Her bedroom is empty, waiting for a visit I hope, but know she will not be coming any day soon. This is the house she grew up in, in a nice neighborhood in the suburbs. Her view out of her bedroom window is of a large backyard with flowers and trees. We, her parents, have all the memories the house held for us, the ghosts of Christmases and family gatherings, so many birthdays and holidays, dinners and graduation celebrations, and just moments of playing board games and watching favorite shows on television.
Dear parent, thank you for such a touching letter. I am almost in the same situation and my story with my daughter who is 22 is very similar except that she still lives with us and so far is on hold taking hormones. She is very feminine and lived a very happy life with our family that is very caring and loving. She was a straight A student and an athlete and had a boyfriend for a very long time and everything seemed perfect until recently when she announced that she is transgender. It came as a storm. Since then our fam ily is going through hell. My husband and I are cannot stop crying and have a very hard time concentrating on our work. I would love us, parents, of these confused children to fight this madness as hard as we can. We need to save this planet!
Your story is another heart wrenching story that breaks my heart. You are so right, this transgender ideology nightmare is ALL LIES! Why is the world believing it? How did this happen? I am so sad for the loss of your daughter, clearly you and your husband love her very much. My nephew believes the LIES and he has left my sister and brother-in-law’s family vowing never to return. Members of my own family believe the LIES and this has caused a painful division. Teachers, therapists and doctor's believe the LIES and are promoting this false belief that “a man can become a woman and a woman can become a man” but we, here on PITT know the TRUTH - that can never happen! Ever! Only harm and permanent physical, emotional and psychological damage will happen. We all want our estranged family member to return back to us and I hope and pray that your daughter will return to you. Best wishes.
I have no idea what I would do without the parents of PITT. You keep me sane because I see myself, my daughter, in every story. It reminds me to embrace truth, not give up, and never lose hope, something I wish for all of us.
My heart and my prayers go out to you. We are in the fray alongside you, with our broken hearts and weary eyes. Surely sanity will return to the masses, surely all the factual data that counters these false narratives will come to light, and soon. Meanwhile, we’re in the trenches with you, we hear and feel your pain. Much love to you, from one mother’s broken heart to another.
Just today I sobbed & sobbed because I want to send my "daughter" a birthday card (she is currnetly overseas). This is the 3rd birthday card in which I cannot use the name I gave her. I usually just write a messge without the Dear or to, but I had to address this to her! Reluctantly I used her new intial & surname on the envelope & wrote inside hi darling, why do so many of us have such aching hearts x
Physicians are supposed to first do no harm. Altering a healthy body with surgery, cross-sex hormones, and, for children, using puberty blockers to deal with delusional minds is malpractice and does irreversible harm whether the patient is an adult or a minor. Doctors how use these techniques should lose their license to practice medicine.
I share the sentiments of most of what you wrote, and of most of the parents here, and my heart goes out to all.
The artwork “The Scream” 😱 is my profile picture for a good reason: Because it depicts how I feel every day since my trans identifying daughter cut me off, and how I feel about gender ideology, and how I feel about the medicalization of the affected young people out there, who are being neutered and rendered into human robots in front of the world.
I’m screaming for all of us parents, family members and the kids. Screaming for my only child.
In thinking back now, I wonder if your profile pic put the painting in my mind a year ago. -Thanks for that. LOL Actually it has been somehow comforting, something that perfectly describes what my heart is feeling. I sometimes say to my husband that my heart is screaming; I don’t know a better way to explain it. Thank you.
Oh my goodness. I am so grateful for your words. Every word here could be mine, except it is our son. The same story. The same pain. You, your daughter and all those who are living in this pain are deeply known. We know. We are with you. You are in my prayers.
Thank You for writing this. Sadly, we are yet another family (like so many have commented) who this could have been written about. Daughter says she is actually a a gay man and therefore needs hormones and all the surgeries, we didn't agree that that was based on a reality and now have been estranged for years. I know she won't ever come back, she has always been rigid in her thinking and if she thinks something then nothing you can do or say will change her mind. Again, autistic traits but nothing so bad that it got in the way of her achieving and being happy so never felt the need to give her a label.
