I am in the exact same boat as you JW, I was hoping your son was younger and still at home. Well, sometimes the enticement of "the candy man" is too strong of a pull, the allure too juicy for our youth to break away from. This is our scenario as well.
2 new Wonderful podcasts I have found great wisdom and solace in are below, you are not alone, none of us are.
Praying for both of you, Average Dad and JM. I listened to Christopher Yuan’s testimony the other day (he wrote the book Holy Sexuality), and he said his mother fasted and prayed for him hours a day for seven years. He was on drugs then in jail during different points. Thinking about his mom and wondering how she kept hope for seven years is such an encouraging thing. Keep the faith.
Thank you, that is kind. I shall take a look. 👍🏻Yeah, our son is 21. He has a bisexual girlfriend who is anti God and very socialist. She is a huge influence on him too. So, we have a lot to pray about and trust God for.
It is impossible to speak or have conversations with an adult child in another state who does not communicate at all. Those are great suggestions for anyone not estranged.
I have the same situation. My son is now 29. I think he is in a cult and has been brainwashed. He takes hormones to be feminine. Has a lot of trans friends. More friends than he ever had before and he’s very proud of this. I think this is the allure of the cult. All friends are trans women. A few homo men I think. I pray he recognizes his place in the world without drugs. Testosterone suppressing drugs and injections of progesterone. He had depression as a teen. I think this is his solution and excuse for why the depression. It was likely the lack of factors we now know and emphasize for human happiness. Good food, sunlight and circadian rhythm, socialization, sleep, and not too much screen time, grateful practice. He has always had tummy issues. Still his gut brain axis affecting the proper metabolism.
When I was a young child I continually had nightmares about wolves coming in my bedroom. I never understood the meaning of these dreams……..until now! This cloak describes the barrier between my trans child & myself & I imagine many others. If I could I would rip it to pieces & have my beautiful daughter back in my life. I hate this cult with all my being & those that encourage & indoctrinate our kids.
Right now, I am experimenting with not trying to unravel it. She is legally an adult, I have no leverage other than stopping her tuition room & board at university, which I have contemplated but probably will not do. I remember being that age and whenever an adult questioned my choices, I ALWAYS doubled down and defended them to the hilt. So right now, the experiment is to leave her time and space to ruminate on what she is doing. Maybe some of the recent shift in media coverage of the trans issue will seep into her testosterone-addled brain, without my bringing it to her attention. Maybe one day she will notice the budding bald spot on at the back of her head, which her father and I can already see . . .
That’s a powerful image…thank you. I’m so sorry for your ongoing loss, and salute your courage.
I feel I could have written this…
Beautiful analogy - especially the part about how the more we try to unravel it, the more durable it seems to become. Keeping you in my thoughts.
...how come all our stories are so similar???
This is not only sad...it's desperate...and by all means..too big.
My only consolation is that i am not alone with my grief and all the tears i've shed in the last 4 years...
God bless and help!
Very similar situation with our daughter! The devil was cheering during the pandemic when vulnerable people were isolated with the wrong people. God was kicked out and loving families were pushed away. We foolishly thought our daughter was more grounded in her faith and would be a beacon for others. Instead she was sucked into a Marxist ideology and before we knew it proclaimed herself “neither a woman nor a man”. We were chastised for removing our masks, not getting our booster shots, and using the wrong pronouns. I was blatantly told, “I’m trying to unlearn everything I’ve been taught.” She’s now isolated herself in a “queer collective community” in Brooklyn and refused to give us her address, stating she was “afraid” because we (her parents) are “transphobes” and “homophobes”. We have always supported her in all of her many endeavors while growing up and never displayed bigotry of any kind so I’m calling it as I see it: she was brainwashed.
Exactly my story. Co vid isolation, complete rejection of family (unless you’re an ally). Horrible, evil ideology, soooo powerful
100% same here... her father announced his spontaneously visit , sort of a surprise... she told him, that if he's going to do that, she'll call the police. This literally broke his heart. His princess has turned overnight into a cold hearted feminist , neomarxist, non binary, empathy lacking ... person (to use their vocabulary).
…it’s in the playbook, I heard about this then my son said it too. I’ll call the police if you attempt to come near me. He kept talking about protection. Unbelievable, all I wanted to do was go for a coffee & a chat. They’ve convinced themselves we are monsters
Playbook…you nailed it! The whole “process” seems like a playbook to me…otherwise we wouldn’t identify so much with all other stories written here…would we ?
The tragic thing is I’ve not been able to stop it. I’ve just sat & watched the whole thing happen, knowing & dreading what comes next.
same here… our daughter moved to Berlin, to Babylon so to say, as far as possible from home and she’s managing our contact onto “no contact”. She knows what we think and feel… but we are “the bad”… we are wrong.
I wonder if she’ll ever wake up …and if… what kind of a person will she be then ? I cannot imagine that what she’s going through now is not going to live any scars on her young soul…
It’s sad isn’t it. That we were powerless during those crucial years in their development. The hand that’s been dealt. Be strong & take care of yourself.
She is not a feminist. Transgenderism is male supremacy: the triumph of men's domination over girls and women.
So sorry Gloria! I can totally identify with this! 🙏
Patty it is truly heartbreaking. The more I learn the more convinced it is a cult. Wishing you peace
Thank you!
This beautifully written essay reminded me of the Poison Dress motif in mythology (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poison_dress). I hope your child wakes up soon and takes the Poison Dress off...
Two words to describe what's happening to us: Technocracy and Communism. Here are two references:
www.newdiscourses.com
www.technocracy.news
God Bless.
We can count on PITT for profound perspectives like this one.
Beautiful. Love word pictures. This is healing and hopeful
This beautifully captures my son’s situation. Thank you well done.
Oh wow! You have captured the essence of this beautifully. A cloak. Woven of lies and deceit and misinformation and disinformation and twisted facts and propaganda. To cover anxiety and depression and self loathing. I too have looked for the thread to unpick this deception in my son. Tried to counter with facts and logic. He doesn’t want to listen. Our son is covered by the same cloak. Thank you for this helpful analogy and I pray that one day your child’s cloak unravels too.
Try the Socratic method, ask questions about their definitions, their meanings, their intents, their proof, their findings. Ask these open ended questions pretend that you do not know anything about this. Do not push back, do not pick a side, be open, do not attack or blame, study the evidence with him, walk as well as you can with him down this terrible road. Be sure to study the what if's especially on reversing cross sex surgeries and hormones, look for people and examine those who have desisted with him, question everything but you must do so in a thought provoking manner because we all know that just as we did when we were teenager's if our parents said no and were hard in some areas it made us go beyond the line drawn - same here.
Try to get a secret agent(s) on the outside that he is comfortable with, that you are comfortable with and trust to also do these same strategies.
Take long walks together, look for beauty. Point out thriving families, speak of the beauty of children. Talk about what being a man/woman is and means.
When your child is talking listen for cues of emotional words they say, cue in on that, drill down into that, I heard you say you don't like becoming hairy, or your voice is deepening and sounding strange to you, or you feel tingly in areas, what does that mean, or when you said the word breasts I thought you said it in a different way, tell me about that.
Lastly, the best advice I have heard on this is.............that our children need to finish their adolescence, it takes time, and space to do so, it is hard today obviously and takes longer today obviously because of the social aspect of it all. Try to talk about what this means and what adolescence is and what it means and what it signifies and what changes occur and why.
Parents, when their world turns dark and ugly, and their decisions have backfired, their glitter families failed them, their allies have failed them, work has failed them, they can't out run the lie they live everyday, and they have no where left to turn, YOU must be the light in the dark, you must keep the door open, you must be the anchor in the bay, do not burn this bridge, when all hope fades for them, you must keep grace alive for your children, no one will love them more than you will.
when my soul feels crushed,
lord I look up, lord I look up
your my hope and stay
my anchor in the bay
I have Faith
I have Faith
Lord I have faith in you
Proverbs 21-22
If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat;
if he is thirsty, give him water to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head,
and the Lord will reward you.
Yes, yes, yes
Thank you, this is such sage advice and I so do wish that I had of known this sooner. I have tried the logic and the questions but he doesn’t want to know. He doesn’t want to talk. It’s like talking to a brick wall. The shutters come down over his eyes and his heart. His ears seem to be stuffed with cloth. And he can only abide my presence for very short periods of time. We love him so very very much and keep telling him and showing him. But we’re not going to affirm him in his delusion and that he finds absolutely dumbfounding. He thinks that we have changed, and can’t see that it’s him that’s changed. He is at university and comes home for some of the holidays, but finds spending any amount of time with us challenging. Over summer I tried the question approach, but he accused me of having ulterior motives! We are Christians and as such, we believe in truth and reality. He’s rejected everything that we have taught him, so there is very little left to talk about that we don’t disagree on sadly. We just keep loving him the best we know how and trust the rest to God. Our hearts are broken 💔
I am in the exact same boat as you JW, I was hoping your son was younger and still at home. Well, sometimes the enticement of "the candy man" is too strong of a pull, the allure too juicy for our youth to break away from. This is our scenario as well.
2 new Wonderful podcasts I have found great wisdom and solace in are below, you are not alone, none of us are.
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-jordan-b-peterson-podcast/id1184022695?i=1000681781374
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/you-must-be-some-kind-of-therapist/id1612777134?i=1000680533597
Praying for both of you, Average Dad and JM. I listened to Christopher Yuan’s testimony the other day (he wrote the book Holy Sexuality), and he said his mother fasted and prayed for him hours a day for seven years. He was on drugs then in jail during different points. Thinking about his mom and wondering how she kept hope for seven years is such an encouraging thing. Keep the faith.
Thank you, that is kind. I shall take a look. 👍🏻Yeah, our son is 21. He has a bisexual girlfriend who is anti God and very socialist. She is a huge influence on him too. So, we have a lot to pray about and trust God for.
It is impossible to speak or have conversations with an adult child in another state who does not communicate at all. Those are great suggestions for anyone not estranged.