The last few days I have been ruminating on 'I was a bad mother'. We have another child who is perfectly happy and well adjusted and likes and loves us - maybe I was a good enough mother then? However, our estranged child would have us believe that too right up until she left. My trust in everything and anyone has been shot to pieces.
Our estranged daughter told us that our home was 'unsafe' for her, that we were abusive and toxic, that she would never return. I know something about abuse and feeling unsafe. I grew up in an unsafe and abusive household. Had a violent, alcoholic father amongst other things. We knew poverty and insecurity. I had violent and abusive relationships as a teen and early 20's. I then met my husband, the father of my children and changed that pattern. I wanted my children to have everything I never had. Security, love, peace, happiness, safety, opportunity, fun. I thought we had achieved that mission. How wrong was I.
We haven't seen her in 4yrs. We keep going for our other daughter, it's not fair that the last 4 years of her life be messed up too. Those early days were the hardest and most painful time of my life - which is saying something when I reflect on the crap I have endured over the years. I never knew I could hurt so much. I've come to some sort of acceptance that I'll never see her again. In any case the daughter we knew is well and truly gone - testosterone did that. I saw a photo of her recently, I only knew it was her due to her delicate hands - the rest of her was unrecognisable. I imagine her voice has gone too along with her fertility and future health. Her personality changed to someone we no longer recognised - she had never been cruel and callous, quite the opposite. But as an abusive mother, why should I care about that. I often wish I didn't care, that I could toss her memory to one side and never think of her like I'm sure she has done with us. But I can't - I love her even more now than the day she was born and I was scared shitless of how to take care of this tiny bundle that needed me to keep her alive. I worry about her health, is she safe, is she okay for money, is she lonely. I have to have some faith that she is absolutely thriving and living her best life and being without us is serving her better than it ever did having us in her life. I tell myself this everyday and I really truly hope that we got it wrong, that actually she is a gay man and that all these surgeries and hormones have and will make her happy forever more and I was a bad Mother for not seeing that. I will pay that price for our childs happiness.
I am so sorry to have written so much, your piece really tapped into something in me and the tears flowed and I couldn't stop writing.
where do they get the unsafe home thing from ?? our daughter also left for that reason- the internet & counsellors have a lot to answer to - encouraging vulnerable young people to leave secure loving homes. Too sad :(
I know....the unsafe thing was probably one of the things she said that hurt me the most. If you feel unsafe at home, you would try to spend as least amount of time there as possible. If your parents are unsafe you would not ask them to collect you from your friends house, you would not ask them to take you places. You would not sit on the sofa and watch tv and movies with them, you would not want to spend the day out with them, you would not come home from school/6th form everyday and want to discuss with your Mother what had happened in that day, you would not laugh and joke around with them, you would not be enthusiastic about going on holiday and roadtrips with them, you would not ask them to attend literally every single appointment you go to. Whilst after all these years and a lot of reflection, I can finally feel quite confident that our home was and is not 'unsafe '...it still cuts me to the bone that she believes it was and is. It feels like some sort of joke really...not a very funny one admittedly!
I feel your pain, and honestly have the exact same story. Except my daughter claims trans-masc not gay man. And we’re only one year estranged. I don’t think I’m wrong about her being a male, but I constantly wonder what I did wrong, and I do expect that she’ll do fine without me. It feels so surreal, to overcome hard situations to try to be the best parent possible, then to be told that you were not a good parent. It feels like it was all for nothing. But we have to believe that they will come to their senses one day.
I so understand what you mean about T completely changing their personality. It was shocking.
Thank you for sharing. I’m so sorry for all your family has suffered, and thankful that you commented and made me feel less alone.
This is my story too. Our daughter is 24 years old. I can relate to almost every word you have written, and I share in your heartbreak. She contacts her father (my partner) when she needs something, but lays all the blame for everything, at my feet, and so has cut me off completely and refuses any contact with me. I walk through my days in a state of numbness, waiting and hoping for the day she wakes up. I miss her so, so much.
Wow. So many feels. I hear you. I understand.
Dear parent, thank you for such a touching letter. I am almost in the same situation and my story with my daughter who is 22 is very similar except that she still lives with us and so far is on hold taking hormones. She is very feminine and lived a very happy life with our family that is very caring and loving. She was a straight A student and an athlete and had a boyfriend for a very long time and everything seemed perfect until recently when she announced that she is transgender. It came as a storm. Since then our fam ily is going through hell. My husband and I are cannot stop crying and have a very hard time concentrating on our work. I would love us, parents, of these confused children to fight this madness as hard as we can. We need to save this planet!
You so clearly and beautifully express what so many of us now have experienced first end. May this madness end soon and our children come back to us.
"Live Not By Lies"--Alexander Solzhenitsyn
❤️❤️❤️
Your story is another heart wrenching story that breaks my heart. You are so right, this transgender ideology nightmare is ALL LIES! Why is the world believing it? How did this happen? I am so sad for the loss of your daughter, clearly you and your husband love her very much. My nephew believes the LIES and he has left my sister and brother-in-law’s family vowing never to return. Members of my own family believe the LIES and this has caused a painful division. Teachers, therapists and doctor's believe the LIES and are promoting this false belief that “a man can become a woman and a woman can become a man” but we, here on PITT know the TRUTH - that can never happen! Ever! Only harm and permanent physical, emotional and psychological damage will happen. We all want our estranged family member to return back to us and I hope and pray that your daughter will return to you. Best wishes.
I have no idea what I would do without the parents of PITT. You keep me sane because I see myself, my daughter, in every story. It reminds me to embrace truth, not give up, and never lose hope, something I wish for all of us.
My heart and my prayers go out to you. We are in the fray alongside you, with our broken hearts and weary eyes. Surely sanity will return to the masses, surely all the factual data that counters these false narratives will come to light, and soon. Meanwhile, we’re in the trenches with you, we hear and feel your pain. Much love to you, from one mother’s broken heart to another.
I hear you. The grief is intense.
Just today I sobbed & sobbed because I want to send my "daughter" a birthday card (she is currnetly overseas). This is the 3rd birthday card in which I cannot use the name I gave her. I usually just write a messge without the Dear or to, but I had to address this to her! Reluctantly I used her new intial & surname on the envelope & wrote inside hi darling, why do so many of us have such aching hearts x
Like so many others, your words reflect the story of my family also. Heartbreaking that some many of our loving families are being destroyed!
Physicians are supposed to first do no harm. Altering a healthy body with surgery, cross-sex hormones, and, for children, using puberty blockers to deal with delusional minds is malpractice and does irreversible harm whether the patient is an adult or a minor. Doctors how use these techniques should lose their license to practice medicine.
Powerfully written.
I share the sentiments of most of what you wrote, and of most of the parents here, and my heart goes out to all.
The artwork “The Scream” 😱 is my profile picture for a good reason: Because it depicts how I feel every day since my trans identifying daughter cut me off, and how I feel about gender ideology, and how I feel about the medicalization of the affected young people out there, who are being neutered and rendered into human robots in front of the world.
I’m screaming for all of us parents, family members and the kids. Screaming for my only child.
I want this to stop ✋🏻.
In thinking back now, I wonder if your profile pic put the painting in my mind a year ago. -Thanks for that. LOL Actually it has been somehow comforting, something that perfectly describes what my heart is feeling. I sometimes say to my husband that my heart is screaming; I don’t know a better way to explain it. Thank you.
Same here! I’m not an art person but that painting has been in my mind ever since my daughter cut me off.
I am trying to do life, say the right things on the outside, but on the inside that’s how I feel 24/7.
When people ask how I’m doing, that painting pops always into my mind, but say I’m fine.
Oh my goodness. I am so grateful for your words. Every word here could be mine, except it is our son. The same story. The same pain. You, your daughter and all those who are living in this pain are deeply known. We know. We are with you. You are in my prayers.
Thank You for writing this. Sadly, we are yet another family (like so many have commented) who this could have been written about. Daughter says she is actually a a gay man and therefore needs hormones and all the surgeries, we didn't agree that that was based on a reality and now have been estranged for years. I know she won't ever come back, she has always been rigid in her thinking and if she thinks something then nothing you can do or say will change her mind. Again, autistic traits but nothing so bad that it got in the way of her achieving and being happy so never felt the need to give her a label.
The last few days I have been ruminating on 'I was a bad mother'. We have another child who is perfectly happy and well adjusted and likes and loves us - maybe I was a good enough mother then? However, our estranged child would have us believe that too right up until she left. My trust in everything and anyone has been shot to pieces.
Our estranged daughter told us that our home was 'unsafe' for her, that we were abusive and toxic, that she would never return. I know something about abuse and feeling unsafe. I grew up in an unsafe and abusive household. Had a violent, alcoholic father amongst other things. We knew poverty and insecurity. I had violent and abusive relationships as a teen and early 20's. I then met my husband, the father of my children and changed that pattern. I wanted my children to have everything I never had. Security, love, peace, happiness, safety, opportunity, fun. I thought we had achieved that mission. How wrong was I.
We haven't seen her in 4yrs. We keep going for our other daughter, it's not fair that the last 4 years of her life be messed up too. Those early days were the hardest and most painful time of my life - which is saying something when I reflect on the crap I have endured over the years. I never knew I could hurt so much. I've come to some sort of acceptance that I'll never see her again. In any case the daughter we knew is well and truly gone - testosterone did that. I saw a photo of her recently, I only knew it was her due to her delicate hands - the rest of her was unrecognisable. I imagine her voice has gone too along with her fertility and future health. Her personality changed to someone we no longer recognised - she had never been cruel and callous, quite the opposite. But as an abusive mother, why should I care about that. I often wish I didn't care, that I could toss her memory to one side and never think of her like I'm sure she has done with us. But I can't - I love her even more now than the day she was born and I was scared shitless of how to take care of this tiny bundle that needed me to keep her alive. I worry about her health, is she safe, is she okay for money, is she lonely. I have to have some faith that she is absolutely thriving and living her best life and being without us is serving her better than it ever did having us in her life. I tell myself this everyday and I really truly hope that we got it wrong, that actually she is a gay man and that all these surgeries and hormones have and will make her happy forever more and I was a bad Mother for not seeing that. I will pay that price for our childs happiness.
I am so sorry to have written so much, your piece really tapped into something in me and the tears flowed and I couldn't stop writing.
where do they get the unsafe home thing from ?? our daughter also left for that reason- the internet & counsellors have a lot to answer to - encouraging vulnerable young people to leave secure loving homes. Too sad :(
I know....the unsafe thing was probably one of the things she said that hurt me the most. If you feel unsafe at home, you would try to spend as least amount of time there as possible. If your parents are unsafe you would not ask them to collect you from your friends house, you would not ask them to take you places. You would not sit on the sofa and watch tv and movies with them, you would not want to spend the day out with them, you would not come home from school/6th form everyday and want to discuss with your Mother what had happened in that day, you would not laugh and joke around with them, you would not be enthusiastic about going on holiday and roadtrips with them, you would not ask them to attend literally every single appointment you go to. Whilst after all these years and a lot of reflection, I can finally feel quite confident that our home was and is not 'unsafe '...it still cuts me to the bone that she believes it was and is. It feels like some sort of joke really...not a very funny one admittedly!
I feel your pain, and honestly have the exact same story. Except my daughter claims trans-masc not gay man. And we’re only one year estranged. I don’t think I’m wrong about her being a male, but I constantly wonder what I did wrong, and I do expect that she’ll do fine without me. It feels so surreal, to overcome hard situations to try to be the best parent possible, then to be told that you were not a good parent. It feels like it was all for nothing. But we have to believe that they will come to their senses one day.
I so understand what you mean about T completely changing their personality. It was shocking.
Thank you for sharing. I’m so sorry for all your family has suffered, and thankful that you commented and made me feel less alone.
Thanks for sharing. I sense the sweet aroma of your love for your daughter in your writing. Keep being that stable element for her to come back to.
This is my story too. Our daughter is 24 years old. I can relate to almost every word you have written, and I share in your heartbreak. She contacts her father (my partner) when she needs something, but lays all the blame for everything, at my feet, and so has cut me off completely and refuses any contact with me. I walk through my days in a state of numbness, waiting and hoping for the day she wakes up. I miss her so, so much.
:(. sending vitual hugs & care
Thanks Louby, much appreciated 💕